One night Twilight Sparkle had a nightmare. The next day she discovers that her dream is coming true. Now she does not know what is real or not.
Chapters (2)
- Member Since 7th Dec, 2013
- offline last seen Jul 12th, 2014
memphisgurl
huge my little pony fan, female
memphisgurl
Joined 7th Dec, 2013 ·
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Wow
4244737 Is that a good or a bad wow?
... The words are good and well set, however the emotional impact is extremely blunted without the buffer of the rest of the story to assist in helping build up a desire to see Twilight through the end.
Okay, i'll try to comment (and hope it goes well enough, kind of had bad experiences before).
First of, : as Xaldon said: "The words are good and well set".
What I do understand is that you have a unusual way of writing: a "chaotic" way. I honestly don't know if it's good or bad because I've very little experience with it. I have to admit I first tried to find a coherent structure in the story and it took time for me to let go and just roll with it in order to appreciate the story. But once I did, yeah, I like the imagery and I think the strenght of the way you write is how much space is left for the reader to fill.
For example:
I'm used to have the story giving me the examples of that new personnality and I lazily just wait for it. But once I accepted the fact that this wasn't a "normal story", I read it again and began to fill the blanks with my own imagination and there might be potential there. (well, I pretty much filled it with evil taking over without any really evil intention at its core...)
It could be argued that this new personnality comes out there:
But I see it as a new door for imagination, as it can be interpreted in many ways:
- Twilight is regretting her decision
- Twilight is trying do excuse herself for what she will be doing in a moment
- Twilight's mind is being taken over and she is forgetting her old principles (but still at a very early stage)
- on a metaphorical level, many other things... (like if, put to the extrem, you read the word "flame" as "fame")
Nonetheless, I'm pretty certain, reading you, that you write with your guts (by which I mean you write whatever you feel like writing). I also read Apple Bloom learns the truth (I've actually prepared a comment that is probably a page long, but I'm not sure it's constructive enough) and that's sort of the impression I'm getting (even though I might very well be wrong).
This is one of the points that had me thinking a lot because the idea that what is said in the first chapter might be the description of the nightmare was very appealing. I gave that up in the end because of all the signs that it's reality:
But once given that this is all real, the first degree reading is quite cool. Twilight has to face the whole sky in fire, then is transformed into something incredibly powerful destroying her slowly in an endless torment, and finally she can't stand it anymore.
The imagery is, as I said, appealing.
Now, I just want to go crazy and explore some other interpretations:
- critic of fame: the funny thing with "flame" is that it is very close to "fame" and that both tend to burn. In that regard, Twilight fighting the fire could be interpreted as Twilight having to face celebrity (as she has to abandon her world to go into a new one) and the ending as she being unable to cope with her new status. I'm pretty certain it isn't what you had in mind, but the story could be interpreted that way without too much difficulty.
- the horror of growing up: this actually needs more stretching, but Twilight facing the fire can be seen as Twilight being suddenly put in a situation where her whole world stands upon her shoulders, as does a teenager when he/she leaves the cocoon (well, if we consider the story is really putting it to an extrem). At first, Twilight is afraid, but then understands she has to accept that world and embrace it if she wants to win. But then, in the second chapter, she begins to hate what she has become and the suffering this new existence is putting on her.
- the useless aspect of sacrifice: one french signer once said: "dying for ideas, yes, but of a slow death". And here, we could interpret the story as a warning against the idea of sacrifice:
Twilight has saved everypony, but she won't benefit from that action. She knows she has done the right thing, but is only rewarded by suffering and, in the end, death:
It could then be compared to a soldier (or any other person who is expected to commit some sort of sacrifice) that is facing a battlefied (fire coming from the sky), then takes a bullet, comes back crippled, filled with horror and suffering, and in the end cannot find his/her place into normal society.
I actually don't think you went for any of those interpretations. I just think you wanted to show some cool imagery (like a picture of Twilight all alone facing the whole sky on fire, or the picture of Twilight with burning wings, red burning eyes filled with insanity, fear, pain and probably a bit of anger, or the picture of Twilight after she has committed suicide, as the flames extinguish themselves).
To be honest, I think there are a lot of things that could have been done on a conceptual level with that story. Many things that could be explored. But the fact is, I wouldn't have thought of all those possibilites tonight, wouldn't have you written that story. So I guess, you did a pretty good job there.
So, is it good or bad? I've got no idea. It's unusual to say the least, that's as much objectivity I can bring to the answer. But it was easily read, it was never unpleasant, the imagery was cool and in the end, I spent hours thinking of all the little details, so... Hum...
.
It's not the best story I've ever read, but you certainly seem to have fun writing those stories and I certainly had fun reading them (at least those two), so it certainly can't be bad
And maybe one day I might learn chaotic writing... seems hard though.
4323239 I really appreciate that you have taken the time to read some of my stories, and I must admit that you have made me see them in a whole new light. When I write I just write what I feel. I don't think about all of the different ways people could interpret my writing, but now that you have taken the time to point some of them out to me, I do see how many of those scenarios could, very likely, be possible.
Considering how I have found this post quite informative, I would be interested in seeing the post you have compiled for Apple Bloom Learns the Truth. If you don't mind, that is.
You have certainly given me a lot to think about regarding my writing and I'm sure I will continue to think back on this in the future. Thanks again for reading my stories and taking time to write such a detailed comment!
Not to be mean or anything, but I agree with Xaldon Ajide, I too have this problem (so time) that "emotional impact" is not wording very good/ need some work on. But after than That I liked it
4414706 You're not being mean. I appreciate everyone's opinion.
I'm confused, why are the chapters 1 and 2 short?
4468739 They're short because I didn't need them to be any longer in order to tell the story.