The Eternal Knight

by Nerom_Fencer

Dragon

Disclaimer: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic and it’s creative properties is owned by Lauren Faust and Hasbro, not me.

chapter 2: .
By Nerom

Nero stood up again, he had laid down after awhile to get a better look at the stars. They were familiar and he could find many of the constellations from home, but he found that the moon had the silhouette of a unicorn on it. He stretched and started to walk back to the cottage, dawn was going to break soon. He opened the door to find the ponies from last night still sleeping with the addition of a pink one. He could not help a smile.

Such weird creatures, the blue one is gone? He silently made it to the kitchen door, was open a little and he peeked inside. inside sat a cyan pony and watched a turtle eat while she herself had a smile in her eyes while eating a cupcake, this time there was no hot sauce on it. the only thing that was of with the picture was the ponies coat. If he did not know better he would have thought that the cyan pony was only a pony and not a Pegasus.

Nero positioned himself in the door and crossed his arms, the Pegasus did not notice him. "Do you like it? It don't look to shabby on you."

The Pegasus turned around and stared at him for a moment. "It's not like I wanted to try it on or anything, I was just cold that's all." It seemed like the knowledge that the man was up and about hadn't hit her yet. "Wait your awake!"
"Quiet down a little you don't to wake your friends now do you." he gave her a quick smile it seemed to work on the others.
"No hard feelings right I just wanted to keep warm."

"You can tell that lie to yourself if you want to but I can see that there is plenty of blankets you can use in the living room." He pointed behind his shoulder with his thumb.
"Well it looked cool and i wanted to try it, but Rarity was hogging it all night, like it was the most precious thing in the world." The cyan pony blushed a little.

"No worries I don´t really need it right now anyway. so that white one is Rarity, the pink one is Pinkie and Fluttershy is.. well Fluttershy. but who is you?"
"Me? I'm Rainbow Dash. and I'm the fastest flier in all of Equestria." she proclaimed this with great pride. "so whats your name? Fluttershy said that she didn't know."

Nero shrugged his shoulders. "Donno. Don't really remember"

She only gaped "So it's like she said you do not really remember your name. we others just thought that he heard wrong or something. well she did insist on it so the others wanted to give you a name." she tried to hide a giggle.

"Soo what did you come up with? I bet it's something a pony would have." She just looked at him while he stood there still having a smug grin on his face. It can't be to bad now can it.

"Well Fluttershy wanted to call you Cerill." he raised an eyebrow. "Rarity wanted to call you Silver Fashion, because all the silver on the coat and that you have a white mane." He almost started to laugh at the shear sound of it. "Well I thought that to, well anyway Twilight wanted to call you some scientific name I don´t remember.Spike wanted to call you Big Boy and Applejack wanted to call you Rancher." Hmm six of them maybe that lizard is this spike.

"and you?" he raised his eyebrow again "what would you call me?"

"Me.. I only came up with Lancer.. because what you did to the manticore's paw and all. And because it sounded really cool that you single hoofed fought a angry manticore. The only one i have seen taking one on is Fluttershy and it only had a thorn in its paw." Nero rolled his eyes Oldest pun ever!

"It was only a cub, according to Fluttershy."
He walked closer to dash and extended his hand to her with a small smile.

"Oh the coat" she started to unbutton the coat.

"No no your hoof, this is how my people great each other while saying their names"

"Oh" she stopped what she was doing and extended her hoof. Nero took it in his hand a little surprised that is was so soft and warm, like the hand of a woman.

"I am Rainbow Dash" he shock her hoof a little up and and then rapidly down to the starting point once "I am Lancer, Nero Lancer." He let go of the hoof. "And congratulation on giving me my last name Miss Rainbow Dash." He said that with a smile.

Outside the sun was rising and they heard low shuffles from the room behind him, at his feet he noticed a big green turtle standing giving him a slow smile when he looked down. "That's Tank my tortoise. Hey its ok buddy hes cool." the last part said to the pet.

"The fastest flier in Equestria and having a tortoise as a pet: Irony!" He gave the pony a small laugh and she joined him.

Nero took a seat on the opposite side from dash and reached for a cupcake, Dash did the same while yawning slightly.

"Late sleeper?"
"How did you know?" she looked at him with one eye "Coffee?"
"Yes please. I am one myself so I can't blame you."
"Milk?" Great they have milk at least

"A quarter, no sugar" she placed a cup in front of him a moment later. He watched her make her own cup, no milk five sugar cubes. well that is going to be sweeter than candy floss. Not my concern anyhow. She sat down again and began sipping slowly on her coffee.

Voices started to murmur from the other room, the door had somehow closed itself after he entered.

"I wonder what the other will say if they walk in now with you out of bed."
"Who knows?"

loud steps came from the stairs. "He is gone. and all the clothes to!" He did not recognize the voice. "And so is that lovely coat." Nero face-palmed, Dash face-hoofed at the same time. A loud gasp came from pinkie. "HE BROKE A PINKIE PROMISE!" Did not! "Well maybe Dash is with him she is not here to." Fluttershy's voice was not of surprise or anger but of concern. "Well maybe he is in the kitchen." Oh, really? Said the only male voice in the room.

Nero sipped on his pleasantly warm coffee and took a bite from the cupcake. With that a small lizard opened the door to the kitchen. "Morning Dash and look who is here everypony." Spike looked at Dash and noticed the coat... And her bed head. "Nice jacket Dash." The dragon said smugly. Boow chica bow woow! Ahh look she is blushing.

"It's not like that!" Dash was still blushing.

"She only wanted to try it so she took it from Rarity." Nero looked at the young dragon, Spike only stared at him gaping. "Not sure who I will react to a talking lizard myself but you don't see me going around and dropping my jaw for it.

The other ponies had started to gather in the kitchen entrance. To be fair Pinkie was jumping.
"Are you all going to stand there and stare all day?" Nero had not looked up from his coffee yet and let the cyan Pegasus talk. "He is not going to bite you, you know. Isn't that right Nero?"
"Eyupp" The orange mare burst out in laughter. "Something I said?"
"Ya sound'd just like mah brother Big mac..." The mare now shook her head and stopped laughing still with a wide smile over her muzzle.

Did Pinkie just fall over? Pinkie Pie suddenly popped up behind Dash, Dash did not react to it at all. Nero just stared at her. "Did she jus..."
"Yes she does that. don't try to think about it." He looked over to the lavender unicorn.
"Twilight I presume."
"How did you.. ahh Dash told you."
"Nope. I figured it out she only mentioned your names a little while ago, when she told me about the names you came up for me. Anyway it was a simple puzzle because I already meet Fluttershy, and I bumped into Pinkie last night. As you noticed by her little outburst.
"Then you can name all of us?
"Think so, Left to right we have Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, Twilight, Fluttershy, Rarity, Applejack and Spike. he pointed to the dragon.

"Oh you are good! Next do my full name!" Pinkie Skipped around the table.
"No can do, I have not heard them before" The pink pony stopped skipping.

Nero took another bite on the cupcake. "Can you really eat that? from what my study on you. you should be a carnivore."
"No wonder then that you all except Pinkie and Rainbow here, are afraid to go close to me." he sipped on his coffee once more. "well for your information I am a omnivore I eat plants as well and have no problems with baked food as long there is no hay or grass in it. and this cupcake tastes like it's made of a flour base."

"Ohh you are good!" Pinkie was on chair next to him holding a cup of tea. I still wonder how they hold the cups. And when did she get that tea its only coffee pot here.
"Well i was studying to become a chef."
The others made their way into the room and cups started to levitate to the table in light blue and lavender glows.

"I really must say that you have good taste in clothing, sir." Nero waved the comment of.
"This is not what I usually ware, the fashion when I come from is different."
"when you come from? are you implying that you are a time traveler?" the lavender unicorn looked with disbelieving eyes.

"Nono I don't even know how I got here in the first place, what I am saying is that the clothes I have now except for the fabric are all at least a hundred and fifty, to three hundred years old."
"Well they certainly did have good taste you look stunning."

Nero finished his cupcake, it was instantly replaced by a chocolate-chip muffin. "Thank you pinkie." He looked over at the overly happy pony.
"Your welcome, my pinkie senses told me that you were still hungry."

He finished his coffee and the pot was levitating in front of him in a blue shimmer. "Let me." Rarity started to pour the coffee.
"Three quarter coffee, one quarter milk" Rainbow was chewing on a muffin on her own while she said that.
"Rainbow my dear its not proper for a lady to speak with food in her mouth." well hurry up and eat something so you can shut up about my clothes. Rarity had chatted about his clothing but he had tuned her out.
"Well can you call her a proper lady when she is wearing a males coat? In my world that would give her the term Tomboy."

All but Nero and Dash laughed in someway now. They just looked at each other. "Whats so funny about that I'm just stating facts." The laughter died out.
"I'm sorry but that was rater funny." I swear these ponies are insane or something. Well what ever I need to coop with them anyway. "Anyhow it looks good on her don't you think."
"Must agree on that, it gives all the cute vibe from you ponies a more cool look." And If a girl in my town had rainbow hair and guy clothes she would be called carpet muncher.

"Maybe you can design one for her that lets her wings out."
"How did you know that I have wings?"
"Oh that's easy enough to answer, I saw it when I walked outside by I think 3 o'clock. and you claimed that you are the fastest flier in Equestria. "
"How did you know the time? Its not like you can see the clock in the dark."
"I have a pretty good sense of time. Like the sun has only been up for 20 minutes now. But i have been awake for at least four and a half ho.." he was interrupted by a knock on the front door.

Fluttershy raised to take the door. "Wait a little Fluttershy, wouldn't it be funny if you let me take the door" Nero gave her a childish grin.
"I don´t know what if you scare them or something?"
"Well that's the point, I Think its a great idea. Think about the fun it can be"
she looked around a little. "Alright but if you scare them then you must say that your sorry for scaring them."
"I will." He then went to the front door and put on a casual smile.

In front of her stood a tall being, with a casual smile and closed eyes. "Hello, Good morning." Luna looked into the room. Fluttershy Is not here! This clouded Luna's mind and she did something that was very unfit for a princess, she jumped him.

Nero just opened his eyes when he was jumped and he fell to the ground, in one flowing moment he put his foot against his assaulter, pressed upwards and used the backwards thrust of his fall to throw the dark pony. From what he saw it was bigger than the rest and had the same weight as the average human teenager. He hit the ground and the pony was thrown into the living room. He rolled backwards and got on his legs, quickly spinning around on the spot.

"Now why did you have to do that for, ghee first pony to assault me." He scratched the back if his head. "Sorry that I threw you old habits die hard and all."

The night blue Alicord furiously stared at the man. "Where is Fluttershy, its her home!" I better not jump him like that again.
"I'm here princess." Fluttershy sheepishly got her head out of the kitchen door. "And he meant no harm, we thought that it was going to be a little fun. We didn't know that it was you, your highness."

"And to be fair you jumped me first." He had walked up to the now staring alicord. she rolled over and noticed the hand he had offered her. she took it and he help her up on her hooves.
"you are not hurt now are you?"

"We are fine, thank you. now would you release my hoof?" Luna had closed her eyes and taken on a royal face.
"I have its you that haven't removed your hoof." Nero grined. Oh I did not notice. She felt a small blush on her face. she was thankful for her dark coat. Luna this is un-befitting a princess.

"Feeling a little embarrassed are thou?" Nero said this so only Luna heard. She looked at him.
"thou speak in royal tongues?" he nodded almost unnoticed.
"only a little, it's not that hard. Thus we speak in royal." He gave her a small playful smile.
He took a step back and gave her a graceful bow. "Nero Lancer to your services your majesty."
When he finished the bow she gave him a equal graceful nod. "We are Princess Luna, Princess of the night and co-ruler of Equestria." She finished her nod. "Let's end the formality's shall we? I am trying to get used to the speech the commoners use lately."

"If you so wish Princess." this time no nod or bow this time.
"I smell coffee, let's get us a cup and you can tell me a little about you, Mr Lancer." This will be interesting.
The ponies in the kitchen just gaped, surprised that he was not in the least scared by the princess of the night.

All ponies in the door to the kitchen went back to their places by the table except Rainbow Dash. She had not moved from her spot. She was bobbing her head a little, she had not noticed the princess by then.

"Hey, Nero what is this thing? It's music is great." She said it with a loud voice when Luna and Nero sat by the table. On the table a small black and white devise connected to a pair of earplugs and you could hear some of the drums faintly from the music.

"Ahem!" Luna made the noise, Twilight poked Dash in the side. She opened her eyes. "Hey why di.. Ohh Princess I didn't notice you." She blushed deeply making her cyan face almost purple on her cheeks.
"So I see you like my music? any good?"
"Oh yes!. what is this thing anyway?"

"It's a PB.I-Phone X. Stands for Prototype Battery I-phone tenth generation. only a thousand of them ever made. Won it in a competition. Had it for seven years now, never needed to charge it. Thought I lost it when I got here. Was it in my coat?" Luna just watched the device and then Nero.

"Umm when did you remember your name? Nero?" Twilight said "I thought Fluttershy said that you did not remember your name." Twilight stared at him.

"Well to be fair I don't remember my name... Well sorta anyway it came mostly in a dream I had, and the Lancer part Dash here got me. To be fair that was least silly of them." Luna just watched the human in silence. He don't remember his own name, how sad.

"This phone they are personal are they not? Should it not have your identity in it?" Luna said wondering. Nero hit his fist loosely in his palm.
"That's right it should have!" He picked up the phone and closed the media player. During these seven years he had customized the OS on the phone. He just looked at the phone and unplugged the headphones. The OS had changed a little most of the colors had swapped to silver and dark blue. He tried to access the personal settings.

"Personal data corrupted... Failed to recreate.. scanning phone for corrupted data... Phone book data corrupted... Failed to recreate... Map: Photos. corrupted... Failed to recreate... recorded audio corrupted... Failed to recreate... 86Gigabytes of data lost. Map: Music. corrupted... Recreation successful... 300Megabytes lost in total, erasing corrupted files.. Five files deleted. Free space on memory. 1.258Terabytes of Two Terabytes. Please enter new user data." The phone said.

Nero started to type on the phone in a fast phase. "Welcome, Nero Lancer. this unit is ready for use have a pleasant day."

"That thing spoke" Pinkie was ohhing and awwing the phone. "That's neat. is it some sort of magic?"
"Pinkie its like them games and radios" Applejack whispered in her ear.
"Technology, and everything I am was lost with that corrupted data. Well it's not a good thing to cry for sour milk, my grand mother always said." Wise grandmother he have. I wonder whats on his mind now, it's hard to lose who you are. I have been in the same boat after all.

"Did you wish to ask me some questions Princess, you have been mostly silent this whole time." Nero broke the awkward silence that filled the room. A small bunny was stomping on Fluttershy's back. "Oh I'm sorry Angel I forgot. If you can excuse me i have some animals to take care of. With that Pinkie and A.J offered to help help her and Rainbow wanted to stretch her wings for a bit. Taking off the coat, Rarity was immediately on it claiming that she wanted to make a similar one for Rainbow Dash so she was going to check it out in the living room. Only Twilight, Spike and Luna remained.

"Very well then shall we begin?" Nero nodded, Luna marked mentally that Twilight already had quill and paper ready. And so started her questions.

They were now on the topic of mating. something Twilight had brought up and Luna had agreed on discussing. Nero was forced to explain both how it worked and how the female was different to the male, this went so far that he was asked to draw some illustrations. All to his embarrassment.

"Are we done soon with the whole mating thing. Its starting to get awkward." Payback for earlier little human.
"Getting to personal are we?" Luna grinned at him, she knew of romance and that males did't like to talk feelings. Well to be fair she was a hopeless romantic at heart, Princess of the night and all.
"Yes, how about we go into the topic of your mating habits. Ehh, Princess how would you like that." He glared at her.
None of your business, well lets just drop it then. "Very well we drop the subject. We have been at it for almost thirty minutes anyway. Next topic."

A loud roar thundered overhead. "What was that?" Nero looked over to the window.
"I'm not sure it might been a dragon." Nero was now looking out and suddenly turned his head.
"Its a dragon alright. But it already passed by." Dragons are usually not around here, they keep away from pony settlements.

Applejack crashed into the cottage's living room. "AH DRAGON JUST TOOK FLUTTERSHY!"
"Calm down and tell us what happened." Rarity had panic in her voice.
"I't jus swooped down a snatched her, like a falcon do to mice!"
"Well let's not just stand here then we need to do something." Nero looked out the door. A rainbow streaked over the sky in an alarming phase.
"Rainbow will get herself killed if we don't move it." Twilight had also noted the rainbow heading to the dragon.

"I'm sorry to leave this rudely your highness but my friends are in danger."
"Think nothing of it Twilight Sparkle. I will to go to help your friend." "But!" "No argument. one of my subjects are in mortal danger in front of my eyes I can't stay idle."
"I'm coming to I owe her." Nero said with no emotions in his voice. He feels like he is ready to chase that dragon all the way to the sun if he has to. I wonder why.

"Very well we will sett out at once. I can transport us all to it." The dragon just a dot landing on a mountain in the Everfree. "We need to hurry or Fluttershy is lunch!" All now looked at the now clearly enraged human. He put on the knee long coat.
Luna nodded and a mist started to envelop them. Pinkie had somehow popped out from nowhere behind Rarity.

They arrived at a cavern big enough to put a smaller house in. From inside the Rainbows voice was heard now mocking the dragon. the rest rushed in to the cave. the cave was empty save for Rainbow, the dragon, Fluttershy and a Small sliver orb laying next to Fluttershy in the back of the cave. A streak of blood was seeping from a wound in Fluttershy's side.

Rainbow darted around the dragon looking for a chance to grab Fluttershy. "Took you long enough! That bastard was just holding Fluttershy in its mouth when I came by. And no chance in the world that I let it eat one of my friends!"
She kicked the dragon in it's head when she darted by.

The dragons eyes glowed red, it spat flames again's the newly arrived group. A lavender and night blue bubble surrounded them. Nero flinched back like the rest of them when the shield cracked, the dragon stopped before it burst.
"It cracked my shield" Twilight looked distressed. "Not mine" Luna said calmly. "It's magical penetration is strong. I have never seen a dragon like this before, surely some have magic but like this it's... Odd."

"Well no time for that we need to get Fluttershy out of there now!" Nero's rage had seemed to calmed. This human is odd, to looking a enraged dragon in the eye and going from a flaming rage into icy and collective in mater of seconds.
Nero looked over at the princess. "Can you make me a shield while I help Rainbow to distract the bastard, Twilight you and Applejack try to get Fluttershy somehow." Willing to risk his life for someone he don't even know And coming up with a sound plan. "what about Rarity and Pinkie?"

"Be ready to assist in any way possible. and you might want to use this." He took of his coat and the shirt under it, and put the coat on again. The white cotton shirt was thrown to Rarity. "Use it to mend her wounds when we get her out of there.
It's a sound plan indeed. I don't think magic will bite on this dragon so I will be mostly useless in this fight and Twilight can teleport her out with not to much problem. My shield is stronger anyhow.

"Ok lets go with it. The plan is sound. Twilight, Applejack don't draw to much attention to yourself" another blast of the dragons flame was spreading out over the ceiling as it tried to get to the Pegasus.

A light shimmer set around Nero as Luna focused her energy at him instead. and with it he headed to the dragon picking up a rock in the run. "Thunk!" a Cupcake? hit the dragon clean in the face as Nero threw the rock and shifted its attention to the right wall of the cave so it would not notice the already advancing duo of ponies.

Nero barely dodged an bite from the dragon and struck the dragon in the upper neck with the rapier. The dragon didn't even flinch or recoil when the blade draw blood. A gash as long as Nero's arm was cut up in it's neck and he felt bone trough the blade. Then the dragon did something it was not supposed to do, it turned around to swipe Nero with its tail.

"Shit! Twilight watch out!" To late the dragon swiped Nero into the wall and stone shattered by the force. Nero got on his feet holding a hand to his sore back. "Ohh great sweet Jesus. Good that I had that shield. Thank you Luna!"
That got to hurt I felt that impact to! Meanwhile the dragon had picked up Twilight in its mouth a small gash in her flank seeped blood. A lavender aura surrounded her and was slowly growing in strength as she regained her concentration.

"Twilig't!" The orange mare bucked the dragon in the jaw slipped on its scales and cut a gash in her leg on one of the teeth.
She spun around a and aimed for the dragons neck. Rainbow at the time was standing in the roof of the cave and took aim.
The two ponies hit their target at the same time just next to each other. A large crack was heard throughout the cave, the dragon let go of Twilight that was cast away and landed by Luna and Rarity. The dragons neck twisted and landed staring at Nero

It looked at him with golden eyes. blinked once and its mouth opened.
<"Thank you young one, you have freed me from my rage.> The dragons voice was clearly female.
All looked at the dragon, except A.J that was checking on Fluttershy.
<"We, freed you how?" we was only trying to free our friend that you took from us"> Nero said this in a tongue he knew well.
Now every one was staring at the man and dragon.
< your friend will die, even if you treat her wounds. and so will the orange and purple one.">
<"WHY!"> Nero screamed picking up the rapier that laid next to the wall. The ponies jumped by the sudden out burst.
<"Calm yourself and I will tell you.">

Ten minutes had passed sense Nero and the dragon had begun to talk in a low tone. The dragon was now noticeable weaker. "That dragon will die soon won't it.? Its getting weaker." Twilight looked at the alicord, Luna nodded
"I think so, It seems to have lost a lot of blood from the wound in its neck."
"Then if it knows that it will die then why did it not let us heal it. It flat out refused when we asked it. Lancer even told me not to use any magic and had Rarity use hers to heal Fluttershy... and I'm getting.." she Yawned. "tired." Next to them the others was hovering next to the unconscious Pegasus, Rainbow and Pinkie literary hovered.

Nero was sitting on a stone next to the dragons head nodding slowly. I wonder what they are talking about. and why was I not allowed to use my magic.
He walked around the dragons head and squatted down next to it almost completely covered by the head alone, only some of his head was showing. Only Luna could see it thanks to her height.

Twilight fell asleep.

<I have no choice now do I. very well I will.> Nero gave the ponies by the entrance a quick look and then walked around the dragons head.
< I knew you would see reason when it was explained to you young human.>
<And this is the only way? are you a hundred percent sure?> Nero looked gown the floor. What he was about to do pained him greatly.
<Yes, its an honor only bestowed on the greatest of man.>
<Let's begin then.>

A light enveloped his hand as he touched the dragon, a searing pain flowed trough him. He sucked it up not uttering a sound.
Luna saw a small light and a tremendous amount of magical energy flow into the man.

<"Are you ready?"> he drew the rapier. the dragon nodded. A spasm went trough the dragon.

The dragons body started to glow brightly. "What is happening? Is it a party?!" The pink pony jumped and frowned at the same time. "Because I like parties but now is not the time well maybe after Fluttershy and the dragon is better then we can have a getting better party." The pink pony rambled on for a moment.
"I don't think it's a party Pinkie pie." said Rainbow Dash. "But it sure looks cool!" The Pegasus now sounded like she was scared. Luna put up a shield mostly for the light, and for the magical radiation that she had started to feel.

The light subsided and every one looked into the cavern. The cave now looked darker then before. It took a while for the others too see what had happened. Inside Nero was holding the silver object, and beside him lay the skeleton of a massive beast. he walked slowly to the ponies.

"Wha't happened to tha dragon?" Applejack looked tired.
"Dead" He responded with a low voice.
"That is not the usual way something die. what happened to it."
"That is what happens to a dragon from her world. at least when it chooses to die for others."

He walked up to Rarity. "Hold this please."
"What is it?" Luna asked.
"A Phoenix egg."
"Sure don't look like a phoenix egg to me they are red." Rarity said.
"It's a special phoenix egg and I vowed to take care of it. Was that or Fluttershy, Applejack and Twilight dies before nightfall."

"WHAT!" Pinkies mane and tail was standing straight into the air. "What do you mean by that!" She eyed him carefully.
"They have been poisoned by the dragons teeth. It only has one cure." Applejack walked over and was going to say something to his face when she fell over, he caught her in the fall.

"Let's begin then" he said and took her right hoof.
"Begin what?" Luna said. "What is the treatment anyway?"
"This." his hand began to glow gently and so did Applejack's hoof. she shivered and a band of light appeared right above her hoof joint. Luna noticed the same magic that had enveloped the human before. When it faded he gently laid her down on the ground and went over to Fluttershy.

"What is that? what did you do to them?" Luna said quietly when he was Finished with Twilight.
"Jea I want to know to it looked cool and all but what was that."
"She called it the ''Gift''. she gave me the same thing before she died, after she was gone I had the same power to give it to eleven Individuals. That's why she became bone just like that."

He picked up the lavender unicorn. "We better get them out of here, if you want to know about what she told me I can tell you later. And collapse the cave its rude to not bury the dead." He looked at Luna. She nodded and they where gone in a flash, the cave rumbled and collapsed on itself.

Comments

[Nerom_Fencer]

403255

no worries if its harsh on the prologue and such i have not touched the edit button on that one yet. Thanks for that remark as i have asked for it in the comments. first story as stated and i have only been picky when it came to the chapters because they have been much longer. if you have any remarks mail me or type it in comments and i will have it checked and corrected.

[ArtyTheReader]

403277 Glad too see that the author takes criticism well. I'll be sure to point out any errors I see when I read the rest of your story!

[Nerom_Fencer]

403288

I am grateful for constructive criticism. and shun haters aka. ignoring them so far none of them have hassled me. And thank you i appreciate that.

// Nerom

[Almasy]

I love how this is progressing,lots of elements from everywhere,keep it up,can't wait for the next chapter

[idk12345678910]

This looks 100x better than the last two chapters! nice job!
But you still gotta work on commas and punctuation, and I see you have problems separating sentences when a characters speaks more than one sentence in a single line of dialogue. You also sometimes have problems using correct sentence structure. If I find time, I'll proof-read this chapter and send it to you. I'm not the best proof-reader in the world, but i'm absolutely certain when you read it you'll be able to nip all of those problems in the bud after I point them out for you.

[Nerom_Fencer]

410978

As stated before I appreciate all help or comments I can get so I may improve my writing.