milesprower06
Joined 21st Dec, 2011 ·
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I've been looking forward to reading this since you first mentioned you were collaborating with Kaidan on it, and so far this looks very promising!
If the art work at the end there was the piece you commissioned, then it was totally worth the money you spent on it. It adds just the right touch.
Can't wait for more!
3350548 Chapter 2 is out next Monday.
Even though the entire story is done, I'm hoping I can keep myself disciplined enough to release a chapter a week, because if I do that, when everything is said and done, we'll be 5 days away from Season 4.
3350551
Ooh, smart timing there, cookie. Hopefully you can stick to the release schedule, because having the finale of this, and then the season 4 premiere posted in the same week would be absolutely amazing.
Finally out!
This was a blast to plan.
~Skeeter The Lurker
Neat, looking forward to the rest of this.
Well after reading Kaidan's "ending" as well as yours. This will be an interesting story to follow. I will look forward to your releases, even if they don't go according to your plans. Keep writing and I will keep reading your amazing stories.
I do not see a derpy pony.
i see Derpy, a pony.
one day I will figure out how to get a sig on Fimfiction.
Oh wow, that was just what I was hopeing for from this story, I want to see the reactions of the others to the news, I want to see if Rarity even survives the bludgeoning that Twilight just dealt her, I want to see where Dash goes from here, and most of all I want to read more. This is the ending that I have been hopeing for since I read the first chapter of Kaidens story. Y struck gold once again here Miles, and I will be counting the days until next Tuesday in anticipation of the next update. You put in just the right amount of detail for each scene, and the detail of the attacks that were delivered to Rarity were described just enough to make sure we can visualize what is happening, without going into Cupcakes murder porn mode. Literally the only thing I felt was wrong about this was that we didn't get the entire story. This is well on its way to taking a seat beside The Cupcake Chronicles as one of my ten favorite stories on this site.
One does not simply fuck with Twilight Sparkle...
If I had to compare the endings, Kaidan's one, with Rarity being raped in prison and Sweetie torturing Scootaloo was pretty nice nightmare fuel, this is, well, different. Deeper, but not too sophisticated for my taste, and with some good, old violence
Well, miles, I'll give you one thing: You were right. I'm already liking this first chapter much better than the way Kaidan chose to do things. You're a good writer, the chapter has been written excellently. And the content matter.... it's very... believable, realistic, and gratifying. These feel like belivable emotional responses, and the letter and fight were both a nice touch. Can't wait for chapter 2.
Hooves.
Like this story so far. Haven't read the original by Kaidan, but that kind of stuff... really isn't my thing, anyway. I think I have a good enough idea of what happened.
Looking forward to seeing where this goes.
3351783 Bro, you REALLY SHOULD read Kaidan's story first, or this wont make any sense. But.. if you truly don't want to, i'd be willing to give you a 1-paragraph summary of his story.
3351739 The story is already done in its entirety. Sorry.
3351831 he he, no problem. I had JUST NOTICED that when I started scrolling down and read the comment where you said it was already done. Lol, I should really start reading comments *BEFORE* commenting, just to make sure i'm not being a goof. Oh well, i'm sure what you've got will be a pleasure to read, if the first chapter is any indication.
3351838 Thanks for reading, and I, like so many of you, cannot wait until next week.
This is good. Imma watching it. For some reason the original pissed me off with the cruelty but this makes me giddy. Perhaps it's because the original had Rarity start out as generous and kind sounding only to turn around and be a cruel selfish bitch. This starts out with her being utterly cruel and getting the shit beat out of her. Well done.
Three psychotic breaks in one chapter? You've captured my interest, sir.
I so want Scoots to find Dashie. But with how epic your Cupcake Chronicles story line was for Dashie recovering from near death torture. This will be awesome. I also want Dash to reveal what the Mane 6 did, and both Sweets and Rares have access to Scootaloo, and Rares did threaten to break her to get to Dash. With Rares ... near death (is dead?) Sweetie can take up her sisters sick passion. Or be saved from descending into that madness.
Seriously though. Love this, and I can't wait to see how much better than the Cupcake Chronicles, you do a good broken Dash. And I am eager to see what you come up with.
Yes this is the ending I wanted to see
Good job.
Don't let Rarity die just yet she must suffer more
XD
Although I am a little disappointed that it wasn't Rainbow Dash who beat the crap out of Rarity.
so
is this twidash? or am I just paranoid...
If this is even half as good as your treatment of Cupcakes, this will be something to look forward to.
Where was Spike during the fight? He just disappears after Rarity shows up.
Hello, I am the evil soul that actually enjoyed Mistress Do Well. Well, it was awesome until he caved to peer pressure and went all happy-ish ending on us, then it was downgraded to great. Anyway, this continuation? sequel? alternate ending? shows some promise. I have already favorited and I shall upvote. As Winston Churchill said, "KBO."
3353261 He kinda just stands there in shock.
3351804
Please do. I would read the story, but it's just that BSDM is really not my thing. Nothing against it, and I'm sure it's a great story, I just don't much care for the stuff myself. So yeah, a summary would be fantastic.
3353323 OK.
Basically, Rainbow Dash's ego is getting out of hoof. She's breaking promises (like not feeding fluttershy's animals while she is on vacation with rarity, and not taking Princess Sparkle and Scootaloo for their first flying lessons, ditching Pinkie when she promised to help make cupcakes, etc) She's got her own comic book coming out, she's taking credit for things her friends did (like in the episode where fluttershy stares down the dragon, RD is telling scootaloo that in reality, it was her, RD, that scared away the dragon)... she's just getting cocky and such. Fluttershy is crying to rarity and twilight about it in the library when Rarity suggest that she knows a method that might help bring RD's Ego down a bit. Pinkie pie lures RD to carousel boutique under the guise of a party, then knocks her over the head with a cast iron skillet. (though the plan was for twilight to use magic to knock her out) When she awakens, she's completely restrained, and rarity (in Mare Do Well costume) basically tells her they're going to make her into a sex slave. (they also tell her that she's been accepted into the wonderbolts, and is to show up in 30 days, but if she doesn't become a successful sex slave by then, they'll keep her down there and have her fail to become a wonderbolt, because she missed showing up. They also threaten a few times to hurt both fluttershy, and scootaloo, if she doesn't accept pain and other cruel punishments in their stead) Even though later, RD gets decent at identifying which of her friends is in the room with her, the idea was they'd use the costume so she'd never know which friend was with her. They all proceed to rape her, insult her, doing things like whipping her, forcing her into sex, electrically-shocking her, clipping her wings (rendering her unable to fly) piercing her, even putting a noose around her neck while making her stand on a block of ice with a gag in her mouth, and air-pumped devices in her reproductive and excretory orifices. Twilight does show some doubt a few times as to whether what they're doing is truly right or not, but it not until she sees RD all cut up, in a cage, having undergone female circumcision, and having her ear cut off, that she decides things have truly gone too far.
(sorry such long description, but this is all truly necessary context)
Kaidan's fic ends with Rarity getting raped in jail, in much the same way that she did to RD, and RD is supposedly OK with occasional BDSM shit as long as it's with her 'nice friends'. This fic, however, kinda cuts in slightly before Kaidan's end, pretty much right after twilight discovers RD in the cage.
The reason this fic is already attracting so much positive attention, is most feel that Kaidan's fic contained over-the-top unnecessary cruelty that was both out of character, and just.... unnecessarily cruel. This fic is creating that sense of Armageddon that so many of us have sought, allowing RD to get back at her friends for the hell they put her through.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
EDIT: I still recommend reading Kaidans fic first though. My summary is just that, a summary. There are lots of little things I had to leave out, or my comment would've become many pages in length. Yea, the fic is kinda grotesque, especially if you don't like clop (though i'm sure most people wouldn't think of clopping to it anyway, as the utter cruelty is a complete turn-off for most), but if anything, it will make this fic so much more satisfying, after drudging your way through Kaidan's fic. The actions of the mane 6 (excluding RD) were totally uncalled for, unjustified, excessive, grotesque, cruel, and probably a few more adjectives I can't think of at the moment. Little scenes like where RD is shitting in a shower stall, violently crying here eyes out (heaving and everything), and Twilight just sits there and watches, but still refuses to let her go, and insist on keeping her chained, and won't even do so much as to offer any true words of comfort... scenes like this have a tendency to strike a chord with the reader, and even cause rage. There were lots of little moments like this, that just couldn't be portrayed in a summary.
I'm most definitely keeping a eye on this. You have my full attention and I look forward into reading this.
-Brony4life14
3353203 so far it is 'Twilight has a crush on Rainbow Dash' but because of her 'mistake' in allowing Rarity to talk her into treating Dash the way they did, it is unlikely RD will ever return that affection of Twilight's.
I am going to have to try really hard to forget about this. Im not joking when I say im probably going to have problems sleeping tonight. It was well thought out and put together and I liked it for the most part. ( Thumbs up to the author) But the concept is just wtf, especially this alternative ending.
3354372 Usually, you don't complain about the concept to someone doing an alternate ending, lol.
i really hope Twilight somehow manages to redeem herself to Rainbow in this... she is definitely off to a good start with the beatdown she just gave rarity.... Really interested to see what happens next since i can't imagine her Not looking for Rainbow dash after everything that has happened... most likely taking fluttershy with her as she looks... It almost makes me wonder after seeing her reactions in the fic who is more broken inside, rainbow or Twilight who feels responsible....
3354864 I get the feeling that the guilt may be breaking twilight, but at the moment, I believe rainbow is the one who is more broken. That's just my personal opinion though. (yes, that verb_tense_magic was done on purpose)
I believe guilt is usually more of a permeating pain, like getting kicked in the balls. When it first hits, it hurts, but only so much. It takes a few moments for the pain to REALLY kick in.
MAKE MOOOREEE PLLLEEAAASEEE
3354926 more is made already, I'm just spacing it out a bit.
I really need to read the last story because that was freaking awesome
3353323>>3353789
I read Kaidan's original fic too, just so this one could make sense, in fact. I didn't like the BDSM either; what Rainbow's friends did to her was just plain wrong. So I'm with WithRegardsTo on this one; you should go read Kaidan's original fic. I'll be honest, it's not going to be pretty but I can promise you, when you make it through those five chapters of disgusting rape and torture and betrayal and you read this, it will be worth it
Anyway, so far we've seen Rarity, Twilight and partially Spike. I look forward to seeing how Applejack, Pinkie and Fluttershy will react to Rainbow's disappearance
Dammit, releasing a chapter each week is too much spacing. I'd say every 4-5 days is long enough
3356382 Keep it up, I'm starting to show signs of weakness. MAYBE I'll consider updating every Monday and Friday...
I require more. Updating only once a week is torture
I'm going to keep tabs on this story, mostly to see the comeuppance for all that participated in what happened to Dash. I really hope for karma to happen, because one of the things that really makes me angry is people thinking they have the right to fundamentally change someone. Sure, you can show they what they did wrong (In your eyes) and try to have them think about it, but trying to play God with their mind? It's infuriating to me that some people go into a situation thinking that they're going to change someone. It can only happen when someone wants to change, or they've been broken as a person. I just hope that they all receive they're punishment.
TL:DR They were all cunts, I want to see Karma.
3356530 DO IT! (if... you don't mind, that is
)
3357128
I have a better question. Where in tartarus is Celestia! Not only is she all seeing but could she not feel the disturbance in the elements since she has a connection to them?
3357128
I actually felt like fluttershy was as much of a victim as dash was, especially after we see how rarity manipulates and controls her at the end, and how much rarity wanted dash. Makes it look a lot like she was just waiting for the right moment to use her current pet fluttershy to get her a new pet...
Awesome to see an early update!
Even without reading the original fic, the few descriptions I've heard of it so far have burned away my sympathy for Rarity, and even mostly for Twilight.
Still, that's about the most intense and utter destruction of Twilight's life that I've ever read, and she hasn't even gone to court yet. Damn.
Probably going to read Kaidan's fic now, since the rest of the mane 6 will probably be demolished too, and I have yet to develop a burning hatred for them.
Excellent Chapter. The feels are intensifying. Miles, you are most certainly doing this very right.
3359273 Thanks. But I'm getting the feeling that in the next chapter or two, some people's expectations are going to be let down.
3359275 Maybe, maybe not. But the first two chapters have exceeded expectations, so what could be so bad as to let us down now?
3359278 I really want to tell all of you what to expect, but that would spoil things.
3359285 Unless you give up on your 'release schedule' and decide to just throw all the rest of the chapters at us at once. (obvious begging is obvious) You can always write another fic afterwards, if you're worried we'll be too bored between the ending of this fic, and the premiere of season 4.
3359290 No. I don't know. When the feed back pours in, I may release another. I don't know. This is all you're getting until at least late late Friday. I really don't want to release anything further until Monday. But we'll see.
3359293 OK. Just remember, those who become drug dealers are associating themselves with junkies who'll go to great lengths to get their fix. (begging, bribing, manipulation, etc)
What is a drug? Well, some believe drugs are chemicals, but I believe at the core, a drug is something which induces a significant change in mental state. In this sense, even a work of literature can be considered a drug, and Miles, you are our drug dealer.
(I mean this all in a positive, and slightly humorous way. I hope you don't take any offence to my analogy)
3359298 Nonetheless, yes, I am scrapping my release schedule. Once a week is too long for chapters this short.
Miles broke! Noooooo!