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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I really enjoy this series.
4277863
Good isn't it? There's plenty of mistakes and it seems to jump around a bit but it's really quite fun to read.
Like where this series is going. Took me some effort not to crie out "Kage Bunshin No-Jutsu". Does this mean he's a LV 10 wizard.
4278279 No.
Lol good work from eris
Eris FTW
This series is amazing keep it up.
Talk about zipping there lips also
ERISXGRAY plz
You used "the man" three times in this one paragraph, which is about how many times it was needed in the whole chapter.
Once you establish someone by name, you no longer need to describe them, especially with such vague terms. He's a male character. That's all he's got right now. Use his name. This gets especially bad when there are other men present and it always happens after you establish their names. It just gets confusing and annoying. Use those names or don't bother establishing them.
Also, you really need to proofread your stuff and work on your grammar more. Your story is interesting enough to be readable, despite the cliches. Don't ruin it with bad grammar and writing style.
On the story; we could use some exposition or description as to why Grey cares about dueling club.
Another day at school, another review:
I liked the sorting hat, wished it had more screen time.
Discord: Celestia, what does the crystal ball say about her power level?
Celestia: IT'S OVER AT 9!
Discord: WHAT 9?! THERE'S NO WAY THAT CAN BE RIGHT!
So that answers Grey's working schedule dilemma. Ever since Naruto, I've been thinking that if I could make Shadow Clones, I would get a bunch of jobs and have them do all the work while I stay home.(course I know that it hurt like a bitch when the copy's go away.)
Second story that promotes Titanfall.(I'll get it eventually) the only problem with Xbox One games is that there not many out(especially good ones) so you will eventually run out of games to reference and it will be really annoying bringing up the same game over and over again.
And just when I thought we were gonna get some master/slave comedy/payback. You disappoint me.(I was already imagining Eris in a maid outfit(You dick!))
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I am assuming that since they can change forms/genders I don't think there can be such a thing as a gay changeling.(I also think their genderless so again the whole gay thing makes no sense.)
I wonder if you make a clone and have it go to sleep and when he disappears, will you feel completely rested?
Don't make me be that guy who has to correct your mistakes.(PAY ATTENTION!)
Does it matter the color of a fireball? A fireball is still a fireball when it's coming right you no matter what color it is.
I really hope that these two aren't going to be a couple by the end of this.(It will be really cliche.)*end of review*
So we had plenty action in this chapter and more mystery about Grey. And apparently there is something going on between him and Shining Armor. What is the deal with your OC's having some problem with Shining?(this is like the 3rd time already). Whatever at Grey makes everything fun wherever he goes. I'm surprised that Trixie and Twilight didn't try out(Knowing Trixie she would have used this opportunity to prove she is better than Twilight. Especially after seeing their power level.)
4286441 What three stories? By my count there's only this one and the Crimson series. I don't hate Shining Armor, it's just that Grey is from a crime ridden area so he's grown up hating the guards for various reasons. No Twixie will not occur in this fic. (There may be a threesome) but NO Twixie shipping. Trixie will be dueling in future chapters and I will come back to the whole Eris maid thing in time, but like the description states, "sex will happen later in the story" so sit back, relax and watch the insanity flow like a river.
4286602
Aren't you forgetting Heart of the Ocean?(That's kind of sad when you can't remember shit from your own stories, now don't you feel embarrassed?)
Need more must be updated
4286602 plz man update this not the crimson series u should focus on this
4286621 Oh that, Well, it's not that Razor hates Shining like the other two do. He just likes trolling him and royally screwing him over I will explain each of thier reasons in time.
4286691 I'm almost done with the next Crimosn story arc then I might take a break from him while I cook up more ideas. So there is hope.
4286708
I never said hate, I was just mentioning that your OC's always have something going on with Shining.
4286716 thts good
4286761 Yeah, plus I personally like screwing with authority figures.
4288066 u should totally ship Eris and Grey bro.
4281457 I absolutely agree give us Eris and Gray
Whoa whoa whoa! If grey had his clone out while doing the power test, does that mean he's stronger?!?
5333028 Actually it would be 2 clones, 1 training, and 1 at work, so if he divides strength between clones evenly if both were created at the same time he wold be at 1/3 strength, if he made training clone first then he would be at half power then created the clone for work he wold be at 1/4 power for the test. so he was either at 25% or 33.333% strength for the test,