Dragonlover553
Joined 6th Mar, 2013 ·
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This is your fifth story about destroying Equestria. Just think about that for a while.
You should find some new material. Maybe try writing a story without violence and terrible things happening to ponies. I don't think it's working out very well.
Just... stop using all-caps. The only thing they do in this story that slightly redeems their use is break up the wall of text. Which has the problem of being just a wall of you telling the readers "Hey, all this stuff is happening, but that's boring, so let me sit you down for yet more of the "Why TCB is bad and humanity is awesome. Oh yeah, and there was this totally awesome human character with superpowers. Yeah he was there the whole time, but couldn't use his powers because reasons." And to be honest, when you finally did give the reason? One sentence. One cliche, super-dramatic, Thursday night drama/action movie sentence.
Next up on the line:
i210.photobucket.com/albums/bb317/Lord_of_Change/hB3A03035_zps2704f28f.png~original
I honestly don't know which is worse, the content of the sentence or that you used parentheses around it.
Lastly, if you're going to try to tear down Celestia's canon characterization and make her into the Tyrant, please for the love of little foals, put some bloody effort into it. Telling the reader "Well, she's evil. Because she did all this evil stuff, and it totally wasn't me pulling her strings as the author" goes about as far as a slug in winter. Dictators and tyrants are not just created, they're made because of either being raised to think that way, or out of some incident. And when you're working with a character shown to act like Celestia does, you're pretty much cut off from the first option.
you know what ruined this fic? PUREBREADS... god damn it, you wrote purebreads
its purebreeds
You post WAY too many stories. I find a new story of yours every damn week. Jesus.
3975878 there are only 9. That would mean I've been here 2 and 1/4 months. Check the dates. Also, are you following me?
3974832 you got a better way to show mass screaming?
3976734
Yeah, it's called "use proper description of the scene and character actions with good old regular sized words." Or just this:
i210.photobucket.com/albums/bb317/Lord_of_Change/ScreenHunter_01Feb201849_zps016267ff.jpg~original
Which is a close approximation of my face when I read this story
censorship. the best way to get people to respect you
oh wait
3976731 Obviously "I find a new story of yours every damn week." isn't literal. In language you exaggerate a lot in order to get a point across.
And no I am not following you, I just check 'Newly posted' stories regularly.
tbc but with karma. bitter sweet.