milesprower06
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milesprower06 · 7.5k words · 214 33 · 3.2k views
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Ah shit. It's here.
Dis gonna b gud.
Yess!! first chapter!
Oh this is gonna sting...
No sad, tragedy, or dark tags. First in the series.
I will read very enthusiastically.
And so it begins. This should prove to be fun.
I will favorite and up vote before I even read it. Since it is you, I am sure I will not be disappointed. Now, on to
judgingreading.Kind of light, but it did whet my appetite.
fc07.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2013/343/1/d/z_by_blknblupanther-d6xef1w.gif
Well, I did not mean to do that.
Weird, creepy rhyme thing aside, this was an interesting start and it was cool to get a back story on the cloak. I am ambivalent on the whole Trixie thing, though. However, in the end, it does not really matter. It is not like she is in the tags.
KBO.
Two jobs and a writing machine. I don't know how you do it.
So glad to to see this!! You are a great writer and I loved MDW:FE.
I can already tell that this one will be as good as the first Fractured Elements!
Lol here we go...
I have committed myself to reading this until the end of time now.
Great cover art too.
such edge
Doing great so far. It's brought back everything I felt when reading MDW and FE. Can't wait to see what you come up with next!
There was one line that I had to read a couple of times to get what it was saying:
I'm not sure about anyone else, but I think a few words added to the end of this sentence would make it a little easier to read. Maybe just adding "do so/it" would help. Just a thought.
This is amazing! I'm so glad to find a really good BDSM fic! Keep up the good work!
Just who Is that secret admirer that loves Fluttershy from afar?
See people? This is how you write Fluttershy; shy and nervous, but not so around her friends, and not downright afraid. She's not supposed to be scared of talking, just nervous. And around her friends she should be comfortable.
Why can people never get that right?
Aside from a wonderful Fluttershy, all around a good story, and I am immensely looking forward to this. Depending on who her secret admirer is, you may give me a new ship I can honestly say I like (Right now I only like Twidash).
I get this horrible feeling that Rarity may not be dead. It's just a thing that's been bothering me since the previous story.
Another fantastic chapter! How do you do this so consistently? As always, I am looking forward to your next installment and can't wait to see where you take it.
I noticed a couple of mistakes that are really quick to fix:
Should be "What did you get out of it?"
Sounds a bit repetitive, saying that Rarity "looked her over" and "check me over for injuries" in the same sentence.
Other than those I didn't notice any errors. I love your writing and am really excited to see what comes next!
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Probably because the show writers have this annoying habit of writing that way, utterly terrified of everything and everyone to the point of being a coward(even when she literally knows she is the only one who can help her friends- Dragonshy and Magic Duel spring to mind right away(how exactly is bailing on your friends/town when you're the only one who can do something to help Kindness?). They are ridiculously inconsistent in the way they write her(at least it feels like that to me sometimes). We'll get character development, then suddenly, back to the way she was before, as if it never happened.
Yes she's shy, and has difficulty talking to ponies she doesn't know/doesn't know well, but for some reason the show writers keep turning shy and introverted into wussy and cowardly.
I dunno, I guess it just bugs me because, that's a good part of me in a nutshell, good with my friends, but generally quiet and shy, especially around people I barely know/don't know.
4278503 lately they have been pretty damn consistent from episode to episode this season. hell she has even shouted at her friends to get their attention even.
This sentence seems incomplete.
For a minute, I forgot which universe I was reading about and forgot that Rarity was dead. Kaidan who? Even though Zombie Rarity is impossible to be the secret admirer, since she was cremated and all, stranger things have happened. However, since the secret admirer cannot be Rarity come out of hiding after faking her own death, and if it is another one of the remaining mane six, all that is left is Applejack and Pinkie Pie (unless Twilight and Rainbow Dash are trying to get Fluttershy to join them). I, for one, hope it is Pinkie Pie. Big Macintosh would be a good choice as well. Honestly, as long as it is not some original character, like Dawn Seeker or Sky Scribbles, I will be fine with whomever it is.
KBO.
4278932 Well damn, there goes that plot twist.
Pfft, I kid.
Tomorrow I'll...
I can't wait to see who this admirer is.
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4278985
You're forgetting about Sweetie Belle. After all it wouldn't be the first fic where Sweets went after an older mare lol.
4271577
4280148
img2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20111011031055/mlp/images/e/e1/Confused_Applejack_is_confused_S01E04.png
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Should I label this a clopfic or fanfic on my channel?
Do you think I should label Fractured Elements a clopfic?
Clopfics usually get more attention. So up to you Miles.
4282100 Your channel man, your choice. But if I may.
I have not listened to your entire reading of my fic, because, well, it just sounds like you're 'reading' it. I've had readings where people bring the emotions and characters alive. If you could pull that off, I'd listen much more intently.
4282109 I do try emote and voice act. But depending on my mood and energy level some readings can sound more dull then others.
You need a genius medal for that dream sequence and linking it back to the previous fic.
If I wasn't so lazy, i'd go find a picture of one.
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kikgel.com.pl/neoheal/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/medal_genius96.jpg
Just need to do some carving to switch that 96 into a 69.
"Miles, I hearby present this medal of genius to...myself."
"Wow...I don't know what to say. I'd like to thank the dork looking at me in the mirror."
Wow, just wow. This is so fascinating, seeing the inner conflict of Rainbow after her session with Twilight. Although in my opinion the bridle may have been a bit much, even if Twilight could speak semi-clearly it kinda raised a couple red-flags in my mind because a gag is a bit too up there for their first session, but I digress this was still well done.
I love the psychological aspect of this series it's just so fascinating (I think I'm turning into Spock right now) to see that.
Anyway, next chapter!
Interesting. I look forward to reading more.
I love how RD is making Twilight think she was heard. So delightfully cruel.
Miles is Best Dominatrix writer.
How horrible I am for wanting to see this happen?
4303568
Budapest? Hmm, I just yesterday learned how is 69 in Hungarian - "hatvankilenc" (which isn't that bad, compared to, for example, ezernyolcsa:zneddyvennyolc - 1848)
This chapter is titled "The Act."
This chapter was very titillating. However it was hard to get into because of how my brain works. Every time I saw the word "leather" I just kept imagining the slaughter of sentient beings for the sole purpose of making their skin into sex toys and BDSM clothing.
"I am going f
ck your brains out, but first I am going to kill my neighbor and make a Dominatrix outfit out of her skin."
Creepy, huh? My brain makes me a horrible person. I do look forward to the next chapter, however, for now, I think I will go... "talk to my therapist."
KBO.
I had to go back and read the other stories before coming to this one...and I'm liking what I'm reading so far! Your style is few that I can see myself waiting for on end!
I love it, it's a very nice change of pace compared to the torture that came in the original, however, i hope Flutters will join in, that would be a bit funny. A geek, a tomboy and a .... well, Fluttershy trying bdsm together would be hilarious.
Fascinating, you combine clop with deep psychological stuff. I did not see Appleshy coming, thought I would like to see Fluttershy tied up.
Wow, just wow. I honestly did not see this coming. So it seems that Rainbow was cracked inside the basement and the year she was gone did she finally break and when she came back her anger was a kind of glue that held her old pride together, but now that Twilight's love has melted away the icy anger holding her facade together do we see the raw, broken Rainbow Dash. Man that's really deep my friend. Keep up the amazing work.
Huh, so The Elements of Harmony upgraded(downgraded?) to elements of bondage.
Very interesting stuff that does not feel like clop at all, more like psychological fic if any, the only that that kinda bothers me is dead Rarity and any chance of fixing that party... oh well, i guess i'm just a big fan of the widdle marshmallow mare.
Amazing. I never thought that Applejack would be the one who sent the necklace. Dose this mean that you going to make another story this time with AJ and Fluttershy?
More please?
Rainbow got that cloak from Trixie? That was an unexpected twist.
Unneeded comma.
i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/353/279/e31.jpg
"Nevertheless" is one word.
What a cute ending. The leather thing still slightly bothers me. However, it is just the wabi-sabi of an otherwise flawless story.
KBO.
She forgot Scootaloo. Even though Twilight brought it up, and Dashie agreed to it. She mentioned Flutters, Pinkie Pie, AJ, and Twilight. But totally forgot Scoots. For an ending it's decent-ish. Although it feels like it just drops off at the end for me personally, the chapter as a whole was well done. You do a good broken Dash fic. Nice clop, psychology, and characterizations. I hope there's a sequel to this some day.
4415784 "Someday" will hopefully be soon. I've already got the outline. I'm planning on crossing over with another story, which has not ended yet.