//------------------------------//
// Chapter 1 
// Story: Life as a Pony 
// by Tray Hunter 
//------------------------------//

Chapter 1: Where did these come from?

by Tray Hunter
Editing by Doctor Brony

I remember being at a party with my friends. 

We (mostly myself) had several drinks above our usual limits. In my case this usually meant that I had problems with everything. Everything that doesn’t involve either sleeping, sitting, throwing up, or a combination of all three of them. 

Yap, that was a pretty good night. 

After trying to keep my lunch for half an hour, I decided it was time to let go and make room for more. As I tried to make my way to the bathroom, I saw nothing but a tunnel of colors and light. 

Nothing unusual when you’re hardly short of breaking your liver in half. 

It took me another ten minutes to find the bathroom and as I opened the door everything seemed to explode in my head.I thought about getting back to my chair, but wasn't sure if I could make it there in one piece. So I decided to stick to Plan B: pass out. 


*    *    *    *    * 


The next thing I remember was waking up (and I use this term loosely, as it was more a snapping-back-consciousness). So, I was ‘awake’ and my brain decided it was time to remind me of what I've been doing all night... by setting itself on fire. 

I wanted to moan or something, but wasn't able to make any sounds at all. That was when I realized that I couldn't do anything else either. 

I was going to crack my eyes open in shock. And how shocked was I when I saw... nothing. 

My eyelids were numb as well. 

This called for an internal alert: I sent emergency calls to all parts of my body. Unfortunately, there was no response. 

“Typical,” I thought. “Let's move on to Plan C or better, Plan D: Forming a Plan C.” As I wondered what to do, my brain came up with something. 

I should add that my brain and I don't have that usual quiet relation you might have with yours. In fact, we often have extended arguments about the use of body functions or reactions. 
I usually win these, but on the other hoof it is slightly faster with bringing up new ideas or remembering stuff. 

Not that much of a surprise when you think of what and where it is. Stop giving me that look. I’m not crazy. Really. 

Anyway, my brain came up with the idea to do this strange sensing thing from time to time. This talent of mine (or is it its?) basically involves concentrating on body parts and imagining my inner energy to flow where I order. The result is a warm feeling in the target limb. Not very exciting at this part but it works. 

So yeah, my superpower? I can feel stuff. But its more complicated than that! I promise! Just you wait... 

“Yeah, might try that. Thanks bro!” Said bro just seemed to nod. (I have no idea how a brain is supposed to nod, but it felt just like that) and initialized these, assumed imaginary, energy streams to follow my bidding. 

First we scanned for our eyelids. (Yes, my brain and I are a team, and therefore, a ‘we.’ I don’t deserve all of the credit ALL of the time, you know.) It took some time to find them but once the contact was up, I started to move the lazy pieces of skin. 

Bad idea. 

The incoming sunlight almost burned my eyes, and the hangover wasn't helping one bit. 
After some time, I however got used to the brightness and fortunately my brain began to release these painkillers it produces whenever something sends an emergency signal stating pain or anything similar. (Superpower Numero Dos: I can produce drugs for myself. And no, I’m not addicted. I can stop anytime I want, I swear it.) Usually these are useless against a full grown hangover but this time it seemed to work. 

I started to explore my surroundings and the presence of the trees and bushes seemed to indicate that I in fact wasn't at the party anymore. 

'Toto, this isn't Kansas anymore!' 

My brain is always such a smartflank, but that’s cool. That means I get to hear all of its one-liners and it also shares its best quotes with me. Forever UNalone! 

As I tried to reestablish a connection to my fingers in order to feel the ground I was lounging (sprawled haphazardly) on, I couldn't find any of them. (We humans use to have fingers that might be compared to those of dragons but without scales or claws...oh and we usually have 5 of them per hand.) 

“Ok, this just keeps getting better and better”. 

'At least you found these hands of yours.' 

I indeed found them, but something was different about them. The energy made its way down my spine as I sensed something even more alarming than having no fingers.This time nothing was missing. 

In fact there was something that shouldn't have been there. 

'It's probably just something lying on your back. Like a lady. You know, the usual.' 

“I swear, you’re in more denial than I am. And no, I can access it...it's connected to my body. How creepy would it be if a lady was connected to my spine?! It's something different.” 

'Fine. I'll process the data you send me.' 

“Don’t strain yourself or anything. I know how hard it is for you sometimes.” 

The next part was analyzing these strange things on my back and getting a clue of what they were. 

'These things have muscles in it... I will try and see if we can move them. Teamwork makes the dreamwork!' 

I am not entirely sure how this whole energy thing works either, but it does. 

'I found some information in the cells, what these things are made of. Seems like they have feathers...how are we supposed to produce feathers? Last time I checked, neither of our parents was a chicken.' 

“I don't know, but isn't there also the fact that we, oh I don’t know, usually DON’T HAVE FEATHERS?” 

'Hey, don't yell at me! I'm just analyzing what you send me. And-  wait a moment. I think I know what these are...' 

“What do you mean?” 

'Hold on, we can move them now.' 

As I tried to move these extra limbs and make sense of the nonsense my brain was freaking about, I realized. They weren't as flexible as fingers,but they could move in all sorts of directions. They also seemed to be connected to my spine with strong muscles. 
As I examined them with the energy I felt a single joint in each of them, plus one where they met my back. 

“Feathers? Muscles? Joints? These are...these are...” 

'Don’t strain yourself. Thinking isn’t your strong suit.Yeah, they’re wings.' 

“No fingers + wings =...” 

‘...’ 

“...” 

‘You alri-’

“Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh!” 

The wings stiffened and and stretched. The energy literally exploded inside my body and the numbness that was stuck in my limbs vanished. I felt my whole body come to life and jumped up onto my hooves. At this point I realized I had hooves. 

"I am a pegasus pony!" I shouted with a mix of pride, joy and confusion. 

'Yeah and you've got a wingboner to prove it.' 

"Oh would you please shut up?  For all I know, you are responsible for reactions like this." 

'Well, I found this new function a while before and thought it would probably be something awesome. And no, it’s your fault. You see, reactions like this are caused by the release of hormo-’ 

I rolled my eyes and went on to take a look at my new body. I was now a full equipped pegasus with a brown coat and black-feathered wings. My usual brown hair was (for some reason)  turned red, just like my tail, which also was completely new (and awkward) for me to have. 

It also appeared to me that my mane was a little bit shorter than it used to be, since it barely touched my shoulders now. Yes, you heard right! Full grown male with long hair! You don't like it, you deal with it!

...or maybe it was just my neck that had become longer. 

Good thing I lost my hairband before. I'd go crazy, before I got my hair done with hooves. I don't know how this farmpony I once met (Calm down. I’ll get there soon.) manages it everyday. 

You may wonder, why I wasn't more surprised, to see my body like this. And by ‘more surprised,’ I mean going total Celestia-damn crazy. 

Well, I already was familiar with stories about ponyfied humans. But that’s just what they were: stories. They make it look easy. 

Just let me tell you one thing: the first step for me as pony was a short and painful one. And if I can tell you one more thing: Ever wonder why dirt isn't served in all of the posh restaurants? It’s because it tastes terrible. 


"Ouch," I groaned as I laid on my stomach and looked at my hooves "How do these ponies coordinate four limbs at the same time?" 

'Maybe you should try to move one after the other, until you figure it out. Remember: you must walk before you can run.’ 

“So when does flying come in?” 

‘...We’re doomed.’ 

There it was again, my brain, smartflanking on me. 

"Ok we'll try this... Do you have any tips for me? Because if I fall on my face again you will take a hit as well. " 

'Yeah, figured that out. By the way, have you tried to talk to me with a conclussion? And I found one memory of a horse walking in your TV section.' 

"TV? Horse? Oh you mean the corner where we keep the pony stuff." 
'Whatever, just do as I say and we should be back on the road in no time. Just don't mess up.' 

"Me? Nahaaaaaaaaaa-" 

"Ouch..." I got up after my second step and decided it was time to listen to my favourite thinking organ. 

'Ponies walk crossed, so when you move your right ar- foreleg you have to move your left hindleg as well. Why don't you try to walk over to that tree there? Take it slow now, it ain't a race.' 
"No problem, 'Doc'. " 

I did as I was told and somehow managed not to fall a third time. 

"I'm walking! I'm walking!" 

'Good boy! Want a treat? Huh, boy?' 

"You’re not helping. Now for level 2!" 

I flapped my wings as hard as I could and tried to take off, but only blew some dust from the ground beneath me. 

“Maybe somepony else can show me how to do this.” 

‘Did you just say ‘somepony’?’ 

“Don’t judge me. For all we know, we're in Equestria and blending in could help getting some information and stay out of trouble.” 

'Equestria? Mmh, let's see. I think I still have the map of it, you once saw. Maybe I can-' 

"I know where we are! That’s the Everfree Forest! And the fact that we are having this conversation either means we aren't very deep inside, OR we are at a point no living creature dares to go! Do you still got these memories about surviving in the wilderness?" 

'Most of it. But, someone replaced a good half of it with jokes about ‘drinking your own piss’! But with the stuff we still remember, we probably can make it out of the forest in one piece.' 

"Great! Let's get our flanks outta here!" 

As I made my way through a nearby bush, I found a path on the other side of it. 

"Jackpot!" 

'But which direction do we head?' 

I looked around and noticed a sign saying 


Ponyville 
6 km 


'Ok. Direction and distance. All we need to know.' 
"Plus, we know who to ask for information!" 

'Are you going to ask that librarian pony? I doubt she'll listen to someone whose breath stinks like a liquor shop.' 

"Still have my mints!" 

I grabbed for the mints in my belt-pocket and put one into my mouth. 

'How in the name of all that is logic did you do that?' 

I looked at the mints and realized that I hadn't had my belt-pocket anymore. 

"Where did these come from? Maybe..." I reached for my lighter and drew it out. "Aha! I knew it!" 

'What? And where did you get that lighter?' 

"Cartoon-world, Cartoon-physics!" 

'Whatever. What are we going to call that invisible container thing?' 

"The P.P.S.C.!" 

'The what?' 

"The Pinkie Pie Storage Container! The name fits, since she's drawing stuff out of thin air all the time." 

'We should think about a better name for this later! So, whats in there?' 

I reached for my waist and pulled everything I could feel out of the P.P.S.C. until it was empty. At least I think it was empty. You never know. 

"Let's see. We got my jacket, my cigarettes, the lighter, the mints and the bulk of my belongings." 


These ‘belongings’ contained my leather wristbands and my four rings. One of the wristbands was equipped with a watch, which I crafted onto it (With cable ties!) 

'I guess we can forget about the rings. No fingers to attach them to!' 

"I'm not gonna part from them! There has got to be a way to-" 
I looked at my back and saw that the ends of my wings were about as thick as my fingers used to be. Some of the feathers broke, as I slipped the rings onto my wings, two on each side. 

'Why’d you keep them anyway? I thought you said we’re trying attract as little attention as possible!' 

"They got some strong memories bound to them.Also I think they will blend in just fine." 

Indeed the rings looked as if I had just bought them at a Hot Clopic in Canterlot. One was a dragon claw made of silver, another one was a small chain. The other two were made of stainless steel, although I wasn’t sure if this material is known to ponykind already. 

Next, I took on my wristbands. The one with the watch, now embraced my left foreleg, and the other one, which had small cone shaped rivets on it, was on my right foreleg. I looked at the rest of my stuff and sighed. 

"Look at this!Some jackass put holes in the back of my jacket!" I looked closer at them. "And why does the logo now say "Herd of the Damned"? 

'Cartoon-alteration?' 

"More like PUNteration! But wait a moment..." I put on my jacket and noticed my wings could fit through the holes in the back as if they were hand tailored. Or better, hoof tailored. "Sweet!" 

I took the lighter and the mints and stored them in the pockets of my jacket. The last thing on the ground was the box with my cigarettes. "Uh, why is there a picture of Princess Luna on my MOON's?" 

'PUNteration?' 

I rolled my eyes and put the box into one of my pockets. 

The journey to Ponyville was pretty quiet. I guess my brain was still wondering about the P.P.S.C. and how impossible it was. Or recharging his smartflank meter. One or the other. 

As I arrived at the edge of the small village after a 30 minutes trot, and everything was quiet. After a quick snap at my watch I realized that it was in fact 4am and probably everypony still was fast asleep. 

"You know.There’s something I have to check out first. " 

'What? I thought we were about to ask Twilight and get info?' 

"She is probably sleeping off a book-over.” 

‘Then where are we going?’ 

“I’ve always wanted to know if the taste of cactus goes well with cider."