//------------------------------// // Chapter 10: X for Extreme Pt.1 // Story: Life as a Pony // by Tray Hunter //------------------------------// Chapter 10: X for Extreme Pt. 1 by Tray Hunter Editing by DoctorBrony "Are you done yet?" Ticks asked the still frowning pegasus, sitting on the ground before him. "You have been sitting there for the last 10 minutes!" ‘Give him another minute. If he isn't out of it then, I'll reactivate some of my old shaking functions!' "I don’t think giving the guy a seizure is the best move to make. Smokey! Just snap out of it!" He was short of losing his patience. Suddenly the red-maned pony's eyelids started to twitch and his wings flapped unwillingly. 'Haha! Take that, you big child!' The wings accelerated and the pegasus took off. At least for a second, as B suddenly ceased the motion, causing a certain pony's face to meet the ground. "Ouch!” “Was that really necessary? I mean, MORE brain damage isn’t what we’re looking for here. I’d hate to see what you’re like with a concussion. You could have just given him shiver or a shudder or something like that." 'Could have, but this way’s way more fun. It hurts, but it was totally worth it!' The pegasus got up, holding his head with a hoof. His eyes spun around in their sockets. "Dude, are you alright?" Ticks cantered over to his friend. "Shiny star is shiny and goooood!" Smokey stumbled around, trying to maintain his balance. "I can see fooorrreeeeeeeveeeer!" The unicorn sighed and guided his temporarily mentally damaged friend into the library. "Ehh...Twilight? We have a prob-" Suddenly ponies jumped out of every corner of the library, shouting "Surprise!!!" Ticks looked at his friend, getting a sheepish smile and another "Surprise!" from him. "Wait! You two planned this, just to get me back into the library? Did you really have to face-plant for this?" "It had to be authentic!" 'Eeeyup!’ The blue pony frowned. He was going to say something but was suddenly dragged away by a pink hoof. After Pinkie had introduced Ticks to everypony (and slipped some hot sauce into his drink) she dashed off and disappeared in the masses of dancing ponies. **** "Yeah! These ponies really know how to party." Suddenly something caught his attention. Actually it was somepony. ...or better yet somebush. "Psst! Dude! Get over here!" Smokey whispered from his hiding place, which was actually just one of Twilight’s plants. "You’ve gotta hurry! Before she sees you!" The unicorn rolled his eyes and cantered over to the talking and shivering flora. "Smokey! What are you doing?" His face lurked out of the leaves and he said "I'm hiding from her!" he pointed at a pink unicorn mare with an unusually colorful mane and tail. Ticks eyes widened "Isn't that her? I mean...you-know-who?!" 'Exactly! And somepony is still afraid of meeting her.' The plant turned over to the concerned unicorn. "You have to cover me! I'll try to jump into the kitchen and hide inside the fridge!" "Dude, are you serious? You think a walking pegasus is catching more attention than a jumping bush?" 'Mmh, never thought about it that way...' Smokey slowly got out of his cover and looked around. His expression suddenly turned to a shocked grimace. The pegasus turned around and looked directly into the violet eyes of a certain mare. "You?" they spoke in unison, staring at each other. ***** After what seemed like an eternity, Ticks spoke up, breaking the silence with sillyness. "Oh, you must be Starberry Burst! Nice to meet you! Smokey has told me soooo much about you!" he took her hoof and shacked it as hard and fast he could. "L-l-let g-g-gooo!" she stuttered while trying to free from the unwilling vibration. She galloped away and out of the door, when the unicorn released her from his ‘Surprise Hoof Shake’ (Patent Pending). "Thanks brony!" Smokey said in relief, holding a hoof in his friends direction. "Eh, no problem, dude." they brohoofed and laughed at their overcoming of the pegasus' evil ex-lover. The rest of the night included dancing, more laughing and something Pinkie called a “Surprise Cocktail.” This beverage mostly contains the spare sips of every glass nearby and, you guessed it, hot sauce. "Dude, can you lend me some bits?" Smokey looked at the blonde unicorn as if he just asked him for a second horn. "Why do you need money? The drinks are free!" ‘And I worked hard for my money!’ Ticks smiled and answered "Trust me! I have a plan!" “Fine. But I want my money back, ok? I don’t exactly have a ‘ready source of income.’” Smokey said as he slipped out a small hoof-full of bits and tossed them to Ticks. ‘But tha-’ “Ah-ah. What have we been talking about?” ‘... Sharing is caring.’ “Exactly!” Ticks just smiled, and with that he left for a nearby table, three borrowed bits between his teeth. "Gentlecolts, may I join your party?" ***** After half an hour, the other ponies left the table and left our time-reversing hero alone with his 100 bits. "I guess Blackjack is just my game!" You’ve probably figured out that he couldn't possibly fail at this game. Every time he would make a mistake or get the wrong cards, he would simply travel back a few seconds and try again. On the other hoof, this technique means a lot of patience and concentration. Not only that, but the spell is exhausting over time and these ‘30 minutes’ took him about two hours. Meanwhile, Smokey won a speed drinking contest. Usually he wouldn't have to use his magic sensor to win this, but B talked him into it. Basically because it would make navigating to the glasses (without throwing some of them over) way easier. Unfortunately, he forgot to alter his talking speed, so nopony understood him when he asked for the next round. At about 3 a.m. the ponies started to leave, and so our completely drunk protagonists decided to call it a night as well. "Bye Pinks!" the pegasus yelled at the partymare "Sweet party *yawn* and stuff!" Ticks tried to maintain his balance as he cantered towards the door. "Yeah! We should do this again soon!" "Huh? You're leaving already?" Pinkie sighed "Alright, good night, you two! Or is it good day? ...good time?" Suddenly she started to shiver a bit, her ears fluffed, her eyes twittered and her knees twitched. The door to the library swung open and something small rolled in, followed by a loud bang and smoke filled the room, blinding and confusing the ponies. "Whats going on now?" Smokey asked, concentrating the smoke in a corner of the library. Suddenly a hoof hit him in the head, knocking him out. "Hey what are you doing, you mean Meanie McMeanpants?" Pinkie Pie yelled at the intruders. Her anger was met by a small dart, sticking in her shoulder. The pink earthpony was fast asleep within seconds. "Target condemned! Begin Witnesses Protocol Alpha?" one of the intruders asked through his gasmask. Another simply shook his head and said "Negative! Begin evac!" With that the first intruder pointed his hoof at the unconscious pegasus and shot a net at him. They took him and were away, as fast as they arrived. One hour later Pinkie Pie opened her eyes and looked in the eyes of the pony right before her. "Uh, Pinkie! What happened last night? And what was in this cocktails you gave me?" Twilight asked, trying to keep movement and volume to a minimum. "Oh, hey Twilight. I just had the strangest drea-" she got up and suddenly noticed the small dart lying next to her. She gasped and grabbed the hungover unicorn "Twilight! Where is Smokey!? I saw how they took him away and they hit him down and then they ran off just like WHOOOSH!" She looked at the dart and thought for a second. "Ok, I didn't see it because I was out. But that’s just what the authors wrote. See! Look up! It’s right there!" Pinkie yelled with a hoof pointed directly above her. The purple unicorn gave Pinkie a puzzled look, then decided it was best not to ask. She then shook her head and whispered "Could you please lower the volume a bit?" she sighed "What do you mean with ‘they took him’? I think Ticks just brought him home." Suddenly the concerned partymare dashed to the still open door and looked at it. On the outside of it were two hoofprints. "You see? They just bucked in the door! Just like that!" She reared up and kicked against the wood when suddenly a muffled wince came from behind it. "Oiu, zat is most peculiar." she kicked again, getting the same sound from it. Pinkie looked at the door and noticed something blue sticking out of the wood. When she closed the door she saw why. Ticks somehow managed not only to get stuck behind the door, also to get stuck IN it. "Please!" he rasped. “No more kicking!" Meanwhile, Twilight managed to canter over to the entrance, moaning with each movement. "What did you do to my door?!" She moaned while trying to look angry, but found it less painful not to move her face. "Could you please get me down?" Together the two managed to pry free the unicorn from his entrapment and as he clopped some pieces of wood out of his mane, he tried to explain. "I remember how we were about to leave, but then something hard hit me. Next thing I know is that another hard thing is hitting me!" He humpfed at the pink earthpony. “Then it's true! They captured Smokey and are making him tell them my special cupcake recipe! Good thing he doesn't know my special cupcake recipe. Nopony must know my special cupcake recipe..." Ticks' eyes widened "They what Smokey? Oh I get it! Okay! Where is the camera?! This gotta be some kind of prank!" he looked at the unicorn mare, just getting an exhausted head-shaking from her. "Although I couldn't make sense of anything Pinkie just threw at me...she seems serious about it.” “Maybe we should panic or something.” “I don't know if that's the correct reaction because I can't think with all these roaring manticores in my head!" And with that she slunked over to the kitchen, murmuring something about making coffee. The blue unicorn started to become more and more uncomfortable with the thought of his best friend being ponynapped. "We gotta do something, Pinkie! Is there something like a police office around? Anypony who can help us? The Navy? Somepony who knows what do to? Anypony?” Ticks then went to his last resort. The fallback that had helped him out of all of his past situations. “I need an adult!" The partymare shot him a serious look and answered in a gruff monotone voice, "The police can't help us now! We have to call for support!" She pulled a small device out of her mane and slammed it on the ground. A small vortex appeared in front of them and Pinkie jumped into it, leaving a confused unicorn with a dropped jaw behind. "Uh...Pinkie?" He took a closer look at the strange blue shimmering portal on the ground when suddenly a pink head and hoof stuck out of it. "Come wit’ me if you vant to live!" With that she grabbed the blue pony and dragged him through the small wormhole. ***** Suddenly, the duo of ponies were suddenly... well somewhere definitely NOT in Ponyville. "Where are we?" Ticks asked as he looked around. The only thing he saw was a giant metal door with some kind of terminal next to it. "Duh! This is obviously the headquarters!" She responded while she cantered other to the terminal. A feminine computerized voice said "Please verify identity." Pinkie smiled at the screen and licked it. "Uh, Pinks?" the unicorn shivered a bit. "Do you know how much germs are on an average computer screen?" “965,329!” Suddenly the screen went blue and the voice said "Sugar level confirmed!" Then the door started to open with some small alarm flashes and the sound of hydraulic locks "Welcome, Agent Pie" The room behind was crowded with ponies. Some of them running around with briefcases in their mouths, some of them just standing in front of large screens. The partymare and the (recently mindblown) unicorn trotted inside when suddenly an alarm went on and robotic arms with sparkling ends pointed at the blue pony. "Intruder alert! Intruder alert!" the (still soft) computer voice said through some speakers, hanging from the extraordinary high ceiling. "Oh, he's cool, Gladi!" Pinkie smiled into a small camera at the wall. The robotic arms retreated and the alarm went off again. "Override complete! Responsibility set to Agent Pie. ERROR! Responsibility can not be given to Agent Pie, due to high class restriction! Please check in at the head office!" The partymare swallowed and just said "Oopsie!" Meanwhile Ticks managed to overcome his state of shock and mindblow. "What was that? And why did it seem as if this computer doesn't trust you in the slightest? And why does that not surprise me in the least?" The earthpony shrugged "You blow up one teeny-tiny eesny-weensy super-small nopony-will-notice-it’s-broken secret project and it's all ‘You are not legit to take any responsibility’ and then they threaten you to kick you out of the organisation and take away all your cool stuff." she sighed "We better get to see the boss." They trotted along the hallways and got to a large wooden door. "So, this is the head office, huh?" "Yeah, how did you know? Oh! Was it the large sign on the door that said ‘Head Office?’" Ticks just looked at her and asked "Anything I have to know about your boss?" She sighed and looked at the unicorn. "Better leave the talking to me and try to look like you know what I'm talking about." He nodded and made a pokerface. Fortunately, this time it was convincing enough. Pinkie opened the door and they went inside. The office was huge. On every wall were portraits of ponies. Ticks couldn't name any of them, but alone the fact that they were hanging in the office of the presumably most important pony in the whole organisation, meant they must've been pretty important. On the other side of the room was a desk. Well, desk was an understatement. It was like a huge control center with about a half dozen of screens and an enormous map of Equestria and the surrounding countries behind it. Suddenly the chair behind the desk/awesome-control-center-of-awesomeness turned around and a pair of teal-colored eyes stared at the two ponies out of the dark. The figure looked at them and spoke in authority "Agent Pie!" The pink earthpony swallowed and tried to avoid the fierce looks. "Boss..." Her boss stood up and cantered around the table. Tick's eyes widened and were literally fixed on the appearance before him. Suddenly his train of thought passed the part were Smokey had told him about My Little Pony. He knew this pony. And he knew why this particular pony was the leader of a secret underground society. The clearness almost overwhelmed him when she looked at him. Meanwhile somewhere completely different 'Dude? Are you awake?' Smokey opened his eyes and tried to look around. Unfortunately, somepony blindfolded him while he was out. He tried to speak but they also tied his muzzle shut. Before you ask, they tied everything. Even his tail was bound to his hindlegs. ...And before you ask again, probably not. They just don’t roll like that, dig? "Mmmhfrtr!" 'Know that feeling, bro. Could you try to get that magic sensor working?' He shut his eyes and switched to his very own arcane scanner mode. Nothing. Smokey could hear some metallic sounds coming closer to him but he couldn't see anypony. "Report! Subject is awake. Inform the HQ!" a muffled robotic voice spoke in the blue darkness before his eyes. 'Not good! Sounds like we were ponynapped.' The pegasus would've nodded but they even strapped a hard collar around his neck. “Mmmhhmpf!” ‘...wut?’ Smokey decided to change the dialogue to an internal thinking session. “B? You hear me? You got any idea where we are?” 'What do you think, huh? You think I get more information when you manage to get yourself beaten down? Or maybe that all the alcohol you drank last night is helping me to become more perceptive?' Smokey mentally sighed. 'I heard that.’ “Alright, fact-check. We are hogtied, blindfolded and are held captive by something that isn't living in a traditional way.” 'Plus they seem to be organized way better than expected! They have a headquarters after all. Why don’t WE get a headquarters?' “...You’re a piece of meat in my head. That IS your headquarters.” ‘So? Sometimes it’s just good to roll for style points.’ “Wait! I think I hear something.” A door opened with a mechanic slide and more metallic hooves trotted inside. If you haven’t noticed, these guys REALLY like metal. A whole chorus of robotic voices yelled in perfect unison. "Sir!" Then another pair of hooves stepped into the room. But this one was different. Instead of the blue nothing from before, the magic sensor showed a flickering black aura which grew in size as the equine stepped towards the hostage. 'I'm not sure but I guess that’s the lead horse.' “Was it his scary black magic or the robotic army that serves him that tipped you off?” "Take off his blindfold! He shall see his new master!" ‘Oh great, one of THESE guys. Urgh, cliches.’ A cold metallic hoof pulled the piece of cloth from the pegasus' head. After a few seconds his eyes adapted to the light. He was in a small cubic room made of some strange metal, and right before him, a fierce looking black pony with a silver mane. Smokey would have been worried if he wasn't just a few heads taller than Applebloom. The only thing impressive about his appearance was the over-sized unicorn horn on his forehead that shimmered like some kind of emerald. Suddenly the pony spoke up in an unexpected deep and ruler-ish voice. "Bow before me, puny pony! For it is I, Lord Greenhorn!" ‘Pfft. More like... um... I got nothin’. Gimme a few minutes, I’ll think of something.’ "Mmmmfgmmh?" He sighed and cut the rope around the brown-coated pony's muzzle with his horn. "Thanks," Smokey sighed, looking at the miniature overlord "First: How am I supposed to bow while hogtied?" He took a deep breath "And second: *ahem* Hahahaha! Greenhorn! Hahahaha!" The black pony seemed very unamused by the laughter of his newest captive. "Look at you! You're so cute, I'm getting diabetes from the sweetness!" he laughed on and on. Suddenly Greenhorn’s eyes began to glow. ‘Maybe you should have referred to rule number one: Don't laugh at the guy with the robot army and the supernatural aura!' "Who, might I add, is so small he would be bullied by everypony in magic kindergarten? Anyways, you were trying to do the same thing. And failing miserably, should I say." ‘Shut up! I would've come up with something. You walking hornboner! Ha, there you got it!’ “Weak.” Greenhorn's black aura was visible without the magic sensor now. Smokey gulped, "Not good!" Meanwhile, at the Pentago- ...Headquarters "You’re Luna!" Ticks practically shouted, not being able to believe his eyes. The princess of the night was right before him, frowning at Pinkie Pie. "And you are?" she deadpanned, seeming quite unimpressed by the fact that the exhuman just recognized her. "That’s Ticks. His friend was ponynapped by the evil guys and I thought I could get some help for him." She looked at him with a surprised expression. "You are that pony with the time powers! Subject #71M3!" "Subject what now? And why do you know about my special talent?" Pinkie shot him a face that somehow contained both seriousness and silliness at the same time and countered "Well, duh! She's the princess and head of a giant organisation with files about everypony that ever placed a hoof into Equestria!" Luna sighed and said "You know that I don't like to be called princess, Agent Pie." The partymare smiled sheepishly and looked around whistling a tune that could be described as ‘simply catchy.’ "Anyway, yes, I am Luna. Head of FOALHOUND and, in my free-time, co-ruler of Equestria." The unicorn shot her a confused look. "Yeah, that pretty much beats out my hobbies. But wait, you seem so young and cute." Luna blushed a bit and countered "What? Did you expect me to be an old mare, who speaks like somepony from the fourth century?" Suddenly the pink earthpony yelled "Nonononono! He didn't mean it! He's just some silly-willy filly that still has some dificulties to adapt to our culture." "Eh, what Pinks said!" The princess of the night laughed and trotted over to her desk, turning one of the monitors towards them. Suddenly she serioused the f*#% up. Seriously, if you had any idea how serious she was, you’d wipe that smirk off your face. "The situation is fierce! Reports show that at least 40 more ponies were captured by the enemy! And that’s only the cases of today!" Ticks' eyes widened "You mean there really is somepony ponynapping everypony he can get?" Gah! So much pony! "Not everypony. Just the ones classified as ‘OC.’" "Uh...OC? Like in..." Luna sighed and the screen switched to a list of ponies. "OC like in Outerdimensional Creatures. Everypony that wasn't born as a pony. That includes humans turned into ponies, as well as ponies that were created by humans or are based on any human being." "You humans are soooo creative! All kinds of ponies are coming through this funny wall thing." Pinkie threw in. The unicorn shot The Princess a serious look. "So who are these bad guys? And how do we kick their flanks?" The screen switched again and displayed a picture of some robotic ponies and a small filly. "The enemy is a unicorn called Greenhorn, supported by his army of mechanic enquines, which we simply call ‘Irons’." Ticks took a closer look at the monitor. These Irons were about two heads taller than he was. Complex weapon systems were explained in the file and seemed to be integrated in the forelegs of the artificial warhoreses. "So...this filly is the daughter of Greenhorn or something?" Luna looked at the blue pony, not believing that anypony would presume something like this. "No...thats him!" "Serious? I have seen dogs that were bigger than this dwarf!" The pink earthpony cantered over to the screen, pointing a hoof at the picture and an eye on the blonde unicorn. "He may not look like but this pony is evil! And kinda cute... but foremost evil and powerful!" Meanwhile in a way more dangerous situation Greenhorn's green horn started to glow in a diabolic...no, not green...black. "I will show you what you get for mocking me!" Suddenly an enormous pain stroke through the pegasus' body. His eyes watered and every muscle contracted. 'I'll try to get get help! Hang in there.' "B! Painkillers! Or at least a coma!" 'Wait, I'll try to reach Ticks.' Another wave of pain flew through his head, as his unwilling movements jerked him at the contraption he was hanging from. "B!!!" The unicorn laughed "Yes! Scream! Scream for your master!" Smokey took every last gut he had and turned towards the miniature-overlord. "Could you please shut the f*%# up! I'm trying to have a conversation right now!" 'Ticks! If you hear this...HELP!!!' "Are you done yet!? Could you please get me some goddamn painkillers!?" 'I have something better in mind!' Smokey's energy floated through his body and soon covered the ropes that were holding him. 'Let's beat some sense into this lunatic!' "Hey Greenhorn!" The small pony looked at him in confusion. No pony had ever had the willpower to speak so calm while being tortured with this spell. "What do you want you filthy mule?" Smokes smiled widely. "My turn!" He literally ripped the ropes in pieces and landed right before Greenhorn, ready to strike. As if he had waited for something like this, the unicorn disappeared before the pegasus' eyes, leaving him alone with five of his mechanical guards. 'Looks like the mice are leaving the sinking ship.' "Doesn't matter...he took the pain with him and left me something for my warmup." The room wasn't big enough for them to act all at once so one of them stepped up while the others guarded the corners of the holding cell. Same time different place "Hey! I ordered SIX donuts!" Same time, yet another place Ticks tried hardly to imagine how a pony of this size could do harm to anypony. 'Ticks! If you hear this...HELP!!!' "Huh? B? Where are you?" He looked around but the only ponies around were Luna and Pinkie Pie. "Who’s B?" the alicorn asked. "Smokey's brain! I can hear it...him in my head since an incident with Lyra." Pinkie giggled "You can hear brains talking? That sounds like fun. Oh, what is mine saying?" The unicorn shot her a serious look. "Pinks...I can't hear YOUR brain. But if I had to guess, I'd say...Cupcakes." The earthpony looked over to Luna and said "Oh, he's good!" Luna simply rolled her eyes and turned back to Ticks. "So you have an open line right behind the front lines? That is a great tactical advantage! What information did this B give you an-" "First: It's a one-way line, as long as Smokey can't hear me. Second: His exact words were along the lines of *ahem* ‘HELP!’" He looked around, a grim expression on his face. "We have to hurry! Tell me where this bad guy is and how I can get there! I'll handle the rest!" Pinkie's jaw dropped and Luna simply shook her head. "No offense but...you wouldn't even make it there if you were on your own." The unicorn looked at the screen, still showing the blueprints of the Irons, and realized how right she was. "But I can't just let him hang! There have to be some way!" The princess of the night cantered over to her control center, lowering her head towards a microphone on the table. "Get the H.O.R.S.E. Team ready!" Now for something completely different The room was dark. Suddenly five portals sprung to life and irradiated their surroundings. Four ponies stepped out of the portals short before they closed again. "Looks like Sound is late again." one of them said. "Typical. I guess she has trouble getting her equipment together." another one answered in a sarcastic tone. "Alright! Horses, get your gear! We are to meet the boss in the main hall, A.S.A.P!" the first one ordered. The other three simply neighed, like some kind of battlecry. The Main Hall Ticks, Luna and Pinkie made their way along large monitors and the busy ponies before them. "The reports of captured ponies is rising each minute!" the alicorn stated. More and more names and pictures appeared on the screens. "So what about that team you mentioned earlier? You think they can help me get Smokey and the others back?" Ticks asked. "Of course they can! They are the H.O.R.S.E. after all!" the pink earthpony countered. "So what? I am a horse, you are a horse, and I'm not sure but I guess even Luna here counts as a horse!" he looked at the frowning goddess and gave a sheepish smile "No offence, Miss." She sighed and answered "H.O.R.S.E. means Heroic Operations and Rescueactions by Specialized Equines! They are the best of the best and all hoofchosen by myself. Some of them were even too tough for the marerines." Ticks swallowed. He didn't know anything about these marerines but if anypony was too tough for anything, it meant that they must have been pretty badflank. Suddenly Luna stopped right in the middle of a free area in the hall. "Here we are. Time for you to get to know the team." A trap door in the ground opened right before them and a small platform with four ponies in black bodysuits came out of it. Their leader stepped up and saluted to Luna. "Captain Burst reporting, H.O.R.S.E.-Team ready to kick plots!" "What happened to Specialist Sound?" she asked. "Boss, She is late, Boss! I will discipline her as soon as she arrives!" The alicorn sighed and said "Well, while you wait, you can get familiar with each other. This is Ticks. He will assist you in this mission. He has a special one-way comlink into enemy territory and a strong will. You will get your briefing the usual way. " She turned over to Pinkie Pie "Agent Pie, you will get the new one equipped. And don't tinker with the level 5 gear again!" The alicorn then left saying something about lowering the moon. Ticks looked at the leader of the team and his eyes widened. You are Starberry Burst!“ She turned towards him and answered “Yes, and you are the pony that almost broke my shoulder.“ she sighed “Mind if I ask why, of all ponies in the whole world, the boss picked you for this mission?“ “Pinkie brought me here after Smokey had been captured. But I don´t think you’d care about that.” the blonde unicorn said in a mocking tone. “It´s not like I don´t like him, but I could have never told him about all this. I knew he was a human, but if I just believed him he would’ve been in more trouble than one pony could handle.” The unicornized human shot her an unbelieving look “More trouble than the one he is in now? Are you kidding me?“ She turned around to the other team members. “I´ll explain later. Now for the team. Horses! Introduce yourself to the gentlecolt!“ The first one stepped up and went over to Ticks "I'm Specialist Colgate but you will call me by my codename, rookie! That’s Safe to you!" "So what’s this safe codename?" he looked at her, a surprised expression on his face. She facehoofed "The codename is Safe! S A F E! I pick locks and hack every system you could possibly imagine in the blink of an eye." The second horse started her way over to the the two blue unicorns. "I'm Berry Punch but you can just call me...oh" she turned over to Burst "Captain, I forgot my codename again." "It's Demo, Punch!" "Oh right, call me Demo. I blow up stuff, you know." The last member of the team just remained on the platform and looked around. She literally observed everypony in the room from at least two angles at once. Ticks went over to her and looked at her, getting several multiangled looks from the blonde pegasus. "Let me guess, you are Ditzy Doo." she smiled and nodded "So, you don't talk too much, do you?" Ditzy shook her head and hooved him a note, reading "I once had a poison joke muffin and thought my tongue was a muffin as well." The unicorn gasped and stared at her in shock. Suddenly the horse/mailmare stuck out her tongue and said "Just kidding you! You should see the look on your face." he sighed in relief, as suddenly a deafening tone struck his ears, followed by some heartstopping vibrations. "Oh, look who finally made it to the party" Colgate threw in as the music dropped to a reasonable volume. Ticks turned around and saw another pony in black bodysuit. The mare looked at him through some blue shades that perfectly matched the colour of her mane. "Hey dude. I'm Vinyl Scratch but you can call me Sound or Pon-3. Or Princess Awesome. Or whatever fits the situation." "Why did you have to blow my ears like that? They are still ringing!" She smiled "Because it's tradition to use THIS MUCH VOLUME WHEN INTRODUCING YOURSELF TO A NEW AUDIENCE!" *Insert Semi-Comidic Transition Here* So, Smokey defeated the Irons and... What? You wanna know what happened? Oh, no, it was really boring... Fine, I'll tell you how he did it. The same place but a bit earlier 'Ok, we're outnumbered, these things are overpowered and don't feel pain and... did I mention that we are outnumbered by something that can't feel pain?' "Just get the painkillers and the sensor ready. Leave the rest to me!" 'Alright, now we are officially doomed. You can't see them when you are in sensor mode!' "Okay, then I'll get the energy to my muscles and just hit them as hard as I can." 'What if they have lasers or explode once they get angry! We don't even know if they can get angry either!' Smokey sighed and yelled at the Iron before him "Hey Bucket! What is love?" The robotic voice answered "Incorrect input! Obey Lord Greenhorn or be exterminated!" "Aw man, that sounds like a lot of fun but..." the pegasus reared up and shouted "...I don't obey to nopony! Come and get me!" The eyes of the robot turned red and several small blades and rotating saws came out of his forelegs. "Thank you for choosing the Greencorps Cyberguard 3000K+ Deluxe as your death of choice. Prepare to be mutilated after the beeptone. And have a wonderfull death." 'Good, at least now we know that they can become angry. Any ideas?' "Ideas? You are the brain!" 'Oh, look who doesn't think of me as piece of meat anymore. Say you’re sorry and I might tell you how to get them down.' "Alright, sorry!” Smokey said to his forehead. ‘There, was that so hard? Gimme a minute and I’ll think of something. In the meantime, executing Plan 74-A! Awesome fight music!’ “Oh no...” Somewhere in the back of Smokey’s mind, he heard a dull roar. The roar suddenly grew louder and louder. Then, there was a record skip (you know what sound I’m talking about) and it was quiet again. ‘Crap! I knew I shoulda gotten the extended warranty on this thing!’ “Oh thank go-” ‘Plan 74-B! Improvisation!’ “No!” Suddenly, another sound grew in Smokey’s head. Not the sound of the awesome promised fighting music, but it almost sounded as if B was... humming? Not only was the humming completely off tune, but it got even worse... he started to sing. ‘We’re no strangers to loooove. You know the rules, and so do I. A full commitments what I’m thinking ooof. You wouldn’t get this from any other guy!’ “Well, better than nothing.” Smokey said as he finally removed the hard collar from his neck before he threw it at the Iron "Take this, you mutated toaster!" The cast didn't even touch the ground before it was ripped into pieces by the soaring blades of the mechanic warhorse. Suddenly something hard hit his head. Smokey used the half second the robot took to cut medical articles to dash beside him. Unfortunately the faces of these metal equines are a lot harder than an average hoof. "Oh, fuuuuu*%#! Why didn't you warn me B?" 'We’ve known each other, for so lo- Wait, don't tell me you haven't noticed these things are made of metal! Sometimes I really wonder how you survived elementary school without chocking on a pencil.’ “For the last time! It was a crayon! They’re DIFFERENT! They shouldn’t name the colors after foods if they don’t want kids to choke on them. I mean really, ‘Mac and Cheese’ is not a color!” The pegasus jumped back holding his hurting hoof closer to the Iron in the corner than it would have been safe. The cyberguard's blades sprung to life and struck a rivet on his wristband, nanoseconds before he could retract his foreleg. Meanwhile the Iron in the middle had turned towards the pegasus, pure rage on his expressionless face. (It was more of an inner kind of rage...like when you get a stupid present for Christmas. You want to explode, but can't just yell at your relatives.) “B! I have an idea! Maneuver Sierra when I say so!” ‘Never gonna give, never gonna give-' “B!!!” ‘FINE! Ruin my fun why don’t you! But you owe me. Big.’ The robot jumped towards the redmaned pony, his blades pointed at his target. Smokey dodged the incoming multi-tool, an eyeblink before his strike could hit him. One of the saws cut the pegasus' tail a few inches shorter. With a loud crash, the Iron hit the wall, smashing his head flat. His weapons struck the cyberguard next to him, cutting some of his hydraulics. They both collapsed on the floor, some of the oil dripping from their cuts. Good thing these things technically never lived! Otherwise this would be rated grimdark. "So thats it?" 'Eyup.' "We just get them to destroy each other?" 'Just like that. But now we should figure out how to trick the others into this.' The other three Irons trotted towards the pegasus, their weapons out and working. They surounded him and left him no way to escape an early death. Well almost no way. When they leaped towards the blackwinged pony, he simply took off and the robots crushed into each other, reducing themselves into scrapmetal with their saws. "That was easy." Smokey left for the door when suddenly a strange sound behind him made him stop in his tracks. Meanwhile at the secret FOALHOUND-Lab for Secret Weapon and Protection Systems (the one next to the secret FOALHOUND-Cantine) "So, what do I get? Some guns? A jetpack? A stealthsuit?" Ticks asked as Pinkie led him through the security lock. "You'll get whatever your special talent requires." she smiled. Suddenly a number of small arms came out of the ceiling and covered the unicorn in a strange transparent liquid. The next second the fluid hardend and changed its color to black. Before he even knew it, he wore a bodysuit similar to the ones the horses were wearing. All of a sudden, a voice in his head said "Texture building complete! Begin neural adaption!" Lights flashed before his eyes and all kind of displays showed up before him. His body shivered, as a small string made its way from the neck of his new suit, through his mane before it connected to the base of his horn. 'Neural adaption complete! Vital signs green! Brain activities green! Magic enhancers loading!' "Pinkie, what in the whole wide world of where ever we are have you just done to me? And what is this voice in my head?" 'Welcome, Agent Ticks. This is the FOALHOUND Genetic Operation and Nanorepairs system ver. 6.7.4 D1. All systems up and functional. Please close your eyes while the heads-up-display is being generated.' Not believing his ears (and unsure if this voice even spoke through his ears at all) he closed his eyes. Several displays sprung to life before him, including complex looking instruments that seemed as if they were taken from some sort of video game. A small window appeared at the top right corner of his field of vision, showing a map of the room. Another bar on the lower left filled up and glew in a bright green. Above that bar was now a small clock of the same shape and color as his cutiemark. 'Initial setup complete. You may open your eyes again.' As he looked at Pinkie Pie, a small window appeared next to her face, showing basic information like name, height and weight. After a short while a 3D model of the partymare rotated on the screen, showing potential weakspots and some more information the unicorn couldn't make any sense of. "These were just some teeny-weeny nanoboties. I guess you remember Gladi. She is soooo cool and very helpful when you don't remember where you put that new bag of invisible bags or the report the boss wanted to have before sundown or just wanna play hangpony. She isn't as good as she thinks but she knows some awesoooome cake recipes!" 'For your information...I usually let her win. And my cake is said to be good, although I never tasted it. But if we make it through this tes- I mean mission in one piece, maybe you will get to try it yourself.' "Somehow this seems familiar. Gladi, you don't happen to know anything about the portal that brought me here?" 'The Lunatech Portal Device is under copyright of Lunatech Industries and may only be discussed with afiliates of the company or their corporates.' Ticks rolled his eyes "Great, more secrets and crazy voices in my head!" he sighed "At least there will be cake." Pinkie led him over to a table with some equipment. As he looked over it, his mood fell instantly. Of every cool thing he could have gotten, he would get a box of matches and some bubblegum. "Pinks? Please tell me that the gums are in fact explosives and that the matches are the detonator." The HUD finished analyzing the items and rated their usefulness as ‘Too Low to Worry About Carrying Them’ (which was right below ‘A Nice Gift’ and above ‘Why Are You Scanning a Trashcan?’). "Well, the matches are for the candles on the cake, once you come back and..." the partymare leaned over to the blue unicorn and whispered "The gums are for your breath!" 'Stench level confirmed! You should take these with you.' "As if B wasn't enough... Alright...Pinkie, am I good to go or are there any secret uberweapons you could lend me?" he looked around and noticed a big canister in one corner of the room. As he trotted towards it, he realised what was floating inside of it. "Is this..." he gulped "a brain?" Pinkie cantered over to him and answered "Yeah, that’s Brain. He has been here since that terrible accident at the Canterlot Institute for Magic. Sometimes I wish I could talk to him. He always looks so grumpy." Unlike Smokey, Lyra or Ticks, the pink earthpony couldn't talk to brains and so..."Hey, author! Can you please make so I can? Please please pleeeeaaaseee." Uhm, so, Pinkie couldn't hear the brai- "Oh come on! Almost everypony in this story can hear brains! Why don't you just let me talk to Brain?" Pinkie, you are an earthpony...I mean Lyra and Ticks are unicorns, so they can do magic and stuff. And Smokey hearing his own brain makes sense too...but you just can- "Please, you can't see, because you aren't writing what I'm doing but I'm doing my best puppyface right now! So please let me talk to Brain!" Uh, fine! So, Pinkie Pie suddenly could hear the brain in the tank, for no reason. Ticks meanwhile made his way back to the main hall, creeped out by the strange behavior of the partymare, because he DOESN'T BREAK THE FOURTH WALL LIKE SOME PONIES DO! "Hey Brain!" 'What is it, Pinkie?' "What are we doing tonight?" 'The same as everynight, Pinkie! We try to take ov- I mean, have a big party!' "Oh, that sounds like fun! Narf!" The Mainhall "I hope I brought enough... explosives with me." Berry Punch smiled sheepishly as she checked her equipment. Colgate just rolled her eyes, knowing exactly what her friend really meant. Scratch meanwhile downloaded some of her "Going-on-a-Suicide-Mission-Playlists" from the HQ's mainframe. Ditzy mentally went through everything she would have had to do that day. "Oh my gosh! I hope I didn't leave the oven on!" Burst just stood in one place, staring at the hatch leading to the portal bay. She hadn't moved a muscle since Ticks left to gather his gear and didn't intend to do so until they were ready to go. "Agent Ticks reporting in!" the blue unicorn saluted to the team, a wide smile on his face. Vinyl looked at him and giggled "Hold it, hotshot! We have to splice you into our network first." She tapped some buttons of the mini-terminal on her left foreleg. 'Network found. Access granted. Connection to "Horses of the Apocalypse" stable. Downloading comm frequencies. External map module found. Team member status added to HUD.' Five small icons representing the cutiemarks of the horses appeared right next to the map on Ticks' HUD. "So, are we ready to kick some flanks?" the blonde unicorn asked into the round. "The rookie seems pretty eager, huh?" Berry Punch said to Colgate, who just countered "I'll give him one day before he runs home to his mother." "He will do fine. He just needs a helping hoof. I'll take care of him." with that Ditzy cantered over to Ticks and put a hoof on his shoulder "Just stay close and keep out of sight. Just like I do." "Just like you? Ditzy, what position do you have in this mission anyway?" he asked, a befuddeled look on his face. "Let's just say: If anypony knew I'm there, I would have done a terrible job. Maybe you should check the logs later. I'm sure Gladi can help you with this." 'Downloading mission log derpnnj4.avi. Storing for later examination. You really should concentrate on the mission now. You can't possibly fail with my help and your powers. Although if you do anything stupid, you could endanger the whole team. But don't feel stressed by that. You will do fine.' "Great, that helps sooo much." he turned towards the grey mare and asked "So when do we-" "Go! Horses, get your plots through the portal and start being badflank!" with that Starberry dashed through the open hatch before her, followed by the others. Ditzy dragged the unbelieving Ticks behind her as they jumped through the orange portal. A nanosecond later, at a yet unknown location A strange glow irradiated the place, before six ponies jumped out of the portal. Five of them immediately took position and observed their surroundings. Only the confused stallion laid on the ground, trying to figure out what just happened. His map showed a large clear area but according to the coordinates Gladi gave him, he was about 200 km away from his former position. "Derpy! Help the rookie up! If he's lying around some more his suit might adapt to the dirt on the ground!" "Yes, Captain Burst!" Ditzy went over to him and managed to get the mindblown unicorn back to reality. "Come on! We have to go. Chances are they noticed us already." The expression on her face was serious. You can't imagine how serious a wall-eyed mare can look if you haven't seen her. "Are we close to Smokey and the others already?" He got up and looked around. They were in a tropic jungle, complete with bushes, trees and strange noises around. Ya know, all that stuff that makes a jungle a real jungle. "Close? Haha. We can be happy if we find our way from here." Vinyl laughed "We sure are in enemy territory but there’s a long way until we can be sure where exactly they are held." 'External brain pattern found. Uploading assumed location to Agent Sound.' "Oh hey, look! The rookie is with us for five minutes and he gets us the first clue already. I'll add that to the map and start the playlist, so we can roll." she smiled at Ticks "You'll like that one! It's my personal favorite travel song." This ‘travel song’ got kind of a bit irritating after a four hour trot through thick bushes and muddy paths. Maybe because of the lyrics, maybe because it was looping all the time. Maybe it’s because Vinyl sang along the whole time. "Vinyl? Could you please switch to another playlist? My ears are starting to bleed!" 'They are not, but I know what you mean.' "Another playlist? What’s it gonna be? ‘Travel Song Long-mix’, ‘Nyancat on the Loop’ or ‘The Very Best of Annoying Songs to Tease the Rookie?’" "The very best of what? You mean you terrorized the team with this song just to troll me?" She gasped "No way! The rest of the team had their own playlist." she smiled as trollish as she could. "Maybe I should have known earlier by the un-pissed looks of the others." he sighed "Alright, you got me. Now, please, Princess Awesome, could you please link me into your ‘Awesome Playlist of Awesome Awesomeness’ (patent by Scratch Records)?" "Well, since you asked nicely, I have something that just fits our situation!" she hit another button on her hoofpad. 'Playlist loading. I hope this one is better than the last one.' "You'll like it!" At about noon they managed to get out of the jungle. The next part of their journey included large grassland with small hills. 'Incoming call! Priority Moon!' "Horses? This is the boss!" a small picture of Luna appeared on the HUDs and they immediately stopped in their tracks, the music dying instantly. "Captain Burst reporting! Made our way out of the jungle and heading in aproximate direction of the target!" "Well done, Captain. Intel states there’s a large defense post right ahead of you. You are to take it out and gather information on the enemy! Specialist Safe should be able to crack their system." "Not like there is any system I couldn't crack, boss." Colgate said proudly. "Also, I'd like to introduce you to your operator for this mission. He will give you all intel we have once you need them. He also will be your first in command, should you have to separate." Suddenly another picture popped up on the interface. A white earth pony with a black mane looked up from his table and gasped "Oh my gosh! Sorry, I didn't think my part would come so soon. I'm Data Cord and your Assisting Operation Leader (AOL) for this mission. You can ask me everything about anything! From this terminal here, I have access to every intel known to pony- or mankind." "Mankind? Like in human mankind?" Ticks look fixed on the datacon's window, as Gladi zoomed into it. "Yeah, I have been studying everything we know about humans and kind of became their biggest fan. They are so amazing! Did you see how complex their hooves are?" Our blonde exhuman facehoofed "You mean hands. They are called hands!" The earth pony’s eyes widened "Wow! You know a lot about them! You don't happen to be a Broman too, do you?" He turned over to Berry Punch, so Data Cord could see his expression, which was by the way very unamused. "Did you even read my file? Do you know what, who, and where I’m from?" "Uh, let's see...you are Ticks...file 71M3...been here for two days... Human...time powers...unico-" his expression froze "You are a real human! This is soo awesome! We can talk about everything and you can teach me stuff and I can learn to speak like a human and-" "But you don't get distracted by this, Operator Cord! You are to guide and help the team! Not to share top secret information with defacto civilians!" Luna yelled, her screen growing in size with each word "No offence Ticks, but there are guidelines about such things." she sighed "I have important things to handle in Canterlot. Horses, I wish you the best of luck and your enemies a quick end." With that she left and her screen disappeared. "So...what is it like to be a human? Is it true that you banish pon- people to the moon? I once saw a picture of two humans on the moon, nothing more than a small house with them! Have you ever been there? What was it li-" "Operator, we should REALLY get our flanks moving if we are to get that defense post down before moon dawn!" the captain said in a calm but ordering tone. "Oh, of course. About 3 km ahead of you is a large wall with only one way beneath. You can forget about flying over it! There are turrets everywhere and a minefield behind." "Yeah, that sounds bad...we don't have any chances! Who's in for a drink?" Demo yelled, getting a flask out of one of her pockets. Colgate rolled her eyes "How do we get in there and how hard will it be?" "There is one control bunker along the wall. Once you take it over, you should be able to turn off the security systems of the wall." "Just pass me the coordinates and I will splice it into our route. I wonder if I have any good songs for blowing up a bunker..." Vinyl wondered out loud. "Ah, don't you worry *hicks* If you don't, we can sing along!" in this short time, Punch managed to empty four flasks of, what smelled like, Coltish Whiskey. "Alright, we are good to go! Horses, let's ride!" Starberry gallopped ahead, followed by the others. Will the H.O.R.S.E. team manage to rescue Smokey? Will they make it in time? How will Ticks help during this mission? Will Pinkie and Brain´s party work out well? This and even more stuff in the next part of Life as a Pony :)