On The Wings of Wind

by Chazonic

Prologue - A Memory, Fragmented

Surrounded by stallions that I cannot see, for they are shrouded in the darkness of my fragmented memories.

"Hey kid! surrender quietly now... Our boss wants you for who you are."

"Hehe to get paid so much to capture this freak of a pegasus"

"Wait, he's too close to the edge-"

Falling off... One tried to grab me, only to hit me sharply in the head

Vision fading to black... Last thing i can remember... A scream...

"BIG BROTHER!!!"

Darkness...

---

"Hnnng... Who... Where am I...?"

"Oh thank goodness you're alright!"

A mare... pegasus... red coat, dark orange mane, magenta eyes, and a harp for a cutie mark.

"I found you unconscious on the edge of the forest with a big welt on the side of your head and massive grip marks. I can assure you you will be just fine. Now, where's your family, little one?"

"I... I don't remember..."

"Wait, surely you remember who they are, or what they look like?!"

"I don't... who's my mommy...? I'm... scared"

"Can you remember your name name at all? Perhaps..."

"Zephyr... I can't remember my last name... I want my mommy..."

"Shhh... it's ok, everything's going to be alright... I'm right here with you."

A loving hug, followed by a beautiful singing voice.

Sleep, my child, go to sleep, my child...

"I...love you... mommy..."

Comments

[Leafall]

Interesting... I have to say, this is a good start.

But capitalize, please! You should always capitalize I and the first word of each sentence. Second, you are missing apostrophes in the word where's. Please proofread your work again!

Also, I would not recommend the use of a larger font size to show yelling. I mean, there is a reason you don't see that in published books... And underlined text. On rare occasion, it fits. But I feel it is unnecessary here.

A mare... Pegasus... Red coat, dark green mane, magenta eyes, and a harp for a cutie mark.

I'm sorry, but that is a horrible color scheme! The colors don't match at all in my head.

But it's just personal opinion though.

[Neutral Boy]

Interesting that another mare pony has a different harp cutie mark than Lyra Heartstrings. Now to continue on reading.