When all of equestria is in danger, villains running amok and the mane six held hostage its up to some creative improvising to bring together these six wayward background ponies and bring them into the spotlight..when the main heroines are nowhere to be found its time to bring in...the second string. -cue A-team theme here-
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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WHOA.
*Holds up pre-reader sign*
You need to take off those walls of Text.
HA! YES! THIS IS WHAT I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR!
..................
Sorry. It's just that the first time I saw that picture, I've been waiting for somebody to write a fanfic for it. Thank you for seeing that happened!
My one pet peeve is the numerous grammar mistakes. Sorry. They just piss me off. A few tips, capitilize the i's in the word I and whenever a new pony starts talking, start a new paragraph. Also, I found it kinda weird that the doctor seemed to know exactly what was going on. Then again, he is a timelord. It's to be expected, I guess.
By the by, would you mind checking out my story? Thanks!
Also, I've started a group called Rookies on the Rise, and I'm hoping you'll join? I'm attempting to gather "rookie" authors in this group so they can post their stories in it to get more noticed. Hope you'll consider joining!
Keep on writing!
358587
Im actually in need of a pre reader Ive ben sick as of late and a beta reader would do me wonders >.< if your willing id love to have you on as mine...I write alot so theres alot of stories...I dont notice many of my mistakes when i am writing which makes my story suffer for it...I need an editor lol i was planning on getting my stuff edited before next chapter updates
358643
Ok, I'm going to copy your first chapter, run through it.
Then I'm going to break the wall of texts.
Then I will send it to you Via Private message.
EDIT: Ok I'm taking a closer look.
You are in desperate need of a Pre-reader.
Ok, I can probley get back to you, maybe by 8:46-9:00
358655
you are a heaven sent -hugs- your so getting credited for fixing my story up :D thanks again
358665
Hey, no prob.
Your a Brony, happy to help a fellow herd member.
i897.photobucket.com/albums/ac178/SupuhNeko/WelcomeToTheHerdGIF.gif
Now to start working.
Thanks for joining Rookies on the Rise! I'm happy to have you on board!
358594
Im glad you liked it XD and I joined your group, I do write alot so Ill post my stories to your Group wall..my first one here has almost 100 views in just 2 days!!!
I'l get progressively better considering now I have an amazing pre-reader so the stories should be less harmful to the brain now lol
358717
Well, like stated in the last comment, happy to have you on board!
Oh God the text slabs... Do something about it. It may seem like it takes up useless space, but believe me, that's better than a text slab. Especially for ADD like mine.
But actually, good beginning. And it's even better with the A-Team theme playing.
I'm looking forward to seeing where this goes.
358799
Yea dont worry that issues currently being resolved by my proof reader aka my savior and in the long run yours XD
ok for the sanity of all and thanks to the amazing lambrony Chapter 1 is now fixed!!!!! no more bleeding eyes XD
I noticed a problem in the description...
"...these six wayward background girls and..."
The Doctor is a girl?
Anyway, looks good, Tracking!
Very well written! Can't wait for more!
Just a friendly suggestion, make it longer. Add some descriptions, or something like that. Instead of the doctor answering Derpy's question right away, you should say something like "The doctor pondered for a moment" or something along those lines. I can tell this is something that you can see inside your head really clearly, It's just that you don't describe things too well (I admit, I have the same problem)
Also, the dialog went too fast for me. I am a fast reader so that may be why, but it did feel rushed. Try to slow it down a little. Like I said, more descriptions. Also, have the ponies who don't know what's going on (Meaning everyone but Dr. Whooves) ask some questions. Such as "What do you mean by dark miasma?" That way the readers can understand what is going on.
358878
Your getting some suggestions on some things.
Like Upinsmoke.
Try to describe a little more, if you want me too I can try too help.
-nods- Ill take it to heart and make the next chapter even better thamkyou all for your suggestions
" 'This is too weird though, it doesn’t make since, and I seem to figure out why every pony is gone.' " - "Since" should be sense and I'm assuming you forgot to add "can't" before "seem" to make it "I can't seem to figure out why every pony is gone."
Other than that, this is looking to be a pretty interesting story. I look forward to more chapters!
MOAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
