On a trip to visit Twilight's parents in Canterlot, Twilight and Rarity find themselves in an unusual situation. Can they straighten everything out before they have to return to Ponyville?
Absolutely! I'm working on Part 4 right now. I need to finish planning out the second half of it, but I'll get down to writing it sometime this week.
Ooooh YES! So glad to see this story on here finally. Big fan of it!
I'm glad you like the story. It was a pain in the flank to post because I have a PLOTLOAD of formatting I do (all the italic thoughts, the letter special font, some smaller fonts for whispering, etc.) that is really hard or impossible to bring over. But I like FiMFiction's layout and stats tracking, something I wish I could on EqD. (Maybe I should have given them bit.ly links?)
Well. I have read everything you have posted, and well you have a new fan great work! please keep it up and thank you for writing this!
I love accidentally finding out a story I've started reading has been updated :D
Looking forward to the next part :)
Are you planning on continuing this?
YES! I've had a lot of school work as the semester wraps up (it's finals week for me ), but once it's all over, I hope to get back to writing this again. I really, really miss it.
>>6634166341 Okay, fair enough. It's just been seven weeks, so I was just checking. This time of year always seems busiest for people.
please don't forget about continuing this one
I most certainly have not forgotten! When I can, I'll be posting the revisions to Part One, and I have a few people who are looking over Part Two over the next couple of days. And just last night I got a few paragraphs written for Part Four! So things are coming together, but they need time.
Hrm! I've been waiting for this story to update. Not what I expected though.
What exactly did you revise? Everything? :o
Not everything. But a very large amount of things got changed. A lot of the narration and scene descriptions got changed or updated. Some dialogue was reworked to plug plot-holes. A bunch of minor typos got corrected.
Overall, though, it's still the same story. Just, a better version. Part Two is getting the same treatment, and Part Three will be revised, as well. And once I completely finish writing the story, it'll be time for yet another round of edits and revisions.
This story is a bit of a rarity, pardon the pun. Twi and Rarity as a couple i mean. Love your portrayal of confused, nerd-love Twilight. Rarity makes me laugh when she tries to hide from Twilight. I eagerly await chapter four.
Good on you then, I suppose. :o I've never really gone back and edited my stories. I'm generally pretty satisfied with how they came out!
I'll be sure to read over your revisions eventually, though. :3
neato. to tell you the truth, i'm tired of the same three chapters of this sitting on my ipod for like infinity.
What I'm really looking forward to is chapter 4 of course But revisions are almost as good
Read read this up back on EqD. Still has that quality I came to enjoy when reading this fic. And still as always how rare this the pairing is, makes it my favorite. All in all nothing note about on the text, tho when will we expect the next chapter?
Oooh, hey! Glad to see this is still alive and kicking. :)
It updated...sort of. Glad to see you're still working on this.
Part Four? I have no idea... But so far, the rewrites are going well. Hopefully, within the next few weeks or so. I'm a slow writer and it takes time to do all the revisions that really make a story shine. Also, >slow writer >can write 1000 words in an hour if she tries
Hey, I did add another 600 words or so. But I do so want to get to new material. Revisions can be fun, but nothing beats the freedom of just writing something no one else has seen.
Very interesting. This is the first time I have come across a Twilight/Rarity story. At first when I began reading I thought the details that Rarity used in her internal monologues as she described Twilight seemed odd. However after considering her personality I have to say you really hit the nail on the head and did a good job. I am now tracking this and I hope to see a new chapter out soon. Keep up the good work.
Out of order, much? Somehow, chapter three wound up before chapters one and two.
Rarity and Pinkie Pie are really difficult characters to write well, at least in my opinion. And then it becomes even more challenging to keep Rarity in character for a romance. But thanks for the compliments!
That has to do with FiMFiction's handling of chapter order: it goes by date/time posted, not numerically or by any adjustable order. The only fix is to get the rewrites done and post the new versions.
I went through a several emotions when I logged on and saw that your story.
First when I saw your story had updated.
But then when I saw it was a revision
(Will comment on the actual revision in a separate comment :P )
It's been refreshing to re-read over this story again. :3 I hope it updates soon!
Now we just need part four. Such a wonderful build-up.
Ok I like the revisions you did to this chapter. I am always a fan of longer chapters and it is nice to see the changes in this one. I am going to fully re-read the story again. Again, keep up the good work. And sorry about the theatrics in my first post
I'm sorry! But it's been so important to me that I keep my story at my writing level. And I've gotten much better since I published these, and I knew I could make the story better. But I definitely appreciate you taking the time to look over it.
Thanks! It's been great doing the revisions. It's... odd, reading about the cute things you wrote, but kinda forgot. Still brings a smile to my face, though. And judging by how quickly I've been able to get all of this stuff written over the past week, I might be able to get something ready... soonish. It certainly shouldn't be too long.
Again, shouldn't be too long. I've already got about a page written so far. Not much, but it's enough that I should have enough motivation not to leave it unfinished.
I'm glad to see that my two favourite sections were untouched; consider my appetite for more suitably whetted.
was this a re-post? because I remember reading it before? Unless I for got to comment?
Ether way Nice woke, I always new Joe was a smart guy?
Reading this with the April fools' joke on the site, so it's Sparkle x Sparkler... very good!
You're welcome! I can assure you, whatever your favorite part is, it's also one of mine. I love (almost) every line in my story for one reason or another.
By my count, I added somewhere in the order of 2000 words to the story as a whole. Some of it was little details, like extra character interactions. Others where pretty big sections of exposition. So, more than likely, it's still the same story, but more in line with what was in my mind. Like, Part One had a lot more Spike, more Rarity and Twilight drinking tea, and more Twilight interacting with the shopkeeper. Part Two added tons of extra stuff to Rarity and Twilight leaving (poor, poor Spike) and some other polish to the later scenes. Part Three got lots of new stuff, mostly focusing on the Pony Joe's scene. Much more exposition and backstory. And across all of them, I added more details about scenery, which was a big failing when I started.
Oh, my poor story! I hope the fonts don't ruin it for you.
>>391380391380 It's gonna take much worse to ruin this story I've had this in my ipod since forever... can't wait for the next chapter
While I like the story as is quite a bit, the way you write down thoughts kind of bothers me, thoughts are usually a lot more direct and have little need for pointing out the obvious.
The only other thing I really have a problem with is that your Twilight is more dense than a particularly stupid brick. (though it does have it's place I suppose)
Anyway, looking forward to more.
JKinsley, if it takes you weeks to make the funniest Romance about Rarity and Twilight, then please do so. Do not rush [much] because of pressure, we understand. So go make fun and not the rabbit kind of fun
We will be ever patient! Good Luck!
In that case thank you for taking the time to better your story
This was so worth the wait, love it!
I'm glad to see this story is still active. I eagerly await more.
> Or was it her new set of beakers to replace the ones that shattered after another one of Pinkie Pie’s prank?
Can't believe the EqD prereaders didn't notice that. Good work though.
I was also about to note that Rarity's dialogue with Twilight seems a bit odd, but then I realized that was the point.
Think of Equestria Daily's prereaders as gatekeepers, not proofreaders. They just pass judgment on what they think is worthy to be featured. Thanks for pointing that out, though, I'll be sure to correct it.
As do I. Part Five will be very exciting.
One other thing to note - your style and voice are expressive enough to forgo clarifying statements, an example would be:
> “I love you too Mom!” Twilight shouted back, blushing a little at the very public display of family love. And thank you so much for today. You have no idea how much this means.
Context is strong enough to make that unnecessary, if not distracting. If you feel the need to use narrative summary to explain a character, use one of your strong points instead - internal monologue for Twilight and Rarity works well or body language/dialogue context.
Oh man I was so happy to see this update. I loved this chapter and cannot wait until you unleash the next one. Keep up the good work my friend.You are a credit to the story writing community.
Also I love the way you write Twilights mom. She is quite perceptive isn't she?
How is that hard to believe? It's a one letter typo, they miss that all the time.
Oh Twi, you silly thing...
i thought this one was dead.
but then i saw my notification box and i was like
Awesome work, keep it up!
Horray! Praise Luna, Celestia's work be done! It finally updated! Now... proceed. o-o
This is so adorable! I can't wait to see what happens next
damnit, i wanted to click next!
That was probably the hardest scene to write so far. People might struggle to write action or narration or have a good story to tell, but getting the whole mother-daughter relationship in dialogue and body language is really challenging. That was one of the biggest areas of revision for me, and I'm really thankful for it.
Hell, I missed it through probably dozens of rounds of revisions. But I'm glad you enjoyed the story, I've had a lot of fun writing it. I'm getting started on writing Part Five, which should be the best part yet.
Neither can I! I look forward to finishing the next part so it can revised and polished and finally published.
I wish you could too, but I must get the next bit written first! It's already planned out, I just need to get out of my head and into the computer.
Great chapter although i do wonder when will get to the unusual situation it talk's about in the summary.
Okay, first off, I'm enjoying the story so far, I think I read some of this a while back, the first chapter's pretty familiar.
Moving on, this is really bugging me, and I can't rest until I get an answer. Do you think you could help?. Did this story get a big overhaul? or am I thinking of a different TwilightxRarity fic. The first chapter is quite familiar to me, and it's making one thing nag at me.
The TwilightxRarity fci I'm thinking of ended up having them get to the relationship only for Spike to eventually find out via letter if I remember, when they decide to break the news to him, resulting in plenty of drama, and him having to talk to Celestia to calm down while Twilight and Rarity worried over their friendship with him in light of their budding romance. The story took place with them being in Canterlot visiting Twilight's parents.
That sounds like a much different story. I did, however, do some significant rewrites to the first three chapters, adding about 2000 more words to the whole story.
What happens with Spike in this story will have to wait for the sequel, I'm afraid.
The unusual situation is either the fact that they're both in love but don't know about the other's feelings, or it's coming up in Part Five. For certain definitions of unusual. And/or situation.
Alright, thanks a lot. Now I know that searching for the story I'm thinking of won't be a total waste of time and effort. Still, that also means I haven't read all of this, even if I did read the first chapter. I must remedy that.
Every good romance needs a little drama~!
Plot seems to be moving a bit fast, but I like it. <3
aaaaaaaaaaaargh cliffhangers! but really good nonetheless =D gives me more to look out to
Twilight's reaction seemed a bit off to me. I don't see why should would immediately jump to the conclusion that she was being made fun of. I believe it may simply be that we have slightly different head-canons of Twilight, which is fine. Also the fact is that love makes people stupid, and would definitely explain her actions.
Despite that little oddity to me I still thoroughly enjoyed this chapter. I am very much looking forward to seeing the next chapter. I hope there will be some ribbing from Flint and Steel, I see much potential for humor in that. Keep on being awesome J.
i had my doubts about this story but know having read all the chapters here i must say:
bravo good sir bravo
you have peaked my interest and now i must favorite this story to see what comes next
Hmmm, Twilight's reaction felt a little OOC. I can't quite follow the leap that A) Twilight would assume she was being made fun of and B) she would react to that with
I've been enjoying the story quite a bit thus far, and this made me a little meh, but I'm still looking forward to the next installment.
Twilight went from happy and calm to irrational rage in the space of two lines because of color coordination in a fashion show. The same Twilight who can't recognize an incomplete husk of a dress from a complete one. You address it somewhat later, but it seems extremely out of character for Twilight to go off so quickly for so little a reason. I'll readily admit that she can be a bit of a hothead, but she has to work up to it, and she was calm just minutes before, and she blew up when watching a fashion show, an art form she would hardly feel qualified to criticize. I think it could be remedied by adding some more run up to it, or by altering the way the actual altercation occurs, but one way or another, Twilight's reaction was irrational, and not in the oh-i'm-so-in-love-my-heart-is-overriding-my-mind-why-do-i-feel-like-this kind of way often associated with love, nor even really the irrationality associated with uncontrolled rage. The irrationality in the scene precedes the anger, rather than emerging from it. The jarred feeling I got from that scene stuck with me very strongly until she reached the hotel and I realized you were going to address what had happened, and even when twilight had acknowledged her actions as irrational it still didn't fade completely.
"She chokes back another sob, this time one of happiness and relief. She hugs Celestia and nuzzles her chest, mindful of the royal regalia."
This should be in past tense.
All that said, I really am enjoying this fic, and I look forward to your next chapter. You've got my interest firmly in your grasp.
Way to go overkill on the search, Celestia.
I agree with rhiiazami. It's completely in character for Twilight to have a drastic overreaction to something innocuous, but it didn't work for me here because I couldn't see her reasoning.
Even in lesson Zero and It's About Time, where her thought process was completely unhinged, we could still see a steady progression Point A to Point Cuckoos Nest. If she'd walked into the fashion show thinking Rarity hated her guts after stringing together a series of irrational leaps, I could see why she'd freak out.
This is a minor issue though, I still really like the story and I understand that it needed a drama bomb to move things along so there would be a fun trainwreck to watch. Can't wait for the next update!
Like everypony else suggested, get Twilight's emotional state worked up so it's not OOC when she reacts.
This is awesome, but CLIFF HANGERS! I can't wait too see where Rarity went.
I agree with the previous commentators. The explosion happened too fast for Twilight of any headcanon but one who is always in Lesson-Zero mode. Needs build up, or for her to accidentally slight Rarity's feelings, adding the last straw to the haystack on her back. The latter is more in character. If Twi doesn't get something she can be kind of thick-headed.
Quite concur. My thoughts exactly.
Everyone else has said it, but this story has gone off the rails with the fashion show scene. It, however, is nothing that cannot easily be remedied with a bit of rewriting! As much as I am otherwise enjoying the story, I hope you do pull it back together.
Like some of the other commenters I think Twilight's adverse reaction seems a bit out-of-nowhere - it could have used more build-up.
Also, there's a weird bit of present tense that snuck in just at the end.
“How is it that you can always tell, Lady Sparkle?” said Steel, the pegasus on the right.
“Flint’s prettier,” teased Twilight.
Is that a Serenity reference? Nice.
Okay, so, I'm not gonna say anything about Twilight's sudden Drama Attack, because everyone else has already beaten me to that.
What I am going to mention is that up until this chapter this story has moved along at a remarkably slow pace. You describe every inconsequential detail, noting the make and material of every little thing. Characters think their plans out loud to the reader, then say their plans to the pony next to them, then do their plans, and then sometimes write a letter about what it was like to do it. I am exaggerating, but you understand my point?
Related to the pacing issue, this story has a lack of conflict (once again, excluding this most recent chapter). We have four chapters of characters simply doing things, without encountering hardly any obstacles or unanticipated problems at all. There is the whole romantic feelings thing, but Rarity already felt this way at the beginning of the story, so it was part of her plans to begin with, and despite being confused by them, Twilight's feelings never caused so much as a blip of interference in her own plans, either. In addition, we're never given any reason for either of their affections beyond "she's pretty and nice."
...The above statements give the false impression that I did not enjoy reading this. This is absolutely untrue. Somehow, it all works. The prose itself is very well written, and you must have a good editor helping you, because the grammar and spelling are superb. The slow, deliberate pace lends the story a very leisurely tone, making it very relaxing to read. Add to that the fact that it's a more obscure pairing than the typical Pinkie/Dash, Apple/Dash, or Basically Anypony/Dash that tend to crop up, and I find this a very enjoyable read. So, uh, yeah, keep doing what you're doing.
...Should probably do a little rewriting for Twilight's scene in the fashion show, though.
You said a cucumber is a fruit. Cucumbers are vegetables.
Cucumbers, like all gourds, are fruits: They contain seeds and develop from the flower. You may be thinking of one of the culinary definitions that classes savory fruits with vegetables.
Thank you for that. And Wikipedia agrees. (I also think cucumbers are pretty fruity anyway, so there is that. And calling it a vegetable in that scene would've been not good.)
"...and become every bit the disappointment that every other stallion was."
The more I read this story the less I like it sorry to say.
There's a lot of telling going on and the emotional tension feels forced..
,,,,For crying out loud, WHY?!
It was fine and dandy until now. Then you suddenly hand the idiot ball to Twilight right in the middle of fashion show. WHY!? Why must an otherwise intriguing story be spoiled by such a weak cop-out?
....I`m sorely disappointed. It looked so promising. Until that chapter. Everything from the “Well, then why are all the same? Why do they look like me?!” and onwards should be scrapped, as far as I`m concerned.
Twilight's Reaction in here is nearly comparable with reaction in Lesson Zero...
Imagine, artist after artist, gallery after gallery, filled with me and my wet hair!
Yeah, just imagine that! What a silly notion!
Loving this story.
This entire chapter seemed to go by a bit quickly, but that's not a big deal. Can't wait for the next chapter!
I really hope this didn't die!
Yeah, the last chapter seemed a bit rushed and Twilight's accusation came a bit out of nowhere. But I saw your journal entry explaining yourself, so I understand. The rest of the fic has been really good so far.
I hope you haven't abandoned this story. I'd really like to see how it's going to end.
Great story but few flaws mentioned above one I would like to point out is the lack of cause and effect what made rarity start falling for her and I kinda don't like how in a few chapters ago twilight just goes to the spa and is like oh well I have feelings for you now. But in all great story so I would suggest making more because I have a pinky pie and I know how to use it
As has been said, I was utterly confused at the dress showing part. I didn't understand what was happening until I read it a few more times. And I do feel that the love was a tad bit rushed, but I still adore this story.
This isn't dead is it?
:/ I shouldn't have read a dead story
I really hope this gets updated soon!
Still hoping this updates...