Lazy Assistant Language Teacher in Shizuoka(Silent Hill), Japan. Brony avatar created with General Zoi's Pony Creator V3 http://generalzoi.deviantart.com/art/Pony-Creator-v3-397808116
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She was an Element. She could be near her, and that was enough. Or at least it used to be. The Elements were returned, and now her sweetest dreams tormented her.
She would do anything for a reason to be by her side again.
Tags and Characters subject to change as the story continues.
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Well, that was a nice start. I just hope you won't torture Applejack by having some random noble prancing around Twi without any resistance from the three Canterlot princesses.
Also:
It seems like a part went missing here.
4010365 Yep, because upload from Google Docs hates all people. Thanks for that, I'll fix it right up.
wow... This seems really good so far!
id love to see where this goes from here, and it almost sounds like you could make it into an adventure story, you have a good start for one at least!
I did see a few things like...
"Not more than a few day, I expect."... that's one, I cant seem to find the other one or two I saw... oh well you did good enough if that's all I could find!
Keep up the amazing work! We know you have it in you, just look at this first chapter and hopefully its just one of many more to come!
4010712
I love the stories that you just gave as examples and I agree that this does have that potential!
Man if this can even come close to Forbidden Fruit/Unintended... I dont know what I would do... die happy probably!
4010715
4010712
Thanks, though I think you might think a little too highly of my ability to write.
That being said, I love those works, as well as the recent inroads bats and bookplayer have made into the TwiJack Arena. In fact, I was a little bit hesitant to post this when I was wrapping it up, because bats' excellent Rolling With the Punches was published so recently. It touched on a lot of the same themes I wanted to. However, after some waffling back and forth on the issue, I decided to go ahead with it. I suspect you already read their works, but if you haven't I highly recommend them.
This is the first TwiJack I have ever actually enjoyed. I usually stick to TwiDash. I will be keeping an eye on this one.
I think Applejack would be worried the nobles come down to Ponyville like the pleague to try and whoo Twilight in person, thinking the inexperince bookworm can't stop face advancement and Celestia can't exactly stop them if she says they have freedom to do as they wish as long as they follow the law. I can also see Sir Applejack stand guard to keep them away, using 'Protecting Twi' as an excuse. One to infurate the opertustic nobles, and the second to show she is closer to the Princess then they ever are. I think Rarity would be happy to see a certain Prince who think only a Princess whould be a good match.
Anyway, keep up the work.
4013438 I'd consider that a very nice compliment. What about this chapter was enjoyable to you, if you wouldn't mind sharing?
I think you're off to a decent start. TwiJack is the best pairing in my opinion of the Mane 6. Hope you do find the help you're looking for.
I didn't think Big Mac needed to insert himself just yet to release a buildup of an explosion that I could see coming down the road. Also, the assumption he made that it was one of the other Mane 6 was presumptuous, in my opinion.
Also, the fact that AJ is thinking/dreaming of foals this early, before the relationship even exists, is cause for concern.
4014980
Those are all fair criticisms, though if I may be allowed a rebuttal? As far as Big McIntosh's involvement this early in the story, you do need to remember, that Applejack's work and sleep have been interrupted for around three weeks by now. So there's already a background to that build up that would have been a lot of unnecessary effort to kickstart the story, and I imagine only the hardiest of readers would have stuck around that long.
His assumption was given a lot of time for consideration, and Applejack's assertion that it would make things worse if any of the other mane 6 knew was more than what he needed. Especially in light of Applejack's assumption ability in Filli Vanilli when she literally guesses the entire series of events up to the discovery of Fluttershy singing Big McIntosh's part of the song with the only lead being the turkey call contest *gobblegobble*.
As for Applejack already thinking about children, well, who's to say she wouldn't want any? Especially when you think about how important family is to her. Add in the fact that her attraction to Twilight both physically and emotionally began at or near the moment they met, and it isn't too large a leap.
So, ultimately, this fic is based off of the assumptions that: 1. Applejack is romantically interested in Twilight and has been since they met. 2. Big McIntosh is as perceptive as Applejack and has had three weeks to put two and two together.
I hope that clears up any confusion, and helps aid in your enjoyment of the story. Thanks for taking the time to voice your concerns, it means a lot for a writer to hear back from the readers, especially in this community, I think.
4015080
I understand the Big Mac conversation now. Thanks for helping me clear that up.
True, but the idea that Twilight is carrying the foal instead of Applejack is...odd. With Applejack thinking of family and her being a mare, it would infer that she would be the one carrying no matter who her mate was. It falls under my definition of motherhood. Or my headcanon of what Applejack thinks it is.
4015130
Dreams often don't make the best of sense, you know? I have a recurring nightmare, though I'm lucky I haven't had it in quite some time, that I'm being chased by a troll resembling the ones from Ernest Scared Stupid. In that nightmare, the only way to avoid the troll's notice is to wear flannel, and for whatever reason, everyone is wearing flannel but me.
Though I will say that AJ's dream in this case is more of her focusing on Twilight and her hope that one day the two of them will have a family together. That manifests this time as a pregnant Twilight because she is the focus of Applejack's attention, and thus is the subject of the impregnation in the dream.
4013196
and dont be afraid to post something just because someone else already did the same ish theme as you would have. you would most likely have an entirely different way to go about telling the story than they did, same story different approach. Remember no idea is ever original, just how different you choose to go about it may be what the reader would prefer! never know unless you try, right?
I believe you dont give yourself enough credit!
and yes I have read their works
Do you realize how happy you've made me? This is basically the story idea I had kicking around in my head for ages, but haven't had the time to write! From the oncoming knighthood, the possible noble intrigue, and the fear of losing Twi because of no real connecting "link" with the releasing of the Elements...The only thing missing is some justified fear for Twi's life and unresolved guilt over the Changeling Invasion! I COULD KISS YOU.
Ohoho! Knight-protector AJ! I like it!
That's a type of story I wanted to read for a long time. Thanks for writing this.
I'm really enjoying this one, as the interaction between the leads is really sweet. Plus, who can argue with the idea of Applejack being Nobility, or gaining a knighthood. She takes down Timberwolves and chimera all the time. I'm curious as to how Rarity and Dash would react to her new titles... And generally how AJ herself will, for that matter.
Looking forward to seeing where this goes!
while i always love a good twijack ship, it always bugs the shit outta me when both parties love each other, but one party mentions they like someone, and then the other character gets put off because they don't think they have a chance. and i know that this is one of the plots that make a good shipping story, but that doesn't mean it's not annoying. it's like when you watch or read a drama filled story. through the entire thing, your cursing the characters for being so fucking stupid, but then you praise the series because it's so enticing!
.....i'm weird.
4107898
That, my good friend, is called dramatic irony. It's a story telling device where the readers know more information than the characters. It's been a mainstay of literature for a very, very long time. It in no way means that either of the characters is stupid, and if it were truly as annoying to most readers, it would have died as a writing convention a long time ago.
4107903 exactly! it's annoying enough to be annoying, but not annoying enough to make you stop reading! it's like a freaking video game.....
Such a good story! Im to asleep to really post my thoughts on this...
But keep up the amazing work! I am loving this!
4107913
The Skinner Box of fiction.
We are moving away from what I feared could happen. That is good, and you have my interest. Handle it with care.
Furthermore, I find this story to be well written. Very descriptive without becoming too wordy or boring, and I like the characterization quite a bit.
Though I also have to say that the pacing in this new chapter is a bit fast for my taste, with Twilight already entering the romance, but that is far from a dealbreaker.
This looks pretty good so far! A minor complaint about the writing though - don't write as if your reader hasn't watched the show. "Her little sister, Applebloom." feels like an intro to a character we already know. Similarly, you seem to recap a lot of events from earlier episodes, and that's just not necessary. Stuff like that can be trimmed down on, improving the flow of the narration. Other than that, looks good! Though it seems odd they wouldn't tell the others first. And a very quick decision by AJ there, but if it's her heart thinking...
I'll agree with the pacing being a little too fast. Also, subtle hints are not so subtle. While I can believe Twilight not picking up on it, Applejack being coy about it seems out-of-character at least while maintaining a straight face.
Ohohoho, accidental dream sharing?
Me likey.
4109316
I can see what you mean with the narrative being somewhat bogged down with references to characters and earlier events of the show. It's a writing style choice, though. If you look at authors who have rather long book series, they tend to do this in each book. Take R.A. Salvatore's The Legend of Drizzt for example. In each novel, of the 25 novel series, established characters get a sentence or two for description.
Also, Applejack is definitely following her heart here. Have a safety helmet.
4109611
I hadn't realized that Applejack was coming off as coy. There are several times where she can't meet either Spike's or Twilight's eyes as she is skirting the truth of the matter. I'll keep an eye on that in the future.
4109170
Twilight hasn't necessarily entered the romance yet. While it is true that she is aware of her growing feelings for Applejack, they are far from involved. For now it's simply dramatic irony to frustrate the readers, in a good way. I think BronyPonyMan is a fine example of such a reader.
I was gonna walk past this one like I've done with hundreds of other fics. But then I saw the Aj-twi.
You had my attention.
Then I started reading. Not just some slapdash romance cobbled together out of the boredom of a writer trying to do a slightly underdone pair, but thought out, purposeful. Enticing. Bravo I say.
You have my favorite in anticipation for this going big.
4110510
I still don't know what made me click this story, as I hate any ships that involve Twi or Rainbow Dash unless it's TwiDash. But, this one caught my attention, and I have a nice paradox for you:
I hate this ship, but I love the story.
Good work on the story, so keep up the work.
I know it's been a while, but pleas don't let this die. I would love to see this update! As a Matter of fact I have been waiting for a new chapter from the first time read it!
Is Luna being a Troll. Cause I don't see any reason why Twilight should of had that dream unless Luna is trying to influence it or she is just trolling them because she is a DREAM CREEPER!
5385033
I don't think she's trolling that hard here. Since the Restful Respite spell "makes sleep more productive by letting a well rested unicorn share the burden," it's somewhat fitting that Twilight would take the dream herself since that is Applejack's "burden" during her sleep. Luna walks through dreams and knows who the dream belongs to, so I'm not surprised she finds it amusing that Twilight is now having the same dream that Applejack has been having. She may not know why, but amusing none the less.
She is, however, playing matchmaker a little by dropping Applejack's name as Twilight's knight when she knows of Applejack's dreams.
5774395 I wasn't being serious. lots of people on the internet make fun of Celestia and Luna for being trolls. I was just trying to be funny. I'm also though a bit sad that this story and many others i like sit dormant. I understand the authors have actual lives to attend to but it still saddens me to see many (Especially Twijack) stories sit in oblivion.
5775555 I'm a twijack fan myself so I feel your pain there.
I would love to see this update...
I wish this story would get an upadte, because so far it's really good!
Would you mind update this?