Okay, I was going to wait until I went through all four chapters to post this particular issue, but after seeing it done wrong repeatedly when you do it right at certain points, it begs direct intervention.
"What'd ya say, Sweetie Belle?" Asked Applejack. "Thank you." The small filly said in a tiny voice.
In what way is the above situation different from the one below?
"You'll still get your pie," replied the farm pony with a laugh. "How 'bout Sweetie Belle?"
The answer is that they are only different in that dialogue tags have been expressed properly in the second example. When dialogue is followed by a said tag [be it a says/said, a whisper, a command, a reply, or another similar speaking verb], the punctuation mark before the close-quote is always treated like a comma, even when it is a question or exclamation mark. Likewise, dialogue should never end in a period if a said tag follows it. So rather than what is written in the first quoted section [and all similar situations], you should write it as follows.
"What'd ya say, Sweetie Belle?" asked Applejack. "Thank you," the small filly said in a tiny voice.
Another thing I'd like to comment on in this chapter is the capitalization of the words unicorn and pegasus. In the sense that you are using them, they are treated as common nouns, much like human is. Unicorn is not Sweetie Belle's name or title; it is a descriptor. You might capitalize Pegasus if you were referring to the entity from Greek mythology, but if you're referring to a pegasus in a realm where pegasi are commonplace, they are common and the word likewise becomes nothing more than an adjective. The only feasible time that you might capitalize unicorn is if it were referring to some sort of ethnic background, like the Unicornia mentioned in the Hearth's Warming play, as you would American, European, Hebrew, or Tibetan.
Okay, I was going to wait until I went through all four chapters to post this particular issue, but after seeing it done wrong repeatedly when you do it right at certain points, it begs direct intervention.
In what way is the above situation different from the one below?
The answer is that they are only different in that dialogue tags have been expressed properly in the second example. When dialogue is followed by a said tag [be it a says/said, a whisper, a command, a reply, or another similar speaking verb], the punctuation mark before the close-quote is always treated like a comma, even when it is a question or exclamation mark. Likewise, dialogue should never end in a period if a said tag follows it. So rather than what is written in the first quoted section [and all similar situations], you should write it as follows.
Another thing I'd like to comment on in this chapter is the capitalization of the words unicorn and pegasus. In the sense that you are using them, they are treated as common nouns, much like human is. Unicorn is not Sweetie Belle's name or title; it is a descriptor. You might capitalize Pegasus if you were referring to the entity from Greek mythology, but if you're referring to a pegasus in a realm where pegasi are commonplace, they are common and the word likewise becomes nothing more than an adjective. The only feasible time that you might capitalize unicorn is if it were referring to some sort of ethnic background, like the Unicornia mentioned in the Hearth's Warming play, as you would American, European, Hebrew, or Tibetan.
Woah, this sounds good
My first thought was that, somehow, Sweetie got pregnant. But that would make no sense, right? RIGHT???!!!oneone