• Published 17th Feb 2014
  • 946 Views, 33 Comments

Dishonor Is Magic - SUPERCHARGER2001



Weeks and weeks pass by, and the bodies only pile up while the infestation covers more ground, Equestria is on the brink of financial collapse, they are the laughing stock of world nations, and no one seems to take it them very seriously anymore.

  • ...
11
 33
 946

Power And Sacrifice

Author's Note:

Hey, guys! I've got another story here, hope you all like it. Don't like or dislike the button unless you aboslutely hate the piece, I can't stress that enough that people seem to like pressing the button without giving a specific assumption to hating a story. If the grammar is bad, then dislike it. If the story is bad, I mean bad, I mean just silly, then dislike it. Don't dislike it because you don't entirely believe one part.

This is the prologue chapter, and I will explain Rarity and the others during the next. Alright, well then, have fun I hope you enjoy this as much as I had writing it.

If you feel that Corvo's backstory and mainstay for this story doesn't seem like it would fit, don't worry I'm working it all out. Though you must remember that Corvo might not even be here.

Inspired by Godspeed You! The Black Emperor, and Self Loath!

Took about three hours to create.

“What’s it got to do with her?” Princess Celestia cooed, sipping on her tea patiently as her sister was plodding around her room like a nervous wreck.


“She’s our newest princess in Equestria, already four years in the making.” Her voice slightly raised, before lowering itself. “And that does not qualify for what’s sweeping this dying nation, Celestia.” Luna refuted, her tone was sharp, meek, and quite open about the subject at hoof. Celestia constantly studied her irregular movements, keeping her eyes on her sister’s hooves. But couldn’t peel away the honest feel she was getting from her young, but eradicated sister.


“Hmm, what do you think we should do about it?” Celestia chirped, placing her unappealing drink down on the coffee table before walking out in the balcony. “Canterlot is still self-contained, there hasn’t been a single death in over a month. That’s what I call a success.”


“A success, yes.” Luna replied, her sister didn’t respond back so she continued on rambling. “But the odds won’t be in our favor soon, and you can expect another body count rise if we don’t apt our reputation with the rest of the world.”


“Twice, they already applied for two sanctions on the amount of bits we already receive, and that is more than an enough to get everyone start questioning our motives.” She sat back on her sister’s bed, placing her fore hooves over her face.


“We can make another cover story, surely they will fall for that.” Celestia countered, her voice was firm with the subject and her body language proved it. Barely moving an inch, she eyed her city and watched down below at the steam rising up and the smell of the smog encapsulating it as a whole.


“We would if we could, but times are changing, the world already knows about the plague being here. They know that our technology is updating a lot faster than anypony could comprehend. Some are already coming to the conclusion that we are a loss cause. And they might be right.” Luna ended her speech with a loud groan before stuffing a heart-shaped pillow down her face, she was thinking way too much about the situation but somepony had to. Celestia wasn’t doing it, at least she thought she wasn’t.


“Our recent discoveries were because of Twilight Sparkle, remember that. She is a fine princess, I don’t see the sense in why do we have talk about her when clearly we have more important matters to attend to.” Celestia fumed.


There was an awkward silence before Luna finally amended the silence.


“Look, I know she means something to you, she means a great asset to all of us. After all, she is our newest princess, but look at the facts. The plague is here, it transferred from Europonia to Equestria in a matter of weeks because Twilight instigated these new discoveries through wales in the Pacific Ocean. I mean it is bad enough that we are a society that doesn’t condone killing of animals, sea-life, or any life in general unless were in absolute danger. But no-”


“We are in danger, look at Equestria!” Celestia practically shouted out in the air, her hooves raised outward as she glares at her fine city. “It’s a mess! Dead bodies piled up on streets, numerous cities and villages are constantly quarantined. And the Underworld beneath our own city is on the brink of contamination from those bloody weepers! And it is one of the most violent places in all of Equestria, sure we don’t condone death, but how can we stop plague victims when we can’t even control the Underworld. It’s redundant to say that we don’t need the watch guard plan, it’s silly to think that we don’t need the walls of light, and it’s definitely silly to consider that we can survive without breaking the number one rule in our own country! And that is to kill or perhaps, starve any pony with any sort of contamination. Whether it be some poor stallion with rabies, or a mare coughing up on her own blood while she lies half-dead on some filthy street.” Celestia would’ve continued for ages, but she needed to catch her breath. Her sister felt small towards her once again, unable to match the power of essence and sincerity as her, she could never captivate the way Celestia explained things, no matter the size of the argument.


Luna whisked herself off the bed, and made her way towards her. Trying to keep a low end of the stick, she hastily decided hang on the right side of her big sister while she collected her thoughts.


Celestia’s tail thumped up and down sporadically. Luna was making her mind trail off into a dark place, a place she would rather not visit. Unable to lift the burden off her shoulders of all the ponies that were already dead since this past year, she soon unhinged her insecurities for the moment and decided to give her sister some insight on the matter at hoof.


Celestia took another glance at her city before beginning. She could imagine the screams down below that were sure to begin any day now, the cries and shouts begging for their love ones to come back, the stress of her royal guards and watch man both utilizing each other strengths while they bash some ponies head in. She could visualize the raining days that were sure to follow when this would finally happen. She could hear the riots from the ponies in the Underworld busting through the main gates all mixed with the uninfected, normal citizens, convicts, mobs, thugs, infected and even the poor homeless. There was an estimated 35,000 ponies living down in those filthy slums while another 100,000 rested comfortably on the dead free Canterlot. Canterlot wasn’t known for its big population as opposed to Las Pegasus, or Seaddle, but it was known for its high wealth and the home of three rulers. Something that Manehatten didn’t have. It was just a matter of when all these problems would finally arise and collide with one another. Celestia knew that the royal and watch man guards couldn’t contain this city with both sides clashing, but it was inevitable unless she could find a way to stop Twilight Sparkle.


Celestia sighed, her thoughts trembling and the speech grinding her head apart was mind-blogging to say the least. And soon her own words would begin to topple over one another with immense difficulty if she doesn’t speak her mind right now. “What should we do with Twilight Sparkle…” finally admitting submission and allowing her sister’s motives to break the barrier down of what to do with poor Twilight Sparkle. Her shoulders arched upward, ready for the impossible question she could never have predicted.


“I don’t say we should kill her, if that’s what you are asking.” Luna cooed, her heart rate decreased and she finally felt at ease somewhat.



“I somehow expected a different answer.” Celestia responded quickly, the tension in her shoulders relaxing.


“No, no I didn’t think you were expecting it either. I’m not that mean, sure I am still considered a little brat to you, but-”


“Hey, don’t say that,” Celestia snapped, a little ashamed of what her sister just stated.


“But. I do feel that we need to tell Twilight to back off on the techy stuff, ironically I never expected a princesses to do more labor work than us, you know she does even more than Cadance, and that’s saying something.” Luna intended the last bit to be comical in hopes of brightening the overall moody conversation.


Celestia giggled, “Yeah, who would’ve thought.”


Both treated themselves to a short laugh before things quieted down again.


Luna snapped back in action, judging this moment as top priority. “I think that this is something we need to act on right now, if we take Twilight Sparkle out of the picture for a little while. I can get the press off our backs, and have world leaders keep a leveled head for a longer duration than what we currently could muster.” She closely followed her sister back inside her room as she whisked the cup of lukewarm tea off the table with her magic, sulking down it the horrendous liquid quickly as possible. Celestia didn’t care for her not-so-modest-approach right this moment, she just wanted to get rid of this tasteless drink. Destined to finish this atrocious mess that has become more of a bother than a soothing afternoon delight, she craned her head back and slammed the drink down her throat like slamming shots of hard liquor.


Shoving the empty cup and plate aside, the cup rattled along as it spun towards the edge of the coffee table.


Taking a deep breath before beginning, Celestia replied. “Damn those rats is all I have to say, if we didn’t have to start processing wales for wale oil and having to use ships and freight those dead carcasses. We wouldn’t have met those putrid rats, and we wouldn’t be watching our country crumbling on all ends.”

Comments ( 33 )

3959118

So...you liked it...or?

Also, thanks for referencing it as a Disney movie.

.......seriously. celestia blaming the rats? she has ruled a millenia and she never hd to del with plagues before?

Dat art though...:pinkiegasp:

3959356

Her age actually is very off-beat, though some think she has lived for thousands while others say that she lived over a million. Then you have someone like Lauren Faust who states that Celestia only lived about a thousand years in total.

So, really, her age is non-canon. And to me she is simply there for the story.

Did you like it though?

3959431

Surprised, eh? I know, I couldn't believe it looked a perfect fit for the story.

3960034 not really. largely my problem was not her age and more how long she has ruled. she has had to deal with plagues before, be able to deal with this one too.

... Hmm interesting. Though are you going to continue calling them watch Men or try and come up with something a bit more immersive(helps the reader stay into the story)?

Also, wouldn't magical discovery involve mage lights(magical crystals that Light in the dark)? I mean I can understand Whale Oil lamps that can be used cheaply. Just a few Questions to put on you're mind.:twilightsmile:

3960156

Highly doubt it, while the show mixes and blends human history with pony fiction, you have to understand that probably the most "plague" that they have encountered was those fruit bats, or, well the bats aren't really in sync with the context, but what I'm saying is if there was a plague before this, then it would have been at least mentioned in the show as a throwaway line.

3960179

Alright dude, thanks for the tip! I didn't even know this mage lights...:trixieshiftright:

I will definitely find a way to slip it in there, basically, I didn't know that existed. I only that magic could potentially be used for something more than just to zap things.

Your comment shall be noted.

Could you possibly explain this mage lights...:fluttershysad:

3960179

Nah, I had a better title in mind. Watch Men just seems a bit personal, I wanted something more formal for the story.

Got any tips?

Hmm. I'm currently playing Dishonored right now, and I love the game to bits, but it must be said, I'm having difficulty seeing Celestia and Luna as you've portrayed them. They really aren't in-character in line with canon, but I figure that was your intention. Even so. I've seen Tyrantlestias and Celestias where the motherly affection was all a heartless farce work much better than this. She and Luna aren't looking much like the chessmasters I think you're trying to portray them as. They're acting like snobbish and partially drunk teenagers that just so happen to be the immortal rulers of a country.

I understand what you're working up to here - there's an assassination, Twilight Sparkle is killed, and somebody (Rarity, judging by the cover art) takes the fall. However, in Dishonored, there was a reason things played out like they did. Hiram Burrows ordered the Empress's death because he had imported the plague rats, and with Jessamine placing pressure on him to investigate the matter, he knew that his culpability would eventually be uncovered. Furthermore, if he was at the top of the food chain, he could prevent anyone else from getting close to the truth of the matter. Here, Celestia and Luna really have no reason for this little... coup? Fit of pique? They're already in absolute, unquestioned power. They have nothing to hide. I can't understand their motives, other than petty anger at Twilight for not being a total dick. As it is, it just looks very out of character, and I'm having difficulty getting into it.

Also, I'm not sure the whales need to be brought into Equestria at all. It's a defining part of Dunwall's setting, certainly, but Equestria's so, well, Equestria. Obviously the plague's going to make the happy fluffiness take a sharp downward turn, but whaling before the mess went down doesn't fit very well, unless you're warping the setting into an AU - which might be necessary, but I really think you could pull this story off with a (starting) canon Equestria. And technomagic would work fine for the Sokolov devices. Ponies aren't very violent creatures - they'd see killing living creatures for profit as abominable.

Now, I'm not saying this is how the story should be done, or to rethink your call here. But if I were to attempt this fusion, I'd pick Blueblood for the role of Burrows - the poverty-eradication plan fits him so hard it hurts. Celestia is the motherly and benevolent ruler that everyone loves, just like Jessamine, so I'd have Celestia be the one assassinated. It's a pretty perfect fit, possibly the best equivalence there is between the settings - she's adored, she's gentle in her rulings, Equestria has flourished under her (up until recently), and her death will rattle the populace like nothing else. Either Luna is also assassinated, or she unwittingly falls into Blueblood's plans by believing his spin on the events - in this case, she becomes the sole raiser of the sun and moon, and this (alongside her grief) has strained her; she's barely a public figure anymore, just existing for the celestial cycle's stability. (Bonus points to the setting if she has trouble doing it - nights can stretch too long and times are off-schedule, creating a further sense of panic and instability. Less light also means more rats; the plague rats dislike light.) Princess Cadence is kidnapped, and Twilight is the one who takes the blame. Like Corvo to Jessamine, she was very close to Celestia, and it gives the 'betrayal' that same hideously decried scandal that easily inflames the public. Blueblood becomes Equestria's ruler as de facto royalty (either in absence of princesses or because the remaining princess is just a fixture of keeping the world running; I prefer the latter). Twilight Sparkle goes to prison, tortured relentlessly for six months while the headsman's block looms (an uncommon punishment in Equestria, but nopony will argue that the circumstances don't call for it.) Maybe Twilight gets her horn chopped off at the outset, maybe she doesn't. I'd lean towards yes, for the following point...

The Outsider? Discord. I love the Outsider, I really do, but Discord fits this so well for Equestria, especially if he hasn't been redeemed and is still in stone. He's hated, he's feared, he's not understood. And he wants amusement. He marks her; he gives her strange and frightening powers she doesn't understand. But it's either use them or die. And in a world where he's the only one on her side...

Well, there's a lot to go from there. I'd go with the removed horn (even clipped wings) because Twilight's normal skillset would render a lot of the sneaking action moot. The teleports in particular need to go. She (re)gains the ability to do short range line-of-sight teleports, of course, but being able to teleport right up to her targets and immediately return to her ride out would not make for a good story. And she does have a spell that's pretty effectively a tier 2 Bend Time already. What I'm trying to get at is, If she had other magic, she wouldn't have to rely on the Mark (or its equivalent), and it also has the potential to put a spanner in the story's action. As for the Mark's powers, I think everything Corvo could do is pretty perfect - largely because a lot of them go against her morals. Summoning plague rats? Possession? Ah, delicious inner conflict.

The Loyalists are a tricky point, because Twilight has friends, and Corvo's backstory was a blank slate. Either her friends believe Blueblood's version of events and they detest her, or they're secretly on her side, knowing that she'd have died for Celestia if given the chance. The thing is, if the Loyalists are played straight, they have to be allies, but not emotionally attached to her, like the Elements of Harmony or her brother would be. Because, well. The plot. Of course, a crossover doesn't need to be played through exactly the way the game was, but I thought that was a pretty big part of the story. The Loyalists might be nobles, military. I could definitely see Shining Armor involved in it, but if things were played straight, he... probably wouldn't survive to the end of the story. Blueblood's allies, meanwhile - there aren't a lot of in-show characters that really fit the bill here, so you'd probably need to make OCs. I can't get the idea of Flim and Flam as the Lords Pendleton out of my head, though. Perhaps they rose to honorary nobility by creating and distributing anti-rat devices? Cadence doesn't make a very good Emily, but unfortunately there's really no Corvo-Emily equivalent for Twilight, so the role itself will have to change. Still, her importance is what matters, not any mother/daughter or child/protector relationship they have. The Loyalists had Emily rescued because she's the rightful heir to the throne. In this case, with Celestia dead, Luna dead/barely functioning, and Twilight's name dragged through the mud, she is Equestria's heir to the throne, simply by being an alicorn. Like... I see Rarity on the cover art. To make a guess - Sweetie Belle's her Emily. And Sweetie Belle makes a wonderful Emily in terms of behavior, but not in terms of plot, because she's not essential or vital or even remotely important in the stakes of Equestria's power game. Cadence is not an Emily in terms of behavior, but she is a point of interest. Were you to choose a different Corvo than Twilight, Twilight Sparkle herself would make an even better Emily, as the most clear successor of Celestia (and also the youngest and inexperienced of the alicorns.)

...and, well. I really didn't mean that as a 'this is how you should do this'. I guess this idea has intrigued me more than I thought, if I'm going to spend an hour writing about this. I'm actually pretty stoked now.

I can see the prologue now. Twilight is returning from a diplomatic journey to the many nations of the world, seeking help with the plague - something Celestia assigned to her personally, as experience for ruling. The rest of the nations, however, responded with fear and blockades as Equestria's situation deteriorated, and Twilight is pretty shaken about her failure, as well as distraught - why would anypony act like that? Why would they be so cruel when ponies needed help? (Oh, how she's about to learn!) In any case, Cadence rushes forward to welcome her back, and they do their little greeting. Her friends are waiting for her in the castle, but she has to see her mentor first and give her the bad news. Blueblood is with Celestia, advising that the plagued ponies be quarantined and hunted down. Celestia reacts to that just as Jessamine did. And... that's where it falls apart in my head, because I don't know who Daud would be. This requires more thought.


One last thing - you might wish to double check your writing. The quality itself is good enough, but I'm spotting a lot of errors that could easily be avoided and bits that could be worded better, even just by scanning the synopsis (no one seems to take it them very seriously anymore; Like as Celestia says; Suddenly you were filled with endless cries of agony)

3960537

Dude...

No words can ever describe what I just read.

You literally blew my plan out of proportion. Clearly you must be a big fan of this game, and the overall series, I love it believe me, but what drew me towards it was the plague and that was what I wanted to write about.

I simply love your suggestion better, I'm taking it. I'm taking it and chucking mine out. I'm going to write this for you, just as for me also.

The whole thing about worrying that your suggestion might be redundant is pathetic because it blows mine a million miles back. I love it, I want to write it.

Originally, I wanted to show what Celestia and Luna act behind the scenes when they aren't in public. But this is much more revised.

I'm going to write it in this format.

Yes, the grammar could be better, I knew it myself, just that I really wanted to make this because seeing how no one else has done it, I wanted to be the first. Don't worry, I will fix it. Just how big are the errors?

I re-read the message again and I'm understanding it more thoroughly.

Blueblood in secret, imports the plague through the rats on several ships outside of the country, and Celestia wants the culprit found and tried for their damage. He gets her assassinated, takes Luna under his wing (no pun intended) and be's by her side while she mourns, but before doing so, Cadance is kidnapped and Twilight is blamed for it. So Twilight and Cadance out of the picture, Luna's role already diminished to just bringing the sun and moon up during both parts of the day, Blueblood assumes full control. And Twilight is sent to prison.

Love it already, I really, really do.

There is the matter of the "Underworld" a place that I started back on my first fic that I've kept cannon through every story I released. It gives it a feel that all my stories are in some shape or form connected.

Twilight's horn and wings are brutally chopped, and Discord soon becomes her mentor, giving her the mark since he has so much mystery to his persona.

Her friends are mixed believers of Blueblood, despite his cold ways. Some believe, while others cling to the hope of Twilight Sparkle.

The Loyalist thing does hold extreme amounts of clarity for the overall story progression, so they have to be in there. I think Shining should be a part of them, but as for playing straight for them is sketchy, I could play some parts pretty natural to the video game itself. But having them betray her seems a little forced, but it would be a lot more fun to write about, at least for me. So I'll see what I could do.

As for Rarity being the main character....look it wasn't my choice, the picture clearly shows her, and I couldn't have any other way to make it as if she wasn't the main character. I could probably tag it somewhere that she works for "Daud" (whomever shall that be, you should help me with that), probably after she lost most of her fortunes and is left homeless until either these secret cult of assassins call out to her or something. Remember how Daud likes to choose people that are in some fatal or rundown state because he believes that they can reclaim some pride by killing other bad guys. It could be something like that, because the whole Sweetie Belle as Emily gig sounds pretty dumb.

The whole Cadance being the next heir works best, at least since we can't have Twilight Sparkle in the mix. Tell me, how could we make it so Twilight Sparkle is the "Corvo" of this story, what should I do about the cover-art?

The prologue is perfect, solid, and quite thoroughly good at doing the game justice, in my opinion.

The thing is, though.

I want to write the story, you see? If you don't like that I will be using your own ideas, than I can't do it justice, but if you allow me, than I will see that it is done right because I want to see an actual completed Dishonored/Pony crossover.

I wouldn't mind you suggesting ideas for me, and helping me fit the pieces, but can you understand that I'm writing the story, and I will also pen my ideas to it also. I was thinking of having a rape scene ensue when Twilight is in prison.

So? Would you want to be my co-author?

I will follow you, and you can follow back if you desire to do as such.

I love Dishonored, great setting, great story, great world build up and a powerful feeling of how sick the world can be if we let it. I might not know the full story to full detail, but I do have over a 1,000 gamerscore in the game if that helps in superiority. :twilightblush:

Thank you, man. This is going to be TEN times better than it was originally meant to be. I have a lot of faith in this fic now.

I hope I hear from you soon. :trollestia:


So, what should I do about the first chapter? Just delete it and re-start with the penned prologue you got there?

Oh, wow! Thank you! I'm honored (heh). That was just me rambling and rather getting carried away with the idea, because I've been looking for a crossover like this for a while. No idea that you'd actually be interested in it.

I'm actually just finishing the Brigmore Witches now. I got Dishonored for Christmas, and I've finished it four times since then, from a few different angles. I adore the story. I could just roll around in the setting. Corvo and Emily are just aaaaaaaaaaaa and the Outsider is a whole 'nother kind of aaaaaa, and aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa overall. Much aaaaaa.

Co-author is a bit hefty, since I'm probably not going to be able to be that active. I read pony fanfic a lot, and I write fic, but I don't really watch the show, and I've never written anything pony, although I'd say I have a good grasp on the characters. I'd be happy to serve as your think tank, and listen to ideas you have. I... can tentatively volunteer to beta for you? I'm currently in college, so my time is a bit fritzy, but I am interested. Be warned, though - I've never betaed before, mostly because of my tendency to rephrase everything. (Or I can just read the work, fix immediate grammatical errors, and leave annotations or thoughts around.)

If you're going to change the story, you may as well remove the first chapter; but I'd do that once you have your 'next' first chapter up. The prologue - well, it needs to be written out. If you do so, show me, and tell me what level of editing you want me to do. I'll do my thing and hand it back to you.

Now, I'm liking what I'm hearing, although you'll have to tell me more about the Underworld. (If it's underground, certainly there's a lot to do with the sewers in Dishonored.) Now, with Rarity - you could really just leave that as the cover art, because it's thematic, and let's face it, it's great. (Also, it's got Hiram-Blueblood.) As long as it's in the description who the 'Corvo' is, there's really no confusion. You could also commission something more customised if you get a bunch of followers*, or simply find another piece of art, but I really do like that picture. I'm not sure any of the EoH really fit with Daud if you're playing Equestria straight, though. A part of me is thinking something with Changelings for Daud, but that's probably an aesthetically-based thought because all of the Whalers look the same suited up. :P

Not so certain about the rape thing in prison. The guards might abuse her, and she's very, very much hated, but... I don't know, to me, I feel like that's just being a bit try-hard for grimdarkness, if you'll forgive me. I don't know, you could bounce the idea around other people and see how it goes, but I'm not a particular fan. The severity of her situation is really emphasized enough with the torture.

As for making Twilight the Corvo - well, I think you've already got the gist of it. Framed, prison, breakout, mask, Mark. Bada bing. Discord isn't so much a mentor as a mysterious dream-figure who gives her freaky powers and taunts her at inopportune times. He makes it quite clear that he doesn't care if she wins or loses - he just wants a good show.

The Loyalists don't have to be traitors. Just because it's a crossover/fusion/parallel fic doesn't mean everything has to be exactly the same. In any case, Cadence isn't the same helpless Emily that... well, Emily was, so having her kidnapped again and bundled off doesn't seem terribly likely. I could contrive a few reasons for her to still be at low power, but it's just as plausible that she isn't.

*Actually, this co-writing thing does sound rather nice. I do have a lot of experience with fanfiction, albeit not finishing it (my profile on ffn is the same name as I have here). And I notice there's a lot more pony interest than any of the fandoms I do write for. However, I do have a lot of my time eaten up, so I'd be restricted to editing your work whenever you want it looked at. Or embellishing it. We can try, and see how it works out?

Obviously, you'd post it. It's your story, not mine, and I'm content to just be a watcher on fimfiction anyway. As long as you mention me, if I do end up doing some co-writing. At the risk of sounding conceited, I think I'm a pretty decent writer - don't be afraid of me messing up your stuff, as you have the final say anyway.

One thing, though. The continent is totes Pondyssia. Or Ponydyssia. I... hm. Given that it's the rough equivalent of Victorian-era Europe's idea of Africa and Australia kind of mixed up, I suppose you could also substitute it for the homeland of the Zebras? Or not. (Zebryssia? heh, I have no idea. Maybe Zecora's the one who knows how to make one of the elixirs - either Sokolov's or Piero's.)

3962003

The Underworld is a complete transition from another video game called Condemned, and Condemned 2.

Both are viscous games, and these two trailers can prove it.

Imagine a dystopian city with the law barely holding by a thread, and the government corrupted on both ends? That is Condemned, but I'll elaborate.

Imagine a city that has people all bent on crime for no apparent reason, imagine apartment complex's in rural areas covered in this black gooey stuff. Imagine the government barely holding it's end with deranged people that used to nurse their families at home before succumbing to anger, rage, psychosis, drugs and paranoia for no legitimate reason? And while this all happens, imagine the underground of the city, the sewers, the infestation that is slowly engulfing this city into it's own demented play-thing. While the police, and government fight and repel against riots, rapes, murders, and poverty. Down below, down into the depths of the city, something far more sinister lies there. Infected individuals bent on tearing and ripping through flesh and born all the while of senselessly killing one another.

That is what I can describe my Underworld as. A place filled with the most brutaliest and the most deranged individuals. Not necessary all bad, but the Underworld that lays below Canterlot is almost lawless unless the Royal guard absolutely have to go down there.

3963189 Hm. I'm not sure that really fits with the pre-existing 'canon' Equestria - I feel a lot of this story's potential appeal is that it really doesn't warp Equestria beforehand, simply sticks it in a terrible situation and watches the chaos unfold. Would you consider making the Underworld something that formed after the plague? As things deteriorated aboveground, or - ooh! Okay, so Equestria doesn't necessarily have a Flooded District, does it? Blueblood can order the royal guards to dump infected individuals and criminals (because I doubt Equestria has very large prisons, and at a time like this, crime skyrockets) into the sewers and subterrane. Bam. Your Underworld develops.

3964775

That is good. That is perfect. Bam! You made this even better, I'm just happy that we could something of my own creation, albeit I still copied Condemned, but overall this Underworld enveloping in sewers and subterranean is most astonishing.

Great!

Also, I'm drawing an outline right now for the basis of how each chapter should progress. I'm in class right now, but I will write it up and send you the pre-production stages of how this story should commence.

It's great that this is actually happening.

:heart:

Thank you! I'm glad my random idea-spewing is useful to you. :3

I'm working on a bit of C++ code right now, but after that, I am absolutely free for the day, so when I'm not beating up Delilah in Brigmore Witches, I'll be happy to do some writing and revisions.

By the way, I was wondering - how does the Mark appear on Twilight? Is it a mark on her hoof? Does it manifest as a replacement horn, jagged and twisted? Her Cutie Mark? (After all, as Discord would gleefully point out, she hardly represents magic and friendship anymore, now that she's as loathed as he is and her precious horn has been snapped like a twig)

Alright. Let's see where this goes.

Are you going to continue this? I love it.

4024152

Yep, I am, I'm still on the second chapter as we speak, though I'm planning on changing events from the first chapter soon. So, you know, I'm working on it. :trollestia:

Congrats, your story has been officially added to the Dishonored group.

a few errors, but nothing too massive. the story would be made a lot clearer if you said "whales" instead of "wales" as that is the only really confusing mistake.
good story overall, can't wait to see future chapters!

Um... why does Rarity look like a Banette? In the cover art.

5422845

I didn't make it. The cover-art is of less importance in reality, as I had another character planned for the role, and not Rarity.

5424594 Yeah, I know. I just wanna know why Rarity looks like a Banette.

5424648

Yeah, not too sure myself, honestly. It's kinda cool, though.

Sad this didn't go anywhere.

11086532
You're telling me and I wrote the darn thing so many years ago. Hard to fathom people still wanna see something out of my stories

11089780
I know that feeling.

Login or register to comment