Chapter 4: I will give you a chance! (first half)
Two Worlds p1
Chapter 4: I will give you a chance!
Planet: Equestria
Location: The path towards Ponyville
Time: 1759 hours
The air was thick with silence, no one said a word or made a move. The only noise that could be heard was the ruffling of nearby leaves in the wind and the flapping sound of Rainbow’s wings.
“You” the word echoed inside Ice’s head like if it was a virus infecting his mind. Ice stared at Fluttershy with emotionless eyes, completely unsure of what to do. Fluttershy slowly stood back up on to her hooves as Ice’s cold stare followed her tear filled eyes. Ice broke the silence by a question.
“Does anyone know of a quite location?” Ice asked aloud. All the girls but Ghost were confused of the question.
“What?” Rainbow asked as she scratched the back of her head.
“The best location would be the lake on the outskirts of Ponyville.” Twilight answered as she looked at Ice with a puzzled look on her face, trying to figure out why. Ice turned his head to look at Twilight.
“Which diction is that?” Ice asked. Twilight, Rainbow, Applejack and Pinkie all pointed a hoof in the diction of the lake. Ice nodded his head in thanks, and started walking in the diction the girls pointed out, without saying a word.
“Ice?” Fluttershy mumbled under her breath. Ice didn’t respond but he did stop dead in his tracks. The air had a very tense aroma that was thick. Like time itself had stopped. Fluttershy was breathing heavily trying to find the strength to speak, but only a whisper came out.
“Did I do something wrong?” Fluttershy asked whispered quieter than a mouse. Ice didn’t turn to look at her.
“No you didn’t?” Ice said with no emotion behind it and started to walk to the lake again but then broke in to a full sprint. Fluttershy was about to open her mouth to speak, but Ghost cleared her throat. All the girls looked towards Ghost.
“Leave him be for now. He needs time to think.” Ghost said as she watched Ice walking away. Ghost turned to look at the girls.
“Emotions, are… difficult for Ice to handle. He has been like this his whole life, just going form mission to mission just following orders, with me by his side.” Ghost said as she looked form mare to mare, looking right in to their eyes, trying to see what they were thinking. As Ghost continued.
“So just give him time to act on his emotions, even with me it hard act on them sometimes.” Ghost finished explaining, but Pinkie spoke up.
“Why is it hard for Ice to feel his emotions, I mean Crackly was all moody and all but I was able to get him to smile and find love… (gasp) maybe I can help Ice.” Pinkie spoke in rapid section and was about to run after Ice but before Pinkie got 2 meters Ghost had darted in front of Pinkie and glared at her.
Pinkie backed away slowly, once Pinkie was next to Rarity, Ghost dropped her glare and sighed.
“Pinkie you remember what me and Ice are right.” Ghost asked, Pinkie nodded.
“Well what me and Ice have been through is not easy to forget and sometimes memories like can destroy emotions making people to love, be happy, to care… it’s… just impossible. Because happy memories are replaced with memories of pain, misery and suffering. Me and Ice have been through this at a very young age.” Ghost said she looked down at the ground.
The girls stood there in silence, taking in what Ghost had said.
“Come on, we should move on.” Ghost said as she continued to walk back to Ponyville. The rest of the girls just looked at Ghost, then towards the direction Ice walked off to and back to Ghost. As if they were looking at two options of who to follow. It only took a second for the girls to make up their minds and began to follow Ghost back the Ponyville.
But one yellow mare didn’t move a inch, and only looked off in the direction Ice went.
Inside Fluttershy’s head was a battle going on of whom to follow. Dose she follow the stallion that she had fallen for or dose follow the others and go with the flow.
(Inside Fluttershy’s head) “Come on Fluttershy, COME ON FLUTTERSHY! MAKE UP YOUR MIND! Do I Ice and try to make this right, or will that make things worse? What if I follow the others then what see if Ghost has any advice? What do I do?” Fluttershy thought to herself, as the mental battle for answers continued. Fluttershy stood there for a few seconds but someone called her name.
“Fluttershy are you coming or not?” Rainbow called out to her, snapping Fluttershy out of her trances.
Fluttershy looked towards Rainbow but Fluttershy didn’t say anything, and just broke in to a full sprit in the direction Ice went.
“Fluttershy where are you going?” Rainbow asked as she called out to her.
The others turned around to see what all the fuss was about. To see Fluttershy running off the girls started calling out Fluttershy’s name trying to get her attention, but Fluttershy ignored them just continued running.
“Come on we have to go after her.” Applejack said as she looked back at the others. The rest of the girls nodded their heads and were about to go. But Ghost spoke up.
“Let her go.” Ghost said. The girls turned back to look at her but Ghost just looked off in the direction Fluttershy running.
“Why? Fluttershy is our friend, we need to be there for her.” Twilight said stating the facts as she frowned at Ghost. The rest started to back Twilight by lining up next to with unfriendly looks towards Ghost.
Ghost just sighed as she continued to watch Fluttershy run over a hill and out of site.
“Because this is something that she needs to do alone.” Ghost looked at the girls and continued. “Because here is a fact Twilight if you keep doing everything for her, when you believe she is going to fail she will never grow stronger. Fluttershy will just be the same, all ways scared of her own shadow. If you let her fight, her own inner demons… she will feel much better about herself and enjoy life to the full.” Ghost pointed a hoof at Twilight and the others. “That why you need her to fight this alone. But help her when she needs it.” Ghost finished. Twilight, Pinkie, Applejack, Rainbow and Rarity were in shock that not only did Ghost had Fluttershy’s best intentions in mind but she found a way that Fluttershy grow stronger from it.
One by one the girls lowered their eyes in the ground deep in thought as Ghost’s words echoed inside their heads.
“Twilight!” A voice called out form the form the distant. All the girls and Ghost looked to the diction of the voice, to Spike running right at them.
“Spike is something wrong?” Twilight asked concerned. The rest of the girls and Ghost surprisingly ready themselves for any bad news. Spike stopped in front of the group but the sad thing was he was completely out of breath.
“Twi… light… (gasp) prin… cess… (gasp) pony… ville… (gasp)…” Spike continued to try to speak with no air in his bloody lungs.
“Sugar-cube, take a deep breaths and then say what’s on your tough.” Applejack said as Spike was clearly dying on the spot. Spike took Applejack advice and took in several deep breaths, then spoke clearly now. (I can see clearly now that the rain as gone… sorry back to the story)
“It Princess Celestia, Princess Luna and… Blueblood, they on their way to Ponyville.” Spike said but spat out Blueblood’s name as if it as sour to his tough. The girls gasp or groaned annoyed at hearing Blueblood arrival.
“I am going to guess that everyone here hates Blueblood right?” Ghost asks everyone out of the blue.
“Who did you know that we hated that… that disgusting pig.” Rarity said as Ghost believed that she was a vain on Rarity’s forehead for a second, as Rarity went in to rage mode.
“Well all of you had surprise or looks of joy on your face but as so as the word Blueblood came out every one of you had a face of disgust or clearly hate for him.” Ghost said as she put a hoof on Rarity’s solder. Rarity nodded and calmed down a bit.
“Well as they are on their so we really, really, really, really, really get back to the library. It needs to the spotless, SPOTLESS!” Twilight yelled as she
started to panic, but before anyone could calm her down Twilight teleported everyone to the library.
Location: Ponyville Library / Twilight’s house
Time: 1812 hours
A big flash of light engulf the empty, once the white light died down 6 mares and a baby dragon now filled the empty library. With Twilight having a panic attack darting around the library all the books that, were out back on the shelves as the rest of the girls and Spike just watched her darting around. But in all the excitement a certain someone that had ever teleported before was having a problem.
“What the fuck was that?” Ghost asked aloud as she swayed left to right because of her brain was doing back flips inside her skull and she fighting to stop herself from throwing up. Pinkie, Rainbow, Rarity, Applejack and Spike all looked back at Ghost.
“Are you alright Ghost, because you look like you are about to throw up? Like me when I eat too many sour sweets.” Pinkie asked as tilled her head to the side. Ghost looked up at Pinkie with a grim look but Ghost saw Spike run in to the kitchen, then back out a second later with a bucket in his claws. Ghost was about to say “I’m fine” but her body said otherwise.
“Ghost! Bucket!” Spike yelled as he ran up to her and handed her the bucket. Ghost quick grabbed the bucket with both her hoofs and emptied the contents of her stomach in to the bucket.
“Oh dear, this is Ghost first time teleporting?” Rarity said to herself. Rainbow reply to Rarity.
“I guess so I don’t Ghost or Ice would of teleported back in their world.” Rainbow said as she hovered there and put a hoof to her chin, deep in thought.
“What the fu-(throwing up sound)!” Ghost trying to speak but… (Well you readers get the idea).
“First teleporting sickness, it happens to everypony how teleports for the first time. It will ware off in a minute or two.” Rarity said as looked at Ghost who spat in to the bucket.
For about 5 minutes later Ghost had improved a lot but still felt like shit. Applejack put a hoof on Ghost solder and Ghost looked at her.
“You feeling better sugar-cube?” Applejack said as she put on a soft smile as Ghost just nodded. She looked around the library to see Twilight still dashing around but this time with several dusters in her magic, dusting several sleeves at once. Ghost all so saw Pinkie setting up several party snacks on the centre table. Rainbow was de-webbing the all the corners of the roof. Spike was in the kitchen mopping the floor. And Rarity was making several flower boutiques and doted them around the room. Ghost looked down at the bucket in front of her and she felt bad about not doing anything.
“Applejack I am going to the bathroom to empty the bucket.” Ghost informed Applejack.
“Ok, I go help the others with whatever needs doing.” Applejack said with nod. Ghost smirked back and picked up the bucket handle in her teeth and walked up stairs.
Few seconds later Twilight and the others finished the library with only seconds to spare before a flash of white light filled the room and three new ponies filled the room. The first one was a white Alicorn with and rainbow mane and tail, her name was Princess Celestia the goddess of the sun. The second Ailcorn was dark blue with a night sky mane and tail, her name was Princess Luna the goddess of the moon. And the third pony is the royal pain in the Jack-ass… Blueblood.
Twilight and girls bowed their head towards to Celestia and Luna but no to the dip-stick prince.
“Hmm, this is the place, a horrible, unclean, old library.” Blueblood said in disgust with his nose flicked up. Twilight and others glare at Blueblood but smiled as Celestia and Luna walked up to them.
“Twilight, Pinkie, Applejack, Rarity and Rainbow it is good to see you all again.” Celestia said in calm almost and motherly voice.
“We also gland to see thee again.” Luna said in the old tough.
"It is good to see you both." Twilight said with a large smile. Celestia back then looked around as she looking for someone.
"Twilight, the letter you sent me said something about two other ponies?" Celestia asked Twilight. Twilight just blushed realizing that Celestia and Luna’s reason for coming was not here in the room. But before Twilight could respond Blueblood spoke.
"She just is wasting your time and my time, with her lies aunty Celestia." Blueblood said with a very displeased voice.
"Hey, Twilight never lied! Rainbow yelled as she point a hoof at Blueblood." Blueblood face was one of shock and disgust.
"How dare you, you little…" Blueblood was cut off as the sound of a hoof slamming on to the floor at the top of the stairs. As Celestia, Luna and Blueblood had their backs to the stairs, all three for them turned around as the others just looked up.
Ghost stood at the top of the stairs looking down at everyone, she was washing out the bucket in the sink after she had emptied it to the toilet, but that was before she heard new voices down stairs and went to investigate. What is found three new ponies two large ones and a male.
"Who are you?" Ghost said a grim look on her face. Celestia and Luna looked at the new pony with a uncertain feeling, as watched the mare that was probably 2-3 inches taller than most stallions, three or four times more muscle on he that a royal guard and the scars all over her body was a clear sign that she is a fighter of some like… a very deadly one at that.
"Can you not me. I am a prince, you disgusting brute." Blueblood yelled back at Ghost. Ghost eyes locked on to him and she started to make her way down the stairs. *Thud* *Thud* *Thud* was all that could be heard as Ghost down the stair not taking her eyes off of Blueblood. Celestia and Luna stood that watching and wanting to know how the new pony will reach act. The rest of the girls watched as the scene unfolded in front of them.
Twilight was praying that Ghost wouldn’t crush Blueblood in to dust, as she remember the market rely that day. Rarity and Rainbow both hoped the Ghost would knock him in to the ground. Applejack hoping that is wouldn’t become a bloodbath. And Pinkie well was being Pinkie.
Ghost was only 3 inches form Blueblood face as she looked down at him with a glare that was at a nuclear level of death. Blueblood was cowering away for the mare in pure fear.
"Aunty Celestia help!" Blueblood whimpered out. Ghost started giggle then in to full blown laughter. Blueblood back away even more, as everyone else looked at Ghost if she had got mad that confused them all.
"That is so sad and pathetic!" Ghost said as her laughter had died down.
"What?" Celestia asked in complete confused.
"What kind of male are you? You call your aunty to fight your battles for you, huh? You spineless coward, you are just so bloody pathetic." Ghost started to rant with a glare that would have made Blueblood look like he died for a direct hit form a MAC canon from the stratosphere. (Happy thoughts)
"As a male let me give you some advice…" Ghost said as Blueblood that was most or less lying on his stomach. Ghost continued “…GROW A PAIR OF BALLS! YOU FUCKER!” Ghost finish yelled at him at point blank with a grill sergeant voice. Everyone back away even Celestia and Luna form Ghost outburst. Ghost continued to glare at Blueblood, but soon she noticed a puddle forming under Blueblood and soon the smell of piss it Ghost’s nose.
"Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! No way Ghost made Blueblood wet himself, ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! That’s classic. Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!" Rainbow said as her ribs started to hurt form laughing so hard. But before anything could happen Blueblood was teleported out of the library back to whatever whole he crawled out of. Ghost turned the source of the teleportation to see the light form Celestia’s horn died down.
"Normally I would have had to arrest you. But I can see that these a lot more to you than meets the eye." Celestia said as she gave Ghost a very serious look. Ghost walked up to Celestia. Ghost was half Celestia’s height. Celestia looked to Ghost’s cold yellow eyes and she could almost feel all the pain and suffering what Ghost had been through, and this made Celestia afraid but she Celestia hind it form Ghost.
"I know you are not form our world, form the Twilight sent was very detailed and the average pony knows who me and Luna are. And you show no knowledge of both of us." Celestia said stating the fact.
"So why did you not have me arrested then. If you should of?" Ghost asked with an eye brow raised. Celestia and Luna looked at each other but both smiled with a nod from Luna, Celestia continued.
"But it is so rare to see some pony stand up to Blueblood, so tried to enjoy the moment while it lasted but making him wet himself was a bit far." Celestia said with an unsure look on her face.
“His problem that he gets scared easily, not mine.” Ghost said with a shrugging of her shoulders. Celestia nodded and then looked to Twilight and others but then noticed that Fluttershy was missing.
"Where is Fluttershy?" Celestia asked the girls.
"Fluttershy is with Ghost brother Ice." Twilight said as the rest the girls nodded happy to their princess’s.
"Brother?" Luna asked as she looked towards Ghost. Ghost just nodded confirming.
"I just hope Fluttershy and Ice get their little problem sorted out." Rarity said as she put a hoof to her chin.
"What little problem?" Celestia asked as she looked towards Rarity.
"Oh, Oh, Oh, let me tell the story." Pinkie asked as she popped up and down. Celestia smiled at Pinkie joyous nature.
"Ok Pinkie, you can tell story." Celestia said with a smile playing a long with Pinkie antics. Luna rolled her eyes as a smile graced her lips.
"Well it all started…" Pinkie began but the author cut her off to change the scene. (I’m just a bastard)
Location: Ponyville Lake
Time: 1806 hours
Ice stood at the edge of the lake as he catches his breath. Ice just stood there looking at his refection in the crystal clear water. He stared at the pony that was him but he could swear I second ago he saw him in his Spartan armour looking right at him, with every scratch and dent as clear as day in the refection. But the one thing that scared him was that the visor of the Spartan Ice was a reflection of the pony vision of himself.
"Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!" Ice yelled as he slammed his hoof to the water, destroying the reflection. He stood there in silent’s listening to the sound of the world around him. soon he heard some hoof steps off in distant, which were getting closer. He looked up to see Fluttershy running towards him and stopping at the water’s edge. Fluttershy stood there breathing heavily, looking at Ice form the other side of the lake.
Almost like a mirror both Fluttershy and Ice started walking around to the lake edge towards each other. Soon Fluttershy and Ice stood a meter for each other, both of them not saying a word. It was like this for a few minutes, because Fluttershy was scared to speak up and Ice had no idea of what to say. The silent’s was almost painful for the both of them but Ice broke the silent.
"I will it a chance." Ice said as he looked off to the side. Fluttershy’s ears perked up a bit as she hoped that what Ice had said was true.
"What?" Fluttershy asked as she took a step forward closer to Ice.
"I say I will give this… relationship thing a chance." Ice said as he sounded a little uncomfortable. A smile gracefully appeared on Fluttershy’s lips and tears started forming on the corner of her eyes.
"Really… you are going to… give me… a… a chance." Fluttershy said as a whisper, under the wind. Ice looked up in to Fluttershy’s eyes and walked up to her, until their faces were only 2 inches apart.
"Yes, I am Fluttershy." Ice said with a small smile on his own face. Fluttershy’s smile got a little bigger as happiness filled her heart. Fluttershy was about to move in to a kiss, but Ice beat her to it. Fluttershy was surprised at first but she didn’t complain and lend in to the kiss enjoying every second of it. Both Fluttershy and Ice broke the kiss and just enjoy the peace and each other’s company.
(Picture this, you are looking at Fluttershy and Ice form the other side of the lake both Fluttershy and Ice happy with their new found relationship. But you look down to the water’s edge to see Fluttershy and Ice reflection, you hope to see a perfect mirror image on the water… you see wrong, you see Fluttershy as a pony and Ice as a human, armed head to toe in Spartan armour and armed to the teeth with weapons.)
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...Why do the Spartans need to be reformed? I've never played the Halo series, but aren't they the good guys?
7111245 Yup, that they are.
They're also efficient to an almost unholy level at killing, destroying, blowing up, and otherwise making their enemies dead without question. That's probably what spurred this on.
Who said that? Pinkie, are you breaking the fourth wall again?
I'd recommend keeping personal commentary such as this out of the story. Had it been written in a first person point of view, such commentary could have been found acceptable but right now, it only ruins the readers immersion into the story, as well as possibly upsetting people who don't share your opinion about Blueblood. Of course, you can still keep this style of story writing if you wish, it's just my personal recommendation.
Same thing here. The story loses some of it's charm when a character is introduced only to fill no significant role besides showing how much the author hates him.
I'm having some trouble really understanding what was said here. It feels like you tried merging two different sentences into one. The first half of the chapter seemed much more refined and less prone to having mind puzzles like this. You have improved since your first chapter, but you have a long way to go. My suggestion is to get an editor and let him/her point out your mistakes, letting you fix them yourself. It's an effective learning method that will help you immensely. Just like me. Don't be scared or afraid, we all begin somewhere and we all have to learn if we wish to improve ourselves.
Too many repetitive uses of Ice's name. We know it's about him! Let me show how I would improve this segment.
"Ice stood at the edge of the lake as he caught his breath. He just stood there, looking at his refection in the crystal clear water. He stared at the pony that was him but Ice could have sworn that just a second ago, he had seen himself in his Spartan armour, looking right back at him,"
Alright. I get that you wanted your readers to get this picture, but this is kind of the wrong way of going about it. I'd say you'd either commission a picture for it instead, or write it in a way that flows into the narration of the story instead of trying to describe what is essentially a movie scene. Let me try and write an alternative.
"Holding each other close, they both felt different, but Ice still felt concerned. He was pony now, but why did it feel like he was still a spartan: standing on two legs, armoured to his toes and holding weapons of destruction? Why did he still feel like he couldn't move on?"
Now don't hold me to this, I'm not as invested into the whole "Halo" series as some and I might not have gotten the same atmosphere or given Ice the right personality or train of thought in this case, but this does paint something similar in the mind of the reader, no?
Also, all of this is me trying to help a fellow writer out. Constructive criticism, pointing out flaws and trying to help you fix them. This story has great potential, but it needs some improvements, love and care before it becomes a real diamond in the rough. Keep working, and I'm sure you'll do better. I hope this helps.
What gen of spartan are they? I hope they are spartan III because it would mean that they are a part of operation headhunter. Just base on the fact that they appear to be a two man teem of Spartans.
7114918 in the description of this story/book/thing it says that they are mark 3 Spartans.
It lives once again
well not for long 
7114918 Ghost and Ice are brother and sister, and yes they were part of operation headhunter but you will find more out in later chapters. they are Spartans mark 3
7120926 i know it as been a long time for you guys to wait but again my sorry but life does come first
7111245
They are the good guys they just are emotional stunted and prone to violence because of their sycophantic tendency's
Update?
Update?
Update?