A few years have passed since Princess Luna was purged of the evil known as Nightmare Moon by the Elements of Harmony. She took back her rightful place on the throne of Equestria at her sisters side.
On a sunny day, a couple of seemingly mundane events trigger memories long forgotten. Memories of a secret Luna hast kept to herself for far too long. Facing Celestia won't be easy. But she has no choice. It is her duty to care for her subjects, and she has to retake the responsibility she could not fulfill while banished to the moon.
In terms of full disclosure, the story got a review by TheifofZ.
What has happened since her disappearance? What will she find? A joyful reunion or devastation? What happened to her Children of the Night?
Inspired by Children of the Night. Cover art is a screenshot from the video. I do not know if there is an "official" story for the Children of the Night and I do not claim mine to be "canon" in the context of the video. These are just my thoughts on what might have happened back in the days.
This story takes place right before the season 4 finale.
You have a good proofreader, it wasn't painful to read. Anyways, work on your characterization, maybe flesh out the characters of Honeycomb and Willow Wind. This might get featured, calling it.
4158488 "it wasn't painful to read" Well, thanks... I guess?
Honeycomb will be handled later in the story. If I will use Willow Wind that much in the future I don't know, yet. But thanks for the hint, I will certainly look into that.
Then again... I think my clock is broken... first the story was approved in what felt like five minutes, and again five minutes after that it was read AND commented on?
4158544
Eh, I read fast. And by not painful, I mean there aren't noticeable errors that pull the reader out of the story, so that's good. :)
That was awesome I'm already very excited to see where this goes! I hope Celestia handles the children of the night alright. Don't want her and Luna apart again.
Nah, Luna feels spot-on, chalk it up to her massive development in Luna Eclipsed and the comics.
Luna, my favorite princess, yes she does feel spot on.
I always knew she had a soft spot for children.
Pretty good start! I like the idea of Luna getting involved with her subjects more, kickin' butt and helping underprivileged fillies and colts! Next time, I hope she verbally bodyslams some jerk politicians for that crappy decision to cut funding.
Keep it up!
This is off to a really good start! Your characterization is excellent, as many others have already stated. I appreciate the fact that this seems to take place a few years after the main canon, as it's allowed Luna to re-settle into her role and re-connect with her subjects, even if (as shown with the orphanage) she's still a little short-sighted at times.
Also, I sense a few shout-outs to a few other fics in here, with Honeycomb, the Night Guard Lethe, and the "War of the Royal Kitchens." I can't remember which specifically, but I enjoyed the inclusion, as it was a nice little Easter Egg nestled within the narrative. Keep up the good work!
P.S. Congrats on getting featured!
Reawakening:
Her spirit Renew
Raised to a Heavenly view
Share the Moon’s bright love
This. so beautifull!
I love the Silly Filly Studio animation "Children of the night" and this. this get my heart melting down to a puddle of ice cream in the summer sun!
This is truly a wonderful and beautiful telling. I wish you luck in your continuing story.
You let the Oghma Infinium proofread for you?! Are you mad?!
inb4 tittysparkles ref
4158488
Ehm... now you scared me with your calling coming to pass....
4160965
Good chances for your hopes, I'd say
4161051
(This) Honeycomb was created by me. if there is another one running about, I have no knowledge of her and they are not related to one another.
Lethe and Hoplite I first saw in the story A Slice of Life, which also contains the War for the Royal Kitchens. Quite a funny read.
4161720
Well... I found it in my bookshelf... and it gave me a level-up... so, I thought, "Why not?"
4161790
I think, I'm missing something here...
All others:
Thank you for your feedback! Glad to hear that I got Luna right. Let's hope that it goes as well with the other characters I intend to use.
I have to say I'm quite baffled for getting featured so fast and with my first story. This feels kinda awesome!
Well then... I better start writing chapter two ^^
4161914 Well... I s'pose when you put it like that. I'd just be cautious of any voices in your head from now on.
Awesome
You know what I like most about this story. It reminds me a lot of my own writing style. The topic is similar too. I too wrote a story that was a sequel to a fanwork. A sequel to Snowdrop called Snowy Night. It was also featured. Great minds think alike I suppose.
Well I for one enjoyed this story, and I look forward to what comes next. I wonder what the fate was of Luna's children.
Just one thing. You keep referring to ice cream as just "ice" so many times that I'm pretty sure it's intentional. Is that like a local thing?
Either way, I hope for an update soon. Keep up the good work.
This was a really good read, looking forward to chapter 2 yay :)
You might want to break your paragraphs down a little bit though, sometimes it was a bit overwhelming.
4162770
Hm... I don't like it when there are too many blank lines, but I will take a look at it.
4162508
Snowdrop is cute, but the end is just sad
Well, in Germany we usually use just the equivalent of "ice" instead using "ice cream" so that might have to do with that, but it wasn't exactly intentional. Probably more an unconscious thingy...
4163116 Sprechen Sie Deutsch?
Ach, Eis! Ich sehe jetzt.
I have to admit, I cant wait to see where this goes.
"And the snozberries taste like snozberries!"
4161914
I'd say that's just another sign of your really strong characterization skills, as I felt I'd already met this mare in another story given how naturally she and Luna seemed to mesh together. You obviously have a strong vision of who she is, what her backstory is, and how her relationships developed, as that all comes through in the narrative quite clearly. A great example of showing rather than telling.
And yes, A Slice of Life was indeed hilarious. Let all in Canterlot beware the demands of the Royal Diet!
Looking forward to more.
Keep up the good work. Deus tecum.
4161914
Slice of Life too awesome. Reminder of the ages that have passed without update too painful.
Well its a good start. I would write more but I have my own stories to get to :P
I would give you one piece of advice that hasn't been said yet. Flesh out one or two of the children. Sure Luna doesn't play favorites, but in every group and especially since Luna is quite observant, there has to be one or two that either stand out, or get forced into the background. It will also help with creating an image of the children... which i'm having trouble doing so since you merely describe them as fillies and colts without really giving much information as to their condition, age group, cutie mark or not... etc.
Stilll a nice start. I will be following this to see where it goes.
Nightmare Moon's madness consumed many an innocent. I'm genuinely afraid as to what Luna may find in her search.
Have a fav, you heart-tugging writer, you...
Interesting. I think I'll come back and read this.
This is pretty good.
Well... that was really nice, I can't wait to see more.
I`m liking this story so far... I cant wait to read more
I don't really see how she was portrayed out of character. Think about it... despite being around the same age (technically) as Celestia, Luna has been stunted mentally since living IN the moon.
She still has a lot of growing up to do, as seen on Nightmare Night: Luna is impulsive, rash, and slightly selfish. She didn't think about how her actions would be perceived, just acted on impulse. Yes, that's it Luna is very impulsive!
On the other hand, in the episodes since then... she is very concerned with children. We don't see her in the dreams of adults, only the nightmares of foals. This indicates (to me) a deep seated concern for those who are the most vulnerable.
An orphanage full of colts and fillies would greatly attract Princess Luna. More so if they are not looked after and treasured as the tiny stars, she probably views them as. On the other hand I think she would have less patience for those that don't share her opinion. I see the Royal Voice coming.
4167955
I think it's more the fact that she is on the social stand from a thousand years back. Old times, more respect, you know ;)
As you mentioned correctly, she is as old as Celestia (they're old enough, that whatever age differences there are, I think can be neglected) and that's quite old. And with that come quirks and oppinions a mere mortal can not fully grasp.
The occasions where she is out of character, in my oppinion, are the scrunchie thing, the enormous ice cream cone and yelling happily with the RCV through half of the castle to tell her sister she is going on a shopping tour!
4167322
Aw, don't worry. I don't intend to break her. :)
I like MLP for the carefree world and easy forgivings. So don't expect that much darkness in my stories ;)
4165797
Thanks for the hint, you're right. I don't know if I should correct that, though. I don't like altering published stories.
4163900
That's great to read. Because that is not really the case. xD
My own characters tend to be to similar to each other, so I don't use them often as that fact annoys me quite a bit. But after your comment, I had some ideas for her, so I think I will make an exception for her
good beginning. cant wait to see where this goes. looking forward to next chapter
I want more!
We'll written, engaging, and heart warming. I want to know what happens next.
This is great! I hope to see more!
YEessssss
YEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
MOAR, NAO!
Very good read, good sir. Twilight approves.
Luna is adorable in this. And I agree with the children. Luna is best princess
Hoping for more soon!
~Ever
4161517 don't you mean duo cartoonist
I'm enjoying this so far and look forward to more.
You might want to have your proofreader go over it a bit closer, and always remember to just do a quick search for all the common mistakes, for example:
Should be there.
The best way that I tend to use is just search the entire chapter for any of those kinds of words (their, there, they're, its, it's, who, whom, and so forth) and reread the sentence to make sure it's correct.
Additionally, you replaced 'ice cream' with 'ice' about 80% of the time, which was a tad jarring.
4168007
YAY!
Yay! I did a thing!
img3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20120228224010/mlp/images/e/ec/FANMADE_Twilight_Clapping.gif
And more Honeycomb will definitely be welcome!
4168852 they're both awesome
PLEASE continue this story!! I have been looking for a decent Luna fic for a while and i totally love this one!!!
Wow, I never would have thought english wasn't your first language. I just figured they call ice cream ice in britian or something like that.
Very good, and I eagerly await more.
Dark0952 has written one, and he says in the comments "this is the actual story after the video, I got the backstroy from one of the creators. I will finish this eventually". But it's incomplete and hasn't been updated since August. His story (so far) is written from a totally different perspective, following the children from the video after Luna/Nightmare's banishment.
Good start!
Perfect place to ask this!
Anybody notice a filly flying after Luna that looked like Sunset Shimmer?
I'm hooked, must have more
Hey Guess What... I found the PERFECT song for this.
(Edit: Because i am getting replies about this. YES THIS IS A JOKE)