A recent visit to Canterlot has Twilight Sparkle excited about helping her friend Rarity to achieve some fashion fame in the Equestiran capital. In a chance meeting, she has made the acquaintance of a very important fashion designer who would like to see some of Rarity's work.
Twilight returns to Canterlot with Rarity to introduce her to this fashion great, but while they are there, events lead to both ponies questioning different aspects of their lives. What will they do next? Will things have to change when they get back to Ponyville? Can their friendship help them through these tough challenges?
Chapters (8)
Very interesting. Continue onward my good author.
I like it. Got a bit lost in the fashion talk, but that's my own ignorance speaking up there. Keep it up
It's coming along well enough, but you definitely need to find an editor to help polish the story up and make it mechanically presentable.
I like where this is going! Want more. Provide thine good word!
Thanks for all your kind words and helpful remarks and thanks to all who have favourited or thumbed up so far. I shall attempt to finish writing the second chapter within a few days. I have a lot of ideas running around inside my head, but I want to make sure I'm not running the well dry too early.
Many thanks, again!
Ooh, haven't seen new RariTwi in quite some time
The setup works really and the characterization is spot on for the most part, I'd say. The pacing is really good, though not perfect, and I have to say I'm pleased that while romantic feelings are hinted at in the first chapter, nothing is blatant. Drawing it out gradually in this particular setup makes it more believable
You've got yourself a solid premise and setup here, and this is a pairing that not only makes sense to me, but it's one I enjoy as well. Looking forward to more!
I have updated with chapter two. Chapter three might take a few weeks though, as I have a busy time at work coming up. I hope it's up to your high standards.
Great to see a new Rarytwi story, at least one as good as this!
Yay a new RariLight story! I'm loving it!
OK, so maybe I overestimated how long it would take me to get this done.
This chapter seemed to write itself once I got started. So much so that I've been able to write it, proof-read it and post it in a little over a week.
If anyone is wondering, Chic Mode's cutie mark is a ponyquin with a straight piece of pink cloth over its haunch. I had been going to include that detail in the story itself but, with one thing and another, it didn't seem to fit anywhere. If you want to imagine more clearly how she sounds, the cadence of her voice is rather slower and more broken than the dialogue lets on and incorporates a lot of (brief) pauses.
Anyway, I hope you enjoy it. I certainly had fun writing it and I look forward to reading your comments and critique. As always, thanks for reading. I'll start working on the next chapter as soon as I can!
Gah, so many typos! I swear I read this at least twenty times. How did I miss them? I think I've fixed it now. Please tell me if you spot any more!
Yes, now it's getting really good!
Didn't notice any typos while I was reading.
I love the Twirity ship just because of the Spike dilemma. How do they handle it? Do they respect Spike and treat him as an equal, or do they try to hid it from him? I am proud to say you are on the Right track there amigo. Keep up the great work.
I feel like you've nailed Rarity's voice.
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I hope I don't disappoint you then. I've had a few thoughts about how I'll handle it but only one of those makes sense in the context of the story. I can only hope you like it.
Sorry for being ambiguous, I don't want to give anything away.
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Thanks. I tried very hard to get it right and not to overdo her mannerisms (like saying darling and such) like I've seen lots of writers do.
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I don't even...
If you're implying that I've stopped writing this, I assure you I haven't. It's just that I've been busy with work, so my once a week updates have been put on hold. I'm currently about half way through chapter four. But I should have a little more time this week. =]
If you mean that you don't like it at all, be a bit more constructive with your criticism.
If it's neither of those, explain yourself. =D
2433007 I trust you completely mi amigo. Keep up the good work
Just a quick update to let you know how things are going. I've written most of the next chapter. I just want to write one more scene and then I'll do a few read-throughs and with a little luck, it'll be published by Monday afternoon.
Thanks again to everyone who has liked or favourited this story. Please stick with me, I promise it'll be worth your while.
Edit: I assume most of my readers are in the US, so I mean by Monday evening if you're in BST like I am.
And chapter four is a go. I did actually write the other scene, but I'm going to save that for next time. It makes more sense for it to be in the next chapter.
The next chapter is going to be a little longer than the last two, but I should manage to get it published quicker than this one since I've already written bits and pieces of it along the way.
I like it. Another!
You are doing a good job with the overreacting Twilight. Keep it up.
She does jump to some horrible conclusions. Such an insecure little pony.
Well that escalated quickly. I like how instead of the whole fic working towards them ending up together, you have the feelings come out early and focus on misunderstandings in their relationship (if you can even call it that at this point).
2467926 I know it seems very sudden. You could, if you wanted, argue that it was too sudden. To be truthful, I had written an entire other scene between the first and the second. You could also argue that I could have spent an entire chapter on their time in Ponyville before writing this. I probably could have.
The reason I didn't is because I wanted to show Twilight to be rash. She takes on more than she handle, she over thinks things and often, she comes to odd conclusions because her mind goes off on tangents. Lesson Zero, The Ticket Master and It's All About Time all show these aspects of her thought process.
In truth, I feel she is a very conflicted character. I think she is fairly awkward in social situations she hasn't encountered before and this is my basis for the suddenness. Still, I'm not sure whether another scene would have been beneficial to this chapter or not. I wanted it to be a series of snap decision on Twilight's part. But not to the extent that it doesn't make sense. It does make sense, does it not?
Hmm.
This conflict does seem a bit artificial, but honestly anything could really happen here because of how emotional the moment is.
I think my biggest problem is how it was paced with regard to what came right before it. It's not a big deal though and I'm liking this a lot overall.
2468529 Yes it makes sense. I can see where you are coming from, and how Twilight could come to that conclusion based on what Rarity said. That part of my comment was meant more as a casual observation than a critic.
2468569 I can see your point with regards to the pacing issue. I wonder if you mean that I jumped from the first scene to the second too quickly. Or perhaps I might have omitted their return to Ponyville entirely. Or maybe just that they went from strong passion to complete chaos too quickly?
I think I would say that on the issue of the conflict, it's based upon the same insecurities I showed her to exhibit in the scene where she's trying on the cape. She's thought about all the outcomes and she has put Rarity on a pedestal to the extent that she feels she's not good enough for her. Therefore she assumes that she must have some reason other than genuine love to accept her in this way.
The artificial nature of the conflict might be because you know Rarity's character better than Twilight does.
Goodness, maybe I'm not making my intentions clear enough. Perhaps there are some things I should look at with this chapter.
"Or maybe just that they went from strong passion to complete chaos too quickly?"
This is what I was getting at, yeah. There's almost no time to let what happened sink in before everything goes to hell in a handbasket.
2468946 Hmm. Even though it was supposed to be quick and painful, perhaps not that quick. I'll need to have a look at it. Not that I want to change what happens, I'm happy with that. Maybe a little bit of extra indulgence in my darling Twilight's big moment might help. The only problem with that approach is that I can't afford to let the tension fade otherwise Twilight's reaction is going to seem off key. This will require some thought. Which is good because I do like a challenge.
Thanks for your input my good man.
2468979 Thank you. I'm glad you liked it.
no problem -- will be watching this as it progresses
2468675
If you show this thought process more clearly within the narrative, it would go a long way toward making Twilight's reaction make sense. As it currently is, it feels less like the sort of irrational leaps we see Twilight make in the show and more like an artificial infusion of drama into the story by means of silly miscommunication.
I have updated with a reviewed chapter four in an attempt to fix some of the issues mention below with regards to pacing and my ridiculous omission of important information on the basis that I assumed we were all on the same page.
See the author's notes section for details.
Just a quick comment to let you all know, I've been sick.
Progress has been slow because I was spending half of my time asleep and the other half feeling sorry for myself. So I haven't really done anything for a week. I'm feeling better now, though. So there will be an update soon I hope. I apologise for all my melodramatics. Please stick with me, there's some exciting moments to be had.
*reading a Doctor Whooves comic* *checks email and sees update* STOP THE PRESSES!
I noticed some grammatical things. Here you missed a word:
Missing on between eye and Angel
Other than that, I can feel all the feels from this D: Good job!
2539074 Thank you again. I'm glad you're still enjoying it. Chapter six will be a big one. Prepare for your socks to be blown clean across the Atlantic.
2539362 Godamn. I'm sure there's going to be a few of those. I'll comb back through it for minor edits soon since editing stuff from my iPhone is pretty arduous. But I'll fix the one you mentioned straight away.
Honestly, I'm extremely flattered that you got that excited about an update. =D Perhaps they're too infrequent. But I now have two whole weeks off my work. I think I might manage another one in that time. Possible this time next week or shortly after. See your inbox for details. =P
This has been quite a nice read so far.
Twilight sure is overreacting much.
Yikes.
2540108 The wind will be so tempestuous that you may as well not bother with windbreakers. But if you must, put them to your West. I'm in the UK, so I'll be blowing them off via Russia and Japan it seems. Otherwise I would be sucking. And that wouldn't fit with this extended metaphor or the analogy I'm trying to create.
2540107 I think a lot of people have said that she's overreacting. I think she is too. Heck, even Applejack said so and she can't lie.
But in any case, thanks for your love! =D
2540151 Regardless, your socks will still be knocked off! I guarantee it.
2540107 I dunno, while I don't deny she's taking this badly, the damning point is that, like Twilight said, Rarity's really not even denying it. Having your heart broken can cause anyone to lose it the way Twilight did
2540150 Applejack can't lie, true, but she can be mistaken. It's not a lie if you say what you THINK is the truth but are wrong
2541206 A few people have said that too. I have to say I don't think Twilight is overreacting either.
Or maybe whether she's overreacting or not is subjective. That all has to do with which angle you're looking at it from and the limited information upon which you have based your conclusion.
As an aside, the opinions I express reflect perfectly the views of the person I'm speaking to.
You're right on the Applejack point too. That one is actually canon. The truth is, as above, based only upon limited information. If Applejack is missing a salient piece of information, she might draw the wrong conclusion. By sharing that conclusion, she isn't lying. She is misinterpreting due to incomplete data just as Twilight supposes.
But of course Applejack did lie at least once in the canon, depending on how you define lying. Withholding information can be tantamount to lying in some cases. Like in 'The Last Roundup'. But whether she's lying or not is up to the standards she herself sets.
Anyways, I'll let you discuss this all amongst yourselves. And no more trick questions. I'm watching you.
Usually I hate it to read it but you leave me no choice...
MOAR!!!
The first few chapters were good- but this chapter is true greatness.
2541206
I don't mean to just say that she's completely overreacting but she isn't really giving Rarity a chance to admit her intentions. Though, Rarity did say the wrong thing at the wrong time, it seems like she doesn't just like Twilight for her status.
2542695 I couldn't agree more.
I think you can see Rainbow's disloyal side in Dragonshy when she would willingly leave Fluttershy behind because she's too slow - or more accurately because she doesn't see her worth. Anyway, we're getting slightly off-topic. XD
For those of you who read my blog post, you'll know. If you didn't, I'll post it here too. Chapter Six is typed out. I'll be reading it through to fix any glaring problems tomorrow and then I'll be doing my last checks over it on Monday morning with a view to uploading it by Monday evening.
I can't make any promises though. I'm going to have to be very picky with this one. Rest assured that the worst case scenario is that I might not get it up until Thursday. I'm hoping to avoid that though, since you've all been waiting so patiently. This is my top priority for tomorrow ahead of eating and tidying my house. The missus won't be happy, but there you have it.
Look forward to an update is my point.
2596855
We are pleased to hear this... Continue.
Rarity's handwriting? Wouldn't that be hoofwriting? Or, I guess hornwriting?
Either way, GAH THAT CLIFFHANGER! The tension is killing me.
2605635 Kudos. I did originally have hoofwriting. But then when I was reading it back I was like, nah. It sounded a little too contrived to me. I don't know how I decide these things. I guess it's just a feeling.
So we meet again...
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