Liking it so far!

Welcome to the FoE sidefic herd

>>401943401943

Heh, thanks!  I'm working on Chapter 1 now, just taking some time.  A lot of ground I've gotta cover, etc.  Not sure where that ye-olde downvote came from already.  Silly people.  If you're going to downvote at least comment and give me some feedback

Alicorn! Twilight! I love it all \0/

>>402632402632

Thanks for the fave and the watch!!!

Don't worry about unaccounted for down votes. Right after I published my FO:E side-story I had 4 up votes and three down votes. Now I have 15 up votes and 3 down votes. Some people just down vote a story because they don't like FO:E side-stories, or because they don't understand the context of the story because they don't realize it is a side-story. Anyway, good luck on your story. I personally don't like stories with this kind of plot, but it seems to be well written, so think it will turn out pretty well. Good luck!

>>402651402651

Thank you!  I'll keep that mind.  I'm glad at least it's well-written.  You have no idea how much time I spent on revising this until I felt it was ready to post.  Chapter 1 will be incoming soon as it's done!

Chapter 1 is up!  I was already working on this when I finally decided to publish the Prologue, so that is why it is up so quickly.  Next chapter may take a little longer since I haven't started on it yet!

Enjoy!

So far I have loved all the alicorn stories I have read. Really glad to see another one. Please make sure to get a link for this to http://fallout-equestria.com/ . They will post when you update and allow those of us who have trouble logging onto fimfiction w/ our phones to follow your updates more easily.

>>423560423560

Thanks!  I just checked over there actually, and they have it listed, so I'm pretty happy about that.

Sofar I'm pretty happy with how things are progressing.  Chapter 2 is still in progress, trying to really take my time with it, and flesh it out a bunch.  A few things you can expect though:

- Arrival at Manehatten

- A little snippet of Steeljack's background

- Firing Stargazer for the first time (it's a pretty intense little weapon!)

- Memories!

Longer chapters are great.... Feel free to go as long as comfortable for you. We are at your tender mercies here...

I really like it when storys have longer chapters and if these storys happen to be FO:E fics its just for the better.

I read entire books in the time it takes other people the read a few chapters

So carry on with your good work!

>>432210432210

Thanks!  That's my plan with this.  Really taking my time to make it as best as I can.  

Chapter 2 is almost done.  There is a section I'm deathly unhappy with that I'm rewriting to make it flow better before I can finish the rest of it.

Oh my god Chapter 2.  It's done!  This took me all week, some section rewriting and lots of research to get right.

Oh, and a little Twirity for added measure.  

What can I say though, my two favorite characters!

Woho great chapter i like these "explore the past" parts of these fics, because i think it's a vital part of Fallout to find these bits and snips of old recordings or, in case of FO:E, Memorys that explain how it was before everything went to hell.

Btw. Twi is best Pony (next to Pinkie!)

>>435522435522

Thanks for the kind words!  That as well was one of the biggest things I liked about the original FO:E and the Fallout series as well.

Also you might notice... I went this route without memory orbs, and I felt this was the most important part of it.  The experiences Star is having are like memory orbs in that she is in a host and reliving these memories, but they're coming from Twilight's emotions and her different parts of her personality.

That isn't to say you won't see any memory orbs in this story, you sure will.  But they won't necessarily be Twilight's memories.

Rarity is ultimately my favorite of the two, and I hope I managed to capture her well in this chapter.

In FO:E Fanon though, Blackjack is totally best pony!

>>435540435540

In FO:E Blackjack the Queen Whiskey is definitely best pony.

About Rarity in this chapter, i think you managed to capture her quite well.

Wow great story looking forward to reading more ^^, also have you read misfits?

>>436381436381

Pretty well caught up on most FoE Sidefics, including that one.  I really like that one actually.  Snakebite is such a great character.  

Emm tha tsa great chapta, and story seems to be great. And question of a day: where da her fecken 'Alicorn Shield'?

>>447395447395

You'll see it soon enough.  Absent minded as Star is, she tends to forget which powers she has access to.  She was also originally a blue, so she was more versed in invisibility than shielding.

Thanks for the comment!

Also, in addition to my PM, Like, yep, definitely.

>>452018452018

Thank you!  I sent you a message back. Thanks for catching those things for me.

Seeing as how I make a comment every time I post a new one (at least try to).  I didn't get a chance this morning to do so.  So anyways, Chapter 3!

This week has been a little hectic for me, so I will apologize ahead of time for any issues that may have crept into this chapter.  There were a few difficult sections for me to get through, but a nice relaxing trip out to my barn this weekend and a stop-by at my local game store really helped to clear my head and figure out where I needed to go.

Thanks for the support, it's greatly appreciated.  You have no idea.  

Exelent chapter I'm looking forward to more mentionings of littleWho exelent chapter I'm looking forward to r more mentionings of lilpip and homage

more keep up he great work. Also i know that many alicorns call pip the destroyer I'm looking forward to the group learning more about her,also what of fluttershys survival? Also im writing this on my phone it might be a little messy

>>465718465718

Hey thanks for the comments!  Just to answer your questions here, this fic takes place more in between the Epilogue and the Afterword of the original FO:E.  Remember the Afterword took place about 10 years later.  It isn't really established when Fluttershy was changed back, just that it was "years" from that point for her to recover.

The timeframe I'm looking at here, I'm not sure if we will see 'Shy or not.  I'd certainly like to visit it as an idea, but it would have to have some focal relevance to Star's problem.  For better or worse, the story at hand is about her and this transformation that has occurred, and how she will deal with its consequences.

I really appreciate the comments though.  I'm really enjoying putting the work into this, and I'm extremely appreciative of Kkat and the world she built for us to play in.  It's been a fun ride sofar.

No need to worry about being late on a chapter. We are at your convenience and are simply happy that you are willing to share your story with us.

>>467989467989

Oh hey, totally aware of that man.  I'll for sure let you guys know if one's going to be late, but sofar keeping to a weekly release is working out pretty well for me.

Be excited for Chapter 4!

Oh god an Aperture Science chapter including neurotoxin, cake and an AI that is obsessed with testing for science?

And they finally arrived in Tenpony Tower, but oh no! what a !!

Great chapter and even longer than the last one, i love it! After they entered the Stable and the posters proclaimed "BRING YOUR FILLY TO WORK DAY" i began grinning and at the "FOR THE GOOD OF ALL OF US" plate i lost it, simply brilliant. Even if the part with the cake felt a bit forced but meh it would not be a portal reference if the cake is missing.

>>468597468597

Thanks!  Yes, it was obviously a Portal reference for the Stable.  Silly I know, but it worked out in the end.

And yes, what a shocker I know.  

XD ha portals yes win there my friend.

"Stay frosty my friends!" You quoted that from a movie didn't you.

>>473545473545

Umm.. unsure really.  It just sounded cool

>>473550473550 lol thats from a movie a chick flick to be exact the movie is called 'how to lose a guy in 10 days' its interesting thats for sure.

Squee!  New Chapter.

I hope everyone enjoyed the Season Finale.  I know I sure did!  Lots of ideas to be put forward with my story, and I'm already integrating some of them with this Chapter.

Once again, this chapter would not have been made possible if not for the ever incredibly awesome Kkat!  Thank you so much for creating this world, and not only letting me play in it, but also in allowing me to use Homage and Life Bloom.  I certainly hope I did the two a little justice.

Wohhh new update!

And yes i watched the finale with a friend of mine and during that another friend, who never watched the show, came over and watched the whole finale with us after that he said he would watch the other episodes!!

>>487874487874

Right on!  Hope you enjoy the chapter!

Also question are you going with the fallout PH version of discord? Brohoof for another great chapter. /)

>>487901487901

I'm sticking to as close to original FOE canon as possible.  I know a lot of sidefic authors will take PH as canon, and as much as I love the story, I won't be going that route completely.  It's nothing against Somber, who I think is a fantastic author.  It's just that it technically isn't considered canon just as much as my story isn't canon.  Discord will most likely follow along with the story as he needs to.

Thanks though, really appreciate it.  

Ok finished reading and after i finished i totally was like "Whoa i didn't expect THAT!".

Also one question. Do you accept only the original FO:E as canon in your story or also major sidestorys like Project Horizons regarding Discord?

Because in the original story Discord was never mentioned an if you read it you know what happed with Discord in PH.

edit: Darn it i sould refresh the side before posting other comments!

>>487929487929 Im sure. You will pull it off great also if you ever get a chance to look at my fallout fic on my page then you can tell me what you think of it?

well time to get started on the next chapter on my phone with two bars  god help me 0_0

edit --

it droped down to one bar

>>488521488521

Sure.  I will take some time to look at it for you.  I'm reading a lot right now though so it may take me some time.  

>>488563488563 thanks mate phew finaly found my notes time to get started.

Just as a sidenote, I have a deviantart account set up for the story.  I collected the chapters thus far into a PDF file and put it out there.

http://foestarlight.deviantart.com/art/Fallout-Equestria-Starlight-PDF-Ereader-298161964

I will also be putting together an epub file for people who have tablet/ereaders (I have one and it's much nicer to read stuff with that format).

I will be keeping this updated as I release new chapters.

Thanks for the continued support!!!!

U need moar ch. development of Violet and Steeljack in your story.

>>493178493178

Heh, thanks, I really know that, and have plans in place to take care of that.  I appreciate the feedback though.  I'm planning on doing more with them soon.  

very nice use of discord in the changeling there. with the new canon involved in all this, it really opens up a whole new set of questions about what happened

Chapter 5 is up!  Damn... this was a weird chapter to write... so enjoy!

Nice chapter for one and i already suspectet that stargazer was way more than a fancy minigun with a name!

I think it is rather strange that Star does not know about the NCR because the Followers are a very vital part of it and as i understand it velvet was one of the defacto "founders" of the NCR, but i guess you could explain that with Star being just to lazy to learn anything about that topic.

And OH LUNA even more enigmatic clues nopony knows anything to do with

I must say however i don't really like it when discord is presentet as actively cruel towards ponies, because i see him more in the role of a spirit who totally thinks he is hilarious and does not understand why everypony wants to stop him from being hilarious because he operates on a  completly different framework of morals than ponies (Blue and Orange Morality for those who know that trope).

But thats just my opinion on that. And because it's your story you can do whatever the buck you like!

>>533346533346

Yea Star is totally lazy.  She doesn't pay attention to much.

Discord is a little darker.  He is still chaotic and his motives are unclear.  Releasing Star after their little game is just right up his alley.  But in the end, he wants the spirit inside of her.  Unlike everypony else though, he's willing to play the long game to get it.

Great feedback though.  Thanks!!

>>533346533346

So looked a bit and added a few extra lines so as to make it clear that its another one of her absent minded episodes concerning the NCR.  Should make it clearer.

Ok I guess you can say that with that memory orb that blows pumas story out of the water.

>>538726538726

You know as well as I do no sidefics are canon.   Not familiar with pumas story either.

Still.  Was a lot of fun to write!

>>539343539343 lol true

Volrath, you magnificent bastard!

>>558689558689

Thanks!  Glad you like it!

Chapter 6!

Enjoy.  This was a fun chapter to write!  I really appreciate your feedback and help!

To the death with out stargazer @_@

>>563440563440

Cliffhangars.  Aren't they something?

>>563601563601 nop there stupid pplp that get stuck on a cliff

>>563646563646

Lulzy.

>>563678563678 like blue balls pplp give me wired looks when I'm obviously talking about blueberries duh.

Keep up the good work

>>580087580087

Thanks!

>>580663580663

"“You’re serious,” Violet said, stepping front of me.  I nodded fiercely as I picked up my saddlebag.  I latched Stargazer to its harness."

I've Either Failed English And I'm Not Reading This Right Or There Maybe A Slight Error... I Didn't Think She Had Stargazer At That Point... Seeing As Though She Was About To Go Get It Back...

Oh Yeah Then Later On It's Mentioned She Didn't Have The Harness, But Ya Know Off Screen

Other Than That Great Work Lovin' It.

>>580816580816

Wowza thanks for catching that!  I've gone ahead and fixed that!  Thanks for the favorite and the watch too!

>>580816580816

Oh and I must have been really tired last night to miss that.  Went through again for any issues.  Big time thanks for that!

Looking forward to starting Chapter 8 this week.

Oh..............my

Oh noez i totally missed to read the last chapter when it was postet now i feel bad

Also i totally thought in the last chapter that Discord would pull a Deus ex Machina to protect his "investment" in the form of Star but you managed it great without falling back to something like that.

And to this chapter I loved it how greed met his demise out with a great BANG.

Also i second Stars question, what kind of emotions are harmony and disharmony anyways?

Aaand now star has a tumblr like all the other great wastelanders

long comment is long!

carry on good pony!

>>582038582038

I'd like to think of harmony and disharmony as the balance between order and chaos.  But yea Star is confuzzled.

Thank you so much for your comments!  They are greatly appreciated.

I look forward to any questions you guys want to send Star!

>>581733581733

Is that good or bad?  Hehe.  

and then they fucked

Was that a Spaceballs reference I caught there with that code? ;D

>>599225599225

Indeed.  Kudos to you sir, for getting that reference.  

You know I realized I never did a chapter comment.  Chapter 7 was hellaciously fun to write.  I am currently working on chapter 8 and I was also wondering about the interest in a 7.5 oneshot that focuses on Violet and Star.  Yes it may be a little mature, so thus why I'm wondering how you guys would like that.  Feel free to leave a comment letting me know what you think.  It's being worked on, mostly for my own personal challenge, so we shall see how it goes.

Thanks for reading!

THANK FREAKING GOD, A FALLOUT:EQUESTRIA SIDEFIC THAT HAS SUPERB EDITING AND WORDCRAFT, AND NOT EVERY CHARACTER IS AN ASSHOLE. I was getting tired of seeing the latter point in Project Horizons. This is much better IMO. One of two sidefics I've seen that actually have correct grammar. Thank God. Thank God.

Anyway, I'm REALLY enjoying this. :D The main character is an alicorn with very interesting character development. Don't you dare give up on this. I want more.

>>614024614024

Wow.  Just wow.  I'm sort of speechless and not really sure what to say to this.  Thank you so much for your kind words.

Don't worry, i'm not done yet.  Plenty more to come!  

Chapter Updates!!! They occur!

So I'm terribly excited for these two chapters.  Both were pretty fun to write, and Chap 8 was a blast (and my biggest chapter yet).

I am so appreciative of the support I've been given by you all in this.  You have no idea how much it means to me to soldier on and keep this thing going!

oh my

>>624032624032

Heh.  Is that a good or a bad "oh my" ?  

That bit of closure needed to take place. KKats version with the giant twilight after the bomb went off with littlepip was nice, but it didn't feel right....or I should say it felt like if that was Twilight it may have been remembered as a dream if at all.

But this, we see is something that even though it's so sad, it feels much more emotional and if you will visceral. I felt for both Sparks and Star and how Star was crying for Sparks. In fact I couldn't tell if Sparks was taking over Star's body and said the words or not. But I figure Star didn't mind if it did, I bet she would let her have that moment for a long lost friend.

Still, I hope we see another memory orb with Pinkie Pie in it and her going about that moment. Knowing her she'd be all then for the forgiveness, then and want to throw a party and talk to both Sparks and Star in the porcess, which would make everyone think Pinkie went again.

Well, that's the hope anyways. Oh will we see anything about Rainbow Dash and if she's alive or dead? Because I know Gilda couldn't have beaten her and Dash had to have done something to keep loyal to her promise to meet little pip. How epic would that be and the conversation she'd have with everyone over how she did it and how so random she is.

Oh, and Vol? " Violet had let me be by myself after she began to I stared at the charred skeleton at the other side of the room and then back to the terminal, which had now popped up a message." You forgot something, at "she began to" you cut off and put I and it sort of make the whole thing stumble.

You could fix it by saying "She began to understand as I stared at the charred skeleton"

it would fix the stumble and help the flow of the story. Sorry if I have to point it out but if I didn't I'd let something that is holding back the emotional punch of this moment ruin the whole story. At least that what I think.

>>625005625005

This was totally a mental slip, totally fixed now.  Thanks!  And don't worry about pointing it out, pointing out mistakes and stuff is how we grow and how we make ourselves better!

Thank you so much for your comments.  I've been working this scene out in my head now for a long time, and it just seemed to click with this chapter.  So your feedback is much appreciated.

Yay More Helping.

"A faint clicking sound indicated that the weapon was running out ammo soon." Yup

Start Of The Rarity Orb, "And do take the rest of the day OF dearie," --  Needs More F's :P

I Didn't See Any Others, Loving This Series, Keep It Up!

>>625380625380

Hey, thanks for the comment.  Much appreciated!  I fixed the f's.  Hehe.

Chocolate makes EVERYTHING better.

In all seriousness, though, pretty good job on this.  There were a couple hiccups that I believe slipped through editing:

“'Wow, that was bad,' She shot back.said.  I made saucy bedroom eyes at her.

'Oh come on, you don’t like my pickup lines?' I said, batting my eyelashes.  I stretched outreached out and kissed her thigh, working my way up to her cutie mark."

Looks like you were altering some verbs there and forgot to cut out the old ones.  Other than that, I didn't see anything grammar-wise, but one other thing I would suggest is putting the main character's thoughts in italics, even if it's being told in first-person.  For example:

"I grinned and let Violet pull herself from my embrace as she began nibbling on my neck.  Oh the marks I was going to have after this night! I thought as I brought my mouth down and began licking her horn, drawing a gasp of breath from Violet as she bit a little harder on my neck."

The phrasing of this thought is a bit awkward.  Let me give two ways you could redo it to make it fit a bit better:

"...as she began nibbling on my neck.  Oh the marks I'm going to have after this night! I thought as I brought my mouth down..."

This way, the thought takes place entirely inside the speaker's head, and it's in the present tense, which is how she would have phrased the idea in her mind at the time.  I know that when I'm considering my options for a meal, I don't think, "Ah, the food I was going to have," but rather, "Ah, the food I'm going to have."  The second option is this:

"...as she began nibbling on my neck.  I thought about the marks I was going to have after this night as I brought my mouth down..."

This is another means of solving any potential tense issues.  To borrow my earlier example, "I looked forward to the food I was going to have" makes sense in the context of me reminiscing on a past experience where I was anticipating some grand feast.  (Maybe I should have eaten something before I wrote this?  Whatever.)

BUT ENOUGH OF THE NEGATIVE.  On the whole, if your goal was to establish a stronger relationship between the characters, that was done very well, and in my opinion, the strongest scene of development concerning the two was their impromptu duet (nice parody, by the way).  It's those kinds of little touches that make for a strong clop piece, allowing you to fully embrace the characters and believe that they truly do love one another before moving on to the more saucy parts.  Speaking of those parts, what can I say?  They totally did it.  In a variety of ways.  Very creative ways.  The only thing that turned me off was the use of c**t, but if that's how the character would express herself, then it fits; I've just never been a big fan of the word personally.  All in all, an admirable piece, especially if it was your first go at writing anything of this particular genre.

>>626316626316

Thanks!  I will look at those sentences when I get home this evening.  Yea just slight messups in editing, pretty much my fault really.  And yea thoughts were supposed to be italic, I just missed them during formatting.

Thanks again for the comments!

I don't always read clop but when i do its CHOCLATE CLOP!!

And i like Duets and when its more than just clop for clops sake.

And now onwards to chapter 8!

>>626959626959

Highly amusing good sir.  Yes, the duet was a ton of fun to write.  

Oh nice they visit the place where Littlepip found the Twilight statue.

But i also remember that Littlepip said something about going back to the hub and bury Pinkies remains but i don't know if they actually did it.

But i have to say the part where Littlepip found pinkie was one of the parts in FO:E where i  really went after reading it and you continued it brilliant because it was more personal than the conversation Littlepip had with the giant Alicorn after Maripony!

And now i totally want to know what the heck Twi was doing secretly in her basement that had to do with necromancy and changelings and that nopony knew about. It sounds a lot like PH there with all the secret projects that died with the few ponies that knew about them in the war.

>>627243627243

Thanks i will reread those parts to check that.

>>627243627243

Based on my rereads, I can't see any place where it was said that, and I was reasonably sure of this when I conceived the scene in the first place, so yeah.  I'm good.  

Thanks for your comments though!!!

>>627598627598

Oh well thats good then maybe it was about one of the other dead ponies they found and there are quite a few dead ponies to be found and it has been a while since i finished FO:E perhaps im going to reread it sometime

yay new chapter cant wait for the next

>>628470628470

Thanks!  It's being worked on.  Hopefully going to be fun.  I am personally excited to get it done, as it's shaping up nicely so far.

For that Spaceballs quote alone, I give you five out of five moustaches.

>>639171639171

Thanks :)

Oh my first Just like clockwork updates and now FO:E Starlight now tahts a nice way to end a day for me.

On to reading the chapter!

Suddenly Echo and his band of merry misfits appear!

No, you say?

Image: http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m4ekrscSOp1qi6aga.jpg

Ohnoez cliffhanger AND first relationship problems!

And the first thing i thought of when they realized they had to go back to Fort Knowledge was a litte rhyme one should know

"To find your precious Elements just make sense of this turn of events: twists and turns are my master plan then find the elements back where you began"

And now there is this band of villans that are kinda special and to spit out a wild guess i would say Pride is something like a changeling while Lust has soul jar wings!

What i noticed about pretty much every FO:E story is that the hero always beats him/herself for not saving ponies whose death was completly out of his/her control to prevent. In this moments i always think that i would just be glad it hit them and not me.

Does that make me a bad person?

ugh cliffhanger cant wait for the next chapter

>>651544651544

Doesn't make you bad at all!  I am trying to keep that as low as possible though, the occasional why me is worth it.

Nothing will be revealed yet about Lust and Pride.  I will say that although they know of each other, they are independent and do not work with each other unless it suits their own interests.

Thank you again for the kind words and your little chapter reviews, they have been quite awesome!

>>651803651803

I know right?  Thanks again!

>>651464651464

Hilarious good sir.  Quite hilarious.  Thanks for the comment!