Hi, I'm Xhoral. I attempt to write stories. Wish me luck!
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After spending a week of not visiting her student, Celestia decides to cancel all her plans for today and just spend some time with Twilight. She teaches the little filly a new spell to help with her concentration. Come join their day as Twilight figures out how to properly cast this new spell.
Art work: Cartoonlion
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Hmm... Sounds interesting.
4140915
Thanks.
Loved it. Excellent work, my friend.
*claps*
What a fantastic short story. A good character building piece, delving inside Twilight's head. Conversation flowed nicely, the scenes flowed well, the story was just long enough to tell a good story, and just short enough to devour... Left feeling satisfied.
All in all, a great piece of work.
4144351
Wow, thanks. I was worried that I would get filly Twilight just right.
4144356
Short stories are the hardest to tell. You have to say so much more with so much less.
You did a nice piece of work here... And it fits the filly Twilight in my headcannon.
4144365
Awesome, and thanks for fav'ing this.
This was really sweet and short, but you managed it.
Dialogue rules are really complicated...
I read your blog about the dialogue, and it's not that bad
Mostly, put a comma before any "said"-tag or similar things (like: muttered, asked, replied etc.)
And, before you write a character's name in dialogue, put a comma also. So a fixed example would be:
But it was a very good story otherwise.
Thank you for publishing it.
4153164
There, I fixed it. (Hopefully.)
A bit of an issue about Subject-verb agreement here (restructuring the sentence might be a good idea, as it leads to some confusion in its current state), but overall a warm and fuzzy story that I enjoyed.
4153196
Well, mostly. But there's still a bit of those mistakes in the beginning of the story, sorry