Secret Agent Flutters

by KnightSpiritWolf

Tocxi

I shush the Doctor as we walk even closer to Tocxi's hideout. I trot up to the door quietly and tap it with my yellow hoof. It opens with a quiet creak. Maybe that's how Clutterflim got out. I walk inside, the Doctor close behind. We stay as close to the cold ground as we can.

"Who's there!?" A familiar voice screams throughout the entire hideout, "I can smell you! Fluttershy?" The voice sounds closer.

"Yes, it's is I, Agent Shy-" I cut myself off and stare at the Griffon before me. Tocxi isn't a Griffon! That's Gilda! Memories of the past swallow me into the darkness and I stare at her with fear.

"Gilda the Griffon!" I force myself to sound fearless.

"Who is Gilda?" The Doctor sounded curious as usual.

"Who is this?" Gilda asked with an angry expression.

"Oh, hello," the Doctor smiled, "I'm the Doctor."

"Oh, yes, the traveling pony in the Police Box!" Gilda looked away then back at us.

"I know why you are here!" Gilda walked forwards a bit, "and I'm not happy about It!" Gilda ran at me with a great force and she knocks me off my feet. I go flailing in the air and fall on the cold floor. Pain burned my stomach and I looked up at her. I still am haunted by that Day of the Darkness, I call It that. Whenever I was walking in Ponyville and bumped into Gilda, she yelled at me! I don't know why but I kept having nightmares about it! I get up on my hooves and charge at her. I suddenly fall limp and she hits me with her large wings. I go blind.

"Fluttershy! Long time no see!" Pinkie Pie gets ready to throw a vanilla cupcake with chocolate frosting at my face.

"Oh, yes." I smile and get ready for the sugary-good taste of frosting to fill my mouth and smother my face.

"Totally!" Pinkie smiles and throws the cupcake. I awake with a jump and the Doctor stood before me.

"Run." He grabs my hoof and we race off somewhere to hide. Gilda roared behind us.

"What's wrong?" The Doctor asks quietly once we were hidden for a few moments.

"I- I keep remembering a dark memory of the past with me and Tocxi, I mean Gilda!" I say still frightened out of my hooves.

"You can do this. Don't let the past haunt you," the Doctor suddenly looks to the floor, "even if it's somepony you love."

"Somepony you love! Doctor, what's wrong? Gilda sneered, "you loved somepony once didn't you!? Roseluck, wasn't it? Where is she now?"

"She's gone..." the Doctor stared at her with such power and anger. I stared in amazement.

"But where?" Gilda stepped forward.

"Somewhere safe!" He grabbed a peculiar object from his saddlebag and pointed it at her. It made an odd buzzing noise. Gilda hunched down and winced. Still, the Doctor stood there. It felt like hours.

"Doctor! You can stop now!" I joined in, "Doctor!" The noise stopped and he put the object back. He stepped back and looked at me.

"You need to go out there and defeat Gilda. You have too. I have seen the future. This is a fixed point in time. They can't be changed. I'm sorry." The Doctor stared at me. 'Fixed point in what now?' I thought hard for a moment.

"Something is going to happen. I can see it in your blue eyes." I stared back at him, "what is going to happen?"

The Doctor sighed with a ting of sadness, "Y- you might now be able to fly again." he forced out.

"What... I- N-n-no!" I sigh and fix my gaze on Gilda then back at the Doctor. 'I have to save Equestria...' "I'll do it..." I say, I start trembling with fear. A tear filled with determination falls out of my eye as I face Gilda.

"There you are!" Gilda turned and faced me.

"Good luck..." the Doctor sighs.

I extend my wings and float up. I know what I had to do. Anger pulsed through me. The darkness that had once frightened me shall no longer scare me! I look towards my wings. They were on fire! I didn't feel a flame. I look back at Gilda, trying to look like I knew what was going on. She stared in defeat. The red flame made the dark hideout seem much lighter in the rundown room. I close my eyes. I imagine my friends and smile. My eyes open and I hit Gilda with such a force from my wings. I had too. All of Equestria would be ruined. But now, no. My wings grew brighter as I flapped my wings once and hit Gilda even harder. Darkness swallows me whole. I feel pain. But do I really? Am I dreaming?

I open my eyes. I am in the agency. Wait hold on. The agency hospital. My 5 PFF's stood there. The Doctor was behind all of them.

"Fluttershy! You're all right!" Twilight smiled with relief and exhaustion in her eyes. I must have been out for a while. Pain came from my stomach and wings. I stare at my sore wings. Blood still came out of them. Feathers were torn and the reek of the red blood filled the room. I scrunched my yellow nose.

"But your wings..." Rainbow Dash stared at them, "we know what happened."

"Oh..." I say with such weakness. I didn't think it would come out like that, "Apple Jack, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Rarity, Twilight, you all are here for me! I am so sorry for not telling you!"

"Oh, It's mighty fine, Sugar Cube." Applejack smiles with affection.

"I love you all!" I sniff with happiness.

"Well, I have to go now." The Doctor sighed, "see you later, Secret Agent Flutters," he smiled and winked at me then trotted out of the room. I knew where he was going. I will see him later on in my life but as a different looking pony.

Author's Note:

Tell me what you think! If you think this is kind of rushed, I do too. You don't have to inform me about it in the comments. As always, thx for reading!

Comments

[Inthretis]

This story has some issues.

1. Probably needs a crossover tag because of Doctor Who. Not really that tragic, so maybe remove tragedy. Maybe OC tag because of Toxci, Zaine, Scorchfeather, Fluttershy's dad and Clutterflim.

2. PACING. We were introduced to Fluttershy's secret past with no explanation, at least spend a few paragraphs explaining why she's a secret agent, or why she pretends to be shy.

We are introduced to Scorchfeather and Zaine, who have so little personality and are only around for 500 words.

Next you have Fluttershy's dad, who is shown for about three sentences and never mentioned again. Either expand on this or take it out.

The Doctor is seriously out of character. He knows the future but not Fluttershy, Gilda knows him, but he doesn't know Gilda (he is famous though, but this should be explained).

Clutterflim was introduced so randomly, at least some more stuff with him. Why is Fluttershy, the apparently awesome secret agent, always getting kdnapped and/or pinned down so easily? This happened twice in less than 3000 words, which is probably a record.

Toxci is your villain, but the only thing I know about him is his name. Who is he? Why is he a villain? Motivation? Back story? Your story should at least answer some of these questions.

I don't even know why Gilda is here. She's just here for some reason.

It is also way too fast. From what I've seen, the small amount of info you have could be turned into 50k+ epic adventure, with great characterization on Fluttershy and her past, and on the Doctor's guilt (if you don't even know what guilt I'm talking about, then you really shouldn't write about Doctor Who).

3. References. Fallout Equestria, Roseluck and fixed points all stick out like a sore thumb. I like references as much as the next guy, and this is a random fic, but they don't really do anything at all. They don't even feel random. Except for the fallout one, it was just weird.

4. The agency. Super secret agency that Fluttershy works at? This could be so many awesome things, but you don't even describe the room they're in. You really should focus on the agency.

5. Description. Get more. You have almost none.

So... Take my advice if you want to, or not, but that just means this fic won't get any better. It did have readable formatting and okay grammar.

Interesting concept, the first secret agent Fluttershy I've ever seen.

[KnightSpiritWolf]

Just saying, I am not the best writer ever. I am pretty new to this. I will take advice and I am working on this story a bit don't worry. I have not read Fallout Equestria. (I have but not all of it, only like 1 chapter) But thanks. I am working on a back story so yeah. I am fixing the errors right away!

[KnightSpiritWolf]

I forgot that I had the Fallout Equestria thing in it lol.

[UfUnNyF1r3nd]

I likes :3