The fist story of The eternal knight.
Nero a human found in and rescued from the Everfree. He remember nothing of who he was save for a few things. But trouble ensures as it follows him where ever he and the ponies he befriends goes. Is his friendship with the ponies worth the risk? And is what he has been given a blessing of a curse?
Warning there is a big gap in time that is not seen and can and will lead to confusion.
Page generated in 0.11 seconds
Total duration
779 users online
953,997 hits today, 1,960,719 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
I have to admit: I read this simply because of the main character's name, as I am a huge Devil May Cry fan. Not sure if i'm gonna track this story yet, but you've got my attention at the least. I'll wait around for the second chapter to see where this goes.
389942 Heh, I did the same thing, though for some reason I was thinking of the Roman Emperor Nero. Now THAT would be an.... 'interesting'... story
I was thinking of Nero from the book series H.I.V.E. That would have been 'interesting' as well
"Captain order a scout party to the Everfree forest immediately."
Alrighty then.
wiki.teamfortress.com/w/images/thumb/7/77/Scout_rush.png/350px-Scout_rush.png
also
>Stung by a stinger half the size of his own body.
>"Ouch, that stings!"
Not the most realistic response. You may also want to go back and re-read your chapters, as a lot of them have many spelling mistakes , grammer mistakes (for example using were instead of where), and punctuation mistakes.
394647
As you can notice that he is not knocked over by being beaten by the wing, this means that the manticore is not that big. also its poison that numbs the body rather quickly. its a scorpion tail after all. he also passes out only moments after that. but well I'm not gonna argue about it. and for the grammar mistakes. well lets say i will look over them
also the scout party... nice work 
// edit to this comment minor changes in the chapter and punctuation correction and such
394678 Well, if I didn't get that the manticore wasn't that big, then other readers won't get it. Maybe set out a paragraph telling that the manticore was abnormally small, or at least make it more obvious.
And yeah, poison does numb the body, but not fast enough to over-ride the initial "HOLY JESUS, THAT HURT!" reaction.
And as for the grammer mistakes, well, you won't have to worry about those after the edit, so what's the worth in going into detail about them? You can message me later telling me when you're done editing, and i'll tell you if I spot any left.
395853
Well i was up an extra hour combing for grammar details and such. Ty very much for that. I have noticed that i really need a pre-reader/ editor of some kind.
also added that the manticore was a cub. Will also ad that in the next chapter when its mentioned.
also the charater Aka Nero was in a Adrenaline state of some sort but i think that is to much to to mention. well, if you think its recommended I will ad a paragraph about the wound in question. for it is mentioned later that its a small punkture wound that he dismisses like a scratch.
Seriously... USE SPELLCHECK. "Prolog" is spelled Prologue.
Major Grammar errors as well. I quote the first two sentences:
"A loud thunder heard over Everfree forest"... Really? Maybe "A loud thunder boomed over Everfree Forest"
"A startled Fluttershy jumped by the sound and looked toward the forest." ...This is just poor grammar, jumped AT the sound, would be a revision.
Sorry if this is harsh, but it being your first story is no excuse for convention errors.
I may continue to read, as the plot is not too bad, but fix those glaring grammatical errors, and your story will improve greatly, in my opinion.
403255
no worries if its harsh on the prologue and such i have not touched the edit button on that one yet. Thanks for that remark as i have asked for it in the comments. first story as stated and i have only been picky when it came to the chapters because they have been much longer. if you have any remarks mail me or type it in comments and i will have it checked and corrected.
403277 Glad too see that the author takes criticism well. I'll be sure to point out any errors I see when I read the rest of your story!
403288
I am grateful for constructive criticism. and shun haters aka. ignoring them so far none of them have hassled me. And thank you i appreciate that.
// Nerom
I love how this is progressing,lots of elements from everywhere,keep it up,can't wait for the next chapter
This looks 100x better than the last two chapters! nice job!
But you still gotta work on commas and punctuation, and I see you have problems separating sentences when a characters speaks more than one sentence in a single line of dialogue. You also sometimes have problems using correct sentence structure. If I find time, I'll proof-read this chapter and send it to you. I'm not the best proof-reader in the world, but i'm absolutely certain when you read it you'll be able to nip all of those problems in the bud after I point them out for you.
410978
As stated before I appreciate all help or comments I can get so I may improve my writing.
Heck yes! This is a very big step up from the previous chapter! However, it's still not completely without errors. There are your usual typos, and while you are definitely getting the hang of puncuation, you've yet to entirely have it down pat, so there are still places here and there that need correcting.
454406
I will look over it then and see if its something I can change I'm pretty sure i got it all right this time went over it like 5 times
And the plot thickens to the point of oatmeal......
464495
Well I do like oatmeal but I do have thicker things to throw at the wall.
Great chapter for such a long time
just try to spell Alicorn instead of alicord and a few other mistakes other than that overall a great plot and character development
Wow interesting take on types of magic nice and in depth but still easy to understand
2381521 Thanks.
this chapter has me confused ten ways from sunday
2396232 Then I have succeeded in someway. Because it suppose to do.
ugh.. i feel like im in math class... im so confused.
im so confused... where is morgan freeman when you need em.
2382540 once you fix the grammar errors this will be perfect
can you explain what is going on because I am very confused
2691011 Trust me I barely know myself. Kidding hehehe. The last two chapters are meant to be a little confusing.
Good story plz continue when you can.
whoooooooo rebound after 2 years, it's good to know that some authors at least have the decency to finish their stories.
394678 i love how everyone always needs someone to prof read there own work like you cant reread your work and say hmm my character sounds like hes mentally changled and than rewrite it. (No offense to any of those who know of a mentally ill friend/relative)
Many of the grammar mistakes I can cringe at and keep reading but the of/off usage is driving me nuts. Really like the idea for the story though so i'll see if it gets better.
10154091
Yeah, I don't give thumbs down on a story often, but this one was filled with lazy writing.