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Ever since you wound up in Equestria, you've had your eyes on Fluttershy. To your great good fortune, it turns out that she's interested in you, too. You take her out to a restaurant, and after the meal she invites you back to her cottage. All your dreams are about to come true, right?
With a reading by Farnsey Fudge
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Obviously he doesn't love Fluttershy enough. Snakes are just one of many things you have to deal with in that kind of relationship with her.
Loved it. Well done.
The right answer is, "No, I don't mind really, but couldn't they get hurt if we get a little too frisky tonight? I mean you are worth waiting for if you just want to cuddle tonight, but I wouldn't want to put any of our animals at risk by our actions."
4371718
Your link's broken
4371730
Yes, he should have seen that coming. I've never seen another story that takes this aspect of Fluttershy's character into account.
While I have no personal experience with finding snakes in the bed, I figure that our protagonist isn't thinking too clearly right now.
4371745
Thanks!
4371782
Actually the KEY word in my response was "our animals." That is the kind of thing you need to slip in there if you want that permanent Fluttershy relationship.
"M'lady"
Subtle.
I love snakes! I would have no problem with that!
4371886
Yeah, that's a good point. One doesn't get Fiona without also getting Donkey (okay, maybe that was a bad example).
4371930
I'd say that.
4372031
I like snakes, but not enough to want to share a bed with them.
I wonder how often that happens to her. That can't be the first time she was cock-blocked by some sort of creepy crawly.
XD XD XD goes up to the bedroom like "oh yeah lets get some!" and then it just turns into "AW HAIL NAW I AIN'T SLEEPIN IN DAT BED!"
Poor fluttershy.....
And this scene translates into the perfect, horribly cheesy pickup line.
"You know... There's one more snake that's not feeling warm enough right now."
Fluttershy's love for icky creepy-crawlies really needs to get more attention, you know? It's a bit of her personality that goes beyond 'is shy, if that's okay with you'.
4372402
Said snake has already retreated back into his den, if you know what I mean.
4372446
I know! It's a major part of her personality, yet it's hardly ever used in stories. Most writers seem to focus on her shyness to the exclusion of all other personality traits, but that's the same as keeping Dash's brashness while skipping her love of flight.
Admiral... this story... oh man...
First off... or should I say second... person. Seriously?
imageshack.com/a/img254/6037/twifacehoof.gif
I can only recall one 2nd person story I ever liked, and this was because the awesomeness of the story overshadowed the crappiness of reading the word 'you' in every sentence.
Second, I'm assuming this fic is not necessarily serious and that it's shameless wish fullfillment, even if it doesn't get fullfilled (actually it does, this guy already fucked Berry Punch), it still reads like it is. And if that isn't bad enough by itself, this 'you' person comes off as a cliche brony. I'm actually understating that, let me rephrase: this guy absolutely REEKS of neckbeard. I mean, hell everyone writes fics with bronies, even me. But this guy... when he said “Lead the way, m'lady” all I could think of when he said that was this guy:
i.imgur.com/mgxVih6.png
And this horrible gif:
24.media.tumblr.com/bd106d5dec1fd47bd743368f0afc9280/tumblr_n1tdncB4jY1syqltto1_500.gif
I suppose this story has a couple of saving graces. First one, which honestly made me smile, was acknowledging that Fluttershy has a hearth to tend:
Which is great, a shoutout to my story I'm assuming. That, and the final 'punchline' of the story was kinda funny, I do imagine she'd have animals just freaking everywhere. (Hoarder, much?) So you get a thumb up for that.
4372402 Make that: "You know... There's one more snake that could use a little warming up, if ya know what I mean."
4371930 Yeah.
4373025
This--and pretty much everything else you said--was exactly the point.
I'm also not a fan of second-person wish-fulfillment fics, and have no intention of writing anything meant to be taken seriously in second-person. The main character was meant to be cliched, the same protagonist as is in nearly every other second-person story.
(I did a similar thing in Scootaloo Finds a Truck in the Everfree Forest and Accidentally Runs Over a Red-Maned Black-Coated Alicorn in Front of the Ponyville Hospital--it's all bad second-person wish-fulfillment with a twist at the end).
Also, I'm not sure that a night of drunken debauchery with Berry Punch is something to wish for. I suppose it depends on how desperate one is.
It wasn't specifically, but every time I describe anything In Fluttershy's cottage, I can't help but remember that Fluttershy doesn't have a kitchen.
4373128
Take it from someone who went to an all boys boarding school: More than 5 snakes in a bed at any one time is just weird.
I spent half an hour to recall from where else I remember "something something m'lady"...
"But of course my lady..." Lord of the Rings parody with Jack Black:
Full screen direct link
[youtube=do9xPQHI9G0]
Welp, let's fire up the heretic-burning torches. OBVIOUSLY RANBOW DASH IS BEST PONEH!!!!11!1
All kidding aside, this was a cute story. Short, sweet, and just the right sprinkling of humor at the end.
Just realized I forgot to like/favorite. Fixed!
Now this is an aspect of Flutter fics that isn't often explored.
4374091
I think that any number of snakes in the bed are too many (and a mood killer), but I'll bow to your superior experience in these matters.
4374098
Hmm, I just picked it up from, like, fifteen years of SCA and twenty years off-and-on of Renaissance festivals and pirate shows.
4374266
You misspelled Rarity.
4374483
If you haven't read it, 23: Why Does it Have to be Snakes?
4374378
4376242
I know! It totally should be!
E questo clop?
4378733
Is that Spanish?
4378765 Italian...
4378772
Hmm, I don't speak Italian. Google translate tells me it means "and this."
4378873 I asked if this is clop.
4378883
Ah! No, it is in no way clop. I don't write clop on this account.
4378932 Cool.
3.bp.blogspot.com/--8XYLK9TkxM/UuORLhwiidI/AAAAAAAAP64/mLYIvDp3yto/s1600/tipping-intensifies.gif
I love people who do this. People who write things like this, with all elements of a Clopfic [that I can think of] and then turn it into something waaay different.
Awesome work there, bro
4379351
Oh, your avatar fits your comment so perfectly.
4379817
Thank you! I have achieved my goal.
(ﾉಥ益ಥ）ﾉ ┻━┻ I WAS THIS CLOSE!!
i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/614/631/54b.gif
4381987
4382327
A fair summary
So having sex with Fluttershy after brushing the snakes off was just never an option?
Excuse me. I need to go find the lung I launched across the room in a laughing fit.
4385418
If you can keep your enthusiasm (so to speak) after sticking your feet into a nest of snakes, you're a better man than I.
4385750
Lungs are very important to have. I hope you find it.