I Can Explain, Officer!
“Last night, Pinkie Pie exploded.”
“Mhm.”
“I did not expect this.”
“Uh-huh.”
“That’s why I’m so blood-stained.”
“Ah yes.”
“Who could’ve thought she would do something like this, officer?”
“Indeed.”
“So yeah, last night, Pinkie Pie exploded.”
“You just said that, Miss Rarity.”
“Yes. It’s just that… Every day you open the newspaper and read about spontaneous explosions. ‘Fate will have mercy with me, though,’ is what one always thinks. I’m asking you how could something like this happen, officer?”
“We don’t know yet.”
“Pinkie was one of my best friends. She was always so happy and had such a nice flank…”
“Please stay focused, Miss Rarity.”
“Well, I can say I’m pretty irritated right now. After all, Pinkie Pie exploded last night.”
“I know.”
“I immediately called the police and told them to get over here.”
“We are here, as you can see.”
“Now Pinkie Pie is gone, like a huge fire cracker.”
“Descriptions aren’t necessary.”
“She blew up right in front of my face. No wonder why I’m so sad right now.”
“It is tragic, yes.”
“But I didn’t only lose a marefriend. My blankets are ruined too!”
“Pardon?”
“Just a second ago she was laying next to me. Now she’s laying everywhere.”
“…”
“So yeah, last night, Pinkie Pie exploded.”
“I know.”
“Thankfully, I was wearing a hazmat suit, so nothing happening to me.”
“You were wearing a hazmat suit while laying next to your marefriend?”
“Yeah.”
“So… why were you wearing the suit?”
“Precautious actions.”
“Okay…”
“I mean, Pinkie Pie was always known for her wild party life.”
“That is correct.”
“Between the scattered body parts I could see confetti.”
“The forensics team saw that.”
“There also was a party horn.”
“Uh…”
“It makes a pretty funny sound.”
“Miss Rarity, I think–”
*Toot*
“…”
“Funny sound indeed, isn't it?”
“You… have it with you?”
“No sense in letting a nice party horn like this one go to waste.”
“I… see.”
“I mean, that little bit of blood is hardly a problem.”
“You… You… Urgh, never mind. Let’s just move on and pretend this didn’t just happen.”
“I don’t see why you’d want to do that, but sure.”
“Remind me to send you to a doctor to check if you’ve taken any brain damage from that incident.”
“If you believe that is necessary.”
“I do.”
“Hmph.”
“Anyway, can you explain why this happened?”
“You mean why Pinkie Pie exploded last night?”
“Uh, yes. That is why we are here, you know.”
“Oh, I didn’t know.”
“Why else would we be here?”
“I don’t know. Maybe the police department decided to get more elegant uniforms?”
“Please do not advertise your shop during the investigation.”
“Pardon.”
“So then, please tell me what you know about the incident from last night.”
“Well, okay. I think it started off when Pinkie Pie came over yesterday afternoon.”
“Did she have anything with her?”
“Yes, she had a basket in her mouth.”
“Do you know the contents of the basket?”
“Cupcakes, I think. I don’t know. The basket exploded as I closed the door.”
“You… I… What?”
“Oh yeah, it made quite the mess. But nothing a little magic couldn’t fix in a few minutes.”
“That’s all?”
“What is all?”
“The mess. You didn’t see anything strange with your marefriend coming over to your house with an exploding basket?”
“You make it sound like an unusual occurrence.”
“…”
“…”
“You know what? Let’s just move on.”
“With pleasure, sir.”
“What did you do after… the basket exploded? Clean it up?”
“I put a hazmat suit on, lest I would get covered in exploding baked goods again.”
“‘A’ hazmat suit?”
“Yes. I have around twenty-seven. At least last time I counted them.”
“Why would you need twenty-seven hazmat suits?”
“Spontaneous explosions.”
“Right… So, uh, what happened next?”
“We went upstairs—”
“Mhm.”
“—checked on the way if my younger sister was at home—”
“Go on.”
“—opened the door to my bedroom—”
“Yes, yes.”
“—lay down on my bed—”
“Please continue.”
“—looked each other in the eyes—”
“Okay?”
“—smiled—”
“Uh-huh.”
“—and then Pinkie Pie exploded.”
“…”
“I did not expect this. That’s why I’m so blood-stained.”
“You said that in the beginning already.”
“Repetition helps one remember important details.”
“But if you were wearing a hazmat suit when she exploded, why are you blood-stained at all?”
“It exploded with her.”
“What…”
“It tickled a little, but it was quite a relaxing feeling.”
“I just…”
“Actually, I think I’m going to do that with some of my other suits. Self-ignition.”
“Isn’t that dangerous?”
“Why would it be?”
“Because of fire.”
“Last time I checked, fire wasn’t the reason Pinkie Pie exploded last night.”
“Are you sure?”
“No, but you can’t prove the opposite either.”
“Not yet.”
“I can’t remember any case where a pony exploded just because of fire.”
“I can’t remember any case where a pony exploded at all.”
“There is always a first time.”
“Do you have any idea why it could’ve happened?”
“She probably got bored.”
“She got bored.”
“Yes.”
“She got bored. And then she blew up.”
“Yes, that’s what I meant to imply.”
“So let me get this straight: she blew up right in front of your face, while you were laying in bed, smiling at each other, you wearing a hazmat suit. Because she was bored. Is that correct?”
“Do I need to repeat everything I just said?”
“No, just… I don’t understand.”
“Oh, Pinkie Pie does this all the time.”
“What?”
“You see, when we first met each other in Ponyville, she suddenly decided to burst into flames all of a sudden. But I just laughed.”
“Your marefriend set herself on fire for your amusement?”
“Oh, no no, she just started burning. Like a lighter, only bigger and more colorful.”
“Uhm…”
“The next time we had a private meeting she was kidnapped by aliens, but I didn’t think any of it.”
“I, uh…”
“Visitation number three was over soon too. She turned into solid stone. I don’t think that’s normal.”
“…”
“But now that I think about it, yes, I think something isn’t normal with Pinkie, considering she exploded last night.”
“My head hurts.”
“Maybe my presence is dangerous for others then. Maybe being my partner isn’t quite benign.”
“I think we’re done here.”
“Whatever you say, officer. Have a good day!”
“You t–”
“Hey there, Rarity!”
“Pinkie Pie! Where have you been? It was quite uncouth of you to just blow up right in front of my face and then disappear!”
“Yeah… But last night sure was fun, wasn’t it? You wearing that thick suit and giving me that smile just made my heart explode!”
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Wat
Excellent.
Lol, really, just really?
Take my thumb up!
This is a clear example of something I swear I'm hallucinating at 00:29 but clearly am not. Does anyone else have an irresistible urge to make this into a song?
3936137
It actually is a song, which was also the inspiration for this story. Only problem, it's German.
See? Pinkie Pie can explode twice...
Well that was interesting.
3936161
Manchmal aber nur manchmal sind Lieder eine gute Inspirationsquelle ^^
Ich denke ja immer noch das wenn ne Freundin explodiert das nichts anderes ist als ein stummer schrei nach Liebe xD
edit:
Pun in german about some song titles by that band^^
3936253
Junge, warum hast du nicht gefavorisiert?
Guck die den Dieter an, der hat sogar gefollowt.
Lol love it!
3936273
Normal fav ich keine oneshots aber ich denk ich mach ma ne Ausnahme weils mich stark an monty python erinnert und du mir ganz ok vorkommst.
3936309
*Hier beliebigen Ärzte Song einfügen und schlecht im Zeichen meiner Dankbarkeit parodieren* :V
I hate it when my friends blow up. And then I get blamed for it. Why, just the other day, I was talking to my friend at the park and he just exploded. Someone called the cops and said I was playing with fireworks. Some people.
Yeah! Screw the system!
All that needs to be said.
~Skeeter The Lurker
3936343
Yeah, I know how you feel. Recently I was over at McDonald's and asked for a Chickenburger. The cashier gave it to me, then just exploded right in front of my eyes! So rude.
And worst of all, they got me a Cheeseburger instead.
Pinkie sure is bursting with energy.
3936161
My German is severely limited but does the title translate to "My exploding friend"?
3936374
God, McDonalds employees. They don't even have the courtesy to stay alive long enough to make sure your order's right! The nerve!
Sidenote: I respect everyone who works at a fast food restaurant as that is a caustic environment in some places, and minimum wage fucking sucks. I salute those guys who give me my cheeseburger when I go out for lunch.
Ahaha
that was pretty amazing
made my laugh box explode
3936374 That's why you never go to McDonald's.
Awesome! Just awesome! I had to listen to the song while reading it. Epic, man. Epic! xDDD
A MLP-Fic combined with the Randomness of "Die Ärzte".
Wouldn´t wonder if the next fic would be a zombie-story with "Junge" from them.
Dude what the fuck!? just what the fuck did i just read!?
I don't get it.
A laugh a day keeps the Pinkie blowing up.
This was beautiful. Thanks for the lols (Exploding Pinkie emote needs added now).
3936405
My Ex(ploded) Girlfriend
That's the literal translation of the song.
3936489
Last time I checked, a story about Pinkie Pie exploding last night.
3936429
Laugh boxes exploding are a serious matter, Regi, goooooosh.
This is delightfully weird and random.
Liked and faved.
@Selbi...
Good work on cutting out the narrative middle man!
Stick it to the traditional literary writing system!
More writers could learn from this and-
*spontaneously explodes*
3936587
Fun fact: You reply to a post by clicking the >> button on their post.
Weeeeell, ok.
lol that was a kind of fun story, especially when Pinkie Pie came back 
Last time I saw someone blow up twice, I was watching Dorkness Rising.
?? Da FAQ did I just read
That ending dawwwwwwwwww
Spontaneous Combustion is just one of those things that happen. Nobody can predict when it will happen, and nobody can predict who it will happen to. However if Pinkie Pie is involved, it will most assuredly happen.
Just take my thumb.
And a favorite.
assets0.ordienetworks.com/images/GifGuide/clapping/1292223254212-dumpfm-mario-Obamaclap.gif
Very nice.
3936430 Yeah. I go to Burger King, where they have the decency to explode after they give you your burger.
I have absolutely no idea what I just read.
But one thing's for sure.
I LOVE IT.
I was taking a crap when I read this. I didn't know whether to be angry, disappointed, laughing, or confused. In the end, I chose option 5 and fapped.
... my life...
3936517 Don't worry friend, I don't think any of us do.
Ohgod pls no Shaggy pls stop thinking about menstruation orgasms
Otherwise, haha I love these types of stories
This made me think of this episode.
Of course this cuts out the exploded again part which would be like Pinkie pie in this situation.
uhm... what?
Umm... what?
My head hurts.
3937839 She had an explosive orgasm?
I have no idea what happened but for some weird reason this is as logical as logic itself.
A predicament with a pinch of irony, is it not?
After reading the author's note: Yep, my guess exactly as to your inspiration. I liked the parts with the hazmat suit (what, "Integralhelm" was too difficult to translate?
).
3938845
Not so much about being unable to translate, as much rather not knowing what an integral helmet was before I googled it. If I don't know something immediately chances are some readers won't get it either.
That was so great,