“It was YOU all Along!” Applejack declared as she pointed a figure so accusingly that it threatened to bore a hole into Sunset Shimmer’s chest. “You’re ‘Anon-a-miss’!”
With two simple words, or rather, with one word that an abbreviation of two words and another word that was more like three words hyphenated to look like another word entirely, Sunset finally had her train of thought derailed. A train of thought that was previously chugging-along, thinking how great it was to have five wonderful friends who invited her to slumber parties and stuck by her even during the times where the entire school hated her.
“We trusted you, Sunset!” Rainbow Dash said with a glare matched by most her friends. “We thought—”
Sunset made an odd gurgling sound for a second as a small stream of blood half-trickled, half-squirted out her nose.
“—Uh… thought you were our—”
Sunset’s vision suddenly became glazed over as she began to teeter one way than the other.
“—Uh… Hey, are you alright?” Rainbow Dash concluded, her expression shifting from anger to concern.
“N-no…” Sunset informed, “I think I’m going to—” Her turquoise eyes rolled back into her head and Sunset suddenly tilted forward falling quickly towards the group of girls who quickly moved away and let her hit the ground wound a heavy ‘thud!’
For a moment, no one said anything. Each one only staring down at the limp body of the fiery red-and-yellow haired girl lying face down on the ground as a small pool of blood appeared from around her face.
“Uh…” Applejack’s face tightened slightly. “Did Sunset just… die?”
“Ern… you know in hindsight,” Fluttershy began, “one of us probably could have caught her.”
Rarity scoffed. “And risk getting blood on my ensemble?”
“Er… So you at least considered it before she hit the ground?” Fluttershy asked.
Rarity have Fluttershy an unamused look. “I don’t believe I have to explain myself in this situation!”
“Yeah, dude!” Rainbow Dash agreed. “I mean, Sunset is totally ‘Anon-A-Miss’!”
Sunset replied with more strange gurgling as the pool of blood around her face suddenly spread and a series of bloody bubbles appeared around her mouth.
“Oh, and not dead!” Rainbow Dash added. She shrugged. “Which is sort of a mixed blessing when you think about it…”
Pinkie inhaled a huge volume of air. “I got it! I know what happened!” Pinkie beamed widely. “Having been caught, Sunset took her suicide pill rather than face the consequences of her actions!”
Rarity’s forehead wrinkled. “So, you’re suggesting Sunset’s plan was to embarrass us, and plan ‘b’ was to kill herself if we should figure out she was the culprit!”
Pinkie shook her head up and down. “Yu-huh!”
Rarity and Applejack exchanged a quick glance.
“Pinkie, that doesn’t make a whole lot of sense,” Applejack said as she extended a hand, palm upwards.
Pinkie threw her hands up in the air. “Okay, well if anyone else has any better solutions, I’m all ears!”
From the ground, Sunset’s hand shot up.
“Yes!” Pinkie said enthusiastically. “Sunset!”
Sunset rotated her hand slightly and made a small motion for everyone to get closer, and closer they did come. All five girls leaned down as Sunset changed from waving with her fingers to simply beckoning them close to her head with an index finger as she mumbled a response quietly. Soon, all girls had faces and years practically pressed against each other’s and Sunset’s.
“Yes!” Pinkie whispered not-so-quietly. “Sunset! We’re here now!”
“Ah think she knows that,” Applejack pointed out. “She was the one who motioned for everyone to get closer.”
“Oh, right…” Pinkie smiled down at Sunset. “Okay, Sunset! What’s your solution that’s better than mine?”
Sunset flopped over onto her back, her hair falling into the small pool of blood she had left on the floor while small trickles of blood continued to pour from both her nostrils. Already, it was apparent she had a bruise on her forehead and some blue-black discoloration around her right eye. She glared up at the faces mere inches from her own. “TAKE ME TO THE NURSE’S OFFICE!” she screamed at the top of her lungs.
As the patient table she laid upon rolled back, Sunset Shimmer stared up at the white ceiling tiles with their perforations above her with a scowl on her face as her left eye had already begun to turn blacker and bluer than before.
“Okay, Miss Shimmer,” a pleasant female’s voice called out. “I’m just reviewing your results now and—”
“Question, Nurse Redheart.” Sunset said as she looked over at the white-skinned woman wearing a nurse’s outfit who had her pink hair in a bun.
“Yes, Miss Shimmer?” the nurse replied sweetly.
“Why does the school have an MRI machine in it? How could a High School possible have the budget for such a thing?!”
Nurse Redheart met the question with a short, good-natured laugh. “Oh, this is nothing, you should see the budget for the upcoming Friendship games!”
“…That just raises more ques—”
“NOW!” Redheart quickly said as she turned to a large screen and clicked a mouse a few times. “The bruise on your head and over your eyes should heal up naturally in a few weeks. Though, I can see from your scan you suffered a couple aneurysms! These can be caused by a number of experiences… Coffee, nose-blowing, vigorous exercise, cola, anger, surprise, straining on the toilet… ” Redheart leaned over and smiled. “Really, life is kind of one big extended series of events where we roll the dice every second and hope we don’t drop dead!”
“Uh… right…” Sunset replied, her expression tightening. “Both aneurysms were caused by sheer stupidity,” she informed.
“Oh?” Redheart replied with curiosity. “How do you figure that?”
“Mommy! Mommy!” A tiny orange unicorn with a red-and-yellow mane and cutie mark of the sun on her flank of matching colors bounded up across a room furnished with ornate wooden and gold furniture. This excited filly quickly skidded to a halt, stopping right behind a set of massive white pony legs which she looked up excitedly. “Mommy! I finished my painting mommy!” the little filly said, beaming excitedly. She grinned widely. “I even mixed all the colors myself and it has you, me, and even Mr. Kibitz! I drew us all outside having a picnic because I thou—”
“That’s a great, My Little Shimmering Sunshine,” a soft, almost melodic voice replied kindly but with a small touch of dismissal the little filly had grown to loathe. Celestia bent down and lowered her head towards Sunset, her long horn almost the length of the filly herself. “I’m afraid a picnic will have to wait, I’m almost late for an important meeting with the EEA, and you know that Neighsay abhors tardiness.”
The tiny filly puffed out her small lips into a not-so-tiny pout that suggested she had plenty of experience looking sad and dejected. “Okay, but can you at least look at my pain—”
“Sunset, I’m very sorry,” Celestia said as she practically stepped over the orange filly. “This meeting requires my full attention!” Celestia let out a sad sigh. “It seems the new tiles for the girl’s bathroom in the school are a couple shades off from a color ideal for stimulating mental facilities.”
“… Okay… Just… What…?” Sunset Shimmer replied as she watched Celestia walk away, Sunset’s left eye twitching something fierce before a stream of blood trickled from her right nostril.
“I have a history there,” Sunset replied.
Redheart nodded. “Well, you should be fine so long as you avoid any stressful situations… Say, concerning yourself over your social standings within the school or how you’re treated by your peers”
Sunset raised an eyebrow. “Are you, uh… being sarcastic, or…?”
Redheart chuckled. “Maybe just focus on the holiday and spending time with your family.”
Sunset frowned heavily. “My Mom and I had a falling out. I live alone.”
“Oh, uh…” Redheart thought for a moment. “Well! You know it’s a lie when they say that suicides increase this time of year! See, they actually go down because most everyone is usually with their supportive family and… uh…”
“…”
Redheart forced a grinned. “Your friends are waiting for you outside!”
“Are they here to finish the job?!” Sunset suggested snidely.
Nurse Redheart walked over and helped Sunset get back to her feet. “Well, if they are, medical attention is just a few feet away!” she informed chipperly.
Sunset let out a sigh so heavy it the woman almost lost a few pounds. “You might want to work on your bedside manner there, Nurse Redheart.”
Readheart just smiled. “You can try working as a nurse at a school where magical related injuries are fairly common on top of students throwing smoke bombs or setting up trampolines for impromptu photo shoots, and we’ll see how happy you are.”
“Touché …” Sunset replied as she placed her hand on the door handle and opened the door.
“Scream if you need anything!” Nurse Redheart cheerfully replied after Sunset.
Frowning slightly, Sunset stepped outside the door where, as promised, her friends were waiting for her.
“Well,” Rarity said in a clearly aggravated tone, “what do you have to say for yourself?”
‘Friends’ might be too strong a word at this current time.
“ME?!” Sunset exclaimed. “You’re the five throwing around baseless accusations that sent me to the school’s emergency room…” Sunset turned slightly to look at the door labeled ‘ER’ with a big, bold red cross. “Which is still something I’m surprised we have.” She turned back to the girls present. “What makes you think I’m Anon-A-Miss?!”
Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. “You only ruined our friendships before because of the whole Spring Fling thing!”
Sunset nodded. “Yeah! And I was good at it! You five never suspected me until Twilight showed up and got you five talking to each other!”
The give girls exchanged glances, the confident anger that had been on their faces slowly being replaced by unsure sheepishness.
Sunset continued, “Furthermore, I had motive then! What possible reason would I have to embarrass you all like this?!”
Again, a series of increasingly uncertain expressions where exchanged.
Pinkie cleared her throat. “Er… Reeeveeeeeeeeengeeeee?” She said though it was more question than a suggestion.
“…For WHAT?!”
The girls looked amongst each other once more.
Rainbow Dash snapped her fingers in an ‘ah-ha’ fashion, “Because I wouldn’t let you become lead guitar of the Rainbooms.”
“Rainbow Dash, I never ASKED to be lead guitar,” Sunset countered, “When you found out I could play the guitar, you had a breakdown and locked yourself in the band supply closet! You even refused to come out until we all convinced you I wasn’t trying to take your place…” Sunset tapped at her chin for a moment. “Which kinda brings up the point that you five tend to embarrass yourselves so often around me that it begs the question as to why I’d wait until NOW to do this with silly stuff like decades-old stories from when you where a kid, Applejack, or like… just pictures of all of you goofing off at a slumber party.”
Applejack gave Sunset a scrutinizing look, “But the Anon-a-Miss avatar looks just like your silhouette!”
“Yes!” Sunset said throwing up her hands in the air. “Which is a tactic I’d use to defer suspicion onto someone specific! You know…” Sunset rubbed her chin for a moment, “…if I thought everyone at this school was dumb enough to fall for that… which… considering the lazy-photoshopping that almost worked on Twilight, you all kind of are…”
“Ah-HA!” Pinkie exclaimed as she leveled an accusatory finger at Sunset. “So you admit it!”
“… I admit, that apparently you are all stupid enough to fall for this trick and apparently I was trying WAY too hard last year, sure,” Sunset said casually.
Pinkie pursed her lips into a tight frown for a moment. “Well, maybe you just took your time with your sweet revenge! You know… revenge is a dish best served cold?”
Sunset leaned forward, angrily pointing to herself. “Do I look like enjoy things served cold, Pinkie?!”
Pinkie whimpered. “What about ice-cream?!”
Sunset groaned. “Okay, I like ice-cream, but that’s it!”
Pinkie gasped. “So not even ceviche?!”
“Or, Sushi?” Rarity added with slight pout to her face. “Darling, certainly you enjoy sushi.”
“Okay, okay!” Sunset cried irritably. “So there are several foods I enjoy cold, but not revenge! And we still haven’t established what I’d want revenge for!”
Applejack smirked. “How about when we stopped your plan to take over Equestria!”
Sunset raised her fingertips to her head and leaned against the wall for support as another trickle of blood went down her nose. “If I wanted revenge for THAT, first off, I deserve an Academy Award for the show I’ve put on since then. Second off, I would have thrown my hat in with the sirens, or even just not helped you when they showed up? I mean, without my book to reach out to Twilight or even my at-the-very-end help, everyone would have been pretty much hosed!”
The girls exchanged glances once more.
“… Yeah, but still…” Rainbow Dash said.
Sunset closed her eyes and groaned before giving the girls all serious looks. “You guys, I didn’t do this!” Sunset exclaimed. “I could never hurt any of you!” Sunset began to become misty-eyed. “You’re basically the only family I have now, and I’d have to be criminally insane to jeopardize that for, apparently, no other reason than to make you all upset at me again.” Sunset sniffled quietly. “Girls… I love you…”
The girls all exchanged glances.
“We’d love to help you, darling, really,” Rarity said. “However, we all agreed that the best thing to do was to ostracize you while barely letting you get a word in edgewise.”
Sunset’s eyes show open wide. “Okay… Just… What…” she choked out, squeaking out the last word as tears began to flow from her eyes.
Fluttershy nodded. “Oh my, yes. In fact, we let you talk way more than we initially meant to.”
The girls all turned and began to walk away, Pinkie raising her hand up high. “Bye-bye Sunset Shimmer! We’re sorry we ever trusted you!”
Sunset watched them walk away for a moment through the tears, then let out a scream of frustration, rage, and sadness as another bit of blood shot out her nose.
At this rate, the girl's gonna die of blood loss before this is over.
Seriously girls, WHAT THE HELL?!
8855044
I'm just glad it's a lot easier to cover a comic issue than an episode, even a longer one... Like... I'M going to have several "funny aneurysms" trying to get through this! I kinda wonder if the story was originally meant to take place before Rainbow Rocks... Aside from not having Twilight, everything would make a ton more sense in context.
It’s going to riff all the plot holes of the original comic and the cliches of the stories, isn’t it?
8855048
Only unless I Anon-A-MISS a few...
...
...
...
...
ok, what the heck did I just read?
I love it XD
On the one hand, this does feel a tad late, given the age of the comic and that there's actually some good Anon-a-Miss stories out there now.
On the other hand, this was a good start, and I'm already looking forward to more.
8855050
Her nose bled bcoz of their stupidity.
A comedic take on anon-a-miss? Sign me the hell up!
8855050
Let’s see how you deal with the Anon-a-mess.
8855044
Nurse Redheart: "Don't worry, dear. We have more than enough spare blood for transfusions."
Sunset: "...dare I even ask?"
Nurse Redheart: "I have a deal with our janitor."
Mr. Discord: "On a good day I mop it up by the gallon. Incidentally, your little fountain display earlier already earned me today's dinner. Don't you just love this school?"
I agree.
Not another one of these stupid stories.
8855081
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I freaking hate the Anon-a-Miss comic, especially since those 5 never actually apologize for what amounts to a massive betrayal of Sunset's trust
8855095
I don't think that kind of discussion really fits here. Both because of the mood of the story and because nothing you say could have half the impact as what the story itself does to the comic.
8855095
Well, you came to the right place, because this story is going to be mocking the hell out of that comic and all of its flaws, and it's written by someone who knows how characters should act.
Sunset is fatally allergic to stupid, eh?
...Amazing she made it through to her rainbow redemption given that she hung out with Snips and Snails all the time.
Hopefully we get cathartic karma.
Wow! Didn’t think you were that stupid, Sunset.
That aside, this was hilarious and I hope to see more of it.
wat
No but seriously nice start, I want so where this is going
What the fuck did I just read and why am I loving it so much?
8855112
That should have killed her a long time ago.
Normally I would skip yet another Anon-A-Miss fic, but I look forward to you applying your brand of insanity to that comic (as well as any divergences your fic take). Poor Sunset, so often it feels like she's the only sane (or at least smart) one in the room/school, and its not going to get any better any time soon.
I'll never understand why they didn't just put the comic in between EQ 1 and 2. Its still a weak story, but with a bit of tweaking, I could see it as an example of Sunset settling into the group.
Sunset: Girls wait!! Apparently those aneurysms I had were out of sheer stupidity.
Pinkie: Wow, didn't think you were that stupid Sunset.
Sunset: AHHHHHH!!! Chapter 9 paragraph 18. Chapter 9 paragraph 18.
Rarity: What's that darling?
Sunset: Happiest. Moment. Of. My Life.
Hands Sunset a sense-beating-stick and matches.
So the legendary justice tackles the comic that ruined the EQG series for the IDW series.
I am SO looking forward to this.
Will it be a prequel of sorts to Sunset Shimmer is Mad About Everything?
8855280
Well, it's apparently just after rainbow rocks, because Sunset is still unsure about her place in life, even if she feels a little more settled. It's got to be before SSiMAE, because she still says she and her mom had a falling out and she's not welcome home.
The Equestria Girls Holiday Special was an awful comic. It actually could have been really good if it just ended after the first slumber party.
Logic.
... the opposite of being smart.
This is very heartwarming. Too bad it didn´t work.
A good story that makes fun of the stupidity of the situation.
I have been waiting for this to happen.
I honestly have to wonder how she can possibly forgive them after this.
I am so glad everything about that comic was declared non-canon in so brutal a fashion as Equestria Girls went on. Because, like Sunset here, I have a very low tolerance for complete and utter stupidity.
8855362
It’s a plot-driven story, not a character-driven story. It’s not even enjoyably bad.
So, really, the comic would have been totally fine. I understand the girls are all high school kids, and we all know how those kinds of people jump to conclusions. But the resolution lacked any of, well, THIS. Sunset logically explaining why they were being unfair and having them repent. Then it would have been a great story, because it'd bury any lingering doubts in the Rainbooms' mind that Sunset was bad
I don't usually put things into my favorites before they're completed, but this is just too beautiful of a takedown to resist.
[EDIT]: Now I blame you for the new spate of Anon-a-Miss fics. There have been at least two others on the featured list concurrently with yours. Hopefully twenty more aren't on the way.
This started off well. I like the idea of someone being medically allergic to stupidity. Of course, if i had that condition i’d Be dead by now.
You know, every time I read stories based on the Holiday Special
caseI wonder if I want to write another story about it. Then I think, nah that s]t doesn't need any more time wasted on it. An absolute clustertruck of a story.I am looking forward to your unique take on things.
vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/mlp/images/c/c5/Discord_drinking_chocolate_milk_S2E2.gif/revision/latest?cb=20140308190912
This was beautiful, in a gloriously deranged way. I eagerly await what further stupidity/insanity will come Sunset's way in the future...
8855249
Agreed. Without Twilight and before the battle of the bands, it makes a load more sense. AFTER that, it's just bonkers in the worst way possible.
8855329
I shorthanded Sunset's pleading with the girls but added a little bit to get out the full emotional impact. It's pretty heartbreaking (and even hard to swallow BEFORE the girls starting forgiving everyone who so much as looked after committing horrible, horrible magic crimes) how quickly they shoot her down in the comic
Really hope this isn't gonna be another 'fix fic' that spends the entire time saying "Sunset wouldn't do that!"
Doubly so since Justice's Sunset is typically characterized as just 2 steps away from indulging in old habits anyway.
Eh?
Oh dear.
Rarity, outfits can be cleaned.
That's stupid.
Oh dear.
That doesn't answer the question.
Yup. Pray for Nat 20s, dread Nat 1s.
Didn't know you were that stupid, Sunset.
What? Celestia, it's a school. Even if they WERE, I can't begin to go into how not a single student will care.
I generally never gave a shit about that.
That may be a problem.
Your tried.
Probably.
She has a point.
She's NOT that sloppy, and it's too easy to link her back to Anon-A-Miss.
Took the words right out of my mouth.
She doesn't care, and even if she did, this is a bit petty JUST for that. And if she did want that and went this far, she'd target JUST you.
It's too damn easy, and again, Sunset isn't this stupid.
She has a point.
...
She could have thrown her lot in with the Sirens and backstabbed them last second if she wanted that. And even then, she's want revenge on Princess Twilight.
Yup.
... You're a cunt. That is so beyond retarded I don't know where to begin with you.
And a hearty fuck you to you too! Goddamn, it's a miracle that she even considers them friends after this.
8855329
Most of the comics are awful, especially any involving Sunset.
As a friend of someone who has aneurysms from the source as Sunset, I find this story quite hilarious.
You know, there's being late to the party with your hot take, and then there's arriving the next morning.
The comments, tho... ::sigh:: God, we're still doing this, I guess. Whatever. Personally I always thought the first Special was worse by magnitudes and commended the second for actually trying even if it failed, but my Eternal Waifu wasn't on the line in either of them, so what do I know?
Go nuts defending Sunset's honor or whatevs, y'all.
(The story itself made me ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ in quintessential apathy. Quite frankly, I'm too old and have seen too many "clever takedowns" of children's material in my lifetime to be moved by them anymore. By all means, get it out of your system--just make sure to have fun. ;))
Sunset shimmer was just an ordinary girl in an ordinary high school with ordinary friends
SS - "None of that is true."
Till one day, after having her friends stolen from her, she discovers she has a special power: the ability to have multiple aneurysms and not die.
SS - "I don't think that counts as a power? I mean, still a good thing for me but doesn't really help outside of the not dieing part. And my friends weren't stolen, they abandoned me."
RD - "Yeah, we just sorta left. Didn't even look back either, just gave a backhanded wave and everything."
SS - "See! Also, what are you doing here Rainbow, you just walked away all high and mighty after yelling at me just seconds ago?"
RD - "Yeah, shame to ruin such a dramatic exit but forgot a book in my locker. Got it now though, so later backstabber hope to see you never."
SS - "..."
With her new found power, she sets out on a quest for justice...or vengeance...justingeance? Wielding two newspapers, Sunday editions, and a red outfit to hide the blood, she'll serve her revenge on the ignorant masses like she serves her attitude: Smok'n Hot.
SS - "I do rock that leather, don't I."
"She's the beauty with the bacon, the pony with the pout; She's Shimmy Sham in her new action adventure 'It's Shimmer Time'."
SS - "No I'm not and I refuse to answer to it."
"Coming to a theater near you...eventually."
Okay, despite this being comedy, this story manages to be somewhat more cruel than other Anon-a-Miss stories I've seen. Edit: Or at least this chapter came across to me as more cruel than funny.
Also, the HuMane 5 either are the most idiotic and moronic beings I've ever seen or they are downright psychopaths or never really forgave her and just were waiting an opportunity/excuse to ditch her... In anycase, you really have a very distorted way to depict them. And I haven't been sure how to feel about that since I first saw this "joke" on "Sunset Shimmer is MAD about EVERYTHING".
Anyways, I hope that when things do get better a goddamn miracle happens to Sunset, because if this is just the beginning? She will fucking need it.
Okay, normally I hate Anon-A-Miss fics with a burning passion, but considering how this is meant to be full-blown parody of the entire bout of stupidity that goes on in the comic, and hopefully certain fics as well (Looking at you Dainn), you've caught my interest.
8855044
She could turn into a blood bender to save herself.
Better make that three now. I feel like Sunset's going to have to figure out some way of having the girls make up for their nosebleed-inducing stupidity. I do know that Sunset is DEFINITELY going to make it her mission to berate her friends for not thinking.
8855171
Glad to see I'm not the only one reminded of TeamFourStar's Dragon Ball Z Abridged.