• Member Since 8th Jan, 2014
  • offline last seen April 14th

McDronePone


A dumb-as-rocks changeling who should have been caught by now. (Avatar done by Zemer .)

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Winter has come to Manehatten, and while the Hearth's-Warming spirit is rearing its head, the cold yearns for the attention of all. It has been two years after the invasion on Canterlot. Since then, changelings have been flocking to Equestria for a better chance at survival after their crushing defeat--and a better life.

One of them is Frill Spike, a mail carrier that has been determined to earn enough bits buy a place of his own. Until then, he works hard to earn his keep. One day, an opportunity arises for him to earn extra pay by taking on another route. This route, however, will present a new challenge that he will have to deal with on a physical level and a mental one.

This route also includes the apartment building where Marsh Olive, an earthpony colt, lives in. He lives a repetitive, almost secluded life under the over protective eye of his father, who has been distraught ever since the Canterlot invasion that took his wife from him. Paranoid of the world and the changelings in them, he goes to the extreme when it comes to the security of his son. Marsh, however, wants security from the isolation such safety measures bring.

These two individuals have never met each other before. No one time in their lives have their paths crossed. However, the coming days will bring them together as they begin to fight against their personal issues. The question is whether or not they will be able to succeed in their battles, all the while the cold snare of Winter blankets itself on the city.

Chapters (7)
Comments ( 10 )

what no comments? this story is pretty interesting and I can't wait more stuff.

I love a good introspective-type story.

3889302 Thanks...I had no idea what "introspective" was until I googled it. :twilightblush:

more people need to read this.

3991916
Agreed. Mc, you should add it to some groups.

Well, it's not stabbing in the back, as it's the friend's store and he has the right to do what he wants with it. Even then, I'm too sure about the legality of banning a species from a store; Equestria isn't exactly 1950's America, I'm not too sure there isn't some anti-racist legislation by the government that makes that sort of thing illegal.

But there's something about the father character that confuses me and creates an issue of logic for the premise of the story: that is, what doesn't he just take and his son and move to somewhere else in Equestria, where there are little to no changelings at all. He's made it clear he's fearful and suspicious and completely distrustful of them, so where is his logic of keeping his son in the city in a state of self-induced paranoid fear when they can both have a far more relaxed, fear-induced stress free life in say a more pony-populated place like say Ponyville or Hoofington? It's called 'White Flight', or rather 'Pony Flight'. It just seems the more logical solution.

4183584 Those are good points. I guess while writing out the characters motives and actions, I left the father's too vague, focusing more on his thoughts about the current situation rather than the past and what to do for it. When I was thinking out the character, my idea for him was that he's not the most sharpest tool in the shed and not the most mentally sound. Whatever he does and the reasoning behind it is all supposed to be the result of irrational thinking. In short, he's meant to be an incompetent moron who can't see past his crappy logic. I guess I didn't convey that well. :twilightblush:

Anyway, the critique is well appreciated. If there's anything else you see that you think needs improvement--beyond spelling and vocabulary(believe me, I know I can do better)--don't hesitate to speak your mind. Thank you.

Cancelled no!:raritycry: why?:fluttercry:

6015810 Sorry, duithy. I just lost interest and ambition for it. :(

If you still want to see these characters, I did make a tumblr about them. Frill and Marsh's Bombastic Father-Son Bash. I'll warn you, I might be extremely unactive on it, but I still drop in from time to time to see what's going with it.

too bad this is dead.

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