The Broken Hearted
Chapter 15: The Broken Hearted
The embassy looked so much smaller than it had when she’d last been here, thought Lyra. It almost looked like a foal’s toy from her current position, its Equestrian stylings standing out from the bare rock around it, the rather amateurish banners hanging from the windows proclaiming the building’s occupants loyalty to Corona didn’t help it look any more realistic. Maybe it was all that she’d gone through since she’d first arrived that had changed her perspective. She glanced back at her companions, or maybe it was because she was leading an army of griffin to attack it... yes that was probably more likely.
Garvill had kept his word and had sent his troops to retake the embassy as soon as the duel had finished. Despite their protests Raindrops and Gilda had been too injured to be allowed to take part in the assault and had been forced to rest. The rest of the Equestrian delegation were present though, even Bootheel and captain Lightning. The latter finally seemed to have mostly recovered from being poisoned. The spell she’d used to put him to sleep seemed to have actually cleared his mind.
Despite protests, the king had refused to imprison the losing team in the duel. Kindle, Terror Wing and Smoke had quickly left before he changed his mind. It was noticeable that they had fled away from the embassy. Corona’s lieutenants obviously saw which way the wind was blowing and knew that the building was doomed. Lyra just hoped that its inhabitants thought the same way; they were outnumbered, but if they decided to make a fight of it... well Lyra didn’t want to see anypony get hurt, but she doubted the griffin army felt the same way.
Their force came to a halt just outside bow range of the embassy. Most of the Griffins hovered in a rough circle around the building to prevent any escape while Lyra and the few other land based members of the force were deposited on the road leading up to the front gates.
After a few moments captain Lightning stepped forwards and nodded towards Lyra, who quickly cast a spell to amplify his voice so it should be heard inside the building. There had been a short argument on the way as to whom should speak for the pony and griffon forces. None of the griffons seemed all that keen to demand a surrender when they could just storm the building, but the Equestrians thought there should at least be an ultimatum before attacking. Trixie had originally wanted to do the speaking but the captain had pointed out that as the highest ranking member of the military present it was his duty to present terms. Given what Lyra had recently learnt about Twilight she thought the purple mare probably had as good as, if not a better, argument as to being in charge, but the mage didn’t seem interested in leading. Eventually Trixie had agreed with rather bad grace that the captain had a point and had withdrawn her claim.
“Attention occupiers of the Equestrian Embassy,” began captain Lightning, his voice booming out over the building. “In the name of her royal majesty Princess Luna Equestris I demand your immediate surrender. Put down your weapons, exit the building and you will not be harmed. Continue to occupy the princess’ territory and our allies will be forced to attack.” He nodded to Lyra to cut the spell.
“Do you think that’ll work?” asked Trixie.
“I do hope so dame Trixie,” said Lightning. “However, in my experience solartics are not the more reasonable of individuals. We may well have to fight.” He levitated a sword to his side.
Slowly, a minute passed with no response, then another and then, finally, Lightning turned to one of the griffin officers nearby. He was about to speak when there was a commotion from the embassy. A small group of ponies emerged onto the balcony just above the main gate. Lyra could make out Haymaker and Quizzing in the lead followed by half a dozen guards and agent Roundhouse. The Shadowbolt was tied up and was struggling weakly against her bonds. The ambassador was dressed as always in a suit, although a sword was strapped to his flank, whereas Haymaker had abandoned his Shadowbolts uniform for another much gaudier looking outfit. The general pattern was the same as his former outfit but instead of the dark blues that Luna’s forces wore it was made of reds, yellows and golds. A large lightning bolt covered the chest. A whole swarm of knives orbited him floating in his aura. Lightning stepped forwards and Lyra once again boosted his voice. “You have come to surrender?” he asked.
“No captain,” said Haymaker, his voice likewise amplified. “You see, as a traitor to Luna’s regime all I have to look forward to in Equestria is a short fall with a quick stop at the end. Instead I have a counter proposal for you,” he grabbed Roundhouse and dragged her close, holding a knife to her throat. “I have four Shadowbolts and dozens of embassy staff who unfortunately were foolish enough not to renounce Luna. Unless you call off the griffins and let us go I’m going to execute one of them every five minutes. If you choose to attack, then we’ll paint this place red before you get within ten lengths.”
Lyra tried to stifle her gasp, next to her Ditzy looked like she was going to be sick. Lightning’s jaw tightened. What choice did they have? thought Lyra, they couldn’t let Corona’s people kill all those innocent ponies, could they? They had to let them go regardless of what information they might take with them. She looked back at the captain who was still standing stock still. “Lightning,” she said, “We have to let them go!”
“They’re bluffing,” said the captain, “They have to be!”
“Captain! You can’t!” cried Bootheel, “All those ponies! Vast’s in there!”
“They’re bluffing,” repeated Lightning, his teeth gritted.
Lyra glanced over at Haymaker, he didn’t look like he was bluffing. He almost seemed eager as he held his knife to his former colleague’s throat. The rest of the solartic group didn’t seem quite so composed. The guards were looking back and forth nervously and Quizzing looked thoughtful.
“Captain,” came Quizzing’s voice from the embassy, he must know the amplification spell as well. “Would preventing such a grisly end to this confrontation be enough to buy my and my colleagues’ lives?” he asked quickly. A look of astonishment passed over Haymaker’s face.
“Yes!” cried Lightning quickly, “Yes sun damnit!”
“Traitor!” cried Haymaker having overcome his initial surprise. “The queen will burn you for this!” He threw aside Roundhouse and advanced on the ambassador, a blade shot out towards him.
“Maybe, but at least I’m not a butcher!” called Quizzing, drawing his sword and swatting aside the approaching knife. “The princess may despise me but I am still pony enough to see that this is wrong!” he barked backing away. Haymaker lunged forwards but was grabbed by three of the guards around him and forced to the ground. A blow to his horn caused his weapons to drop from the air.
“Open the gates!” cried Quizzing rushing back into the embassy.
“Advance! Now!” ordered Lightning to the Griffins around him. “Do not harm anypony who surrenders!”
As one, the army started to swoop down towards the building.
* * *
“It was all over fairly quickly after that,” explained Lyra. She was sitting by Raindrops’ bed and reporting on the day's events. “Most of the guards surrendered apart from a few diehard solartics, and they were overwhelmed fairly quickly. We found the staff locked up but not harmed.”
“So nopony was killed?” asked Raindrops, she shifted uncomfortably in her bed, it was made for Griffins and either that, or her injuries, meant that she wasn’t finding it all that easy to relax.
“No, there were a few nasty injuries but nothing that they won’t recover from eventually.”
“It just doesn’t seem right that Quizzing just got away with it all! He’s a traitor to both sides now!”
“He hasn’t,” said Lyra, “Lightning’s asked the griffin to lock him up. Once Twilight gets back with more troops or the princess he and the guards who switched sides will be taken home to stand trial. It’s just that the captain has promised they won't face the death penalty and that he’ll speak in their favour at the trial. They’ll probably be looking at a long sentence, but they’ll live.”
Raindrops nodded, she guessed that was fair. “What about Haymaker?”
“Much the same, only I think his cell is deeper and darker.”
“That’s not exactly what I meant,” said Raindrops gently.
Lyra looked down. “I don’t know, that's up to a judge I guess.”
“So...” she continued after a few minutes silence, “looks like we'll be heading home soon, once you’re fixed up.”
“It’ll will be very, very good to be home again,” mumbled Raindrops sinking into the bed.
“It’ll be great to see Bonnie again, and well, there’s that ice cream I said I’d share with you...”
Raindrops sighed, she didn’t want to talk about things now, she didn’t think she’d ever want to talk about them, she’d be happy to just try and forget it all. To try to go back to how things had been and never have to consider how messed up her emotions were right now. “I know, but I think I’ll take a rain check on that for the moment.”
“Right, right, fine... but if you do ever want to talk about things, talk about anything really, you know I’ll be there for you right? No matter what, I’ll be here to help. Any of the girls would be.” She rested a hoof on Raindrops’ shoulder. “You don’t need to go through anything alone.”
Raindrops turned to look into Lyra’s golden eyes filled with understanding and tried to stop her own from filling up with tears. “I know,” she sniffed, “I just don’t want to talk about things now, I’m still trying to sort everything out in my head. But thanks for the offer,” she gave a watery smile.
“Ok, when you’re ready. I know you don’t want me to tell anypony, but like I said, no pony is going to hold what happened against you.”
“I slept with the leader of Corona’s forces!” cried Raindrops suddenly angry, “How can any of them trust me!”
Lyra didn’t flinch at the outburst. “You slept with what seemed to be a nice stallion who you liked and who seemed to like you. There was no way you could know who Kindle was. Our friends will understand that, if you trust them.”
“Yeah, well I guess,” Raindrops sighed again, “Fine I’ll talk to them, eventually. It might be a while.” She added.
Lyra nodded. “When you’re ready.” She stood up. “I better be off, Twilight’s due back soon and she wanted me to brief the guards she’s bringing on what happened.”
Raindrops started to lever herself off the bed. “I can help!” She felt something holding her back, looking down she noticed a yellow glow around her body.
“You don’t need to do anything but stay here and get better!”
“Fine,” mumbled Raindrops picking at the bandage around her injured hoof.
Lyra turned towards the door, but then turned back. “Try not to let Kindle and everything that happened put you off of dating and stuff,” she said. “You seemed so happy and you should get to be like that again. I’m sure somewhere out there there’s somepony for you, like me and Bonnie.”
Raindrops looked away. There wasn’t anything she felt less like than going through the same pain again. Of course Lyra wouldn’t see things that way, she had Bon Bon, she had it all perfect; but Raindrops wasn’t ever going to be that lucky, couldn’t be that lucky. She wasn’t going to have a special somepony. She grunted uncommitted, she didn’t want to argue with Lyra now.
Lyra gently patted her friend’s leg. “Give it time,” she said, “you’ll see.”
“Maybe,” muttered Raindrops.
* * *
After Lyra left Raindrops let herself slump back on the bed and closed her eyes. She knew she should be resting up, letting her body heal, but she was bored and sleep was eluding her. Her mind kept running around the last few days’ events when she didn’t want it to. Giving a grunt of frustration she considered getting out of bed. There had to be something she could do, but her whole collection of cuts and bruises argued against the idea.
There was a knock at the door. Maybe it was Lyra again? Or another one of the girls? “Come in,” she called.
The door opened and to her surprise it was Bootheel who stood there. “Hi,” he said rather awkwardly. He seemed quite nervous, not his normal self assured self. “Can I come in?”
“Fine,” said Raindrops with a scowl and the earth pony hobbled forwards, his injured leg still tied up. The stallion had shown his quality in rescuing them and protecting Lyra in the trip from the embassy, but Raindrops still didn’t feel comfortable around him.
“One of your friends, um Cheerilee, asked me to bring you this,” he tossed a small paperback book to her. She caught it. It was entitled Blooming Passions, the cover depicted a slim unicorn mare draped over a ruggedly muscular earth pony stallion. Raindrops blushed. She had been waiting quite a while to get a copy, but, well she really wasn’t in the mood for romance right now, not given how false she now knew it to be in the real world.
“Thanks,” she mumbled, placing the book by the bed.
“Yeah, it’s good,” he mumbled.
“You’ve read it?” she asked. it didn’t entirely seem to the guard’s tastes, although he probably just skipped to the ‘good’ bits.
“Yeah, the scene when Silver Glow first dances with Passion Fruit and knows that she wants to spend the rest of her life with him rather than her betrothed... well you know,” Raindrops could swear she saw a blush on the soldier’s cheeks, but that had to be her imagination right? “It’s a good scene,” he looked down bashfully.
“Ok, well thanks for this,” she said awkwardly.
“That's ok, if you finish it I’ve got a few others like it back in my room in the embassy.”
“I don’t feel much like reading at the moment,” she said bluntly.
“Yeah, right I get that, after what happened between you and Kindle.”
Raindrops widened in shock. “You said you didn’t hear about that!” A cold sliver of fear was forced into her guts. Bootheel could humiliate her with the knowledge.
“Yeah, well I might have heard a bit more than I said. Don’t worry I won’t tell anypony about it,” he said holding up a hoof. “It’s just, what he did was wrong but you can’t let him get to you. I had this, you know, friend back in the guard. He grew up in a little village in the middle of nowhere, just rocks and a few trees and stuff. There was this mare, she, well she was the only pretty thing in the whole village, she had a long pink mane, the brightest blue eyes you ever did see and a huge plot that just made you want to,” he indicated the size of the body part with his hooves. Raindrops glared at him. “Well she was really pretty and my friend he thought she was the mare for him, right. He wasn’t the most handsome of stallions, you know, or the biggest or the smartest but one day he finally worked up the nerve to ask her out and she actually said yes and it felt.” His eyes shone for a moment. “I mean my friend said it felt amazing, they were together for a few weeks and it was just perfect...” he looked down at the floor. “Then he found her with his best friend, like, you know, together, like ‘together’ together.” He squeezed his eyes tight and let out a sigh. “Anyway he, you know my friend, left the village that night and never looked back. That’s how he joined the military you know, to forget. Well that was a long time ago and since then he’s been with a lot of mares, you know really a lot, loads and loads.”
“I get it,” said Raindrops gently. The subtext of the story had already gone beyond being text at this point.
“Yeah, well you know that was sort of fun for him and he was really good at it, you know like really really, knock your socks off, blacking out-”
“I get it,” repeated Raindrops with more force.
“Yeah, well he was with a lot of mares but well, none of them meant anything to him you know, not like that first filly. Anyway years later he hooked up with this mare he was working with and it was fun, really fun she was into all this really freaky stuff, like...” he paused, “anyway, once they’d finished he found he actually wanted her to stay around for a change, and you know talk and stuff and um, snuggle and maybe even get to know each other outside of the bedroom. Anyway, that’s what my friend said.” He was definitely blushing now, it made him look a lot younger, almost coltish. “So, um anyway, what I’m trying to say is that there’s somepony for everypony out there and never to, well, you know, stop looking and that the looking can be quite fun as well.”
He lapsed into an awkward silence. Raindrops blinked in surprise at the revelation.
“Anyway, I guess I better get going, I hope you enjoy the book,” he shuffled hurriedly towards the door.
“Bootheel,” called Raindrops before he disappeared. “Thanks, your, um your friend’s story was very sweet. I hope things go well with...” her brain couldn’t quite manage to compute the idea of Bootheel and Vast Volumes being a couple, “with his special somepony.”
“Yeah, right, um, thanks.” He took a deep breath. “Look, not all stallions are lying bastards you know, and you shouldn’t let one bad experience put you off.” He blerted out. “I might not be the best example, but there are a lot of really great guys out there who’d be lucky to have you, you know.” With that he fled from the room.
Raindrops lay motionless in bed for a moment, her brain mulling over what both Bootheel and Lyra had said to her. Then eventually she reached out a hoof and picked up the book, looking it over for a moment before opening it at the first page and starting to read.
Maybe romance was a real thing after all.
* * *
Lyra trotted down the corridor to where the arcane beacon had been set up and almost bumped into captain Lightning’s galloping form as he turned the corner into the same passageway. “Sorry dame Heartstrings!” he called as he slowed.
“Lyra remember, Lightning,” she chided as they both entered the chamber.
“Sorry, Lyra.” He drew himself up to his full height and brushed something off his dress uniform.
“You’re looking rather smart just for another batch of guards,” she noted.
“Guards? You didn’t get the message?”
“What message?”
“The princess returned from the wild goose chase Corona led her on, she should be teleporting in within the next few minutes.”
Lyra glanced around the chamber, it did seem rather more crowded than before. Troops, both pony and griffin, stood at attention. Carrot Top and Cheerilee were already present and as she watched Trixie and Ditzy entered the room chatting to each other. The former waved a hoof in greeting before going back to the conversation.
“You know,” continued Lightning, “I haven't actually met the princess in person before. I’ve been in the same room or parading in front of her, but it’s not exactly the same. I guess that’s something I can say I’ve done before I leave the service.”
“What? Why are you quitting?” asked Lyra her eyes wide.
“As I said, not noticing most of your command were loyal to the tyrant sun is hardly the most positive mark on my record,” he sighed.
“But you figured out that Quizzing was a traitor! You did what you could to protect me!”
“Which doesn’t excuse my basic incompetence, I could have stopped all of this happening if I’d paid more attention to my command.”
“I can speak for you! I can ask the princess for help!”
“With respect, it is not directly up to the princess, my superiors will make up their own minds. Although given the situation I think I can expect an honorable rather than dishonorable discharge. Even if they do not fire me, well I think I’ve spent enough time in the military. As I told you I didn’t exactly join for the best of reasons.”
“Oh,” said Lyra lowering her head. “What will you do?”
“I don’t know for certain. Maybe I’ll find a good stallion to settle down with, adopt some foals? The Voice of the Sun may have been mad, but he was right about the corruption in the court. Maybe I’ll see about going into politics, I might be able to do something to help Equestria in that way. Who knows?”
Lyra nodded, he seemed at peace with his decision. “I think you’ll be good at that.”
The gems on the teleport booster started to glow and after nodding to captain Lightning Lyra trotted over to her fellow element bearers. A moment later there was a flash and a group of ponies popped into existence. At the fore were several Night Guard in full uniform and towering over them was the princess herself. The bearers bowed low to their ruler while the troops present stood to attention.
“Dames,” said Luna inclining her head towards the element bearers. “My apologies for the events that you have found yourselves involved in. Particularly you dame Hartstrings and...” she frowned, “where is dame Raindrops?”
“She’s still injured,” said Lyra, “she’s resting.”
Luna nodded. “I will visit her shortly. I am sorry that she had to go through such an ordeal.” For a moment Lyra wondered if Luna in some way knew what Raindrops had really gone through, but then she realised that she must just be talking about the physical injuries.
“It wasn’t your fault princess,” said Trixie, “you couldn’t have known that Haymaker and Quizzing worked for your sister.”
“No, the fault was mine. I should have paid more attention to the situation before sending you into danger. With hindsight the whole mission was foolhardy, the embassy had too long been used as a punishment detail and the locals had little reason to trust Equestria. I listened to Haymaker’s advice without consideration. I will have much to do over the coming months, it seems it is not only my court which needs to be investigated.”
A griffin dressed in gleaming armour stepped into the chamber and bowed low to the princess. “Your highness,” he began, “king Garvill requests the pleasure of your company as soon as is convenient.”
“Thank you,” said the princess, “tell the king I will stand before him in a few minutes.”
The griffin bowed again and turned and quickly left.
“Walk with me,” said Luna to the element bearers as she trotted from the room flanked by her guards. “Dame Heartstrings, can you tell me what you have thought of your time with the griffins?”
“Oh, well,” Lyra began to sweat a little feeling as if the spotlight was on her. “It was interesting to get to see their culture. I, well, I thought I knew about them but there was so much that I hadn’t heard of. The king’s history with Equestria for example and how their duels work. If I’d known that when Gilda came to Ponyville things might have gone differently, I think she was trying to get somepony to challenge her so she could see how honorable we were. Raindrops took her up on that, sort of...”
Luna nodded. “Yes, few of my ponies take the effort to learn about other cultures and in turn other nations rarely truly understand Equestria. I hope that your time here has resulted in a closer link between our nations?”
“Well I suppose so,” said Lyra. It didn’t seem like the locals were considering turning to Corona now that Terror Wing had been beaten in public, so maybe things had changed.
“It certainly seems that my sister is turning her eye to other countries. It may be necessary to take steps to show those nations the best Equestria has to offer.” Luna cocked her head to one side. “Maybe you bearers should be part of that effort? How would you feel about visiting other countries as part of a goodwill tour?”
“I think I could do with a holiday,” noted Cheerilee with a grin. Most of the other bearers likewise seemed keen, although Carrot Top seemed a bit less enthused.
“I will keep the issue in mind, the details can be worked out later,” said Luna as they approached the door to the throne room. The doors were opened by the guards and the party entered the hall.
“Princess Luna,” noted Garvill graciously with a nod of his head. The old griffin was standing in front of his throne.
“King Garvill,” replied Luna in the same tone lowering her head slightly. “I thank you for the support you have provided my ponies. Long may peace reign between our two peoples.”
“Thank you, your majesty. I hope that the recent unfortunate incident with your embassy does not cause any tension between our nations.”
“Of course not, the embassy will be ponied again within the week and a new ambassador appointed. However, there will of course be a few matters than still need to be worked out. Maybe while our entourage mingle we could discuss them in private?”
“Of course,” the king pointed a wing towards a nearby door, “We can use my chambers.”
Nodding to her guard the princess followed the king out of the hall.
* * *
“The view from here is impressive,” said Luna standing on the small balcony attached to Garvill’s room.
“Yes,” said the Griffin joining her, “I often spend the morning here looking out on the many griffin I am responsible for. I find it helps me to make the right decisions.”
Luna nodded. “I find my tower’s view of Canterlot focuses my mind as well.”
“Ah, yes. Although your city is rather larger than mine, still us mere mortals must be happy with what we have.”
Luna ignored the barb and continued to stare out across the city below. “I have to thank you again for the protection you extended to the dames.”
“It was the right thing to do,” said Garvill graciously.
“And of course removed an oath which might have required you to help Equestria in its time of need.”
“My dear princess, the thought never crossed my mind. Still, now that you mention it...”
“And Gräfin Gilda, it was fortunate that she was present in the city during this incident, she was very helpful to my ponies.”
“My cousin's daughter has always been interested in pony culture, she did spend much of her early years in your kingdom. Now that she is grown it is only right that she spend more time at court, in fact I have encouraged it recently.”
“I couldn’t help but notice,” observed Luna turning to the griffon chief for the first time, “That while you’ve decided to help us, one of your potential heirs has sided with my sister and has not been publically disowned. I wonder what would happen, then, if little Terry actually helped her get back the throne.”
“Hmm,” said the griffon leader as he tapped a his chin thoughtfully. “It’s almost as if my clan wins either way, isn’t it? Well, now that’s a refreshing change of pace; usually whenever alicorns are involved, we griffons always lose.”
“Touché,” said Luna dryly.
* * *
“So your plan to capture the element bearers failed?” said Corona from atop her throne. Despite the surrounding lakes of magma her tone was distinctly icy.
“My apologies my queen,” said Kindle bowing low. His head twitched, his ears were still ringing from the torture the element of loyalty had inflicted upon him. The words she had used against him still seemed to echo in his head. “We fought our hardest but we were unable to overcome them. I am sorry, we were not worthy of your blessings.” He looked up at his burning queen far above. “Please your highness, have mercy, we are only mortal and thus fallible.”
“And Commander Haymaker was taken?”
“Yes, he was betrayed by those who had falsely sworn to you. However, I am sure he will not break regardless of what your sister may inflict on him. Even if he does he knows little of your other stratagems.”
Corona narrowed her eyes for a moment and then nodded. “Good. Still, his loss is a blow to our forces, the information he has passed to us on my sister's plans has been most useful.”
“Our plans can still carry on, Naqah, Zaldia, the contest of champions...”
“I know. This debacle has at least shown the strengths, and weaknesses, of my enchantments. Our herald served well,” she nodded to Terror Wing.
“Please your majesty, let me prove my worth again,” begged Terror Wing, his voice almost swallowed up by the vast chamber they were in. “Just give me the word and Ponyville will burn! I could destroy your enemies for you!”
“No! No innocents will be harmed!” cried Corona silencing the griffin as her mane blazed higher. “It is unfortunate that the element bearers do not follow me but they have still been chosen by Harmony for a reason!” Calming herself a little she turned back to Kindle. “My Voice, it has been brought to my attention that your attempt to turn the bearer of honesty to our side may have gone beyond what is proper.” Kindle’s eyes flicked aside to Smoke who was still prostrating herself in front of the queen. “That you became obsessed with her to the detriment of your other duties?”
“My Queen?” he cocked his head to one side. “I will admit I found Raindrops to be an attractive mare and saw the great benefits she could bring to your forces if she could be made to see the truth. I felt that her youth and the element she represented would make her most likely to turn to us. However, it was unfortunate that she was too indoctrinated into your sister's way of thinking. Still, I feel that if we could–”
“No, no further action is to be taken against the element bearers without my permission.”
“But my queen, if we could just–”
“I said no!” bellowed Corona glaring down at Kindle. “Are your feelings on this matter clear, my Voice?”
“They-they are your majesty,” said Kindle bowing lower and avoiding his queen's gaze. “Raindrops is my enemy, I feel nothing for her but contempt.”
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Talon and Thorn · 353k words · 59 2 · 2.2k views
- GreyGuardPony · 36k words · 92 4 · 2.9k views
- Void Knight · 21k words · 50 4 · 1.4k views
- GreyGuardPony · 47k words · 52 5 · 1.9k views
- thatguyvex · 436k words · 115 5 · 3.3k views
- GrassAndClouds2 · 88k words · 102 3 · 2.6k views
- Emeral Bookwise · 21k words · 92 4 · 3.4k views
- RainbowDoubleDash · 27k words · 52 4 · 1.2k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.029 seconds
Total duration
879 users online
1,098,468 hits today, 2,156,967 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
And finished. Man, gotta reiterate how odd it is to read a story you envisioned and started but someone else finished. Every now and then I'd see a line that I had written in the outline and just a grin a bit, but otherwise it's a whole new story. Very well done, Talon, even if you did fuck up my chapter naming theme (corrected it a bit at the end, but the damage was done).
There's only one scene that I'm sad didn't make it into Talon's version that I would like to share, though: in my original outline, the embassy wasn't filled with traitors, but only turned on the loyalists when Kindle, Terrorwing and their forces surrounded the building and demanded they surrender the element bearers, which then lead to the capture and escape. What happened works out better for the story, but missed the chance to show Kindle trying to evangelize to the embassy with Terry's... enthusiastic help:
The crimson pegasus stared at the embassy as though it were an unruly child.
“Foolish soldiers.”
“USURPER’S SERVANTS!” screamed Terri besides him.
“Nothing you can do will change the—”
“SLAVES OF A LESSER QUEEN!”
“Terry, I am trying to speak here.”
“Words, words, words. The mistress wants FIRE!”
“Indeed. In due time, her glory will light up the night sky, and all will kneel to the rising of the sun.”
“FLAMES, FLAMES, FLAMES!”
“But for now, we come bearing an offer of forgiveness.”
“BURN IN CELESTIA’S… Wait, what?”
“Lay down your arms, swear loyalty to the true Queen of Equestria, and hand over those who would dare oppose her glorious power, and you shall join our righteous family. Your past misdeeds will be forgiven, and a new dawn will shine on your lives.”
And, of course:
“I for one welcome our new solar overlords,” said Quizzing happily.
Thank you all for reading! Sorry I abandoned this and left you all hanging, but happy to see Talon and Thorn nobly step in to finish. Kudos again, mate.
Btw I might get into this discussion on romance/consent later after everyone reads the whole thing because it's an interesting topic for me considering my different view of what makes a good romance, but please note that I am doing it as a reader, and not as a "this is how I would've written it." Because that would be bullshit.
I'm just snickering at the afterword right now at how Terror Wing is presented. Makes him seem more comic relief and less pitiable actually in comparison to one that was shown to have an inferiority complex and skewed upbringing. Arguable which would have been best because everyone had their personal taste of course.
Overall, although it might not have turned o the way you planned it at least was a grand accomplishment to have it be done. It's even harder to have done it by oneself but that is neither here nor there.
When someone
starts thinking clearly, can she please give one order that would set things to rights? The snip-snip-go-Kindle's-parts order?
And it's done! Yay! I'm going to update the Season 2 episode list.
7911037
I have to admit that I probably should have read through Contest again before writing some of this. My memory was that team Corona had stayed largely in the background so far and hadn't had a major meeting with the element bearers, but I guess I was wrong. If I'd known that I might not have had the rest of the bearers turn up and just kept Raindrops and Lyra being the leads.
7911307
Yep, as a bard she should have a few skills points free.
7910864
I was planning to try to look a little more into Terror wing but I think any extra plot would have gotten lost with the main romance story. I actually wouldn't mind a story with Terror Wing and one of the element bearers (Raindrops? Ditzy? Cheerilee?) getting trapped and having to work together.
Okay there were a lot problems with this story in my opinion in comparison with other established stories. Mostly with the "Contest of Champions." And I found Raindrops being a bit to oblivious in the beginning not noticing Kindle "flaws" and later I found her anger and rage lack lustre. It almost feel she was out of character, it feel unrealistic which is a weird thing to say since we are talking a fanfiction about cartoon ponies.
But that didn't ruin my enjoyment for reading it. I really loved it. Even though the story was mostly predictable it was good structured and the humour was good as well. With humour I mean Bootheel. Really can we have more stories with him? He plays so well off with each of the Luna Six. I never would have believed I would find a pervert so funny, I normally think of such comedy as meh but every appearance so far made me at least giggle if not right out burst in laughter.
So yeah I enjoyed this story. And hopes that "Contest of Champions" get rewritten so it doesn't conflict so much with this story anymore.
7910797 Is it finished? I mean, it's still marked "Incomplete," so I was expecting an epilogue or something.
7929868
Precisely my point is that the strain to hold back should not have been possible for her. It's like throwing a lit up match in a powder keg filled with gunpower and hope it doesn't go off.
This was a well put together fic. Lots of missed capitalizations throughout the fic, but nothing completely immersion breaking. And it was a good read. All-in-all.
7946639
Done, though I didn't see the "save" button at first so ended up republishing a chapter. Ah well.
7970961
Yes, although raindrop's is clearly the lead in this story I was surprised how much Lyra got to do as well. She's normally happy going with the flow but with raindrop's love sick she's forced to step up as a leader and pseudo-parent.
Ugh, so much stupid. It felt like the entire plot revolved around everyone repeatedly missing things that should have been blatantly obvious to everyone with no real thinking involved, and the result totally killed this story for me since I spent more time grumbling about the stupidity than anything else while reading the story.
8206794
Too be fair. a lot of episodes in MLP require most ponies to be carrying the idiot ball all episode long. Till near, or just at the end of the episode / arc.
8855819
Ehhh no there is a contradiction. When Trixie and the other of L6 meet Kindle, Smoke and Terrorwing at the contest of champions, the way that chapter is written it looks as if Trixie never met them. Yet here in the chapter "Reinforcements" they clearly meet an bash heads against each other. Now mind you that the chapter in the contest of champions was written before the "Reinforcements" chapter.
8855946
Yes, that is an important part of why the show has gone to shit since Faust got the boot during the season 2 development process and why I gave up hope the quality would recover years ago.
8856115
Ah, and yeah. This unfortunately will never be fixed here. I was told by the writer last time I read this that he's the type of writer that does no corrections post processing. Something I personally don't agree with, but I do understand that there are writers who after writing something never fix it. It's their choice T_T, even if it does detract from the story itself (especially long fics like this that do have substantial errors.)
8856704
I can see that. They do tend to do a rush job on important story arcs these last four seasons. Or skip out on important story arcs all together only to bring them up in throw away lines (like ScootaDash. They spent 3 seasons building up that Sister Arc. Then completely drop it till S7. Then we hear "how much Scootaloo helped Rainbow Dash, and how much she helped her grow." But never saw any of that.).
Or how they treated Sunset Shimmer (gets showed in EQG fics, but never brought up in the show; SciTwi gets automatically made an Ali. Even though her alt was born a unicorn. But Sunset who gets wings and horn, magic girl style. Automatically looses it the next time she shows up. Because the writers are ass-monkies.); or how that crappy movie was made cannon, but EQG is only tentitively tied to cannon.
8857681
...It's really a huge shame what those idiots did to the show.
Yeah, it's a real mess, although some of your examples I would categorize as continuity failures rather than idiot balls which is another recurring disaster, and then on top of all that the characters which used to be the heart and soul of the show have been flanderized into twisted mockeries of themselves.
8858887
*Nods* Glad to see that I'm not the only one to notice that a lot of the characters have gotten flanderized to a bastardized mockery of themselves.
8858905
Nah, most of the fandom noticed and either quietly left or were attacked for pointing it out and driven out. Just look at these statistics:
https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/16n_8v-DRylpuxtz1-AzBtnjocd4TzCjnctCovnqNlWY/edit#gid=0
You can clearly see that the show was growing in popularity until the season 4 finale, at which point it instantly flipped to dying as people gave up hope en mass because it became clear that the problems weren't just an aberration.
8858925
I can sadly see that, and I'm sure that the movie didn't do any favors when S8 came out ... or Mudbriar was introduced. Seriously, seriously hate that guy.
And I knew that there were assholes, and toxic fucktards in the fandom, but I didn't know that it was bad enough to drive people out of the fandom entirely for pointing out the obvious. I mean when I come across a moron who gets over-defensive of their waifu. I logic bomb them, then pull a L!Verse Trixie and get under their skin when they turn into brick walls of idiocy (hell I can even point out all the flaws of my waifu's in both the series and in L!Verse. I don't get why a lot of others can't XD ... sadly the worst brick walls are those who have Rarity as their Waifu for some reason.)
8860089
) wasn't a disaster, so I'm fairly certain you are right even without watching the episode.
Eh, I haven't seen his episode and honestly haven't heard much about him in general so I can't really talk about him in any meaningful way (to the point that I didn't remember who he was until I checked your blog). Of course, with the way things are going it would be surprising if he (or anything else for that matter
Honestly, it's not that hard to do and isn't usually particularly dramatic. All it really takes is another interest or generally other time commitments providing a pull to go with the push from the idiots and it's easy to simply not bother going to MLP sites like this any more. That's exactly what happened to me when I drifted away from BattleTech a while back. It's not that I don't like the franchise, it's just that they did some things that irritated me at the same time as I was getting more into MLP, so the time I spent on it just sort of tapered off to nothing. The only reason that hasn't happened yet with MLP is that I haven't found anything to drift to, but even without that I'm spending more time on other stuff than I used to.
Also, this whole conversation is making me think about my brief time on the Lunaverse forums again which is a good example of being directly driven out since I hadn't really gotten past feeling out the group before they pulled that shit on me. I think my first post (or at least a very early post) was something along the lines of "I'm glad to have found somewhere protected from the stupid since this AU diverged from canon so long ago", and I immediately got jumped by Emeral and RDD with a wall of epic-level cognitive dissonance (that's the psychological term for what causes people to attack you for criticizing something they're emotionally invested in). In hindsight I really should have seen that and the later stupidity coming since I saw the way they attacked GrassAndClouds2 over the gala stuff (which I suspect contributed to him becoming inactive in the universe as a whole), but oh well. I've learned my lesson and will be avoiding those idiots from now on since they obviously aren't worth my time.
8861390
Seriously? Those two jumped on you over that (link please)? That sucks.
Honestly I jumped down G2C throat for something totally different (and didn't know he recently went inactive). 1) was his massive, and persistent grammar errors without so much as a "I don't edit post production", felt like he was ignoring readers which aggravated me, and 2) Puissance. More specifically the Vault.
Under legal, moral, and ethical definition. The Vault is economic and social abuse. It's immoral. And is wrong in it's implementation. Yet for some reason noone's getting that. Even with the essay I did on it ... Forgot where I posted it. But it was way back in 2014.
8861471
Sorry, that probably would have been around when I joined the group which fimfic says was 43 weeks ago, and while I tried to find it, I wasn't able to come up with anything after so long. It didn't wind up being much of a thing since I decided not to respond since I was new to the group and was hoping it would be somewhere I could have interesting conversations without too much stupidity, but they very thoroughly proved that they were completely incapable of holding an honest debate when RDD said something silly about industry and I decided to chime in since I'm an engineer so I know industry very well. I was expecting a thoughtful discussion on how to work around that minor hiccup, but the idiots came out in force to crucify me for pointing out a flaw so I decided they weren't worth my time.
As for G&C2, I never really dealt with him directly so I can't comment with authority (although your specific complaints sound like they may have more to do with him distancing himself from all things pony than anything else), but he seems to be deep in that gradual departure I mentioned. His comments at the time made it very clear that he was in no way ok with their unwillingness to give legitimate consideration to alternative points of view and even went so far as to say he was unwilling to be part of the Lunaverse if they persisted in their stupidity. He did stick around because RDD temporarily backtracked by deleting the scene (I'm not sure what happened when RDD added it back in though), but there's no way it didn't affect his view of the group going forwards and his decision to prioritize other things over them. After all, contrary to what people like to claim, that kind of behavior isn't something that can be forgiven or forgotten because it is fundamentally an expression of their character and assessment of the other person, not a one-off incident or a mistake.
As for the vault being horribly abusive, I think that was the point (although I wouldn't be too surprised to hear that others in the group don't get that given their blindness to other problems). She is supposed to be an awful pony, and I think everything you mentioned was a deliberate choice to show that. She is pulling awful shit and using a combination of her powers and minor loopholes like the fact that they are technically allowed to leave (even if the "can't return" bit makes that functionally impossible) to get away with it, and since the court is so thoroughly corrupt Luna can't really take action against her without purging the entire court at the same time. Granted I think that would be the smart thing to do (and replace it with a parliamentary system), but at the same time I can definitely understand why Luna wants her nutty sister sorted out first so I personally chock this one up to her picking what she sees as the lesser of the two evils (or at least the devil she knows instead of the uncertainty of change).
8864772
Actually you're the only one who gets it with the Vault. I pointed all that evil out, and they said that the Vault was a good thing and nothing was wrong with it.
And Luna states in the Grand Galloping Gala thing that she doesn't care. If there's any corrupt acts she'll come down on them. And come down hard ... yet she doesn't do anything, even when the existence of the Vault comes to her attention. Honestly Puissance is the last remaining Court member who's at least openly corrupt (not even counting everyone knows she owed the Alicorn Amulet, and owed a dangerous relic mentioned in Past Remnants.)
8864884
...Fail.
As for Luna not booting her, that was probably idiots not thinking things through because it's crystal clear that contrary opinions are not tolerated in that group.
That said, you can at least sort of claim that those are all pre-existing crimes in-universe so they get a pass and that Luna knows booting her would be a huge mess (due to her rank) for little reward (due to her age). Since I seem to recall someone mentioning that it's planned for her to die of old age in season 3 (on the off chance the universe ever makes it that far), it's not going to wind up mattering too much at the end of the day and there's still a chance she will be sacked in the season 2 finale arc if RDD ever actually writes it.
8865084
Yeah I've been waiting for that finale as well. Heck did two read throughs of S1 -2 and it still hasn't happened yet XD.
8865544
Yeah, I know that feeling. I was considering doing a reread of the series myself since I worked through it piecemeal over the course of a few years, but then I looked at the update dates which made it fairly clear the universe is dead no matter what RDD claims and then got nailed by the mountain of stupidity in the forums and decided not to bother.
8865579
... I'm almost afraid to ask. But spoiler it for me if you will. What's the mountain of stupidity (I tend to stay off of forums as a matter of principal 99 times out of a 100)? I get the feeling that either looking myself or hearing from you might cause me to pull a MadVerse Sunset Shimmer regardless.
8866115
Groupthink. I recommend reading the link, but it basically amounts to the ingroup ignoring contrary opinions and actively suppressing dissent because they view themselves as infallible.
The specific incident that pushed me over the edge was when RDD claimed the Lunaverse is past the industrial revolution (which a few other people were surprised by, but blindly accepted), and I pointed out that that makes no sense because the setting is very clearly and consistently just starting to enter the first stages of industrialization up north. I provided lots of data and explained in detail how that would affect everything from the environment to their way of life to the character's world views, and was attacked for it from all sides. It got so bad that RDD was trying to ignore the fact that Trixie is Luna's student and then he tried to claim that Luna was a complete and total idiot for not bothering to learn anything at all about industry despite it starting to reshape the country at least a century earlier.
8866250
Ah! yes I remember several times that was brought up. Although technology there especially in the past always felt wonky (best example is Symphony of the Sun and Moon, durring the intermission chapters). And yeah ... I doubt Luna is that stupid, especially since we see that while she is hesitant to put her hoof down, she isn't a moron by any stretch.
8866301
Yeah, that. There are definitely a few oddities, but overall it's not too bad so you can write those off as magic since that's always been incoherent in canon. I was thinking my input would be helpful to get things straightened out on that front since I know tech better than just about anyone (it is my career after all) and enjoy world building, but apparently they consider getting expert advice to sort out details and make their stories stronger not just undesirable, but an attack on their ingroup.
And yeah, Luna definitely isn't that stupid, but RDD is apparently hellbent on convincing people that he is.
Oh well, at least I have another group where people can actually think and discuss things rationally to hang out in.
¡Quizzing is a Quisling!