Zephyrus Scary
Joined 22nd Jan, 2012 ·
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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First half was amazing, I loved the scenario set up, and the idea of them becoming rafts to save their own lives. Great twist on the balloon pony theme. "You must become one because if you don't we're going to die". Very nice. I totally was expecting both of them to end up as the rafts, and then eventually they would drift hundreds of miles away, where no one would ever recognize them.
You took it somewhere else though, and the last 1/3 of the story was really unexpected! Though, while being surprised by twists is always fun, I think you maybe went a touch overboard with the sheer amount of them. You were all over the map at the end, with several "twists" seeming really unnecessary and out of the blue. Don't get me wrong, I actually really enjoyed it! But you could have ended it like 2000 words earlier and it would have been just as fun.
Anyway, that's just my critique, sorry if I came across as stating my random idea too strongly. I don't mean to dishearten you. In any case, thanks for writing it, inanimate TF tics are always a tickle to read and I did enjoy this fic ^_^
Oooh, competition! Heh, I liked it! Very weird!
Interesting!
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No, please! As my first completed fetish-focused story, all critique is welcome!
I did consider the "nopony recognizes them" ending (Twilight would have noticed Rarity's colors fading to orange and consequently agonize a bit over transforming herself), but I figured that, considering what I wanted to go for with this story (avoiding typical inanimate tf plot points), I went with... what I did. Even I'm not entirely happy with what I came up with, so I'm actually happy to know a more experienced-in-this-field author agrees with me!
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Oooo... man, that's twisted.
Now my mind is filled with the idea of Celestia searching for them, finding two plain orange rafts, and just deflating them and storing them with the other rafts on her ship. Twilight would be stuck there, for eternity. She would know she was just a few yards away from Celestia, but would realize that she will never be discovered and would never be anything more than a simple, useless raft
Mmm, I need to write a balloon TF fic myself one of these days. It is so strangely enticing to think about what happens when things go wrong.
was an interesting read but I was hopeing for a rescue ending where thet are save but changed physicaly say
stays large and plush while 
stays pumatic pony , that said i liked it and hope to see more
Very enjoyable, and waiting on one more judge to announce the contest results. Lot of effort went into this and it was quite an original premise. Hopefully you'll hear from me soon.
There are a few spelling errors and dropped words, but that is the extent of my complaints*; the rest is all awesome. I see that TwistedSpectrum thought there were a few too many plot-twists - well, in my book, there can never be too many twists. The more knotted a story is, the better, and this is quite a contortion!
In that aspect, the ending is, intellectually, my favorite part. It strikes a balance between good/bad and open/closed that I don't remember seeing anywhere else: You know that Twilight is found, even though it's unclear if she can be fixed or whether Rarity is alive. It's a foregone conclusion that Twilight will be rescued, but her ultimate fate, and that of Rarity, is left unstated.
I also appreciate the structure of description when Rarity is transformed; doing it twice, once from her perspective and again from Twilight's, is the kind of thing my detail-hungry brain revels in.
And my first thought when Twilight finished eating Rarity was that now, if Celestia finds a counterspell, they'll come back as one pony. Think Twilight Dash from Veil of Thoughts. I dub this conglomeration Twility Rarkle!
*I would point out that a tsunami acts more like fast-moving storm surge than a wave like the ones you see on the beach; but at this point, depicting a tsunami as a hundred-foot wall of water is so common that you could very well consider it to be how tsunamis work when you take cartoon-physics into account.