Please READ the description first:
This story is indeed AU, though not by a whole lot, less as AU as my previous Stargate crossover. Hope you enjoy the past 6 weeks of toiling...
Artwork by: mercscilla on DA
In 2011 a small fleet of ships dispatched from Atlantis arrive in an strange mystical reality when a mission on the hunt for Genii leader Augustus Kolya goes horribly wrong. The Atlantis expedition force now stranded in this new reality must find a way back, but also take the time to explore this strange world of Magic and Ponies. Join Sheppard, Carter and others in their adventures.
Chapters (1)
Right well hope you enjoy my weeks of work. Also this is supposed to be less AU and less Anthro because people complained about that last one, also I got some nice messages from people regarding that from Fanfiction.net.. and yes I'm being sarcastic, it was not really pleasant.
This is another take on Stargate, once again, don't expect fast updates, I've got two Stargate stories to work on now, possibly a third sooner or later. And in regards to that other one, the chapter should be done within the week hopefully if I don't get sidetracked or if something happens unexpectedly.
Also keep in mind my mother was hospitalized last week on top of all of that, so pardon my absence.
Yay, Stargate is my favourite sci-fi universe. Although this raises quite a few questions in reference to 'UEFF', 'credits' and what happened to the Destiny. Also, since when were the Genii even close to space-faring capabilities (1930's era tech)?
I like how you included characters from all three shows, although I was hoping to see Daniel Jackson.
are you arguing that it is not AU for the pony verse or for the stargate verse? because it seems pretty AU for the stargate verse.
4067390
Uh, yeah I did say it was AU for the SG universe, not really MLP.
4067399
sorry one last question because i can't figure out from description, are the ponies antho?
4067383
I was planning to bring him into this story, trust me I had plans. I even had a scrap idea written up and all, but decided to settle for Eli, McKay's also in the story, but he's in stasis at the moment. There's a reason for that.
As for the Genii I gave them a slight bolster to 60s era tech, but let them come into contact with other human factions, some traded some tech for certain materials and resources only the Genii could procure. Its a slightly longer story, but there's an explanation available.
4067409
No they're not anthro, this is a completely different story from the other since people had reservations of the last one. And that little tid bit at the end, that's just a scrapped idea which was going to be used for another sci-fi story I had in the scrap book, so don't worry.
4067413
That still leaves questions like: Why are they suddenly using credits for currency? How/Why did the UEFF form? And what happened to the Destiny?
4067526
The history of the UEFF isn't exactly short lets just leave it at a rather quick and bloody period in time which took a lot of resources and political overhauling to complete, and there are a handful of nations still on Earth which refused to join and are currently isolated from the rest of the UEF.
As for Destiny, they tried to dial but never got a connection, also Dr Rush ended up on another project once the Icarus Project failed. He's located in another galaxy 14 million light years away with Dr Jackson on another expedition on the Ancient research city of Laputa, that's a code name, the actual name is in Latin.
4067557
Oh, so the whole AU is that SGU never happened?
4067569
Essentially yes, though I never hated that show I didn't particularly like it either, I was more meh.
4067581
It was the same way for me; although I found too much of the show was filled with pointless immature bickering. especially the first season.
I think this is the first time I've ever seen an pony crossover fic where the AU was for the thing crossing over with ponies. I like my Stargate: Atlantis, although it as been a few years since I last saw it.
The internet informs me it's actually spelled "Acastus".
Are the Asgard still extinct? Cause that was complete horseshit when they did it.
4069351
Asgard are still around though they don't get much time in written form, I've never been good at nailing their personalities very well.
I am going to assume that the NOVA weapons are the type that the Ori had on their ships. As for the first chapter to this story: not bad, not bad at all. I would like to suggest when you have ship classes or weapons that we don't recognise (SG fans and others alike) link them out so we may learn more about them if there is information for them. Also who is this other "Jon?" I do not recall any other John other than Sheppard himself. This was well written, and as a SG-1, SG:A, and SG:U fan alike I approve. You have earned a fave and like from me
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I like the set-up, there's some good potential for this story of yours to grow with. I like the character selection for the most part (though I do personally hope you have a Jaffa or two waiting in the wings off screen,) Jon O'Neil in particular should be an interesting character.
I was a little taken by surprise when you introduced the electric blades however, they sound basically the same as a ZAT. Possibly with the benefit of enhanced discharge potential, as the sci-fi imagination was considerably more limited back when they were first introduced to the show. It was a fantastic description of a fine blade, but it ultimately left me a little confused and hollow. Melee has never seen much development in the Stargate world, a few weapons of ceremony among the wraith and the secondary use of the staff, but if memory serves that's about it. The federation itself is a big shake up however, and could have taken a more "ceremonial look" to give themselves a distinct look to the rest of the world as it settles back down. The trouble is, we the readers don't know, we only have the benefit of your story description which offers no such explanation.
So far, your work in the other half of the story is equally solid, if a little cold. The pure verbs fit the military operation in the first half of the chapter, but they rob the second half of a great deal of vibrancy and life.
The concept here is great, but it could stand to lose a few words with no picture, and possibly pick up a few which give even more.
Just with excess cut.
With a few additions
Same sort of thing with the avians.
Structurally sound, but of an indistinct character taken with the first half.
I read these through as well, and while you are right in that they are incredibly hamfisted, and of ill character for the story you're weaving, I'd encourage you to not make the mistake of assuming that humor is something only for dedicated comedy. Just think of how the writers used to play Jack's sarcasm against Teal'c's straight man tendencies, which you already do seem to be doing, and you'll be fine.
Perhaps I read to much into that one, but I really hate seeing authors slip into dark-induced author apathy for no real, preventable reason.
As for a few last nitpicks.
You'll also want to check for internal consistency.
Again, everything above is nit-picking on my part, I like the story, I like the direction I think you're taking it (if I'm right with Twilight's study of new constellations and Luna's apparent knowledge of the situation.) I've up voted, subbed, and look forward to seeing where this all goes.
P.S. Sorry about your mother, take all the time you need and don't feel bad on our account. Family is far more important, and we can wait for a good long while.
Im watching this one because I havent seen anything after SG1, so wanted to see how things have gone on, and how they will deal with Equestria, given SG1 wouldve been snark central.
That Nova Lance looks strangely familar, except theyre not using the reality disjunction coding on the modulation transmitters. Then again, that would put them, for one shot, and with enough preccesing resources, at Discord level.
Its also not something you want to point at the local star, unless you really want to make it go Supernova and sterilise the nearest 20 light years.
4069594
Damn you nailed that first bit pretty much on the head, Ori weaponry was indeed reverse engineered when the war between them and the other Ancients occurred, spoilers, both sides were annihilated almost, the Ori are definitely gone, thanks to the Ancients and the SGC having a plan set in motion to stop them from invading the Milky Way galaxy, bad news is that there's only a handful of Ancients left to protect the galaxy.
And Jon, is Jonathan O'Neill from season 7, he's the clone of Colonel O'Neill remember? Yeah its that kid, when the cat got out of the bag regarding the existence of the SGC he signed himself up to the UEF Forces to fight against further threats in the galaxy, his GF got killed during Anubis's attack, another spoiler.
Hope that answers your questions.
4069623
Thanks for your concerns, and also thanks for the critique.
To answer your question regarding the writing style, as I wrote in story, there were several variations, the original was meant to be more of a militaristic, dark edgy story of how Sheppard gets his revenge on Kolya. The rest I had to change to suit to change of setting, this was going to be a standalone story for Stargate Atlantis originally, but I decided to change it for the MLP crossover.
Trust me it ends sort of differently with a lot more blood and guts, that's kind of how dark the SG universe kind of became, not so light heartened, and a lot of depressing events did occur.
Spoiler, Carson Beckett's still dead, he never got cloned in this alternate reality of Stargate. That here is a prime example of how things went down hill.
4069664
Nova Lances were reverse engineered from the Ori's weaponry which is really damn powerful in that regard, but that said, they were never powered by a flipping Zero Point Module, and the 'Rising Dawn' which is much larger than its contemporary counterparts have far more ZPMs powering it.
So the Lance is blasting out something nearly 12 times as destructive that can also distort gravity thanks to an additional upgrade built into the weapon, I'll leave the explanation for later though.
You saying all those things in the description is only going to turn people off. Trust me on that one. The description is for things about the story, not yourself. You want to give the reader a reason to read the story, otherwise they'll just skip over it for a nicer-looking one, as unfair as that is.
4069747 I'm actually starting SG-1 back from the beginning, I'm just starting season 6 so I'll get there eventually
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4069947
Ah... okay. I'll summarize it down to the current state of events.
Hmm I'll add this to my "read later" list... I'm a sucker for Stargate fics. Though "a small fleet of ships" is about exactly the opposite of what Stargate is about* but I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and take a look. ;)
I haven't actually read this yet, though.
* - Plus, earth only had one or at maximum two BC304s at once in the Pegasus galaxy... it's depicted in canon that the main role of BC304s is to serve as earth defense, and they only have something like 4 of them by the end of the series: Daedalus, Odyssey, Apollo, and the Hammond. Odyssey we see a lot of in SG-1 so presumably they don't do Atlantis runs, and usually we saw first Daedalus then Apollo when it was constructed doing runs. Though IIRC when a BC304 is at Atlantis the base commander (or the ship captain) has some leeway in assisting with Atlantis team missions. I don't think we ever get an explanation of how that authorization goes though, we just see the ship accompanying or ferrying the team.
Also this fic now makes a milestone: I have now seen crossovers with each series of Stargate. There's 3 or 4 SG-1 ones I've seen, one SG-U, and now an SG-A. Maybe there are some I haven't seen.
Sadly most of those are dead and incomplete, and only one of the complete ones is really a decent fic (and it has a sequel that was shaping up to be much more Stargateish and overall better, but then it died). So there is a void that needs to be filled here! Good luck!
Also... Kolya is dead in SG-A canon. He died in 2006, killed by Sheppard and confirmed by Doctor Beckett (source). I'll be interested to see what technobabble brings him back. :)
4070758
Yeah trying to fill those shoes aren't going to be easy.
Also I did say AU for Stargate, so there are some differences, though all events of Stargate did occur aside from Stargate Universe, which never occurred in this timeline. I'm neutral overall about that spinoff, there were really good episodes for character building and some other stuff, but never picked up. 'Shrug'
I will say that other than a few slight errors with repetition this is a well constructed fic.
hope you don't let it die. +1 fav +1 up-vote
Glad to see another SG fic,
Hmmm, a Stargate: Atlantis X Pony fic. I had thought about doing something like this but decided against it. Just thought I would never be able to do the Stargate side of the story justice. Definitely a read for me.
4071001
I don't intend to, I just hope I can keep it consistent. And enjoyable.
So, you gonna continue your other stargate fic?
4071474
Yeah, though the next chapter's kind of got me stumped, I'm wondering how to proceed with contact between anthro ponies and humans. That's kind of hazy at the moment... I might do some revision and try and work it out with a different setting.
4071532 Hows about the SGCs standard first contact policy of going in blind?
4071706 That'd probably work with Jon since he's Jack's clone, he'll probably do that naturally.
Though with first impressions, Sheppard would probably set the record.
4071776 At least Rodney isn't with them. Odin only knows how things would go down if they knew he once destroyed 3/4 of a solar system.
4071820 I'd imagine they'd be morbidly intrigued at such a feat.
nice season 1 RvB reference (where Tucker was using Sheila to shoot at the warthog and then the red base after killing church by accident)
4069474
*Ahem* the ship that was not destroyed after the battle with the Uri when they made the black hole (I can't remember how to spell its name! 
) and that one scientist in the episode where Thor is taken captive by Anubis. They seemed apathetic to most things. The only really noticeable times you could tell when they were upset were the actions they took.
To be fair they never really had much personality to begin with besides the cranky one stuck on the Dae-
4071532
I've not read that fic so I don't know all of who's involved, but why not just have Luna find them? I mean, she IS the Night Princess. I'm sure she of all Ponies (anthro or otherwise) would notice a roaming blinking star in the night sky as it orbits the planet. The Human ships did have lights on them, you know. Sooner or later she'd go investigate.
4072134 That's one way I guess.
"So much for the millions of credits put into developing start of the art sensors."
I suppose you meant "state of the art"? No? I laughed, though, I guess "start of the art" would just be one's eyeballs and other senses...
Don't become a stranger, be an update ranger‼‼
This reminds me of how I really need to get back to the rewrite of my Stargate story. This is good so far, I'll keep an eye on it...
Hmm well after reading though this I have mixed feelings. I like the SG scenes; the assault on the Genii/Lucian Alliance stronghold is believable, at least to me, and the hyperspace escape gone wrong calls back an SG1 episode where a ship was similarly blown way off course by an explosion upon entering hyperspace.
A lot of the details bug me though.
For example, you go through a lot of trouble to not introduce Jon's name until later, making it a bit difficult to follow along the text. There's no reason for this. The narrator can be omniscient in this regard. It's not like he's anyone we know. [Edit: OK so he is, but we need to be told that!]
You have a habit of not introducing characters by their full name, and not giving any details about who they are and what they are doing here. I expect Eli is Eli Wallace due to his name and math skills, but that's never explicitly stated. He also wasn't the type of guy who would be working on power systems, but this is an AU so it's fine I suppose.
Early on the narrator gives a prediction about the catacombs ("It wasn't going to last though, these catacombs will soon become the graves of these people just like its previous inhabitants."). Since there is no actual character narrating, IMO he shouldn't have his own opinions, and they should be attributed to a character. I suppose it might be ok if it was a critical plot point about something none of the characters would know that happens in the future, but this doesn't fit the bill. In addition, the tense sounds wrong ("would soon become" sounds better imo).
The way SG treats AU (apart from the silly episode "200") is that it's always just a little different from our own universe, but with a small, notable difference that's key to the plot. So, we can already apply our existing knowledge of the universe and immediately know what's going on. You've changed a lot so that can't really be done here, and there are no frames of references as to how things compare with the canon universe (though since that universe never comes into play that could be awkward unless you're subtle about it). Are either of the beam weapons the ships are equipped with equivalent to the Asgard beam weapons? Is there anyone else we know among the ship crew or the surface teams? Is the Sheppard still the Sheppard we know and love, or is he different in some way? The beam systems clearly aren't Asgard as they have more limitations (Star Trek-style transporter rooms), but this wasn't made clear right off the bat so I had assumed they were the same at first. The Lucian Alliance we know couldn't have crossed the void between galaxies, and they had no interest in doing so (apart from reaching Destiny in SGU). Why is this group different? Stuff like that.
Some of the tech used in this universe seems picked up from other places and mismashed together, I dunno. I suppose it's too early to really tell with this one, but we have Star Trek transporters, Halo AI, and then weird new knives and ships and weapons we've never seen before. I dunno.
Unfortunately when we get to Equestria I start to have a few more problems.
First of all, the animals reacting WELL in advance of the drone is very strange, especially when it would only be a minor change to have them react in consequence of the impact. Twilight just happening to know what engines are despite only having second-hand theories and ideas about something she's never heard or seen before is implausible and if anything an oddly shaped meteor that makes odd noises would be enough of a prompt for an investigation.
The ponies don't seem to be characterized well. Everypony's speech seemed odd at points, and Twilight's "buck it" attitude especially. If she's waiting for a reply to the princess, it's plausible she might grow antsy and rationalize an excuse to go off, rather than just say "buck it". Perhaps if Spike comes along, she'd be able to read any reply immediately, and the princess trusts her to handle herself, right?
Maybe it is just all the run-on sentences and the lack of punctuation that is doing it for me, though. I think if you address only one of my points, you should make it this one. Example: "Oh please how the heck are we supposed to carry all of these back anyway, the thing looks like it must way a few tons for crying out loud." maybe more like: "Oh, please. How the heck [hell?] are we supposed to carry all of these back, anyway? The thing looks like it must weigh [not way!] a few tons, for crying out loud!" More information.
Celestia should have received a letter from Twinight directly, and the guard should have no knowledge of it.
The drone losing comm reception but still managing to transmit seems questionable, but I will allow it for the sake of the plot. You'd think with AI and all other sorts of advanced widgets at humanity's disposal the drone would have a course plotted for it to follow without constant manual control.
The prompt to investigate the planet seems weak. Unless they have a pressing need to look for something or evacuate, their focus would be on determining their position, making repairs, and determining a plan of action. Possibly if they detected, through the energy blinding them, some naquadah that COULD be part of a Stargate (or maybe it isn't, or maybe we even don't hear anything more about it once more pressing issues arise), that would be sufficient excuse to take a closer look.
I love seeing cut scenes and such, but it might be better to place them in an artist's notes box, at the end of applicable chapters they were cut from.
Stargate pretty much totally abuses the whole "Aliens speak English":trope, but there's no need to call attention to it by explicitly calling out a language by name (as you do in the cut scenes). That just feels odd to me.
Hopefully something in my long rambling above will help make this a better story... I don't like giving criticism but I want to see this story do good. :)
4071776
Oh well this explains where Jon came from. Maybe you could actually say that in the story. :)
I am guessing he is the older version of the kid O'Neill we see in that one episode of SG-1. Nice callback. I can totally see him enlisting in the Air Force after graduating HS and trying to get back into the Stargate program.
4071835
And don't tell Celestia Carter blew up a sun, once.
4074701
Sorry I didn't respond sooner, I had to deal with school and some other matters.
In response to your questions, and suggestions:
Thanks for providing some insight, and tips for improving the story, although it feels like I'm going to be rewriting a considerable amount of the chapter again. Not that's much of a problem, I get sloppy after a while of not being able to write.
Another thing is that this story isn't necessarily original.
I borrowed most of the content from another story I had in storage for Stargate and Halo, it was meant to come first but I prioritized this over the Halo fic. I couldn't fix all the errors I left behind and some bits and pieces of text which might seem out of place are still in there. There were also several other versions written in this story's place which I found too difficult to go through so I sort of simplified it as much as possible. In hindsight that might have been a bad idea.
Eli being in the story is also sort of a mistake, he was actually supposed to be helping McKay with some of the more scientific aspects, but the plot was completely different, so I couldn't have him in the story or else we would have had quite a confusing outcome. Also there was like 1000 words I'd have had to changed if I left him in.
In regards to what happened in the Equestrian side of things, Twilight's reaction was sort of my reaction to trying to come up with a viable plot which was suitable for the girls going into the forest. It failed miserably after 4 or 5 tries coming up with suitable locations and such, once again refer to the several versions, one said example was where I had the story take place in a region far from Ponyville to try and make it work. Didn't suit it very well, so I scrapped that idea.
The animals reacting to the drone wasn't actually what I originally planned, that was also cut from another story which I had planned but scrapped. It was from my minecraft attempt at a crossover with MLP, it never worked out and I had it saved over, it was actually a portal which opened in the middle of the forest and began to spew out creatures from another world which caused all the animals to freak out. Once again, scrapped idea, I thought I could recycle some of the material, it was better than my original plot, which was to have the team fail miserably at an extraction from the planet in a puddle jumper and get caught in the shockwave and end up crashing into the forest. Not really a great idea for a plot, I was between ideas at this point in time. I ran out of time since I had 32 other stories back on Fanfiction.net and here to get done, so I jumped ahead with whatever I had.
Oh and that issue with Jon's name not being mentioned in the first place, I copied and pasted that from another story which was actually not him, it was supposed to be some chapter for my Halo Stargate crossover I did a while back, it wasn't completed and I had it left in storage from last year, never got back to finishing it and thought it would probably save me some time writing most of it up. It was actually Sheppard and his own force called the Black Hawk task force, it was some covert operations to eliminate the Lucian Alliance forces, I edited the Genii in there.
XXXXX
As for Carter blowing up a sun, I'm sure Celestia wouldn't really mind too much since it wasn't hers.
Are either of the beam weapons the ships are equipped with equivalent to the Asgard beam weapons?
Actually they do have Asgard beam weapons, the plasma beam cannons are Asgard beam weapons they're just worded differently, the NOVA is superior to the beam weapons thanks to it being engineered by the Ori, which was recovered by the SGC during the War of the Ancients. Not the Warcaft War of the Ancients, I made a wordplay on that.
The Ancients left a bit of technology in various places for the Tau'ri to use, and Daniel helped in part with finding most of that tech. So the humans of the UEFF have advanced quite a bit in short time, also with the Tollan being forced from their home thanks to Anubis, they joined the overall UEF population. So there's a bit of advancement thanks to outside human populations.
A lot of tech which is borrowed from other games and stuff aren't necessarily borrowed, if you've watched Stargate Universe, the AI thing was already there. Amanda Perry ended up as part of Destiny's AI thanks to her dying while connected via transmission stones. In this reality the tech engineered from the Ancients copied Amanda Perry's original consciousness and transplants that as data which becomes an AI.
The various other tech is borrowed sort of from Mass Effect in terms of the hand held rail guns, but those still use limited ammunition.
The molecular blades are from Star Wars commando, which I have to say it was a really awesome game, and also the start of the story was based on that game sort of.
Is there anyone else we know among the ship crew or the surface teams?
McKay is in the story, at the moment in stasis, there's a reason for that, but it may not seem particularly strong.
Radec, is a member of the science department, though he doubles in engineering.
Aiden Ford is dead, I did plan to have him in it, but decided against that.
Cassandra, I'm sure you remember dear Cassandra from SG-1, well she joined in for the Pegasus Expedition when the opportunity arose, she was Carson's apprentice until he died. Keller is back on Atlantis, so she's not part of this story.
Michael Kenmore he didn't turn back and kept to the side of the Tau'ri in their war against the Wraith. He's also in story.
Hailey
Kevin Elliot
Carl Grogan
Satterfield
David Dixon, he and all of SG-13 are in this one.
Other marine units are in story, and a few engineers.
"Is the Sheppard still the Sheppard we know and love, or is he different in some way? "
Sheppard is definitely different from his original counterpart, being a lot more hardened, he was also involved in the program at a much earlier time, in 1998 to be precise, and there was quite a lot of things that happened since then. Like he had a family, a wife and daughter who were murdered because of him getting too close to something in regards to Stargate technology that members of the NID and the early Trust wanted. Spoiler, Kingsy ordered the hit on his life and killed his family instead. So there's that. And having his eye pulled out by Kolya at one point, and having his left arm crushed by a metal bulkhead door. Yeah Sheppard's had it quite rough.
The beam systems clearly aren't Asgard as they have more limitations (Star Trek-style transporter rooms), but this wasn't made clear right off the bat so I had assumed they were the same at first.
Actually they are the same, the problem was that the catacombs were shielded by the materials used, the Ancients made the place impervious to transportation, so the team moved into a more open area which they could be transported out of. Also the Lucian Alliance did have the place shielded by some generators which powered some Ancient tech still running.
I probably should have elaborated on that though.
The Lucian Alliance we know couldn't have crossed the void between galaxies, and they had no interest in doing so (apart from reaching Destiny in SGU). Why is this group different?
One interesting fact of this Stargate reality is that the course of events turned out differently, and also they sort of lost a lot of territory and also the Ori dedicated a lot more effort into invading the galaxy, mainly with the use of super gates. But guess what, I added a slight plot twist, the Ancients had an experiment with creating what they called Hyper Gates, which were a intergalactic network of wormholes which allowed them to travel millions of light years in both directions, it only reached the prototype stages when they began going extinct. One was connected to Pegasus by an early prototype which was constructed prior to Atlantis leaving Earth. They didn't use it because it wasn't big enough to fit Atlantis through.
4075693
Yeah after responding I noticed your other Stargate fic. Sorta surprising that you're doing both, they sound very similar from the descriptions.
Stargate Universe always conveys the "AI" in sort of a mysterious way. Are they holograms or induced hallucinations? I like to think the latter, which makes the ship a bit ominous if it can screw with your head like that.
I did recognize Cassandra's name, and she's a doctor, good callback there.
These questions I had are more for someone reading through the story, and having Word of God explanations is cool, but some of these might belong in the story text if they would help the reader recognize the world. You seem to have made a rich backstory to your world which is great but the reader won't have any of it in mind so you need to take care to lay the proper groundwork for what they should know.
It's fine to give the beaming systems limitations like that, actually IIRC we do see that limitation in the early SG1 Season 9 episode when the team needs to beam through a KM of rock or something... they end up using ring transporters.
Gotta go to work so I can't be more thorough in my reply, sorry. :)
4076478
No probs.
Keep up the good work I hope you will continue with this story. Thanks
Well this looks interesting, nicely done so far.
I hope to see a new chapter soon, nice job once more!
Dustchu away~