Chapter 11
They locked me in an institution.
Sisters save me, I didn’t doubt I needed it, either. Part of me pondered the whole, “If you’re crazy, do you know you’re crazy?” question, but for the first few days of my committal, I tried to relax.
Tried. I spent my days bed-ridden, under white sheets in a white room. Any purity or safety that room offered was merely an illusion. The nurses didn’t speak to me, even to let me know where I even was; finally, on the third day, a gruff, male nursing assistant told me I was in Canterlot Hospital’s Psychiatric Ward.
He also told me what I’d helped Jesse do, and how many ponies had died because of me.
Between the ostracization and my impending execution, I found it pretty damn hard to relax. Crying, now, that was easy. I did a lot of crying at first, after I’d realized what I’d done. The same went for angrily blaming Jesse for everything he’d put me through. By the end of the third day, everything simply left me; I wasn’t relaxed, I’d just burnt out.
Equestria didn’t implement capital punishment often, but the courts were known to make exceptions in extreme cases. I was sure this qualified as one. And yet, all I could do was blame myself. I’d known the stakes were for treason, yet I’d still played along. Why, I asked myself, why, why, why?
On Thursday morning, I felt sick. Literally. My nose was stuffed up, and my throat was sore. It wasn’t enough that I’d made the biggest mistake of my life, or even that I’d been “subdued” by two members of Canterlot’s Elite Guard—which earned me several bruises and what felt like a cracked rib—or that I’d never see my parents, or my colleagues, or Berry again; now, on top of everything else, I had a cold.
Once I’d accepted my impending death sentence, my appetite left me entirely. That came as a minor disappointment; I couldn’t even enjoy my last meals as a prisoner. The nurses had a solution for my problem; by the time the third meal came around, they forced me to eat. After that, I rediscovered appreciation for being allowed a choice in the matter.
Friday morning—or maybe it was Saturday, or even Thursday afternoon; I slept so much, the days just ran together—a female royal guard entered my room. Instinctively, I grasped at the familiarity of solitude and emptiness; this was different, this was movement, this was—
“Her majesty Celestia requests an audience with you. You have thirty minutes to make yourself presentable.”
Crap.
I blinked at the guard a few times before I realized she wasn’t going to leave the room while I “made myself presentable”. Armed with that knowledge, I slid out of bed and made my way into the bathroom. She followed me in there, which I almost complained about.
I almost lost it in a giggling fit after I reminded myself, Pick your battles.
One hot and slightly exhibitionist shower later, I felt a little better. Or at least, my scalp and skin weren’t itchily matted down with days-old sweat and other gunk. Also, my nose cleared up from the steam, leaving me with only a mild sore throat.
Back in the main portion of my room, a pair of cushions and a table had appeared in the middle of the floor. It didn’t take much deliberation for me to know where I was going to sit during my audience with Celestia.
I sat down and waited. One minute, two minutes… It occurred to me that I hadn’t checked the time before showering, which made it useless to count out the minutes. The guard still watched me without moving or giving off any semblance of emotion; four minutes into my wait, I finally broke the silence: “How… when will, uh, Celestia get here?”
The guard’s expression never changed; my first reaction was that I wasn’t going to get an answer. She surprised me by finally stating, “Eleven.”
It was ten-fifty two, so I still had a little bit of a wait left. But, someone was talking to me! I pressed my luck and asked: “Do you, uh, know what’s happening?”
Another long silence, followed by, “If I did, I wouldn’t tell you.”
I waited quietly for the remainder of the eight minutes; the only times I even moved were when I glanced up at the clock. The top of the hour came closer, and closer, and closer…
The door opened with a barely audible click, and Princess Celestia entered the room. Her legs moved, and I could count individual steps from her, but even in as dire straits as I was, she was too graceful to describe as walking. It was more like she flowed into the room, or even that she stood still while the rest of the room slowly drifted around her.
My mind struggled with a greeting; I was torn between bowing and not bowing. She didn’t like the former, but not doing it seemed like it wasn’t helping my cause. I settled on staring down at the table in front of me, and I continued waiting quietly until…
Well, in that moment, I realized I didn’t know what she wanted. The sensible part of my brain told me it’d be best to wait and see, and for one time that year, I actually listened to it.
“Eclipse, you are free to wait outside.”
Even when she gave an order, her voice was serene. All I heard in response from the guard was a quiet clinking of metal before her comparatively booming, armored hoofsteps trailed out of the room.
As soon as she left me alone with Celestia, I felt the room fill with a warm, soothing peace. I wanted to take refuge in it, to embrace it.
Instead, it filled me with terror—the calm before a storm.
“Good morning, Lyra.”
That time, her voice was closer to me; I risked a gleaming, tear-streaked glance up and saw that she’d sat down at the table with me. All the bright lights in the room coalesced into a streaky halo around her head; for a moment, it was all I could do to keep from breaking down in front of her.
For a moment.
Whatever it was about her presence—be it the raw power she embodied, or the guilt I felt for my actions, or the shame I felt over being duped—I couldn’t even return her greeting. I just sat there, sobbing so hard that I thought I was going to be sick. If I’d eaten a bigger portion of my breakfast, I probably would have.
Celestia waited silently through my torrent, or if she said anything, princess or no, I couldn’t hear her. When I started to feel a little better inside, I noticed a cloth napkin was floating in front of me; I took it with a hoof and buried my face in it, drying my eyes as best I could.
I also tried to say “thank you,” but between the cloth and the last of my tears, it came out muffled and thick.
Regardless, as I pulled the napkin away, Celestia nodded. “You are welcome.” Her voice was warm, if a little low; I wanted to let that put me at ease. She kept her voice soft when she requested, “Tell me everything that happened in the Everfree during the past months.”
For the second time in less than five minutes, I broke like a dam. Except the second time, instead of tears, I let loose a deluge of words. I felt myself talking quickly, and I had to stop, panting, from time to time to catch my breath. Still, I did what Celestia asked: I started with the beginning, when Jesse had rescued me from a pack of timberwolves, and I kept going until I reached the final stages of his plan.
When I reached the end, I shook my head. “I… I shouldn’t have done it. I… I thought I was helping ponies, in the long run.”
“I don’t doubt your long-term motivations.” Celestia nodded, slowly. “Though your circumstances are regrettable.”
Something strange gripped my throat—was she taking pity on me, after everything that had happened? I swallowed; the only thing that mattered to me, now, was: “What’s going to happen to me?” After a moment, I figured it was better to stick with the side I’d thrown my lots with: “To us?”
Celestia sat silently at first, but her eyebrow slowly rose. “You still feel a sense of allegiance to that man?”
“No…” I shook my head before re-focusing on Celestia’s eyes. “But I did. And I did things because of it, so…” I blinked and looked down at the table. “There’s no running from that, right?”
A mote of warmth lit under my chin and lifted my head. Celestia smiled sympathetically at me. “You were systematically deceived and manipulated by something that excels in those dark arts. The two of you did terrible things, but you cannot be held responsible in an equal manner. He will face consequences for his actions, but you, Lyra, are comparatively a free mare.”
It took a moment for me to process the news. Relief cascaded over me, followed by disbelief. I smiled widely and asked, “R… really?”
Celestia didn’t nod.
After a moment’s consideration, I realized I’d been a little too hopeful, too quickly. “What do you mean ‘comparatively free’?”
That drew a grim nod. “Manipulation or no, you were still remiss in several of your duties as a citizen—and as a student. How much of this could have been avoided if you’d announced your discovery to your supervising professor, instead of keeping it secret?”
My gut excuse of “she wouldn’t have believed me” died in my throat; if I had mentioned something like that to my professor, she might’ve passed it up the chain, or even pulled her authority to send me to a new region, if not sabbatical.
The realization of my gaping oversight came as a crushing sensation; I looked up from under it in time to ask, “So, I’m…”
“Your professor agrees. Effective immediately, you are hereby expelled from Canterlot University.”
I let out a breath I didn’t know I’d been holding. It hurt, to know that I wasn’t a student anymore. Granted, I’d dodged the death penalty, so I figured I should be happy to take what I could get, but that didn’t mean I was going to enjoy the consequences of my mistakes.
“Also, you will serve a sentence of community service or prison time—”
“Volunteer work!” I nearly shouted. I didn’t like prisons.
Celestia nodded, then stood up. I rose with her as she continued, “Then, court date aside, there remains but one final item. I will not tell you what it is or when it will be, but you must remain in this room until it comes to pass.”
“I… okay.” I nodded, confused. It definitely sounded like a weird punishment, but I again reminded myself just how easily I was getting off.
She held out a hoof. “You spoke of regrettable circumstances. Let us hope that, in time, you recover while atoning for your transgressions.”
“Yeah.” I shook her hoof and bowed. “But thank you.”
“Do not thank me yet.”
With that, she got up and left.
I watched the door for a while after it closed. No one came to take the table, either, which left me alone with my thoughts. Those all crept towards the realization that, no matter how merciful my sentence was, I’d just lost my entire life’s work.
Slowly, I shook my head, stood up, and walked over to the only window in my room. I’d avoided it for the past week, but when I looked outside, the view was mostly obstructed by Canterlot Mountain. If I turned my head and pressed my face to the glass, I could see a little bit of the sky and some of the city below; it wasn’t comfortable, but it let me think a little more about what my next steps were.
Well, clearly, my first step was the ambiguous punishment Celestia had mentioned. But I couldn’t really prepare for it, so I’d have to deal with it when it came.
I spent the rest of the morning and most of the afternoon staring out my window, only taking a break from the view when the nurses brought lunch in. Watching the city was peaceful in a warm, distant manner.
It also made me realize I no longer had any ties to Canterlot—or even Equestria, short of visiting friends and family. I chuckled at the notion; I’d just dodged a treason verdict to come to the realization that, if push came to shove, I wouldn’t mind living outside of Equestria. However, I did like traveling. Even if the university wasn’t going to hoof the bill anymore, I wasn’t going to move back to Phillidelphia with my parents.
That just left me with absolute freedom and no safety net.
Against the glass, I smiled. There was a big, open world out there. Yeah, I’d have to figure out my finances, but I had savings and a very large diamond I still hadn’t sold yet. I wondered if that would even be legal to sell. I shrugged; the important thing was that I wasn’t tied down with anything more than community service. I was free, I had options, and most importantly, I was al—
“Lyra?”
I froze when I heard his voice, behind me, despite the door never opening. In my mind, I guessed where he was standing, and thought about how hard I’d have to fling the table at him to distract him long enough to escape into the hallway…
The sigh made a round, foggy ghost on the windowpane as it escaped me. I was done with fighting and done with running. My stiff neck throbbed as I turned to face him, but that wasn’t even close to the worst thing I felt right then.
Jesse stood to the right of the doorway, and he was wearing his usual lab coat. His eyes were normal, and I noticed his hunched shoulders that slumped back against the wall.
He looked defeated.
Because the clock was right over his head, I counted that we stared at each other for exactly eighteen seconds. I couldn’t find the strength to put any fire into my voice; all I wanted was to know what more he could possibly want from me. I shook my head and quietly asked, “What?”
Across the room, he swallowed and looked away. I almost said something about that, but he spoke before I could. “I don’t know how to apologize for what I did.”
“Good.” The word hissed through my teeth. “How many ponies did you kill? And you think apology is going to make that right?”
“Twenty-seven, and no.” He shook his head. “I don’t expect words to fix anything.”
“So why are you here?”
Jesse pushed off the wall with his shoulders. I lowered my head and readied one of the defensive spells I knew. He raised his hands and fell back against the wall. “Point taken. Though it may interest you to know that between the two of us, you’re the only one who can command chaos now.”
“It doesn’t.” I kept the spell up but frowned, confused. “Actually, why? What happened to you?”
He grinned. “I lost my war. That leaves me to face the victors’ judgment.” His eyes darted off to the side. “She wasn’t exactly explicit about what was happening, but everything’s different now. Hunger. Pain.” He raised his hand and flicked his fingers a few times. “No chaos.”
“Who?” I shook my head. “Who did that? Celestia?”
“Princess Luna.”
I dropped my spell and raised my head. If he were lying—which there was a statistically significant chance of that—it probably wouldn’t have protected me anyway. If he were telling the truth, then…
Then I still didn’t know what it meant. Jesse didn’t seem to want anything from me, which raised the same question I’d already asked. “Okay. You’re… mortal, again. So what? Why are you here?”
“I’m human again.” He took a deep breath. “Part of that comes with certain aspects that, last week, I would have written off as disadvantages. Emotions are a lot harder to control, things like guilt and sadness…”
I sneered. “So you can feel sad again, and now you want to apologize to me because it’ll make you feel better?”
“I want to apologize because you deserve that much, at least!” He didn’t yell it, but his sharp tone rang through the room. After a moment, he shook his head. “I’m sorry. I probably deserve that accusation.”
“Probably?” I took a short, little breath. “Probably? You killed all of those guards, you lied to me for months, and you probably deserve me to doubt you when you’re just appearing in my room…” Something clicked, and I shouted: “And you’re lying about not being able to use magic!”
Jesse turned his hands up, but I cut him off: “Don’t even start! Just… teleport back to whatever Hell you crawled up from!”
“I asked to be sent here.” His hands fell to his sides. “Part of the terms of my relative freedom in the interim is that I remain hidden, which is difficult to do in the crowded hallways of a hospital.”
“The hospital you put me in with lies!”
“And I’m sorry!” he hissed back in a loud whisper. “That’s what I came here to say. I have my debts to your country to pay for my attack, but I wanted to apologize to you. I’m sorry for what I did to you, and for everything that happened to you because of me. But if you’re just going to think that’s coming from the worst possible place, what’s the point?”
I took a step forward. “What is the point? Why are you apologizing?”
“Because I have matters to attend to…” He gripped his left forearm in his right hand, but shook his head. “Because Luna is taking me somewhere. But before I go, I want to know that not everything I did caused irreparable damage. I want to know that you’ll be okay.”
“I’m in a loony bin and my whole life’s work is destroyed. Do I look like I’m okay?”
“Will you be, though?”
I sighed. I didn’t know if this was a new angle from him or if he were genuinely feeling remorse, but something about him seemed… sincere, for once. It didn’t make him any less of a monster, but it wouldn’t be right for me to scorn his attempts at being personable.
“Yeah.” I nodded. “Yeah. I will be. Eventually.”
“Good.” He returned the nod.
Part of me wanted the conversation to end on that note, but like it usually did with Jesse, curiosity got the better of my senses. “Where will you go?”
He shrugged. “I haven’t decided yet. It’s… expensive, either way, and I don’t really have that much left.”
I raised an eyebrow. “So you get personal teleportation from Princess Luna, but you’re worried about travel costs?”
“To an extent.” He tilted his head to the side and rubbed his forearm. “I’d be less burdened on whichever path I took if you accepted my apology. Something of a final request from you.”
It dawned on me, and a twinge of sadness followed in its wake. “You’re not talking about traveling, are you?”
He shook his head. “I… I didn’t want to extort forgiveness from you by revealing it, but…” Jesse slid the left sleeve of his lab coat up. Underneath it, on his tan skin, was a black crescent moon.
I almost laughed out loud; that was an ancient Equestrian glyph they used to burn into capital offenders before their executions. Princess Luna was nothing if not fitting, at least in a judicial sense.
Still, it made me sad to stand there and look at him. There stood Jesse, the last human, a relic of some war that had nearly killed off all life on the planet. He… he was horrible, but he’d been through horrible things in his nigh-eternal life.
“I’m sorry things have to end like that for you.” It wasn’t poetic, but it was the best I could do given my circumstances.
He nodded. “They gave me the option, to live out the rest of my life as some sort of state-sponsored engineer. The price is the destruction of my facility, the legacy of humanity… I don’t think I am strong enough to pay that price to help a society.”
The archaeologist in me screamed at the notion: a whole facility belonging to an ancient race, being destroyed. All those forgotten lives. “Wh… why do they want it destroyed? The princesses, I mean.”
Jesse rolled up his sleeve and crossed his arms. “Apparently, learning Equestria’s true history might cause something akin to dissent, and ponies tend to be happier not knowing.”
Given where I’d been before I met Jesse, I was inclined to agree. Still, the truth could be hard sometimes; that didn’t mean it should just be avoided. “But what happens if you leave it down there and…” I didn’t want to finish that sentence.
He chuckled. “The facility’s on security lockdown. For the next few decades, if anyone tries to enter, those sentries will do a little more than disable them…” Jesse shrugged. “In the long term, without anyone maintaining the systems, the same phenomenon that happens to all things: decay. The power generators will fail, the filtration system will stop, and everything will begin rusting and decomposing.The odds of anyone finding any sort of meaning in the place grow slim.”
“So it’s lost no matter what you do?”
“Essentially. But I don’t know if I can be the one to pull the trigger, so to speak.”
“You’d finally be helping ponies…” I pointed out. “If you went through with it.”
Jesse raised an eyebrow. “Would you want that?”
I took a breath and started thinking out loud: “Well… if the place is going to be destroyed either way, and any sort of potential discovery of your home is going to be kept under government wraps, then yeah. History’s out. You should help ponies in the present. You at least owe that for all those guards you killed.”
“Would you forgive me, then?”
“I…” My head shook a little. “You’d be making good on your word to me. So I guess, maybe I can look past the lying. Maybe eventually.” I swallowed a lump. “You hurt me in so many ways, I’m not sure if I can ever forgive someone who did all that to me.” I finished by looking straight into his blue, not-glowing eyes. “But if you’re different now, if you’re human now, then...”
Jesse picked up where I trailed off: “Helping your countrymen on their terms would be the first step towards giving you evidence of that change?”
I nodded. “Yeah.”
He stood there, swaying a little as he mulled it over. Finally, he returned my nod. “That is probably the best I could reasonably expect from you.” After a pause, he tipped his head slightly. “Thank you.”
It suddenly clicked, and I remembered Celestia’s last words to me. I repeated them now, to Jesse: “Don’t thank me yet.” He cocked his head, so I explained, “If you’re serious about going through with this, it’s not going to be an overnight process. You’re going to have to learn how to fit in with society...” I grit my teeth, awkwardly; I didn’t want to bring up how that had been my plan from the beginning.
His shoulder rose and he grinned. “I know salad and chess. That’s as good a start as any.”
Slowly, I returned his grin. We stood there for a few moments, and it grew more and more obvious that there was only one thing left to say. A weird mixture of relief and sadness made my stomach churn, but I raised a hoof and waved. “Goodbye, Jesse.”
“Goodbye, Lyra.”
Then, he vanished.
Something about doubting my eyes and ears while in a mental hospital made my stomach lurch; I really hoped I hadn’t just hallucinated an entire exchange with Jesse. I didn’t need that in my life.
A dark purple letter on the table caught my eye. It definitely hadn’t been there after Celestia left, so I walked over to see what it was. It had a royal lunar seal of what looked like silver on it, which gave me a small sense of comfort; that did collaborate what Jesse had mentioned. The fact that it was addressed to “Lyra Heartstrings” sealed the deal; even my messed-up psychotic brain wouldn’t ever use my full, legal name.
I opened the letter and read its golden, rolling script:
Ms. Heartstrings
This is a royal missive hereby pardoning you for your actions on the night of Sunday, the third of December. You are expected to attend a private hearing in Canterlot Castle on Monday, the eighth of January, at eleven o’ clock in the evening.
Until that date, you are free to travel and do business within the cities of Canterlot or Fillydelphia, as you see fit, with this letter evidencing your pending acquittal.
Signed this eighth of December, in the first year of Solar Reunification, by her Majesty and Regent of the Night Court,
Princess Luna
When I was done reading, I folded the letter back up and smiled. I liked that “free to travel” part of my missive. I’d been stuck in that mental ward for far too long; some “travel” was probably just what I needed. Without further ado, I walked to the door and magicked the knob around.
It turned too freely, since it was locked.
After a quick chuckle, I shook my head and sauntered back over to my bed. I’d have to wait for the nurse to arrive with dinner, then I’d show her the missive, tell her to get stuffed, and I’d be on my merry way.
Until then, I stretched out on the not-too-uncomfortable hospital bed. I read my letter once again, folded it up, and put it on the nightstand. That was my future, and I was okay with it.
One final thing that interested me—since I went to school for it and all—was looking to the past and seeing what I could learn from it. Since old habits died hard, I applied those lines of thinking to my time spent with Jesse.
Obviously, there was some sort of personal lesson about trusting people who had a past history of hurting me, but that was the easy lesson. The same thing went for committing acts of war against Equestria; really, there were some basic things I’d forgotten.
That was what was tricky to me: How could I have just cast away loyalties and responsibilities to the present by looking solely to the future? Sure, it had been a better future; even after all I’d been through, I felt a pang of regret that I’d never get to see anything like it again.
Maybe there was a lesson in the history of humanity, one that warned about ethics in the face of technological advance. I rarely thought about that sort of thing; usually, I left it for engineers and arcane researchers. The only “technologies” I ever encountered were either store-bought or rusted beyond any practical use.
I shook my head and thought, trying to remember. Easily, the most poignant experience with Jesse had been the few hours I’d spent as a human. I’d seen everything from a new perspective—from about six feet off the ground instead of three and a half. But in that time, there’d also been sharpness, a sense of urgency, and ambition.
For a few hours, I’d lived without a cutie mark again.
That was probably the biggest moral dilemma I had about the entire thing. Was it worth one year of chaos to re-shuffle the cards and deal a fresh hand to society?
Would I make the same choice, given the same opportunity?
How much of an impact on lives were cutie marks? Throughout history, Equestrian philosophers and psychologists had spent countless hours debating that question, but there wasn’t much more of a definitive answer than “it varies from pony to pony”.
I pondered that philosophical question for a while, and it eventually led me back to the bed I was lying on. Cutie mark or no, there I lay with no job, almost no ties to anywhere, and a wide-open future.
There was also the fact that basing a lifetime of studying archaeology on a lyre was… how did Jesse put it? A flimsy basis for determining a vocation. And he’s gonna start from scratch as a pony, too...
As I lay there, I took solace in how I’d interpreted my own destiny. I’d gone to school, I’d done the hoofwork for all my expeditions. I’d been given a foundation, but on top of that, I’d built something, and now that had been taken away from me, I knew that in a month or so, I’d be right out there building something new.
I got off the bed and walked back over to the window. The birds-eye view of Canterlot reminded me of the first movie I’d watched with Jesse. Just like the humans in the movie, ponies in the streets below went about their daily lives, dealt with worries, and made decisions for their futures.
Maybe we had a slight bias in our destinies, but in the end, we were the ones who made them for ourselves.
I smiled. In that regard, I guessed we were still human after all.
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- The Bourgeoisie Bear · 80k words · 558 68 · 5.9k views
- Nicknack · 101k words · 566 10 · 5k views
- Brolkier · 19k words · 12 4 · 558 views
- Darkswirl · 4.9k words · 389 23 · 5k views
- Magello · 1.1k words · 261 16 · 3.2k views
- CorvusCaurinus · 1 words · 29 2 · 872 views
- Integral Archer · 120k words · 280 17 · 5.6k views
- SouthernmostDogs · 5.2k words · 68 9 · 5.5k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.027 seconds
Total duration
771 users online
1,257,275 hits today, 2,724,632 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
I found the lessons of this story to be oddly applicable to my life. This was definitely worth reading.
Thank you for writing it!
the hallmarks of a true tyranical domination of a society
Not what I wasexpecting, still it's nice to see a human-pony war story that doesn't end in total shitpocolype.
It is nice to see a unique take on HiE after so long.
I'd say that the only flaw that I can see with the story is that chapters 9-11 just kinda jumped ahead and rushed through a few things. I dunno, it felt nicely paced, but kinda came up a bit earlier than when I thought it was, I guess.
Otherwise I really enjoyed this story! (And I plan on reading your Gilda ones later on.)
Who's to say what if the end result would have been wrong or not?
I understand what Jesse was trying to do, but he did it all wrong. Square blocks don't fit into round holes, after all.
So he spends thousands of years trying to restore his specie (or at least the closest thing), only to go "boo-hoo, a couple of creatures died, can you ever forgive me" ?
And he just accepts to see his entire culture erased ? And to live a glorified lie ?
He's not very focused.
3869366 Actually, it was quite a good plan, considering he didn't know just how powerful Celestia and Luna are, since they don't have public displays of their full potential every Sunday.
And the extinction of humanity completes.
3871271 Looks like you were right about the ending unfortunately.
Well that was... kinda meh. He just gives up that easily? After spending an eternity in a hole in the ground trying to fix it he loses one measly battle and just throws in the towel. Kind of disappointing, really.
Just finished catching up on 8-10, and when I open the favorites page there's #11. Have to admit that the last few chapters were not exactly up to the same standard as the first several chapters, though still very enjoyable. All in all this was a good read. Thank you for sharing it.
Wow, what a downer ending. Very well written, if the ending wasn't so terrible I'd like the story a whole lot more.
(Spoilers below this line, so if you're reading the comments before the story.... dont read this one.)
Humanity stayed dead, the population of equestria still wallows in ignorance, AND any hope that they had of advancing back to that level of technology within a reasonable amount of time is destroyed. So much suck. Also why did Jesse become totally inarticulate when arguing with Luna? What about the myriad of FANTASTIC reasons for turning them into humans? At least don't destroy the frigging facility! What sort of fucking luddite would do such a thing? She didn't have to tell the ponies that it was human inventions to use them! Throwing them away is worse than throwing away pure gold. Nay, worse than throwing away... I literally don't have the ability to conceive of something of equal value, or something that even comes CLOSE. If anything is an act of treason it's what Luna did.
If I was Jesse, I have no idea what I would do, but I sure as hell wouldn't take Luna's "deal." Worse came to worse I'd let myself die just to spite her.
And shit hits the fan. I guess I shouldn't be too surprised, what with Chat returning and the rise of human protagonistic antagonists.
I feel like I just read 1984 when the guy finishes being converted.
... no closure, really.Status quo preserved. The sleepers maintain their hold over humanity built on lies. Yes, they're generally good ponies (the Princesses) - they're kind and try to help out. But ...I dunno. I 'liked' it but it seems like a bit of a pointless story. Nothing, really, changed. Everything ends up the same as it was in the beginning save for two creatures that really didn't impact the world very much. The entire thing feels ... I dunno. Pointless, really. Well written but I didn't take very much away from this myself.
Nice thought on the whole Chaos War and how the ponies and humanity fit together. But again, for all the world building and all the thought put into it, I didn't really feel like I got that much out of this. Sorry, man.
3872904
Sorry to have wasted your time, then.
This ending felt so backwards, all the drive that Jessie had, all the push gone, out like a light. Its like his entire character reversed across these last few chapters. Over all this ending left me disappointed and upset, there was so much potential here.
Over all pretty good, but the final two chapters seem a little rushed. Kinda muddles and dilutes the end message a bit (I can guess though, that it was meant to be a nagging questioned, "Human after all?" for some readers).
I step away reading this story feeling that events turned out as a "bad end" but with hope for the possible future. Given that both sides of the ethical coin had value, and that the characters all made terrible mistakes in pursuit of the "Greater Good" from there positions; I can't say I want any of them to have succeeded fully (My deepest sympathies to poor Lyra though). \.
Meh, best end would have been the peaceful reclaimation and mutual accord that Jesse and eventually Luna dumped out the window.
Everyone was very human..
Worth reading.
P.S. To the Author: You have my sympathies regarding some of the reactions on the comment threads.
3872923
Yeah, I was coming back to edit that because it wasn't really that fair to you. There was closure but ... I don't know. It just didn't do it for me. I'm actually going to strike out what I wrote to show I don't really agree with myself there.
It ... sorry. I know how it is to put your heart into something that might not strike others the same way it struck you.
This story was awesome, it was a wonderful reversal of the TCB and it was done well.
Until the end when it went full retard.
This WAS a good fic, then the last chapters dropped the ball so fucking hard that it's sickening.
This could have been a good story. It WAS a good story.
Then it seems like someone took the reins at the end and said "lolnope, the who thing was meaningless and things are stupider than they were when it started"
This thing would have ended much better a few chapters back in a blaze of nuclear glory to at least remove the false gods from play.
But alas, this went to hell. Enjoy my hate and my downvote.
3873001
Both sides weren't in the right, but what Jesse was attempting was by far the worst.
How would you feel if an alien popped out of the ground tomorrow, and said "One hundred thousand years ago you humans were once Ixhan! You humans are a mutated abomination and will be purified once more! Also I shall destroy the society you have created, remove your governments and implement one based off the one we had!"?
You'd go flipping nuts, and be the first to pick up a gun.
3873072
That a perspective issue.
From what we are clearly shown, he was in the right the entire time and had his character thrown away at the end.
The last two chapters weren't him, they were some gullible asshole who decided "meh, I guess I'll feel bad for things I was totally justified on and held a religious conviction for..."
This man was working for the resurection of mankind and he cares for the ponies he killed?
When the fuck did this guy show up in the story, because he sure as hell wasn't there before.
He had no place being there.
4/10, burn the planet, it's not worth saving.
3872904
And, to clarify 3872923 so as not to come off as a passive aggressive douche...
My primary goal in taking on this story was to deliver a high-quality product that was well-written, enjoyable, and had some pseudo-philosophical implications behind it. By my logic, pleasing the commissioner was a secondary goal—not that I didn't care about my customer, but that if I did right by the story, he'd end up liking the result enough for me to uphold my general "satisfaction guaranteed" deal I do when I'm taking money for fics.
Ironically, it seems he and I are in the minority of liking this story.
Based on vocal reception—i.e., the people who care enough to comment and/or switch their positive votes negative—I can tell that I failed in most of my primary goals. I don't really know what to take away from that, or how I can improve on that in the future, but that's a problem I'm going to have to overcome in the future.
Could I make excuses? Sure. A significant portion of my pre-readers have either vanished, want nothing to do with me (and good riddance, frankly), or—in one special case—are potentially dead. Could I defend some of the plot points in the final chapter that people are complaining about? Absolutely, but the author's voice in the fucking comments section means jack shit compared to the meaning that came through in the story. And clearly, not enough of that did.
Bottom line is, though, I screwed up. Writing is a solitary art, and clearly, with how much my quality tanks when I'm without some of my pre-readers, I'm not as strong of a writer as I want to be (or frankly, as good as someone who publishes work should be).
That's probably the lesson I can learn from this. It's dark, but fuck it; you don't get stronger from never falling over and picking yourself up.
3873001
Seriously? Like ok, you didn't like the story. Keep it to yourself or give some *constructive* criticism. That's fair. I liked it, honestly, but you're entitled to your opinion.
The problem here is not the story. The problem is your attitude towards someone who spent hours trying to entertain your ass for FREE, and I will give you the amount of fair criticism that you gave the author:
You're a dick.
3873107
So you support the Ixhan in their attempts to wash away the taint of humanity clean, and everything we've done! Excellent.
You can't just stand there and say one is good, while the other is evil, when they're the exact same situation just with different species. Well, a person could, but it would make that person a hypocrite.
Well written, but I can't say I enjoyed the last two chapters. It renders the entire story pointless. "[T]he protagonists are ineffectual, accomplish nothing, fail to bring villains to justice, and they die." Yup, sounds about right.
3873146
I assure you, I loved this story, I waited every night for it to update.
The writing was awesome, the idea was original and the characters were interesting.
But it all came down to something that felt like it was decided in a "this has to end RIGHT NOW, it doesn't matter how!"
And that's very disappointing. I'm not mad, I'm just very disappointed in an ending that was seen over the horizon, that really felt like it was just given up on.
Everything fell apart and the characters stopped being themselves.
It's like the consistency fell apart with something tacked on from another story or another writer.
I feel... disappointed.
3873126
As one of those vocals, I have to say you did a great job with most of this story. It was by far one of the better ones I have read, barring the obvious.
The characters were great, the idea was sound and interesting, and it was generally well written and fun to read.
There's just an issue...
3873126
A good comparison would be Mass Effect 3's ending, it tarnished the whole series based on the ending for some.
This story was incredible to me up until these final three chapters. It's like someone entirely else wrote them.
3873146
Just because it's free does not mean it's able to avoid hate like other things.
Does anyone else feel that all of Jesse's rationalization was a thin sheet over a need to restore everything to how he remembered it and "win" the battle humanity lost?
You know what? I know what you were thinking...
"Jeezm what a long fic! Better shorten it dramatically, confuse and enrage my audience, throw in some tyrant ponies and IGNORE the development if Lyra or anyone. It's like watching the beggining of the lion king and a second later watching simba fighting scar to the death, it's unacceptable for such a promising story and brings nothing
It sounds like rant, and IS a rant, but I needed to vent. I was honestly enjoying the characters and pace. It was slow, it was methodical, it was I interesting, it was personal. This can somewhat be compared too the ending of "biblical monsters" a fairly controversial fic, but I enjoyed it's ending even though it was, for some people terrible because it was open ended and brought a key moral question on "what is right."
I had thought that that was the objective if this story, especially a few chapters ago, bringing back a free society but at what cost? Butr all that came out was an ending watered down by a frenzied pace and skip. Honestly, really honestly, this fics ending would have been TREMENDOUS if it had been given the time, like a masterpiece only half painted.
I'm sorry if I wasted your time if you read this, but I hope to see another one of your fics, one with such well written characters and original premises. Thank you.
3871271 Two wrongs don't make a right. How the ponies came to be is moot; the past is past, especially on the scale of time we're talking about here. Decisions made now must be made using the current state of the world, not what it was 8,000 years ago. Whatever the wishes of the proto-ponies, the current population is content with their lives.
I can not trust Lyra's feelings on her transformation, as there has been no indication that Jesse hasn't been indoctrinating her through elevator music/messed with her head during her transformation. Compound that with his morality and thought processes on freedom of choice, ("I want your allegiance, not your compliance." Why not make a loyal servant?) Lyra's views on Jesse/humanity are very suspect.
The technology Jesse wields could cure all disease and usher in a post-scarcity age without turning everyone into humans against their will. Indeed, a slow PR campaign that emphasizes the shared lost history, and glorious heritage all creatures possess, would likely result in a great many regaining their former forms. The idea that the public at large must become human to appreciate humanity is flawed.
Yes, humanity was also a peaceful society. Jesse is not. Jesse's plan is the absolute worst kind of domination. It strips from individuals control of their very bodies. It is worse than slavery. If Jesse hopes to honour his civilization's memory, he could at least have a modicum of civility.
Again, the requirement to become human has nothing to do with using the technological wonders humanity created.
3873126
I think you are being a little to harsh on yourself. The last three chapters had a pacing issue, which clunked up making the stories philosophical point. It was still evident and a very good one to make. I am sure you'll improve, but don't be upset about a few readers wanting a aimless "human revenge and supremacy fic". We already have those, and the misanthropic anti-human stories that provoked them.
I like the fact that you tried to tangle with a story about what it means to be human. And within the story portray both groups fighting at the end to be mutually ethically flawed.
AAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand He turned into a pony at the end.
Goooooddd damn it.
This just went from a favorite and a like to a dislike and an unfavorite.
Good day, my good sir.
3873165
Oh I'm sooo sorry I have a human bias.
I better go hug a dangerous animal that's now encroaching on human populations to make up for seeing humans as superior.
Now give me a few minutes to recover, I think I burned out my sarcasm gland.
3873262
That's an interesting angle that could have been explored. Unfortunately, we jumped straight from "Jesse works to restore humanity" to "Jesse's a lying jerk, the Princesses are right because the Princesses won, and history is written by the victors. Jesse's entire struggle is rendered pointless, and the true history of the world will be covered up, solely because the Princesses say so. Roll credits."
3873126
... ok, I want to say something here but it's another one of those 'I' moments that point out how damn selfish I am that I'm trying to get away from. Just - man, I SO feel you.
I think maybe the expectation of this story and what it delivered were two different things. In fanfiction, we're used to following the 'hero' of the piece. The one that changes the world, that makes all wrongs right, that fights the BBEG and makes off with the nobility-of-varying-gender. High fantasy hero worship.
Here, there isn't a straight 'hero,' there are four individuals trying their hardest to make the best of a series of bad situations. It starts with Jesse - who plays a bit of the anti-hero role well - and Lyra - his innocent, wide-eyed helper. Then there's Celly and Lulu who play the roles of two 'we know what's best' 'villains' that the fandom tends to dislike. Except, that's not really what happens. They 'fit' these roles until the very end when things start to come out and roles get a bit fluid. I think it got a tad muddled and I'm not even 100% sure that I follow but I'm feeling that maybe you tried something that didn't set right with some folks.
You know what? This story makes me think. Not about life and such but about itself. So I think you did a pretty bang up job with it. I'm not sorry I read this and it took a bit of thought to 'get it' - and I'm still not sure it ended up exactly where I would have wanted it, but I don't 'dislike' it at all. I want to say ... thanks. Thanks for writing it, for trying something new and even if it didn't work out 100% in the end, I think it was pretty gosh dang well written (and better written than something I would have wrote in the same vein so there is that too).
3873126
Just out of curiosity, but is there an in-universe reason why Jesse couldn't/wouldn't go back to the base, then trigger his Plan B and nuke the Princesses? I mean, he was supposedly capable of heading back and triggering the self-destruct, so why not "oops" and hit another button?
3873343
For a while it looked like it was going to do something cool and original; have the human be both sympathetic to the read and the reader's interests, while being an asshole and morally broken.
And have this slurry of grey do something good by extreme and unethical means.
This ending reminds me of Far Cry 3's...
3873189 That's a fair response. I thank you, honestly, because I was a bit worked up.
I do get your point about it seeming to wrap up quickly and leave the reader in a lurch. There was a strange sort of conflict resolution at the end, especially if you're expecting an action adventure story, and I can't say I blame you because it kinda started out that way.
3873377
I think that was the point. Jesse was so consumed with his Purpose that he forgot his purpose - get humanity back on it's feet. Traveling around, doing good deeds, offering the ponies the chance to be human if only for a little while and maybe having a small enclave of people in a null-magic area or something ... that might have actually worked.
I think it didn't 100% effectively transmit the message but I think that was one of the messages. Jesse failed because he lost sight of his true goal and tried to force it along too fast.
I also think the Sisters were painted a bit harshly and if there had been more backstory about them rebuilding the world or some changed words (a la "And by the time we had fixed this mess, by the time things had calmed down enough that we could have made humanity human again ... it was too late." or something) could have done much to lessen the feeling that the 'villains' had won.
Hmmm.... Not quite sure what to think about the ending.
Overall, I have to say I enjoyed the story, from beginning to end. I may not have enjoyed how Jesse acted, or how Lyra got sucked into helping, but that's not a problem with the story. Even if I'm left with mixed feelings, you kept me coming back to find out what happened next, and that's probably what matters most to me. There are plenty of stories that I end up dropping because I they fail to retain my interest.
And in any case, I want to thank you for writing.
3873410
I admit, I was tempted to shoot right back, but then I remembered, none of us are enemies. Just bronies with differing opinions, so why argue when we can talk?
3873425
Aye, it seems like villains were made in the end just to wrap things up.
The actual conflict of this story is a few hundred words, followed by just giving up after countless thousands of year of work.
And that's where it fall flat.
And I wanna know what asshole downvoted your comment.
3872600 Wrong. His goal is unattainable. Why should he not try to reconcile with Lyra? He's making the best of a bad situation. (Exhibit A: destroying an irreplaceable facility and almost all of humanity's remaining footprint, rather than have it be destroyed anyway only with him along with it.) Is there some reason he's not allowed to regret the trouble he put her in? (Even if he still believes it was necessary, he can still feel bad about it.)
Look, I'm gonna defend the author here. Hear me out.
I think most people were expecting an action story and so are disappointed. There were sci fi elements, a crazy underground fortress, there was raw power and a main character we couldn't quite tell if he was a supervillian or not for awhile. But the whole time while this was happening, we were examining Lyra's thinking. Bit by bit we would get bits of Jesse's motivations.
The title is Human After All, right?
Well, we human beings get angry and take things out on others. Many of us have taken stabs at exes, for example, blaming them for all our heartaches, when really it was just a 2-way fusterclucked war, like Jesse did. We rationalize away our better judgement to gain something that makes us unique and special, like Lyra. We shun those who have hurt us, even if we don't know the whole story, like the Nurse. We protect the ones we love, like Luna. In the end, if we don't give in to self pity and righteousness, we forgive. Like Celestia.
Even though forgiveness is divine, we can do it too. We're human, after all. So are the ponies, if you take the chaos/magic away. We're the same as ponies. We ARE ponies. We -can- bring a little equestria into our lives and the lives of the people we love. That's what I took away from it, and it was rather heartwarming even if bleak at the same time.
Now, perhaps the author made a mistake by not alluding to this point well enough that a lot of folks missed it, like perhaps he should have trivialized some of the crazy sci-fi moments. (Tho he's on record as saying he wasn't all that concerned about getting the science elements exactly perfect a few chapters ago, if you recall.)
Or perhaps I'm reading too much into his story.
Only the author really knows, I guess. In any case, that's...
My 2c.
3873482
You completely missed my point.
The world is lost, burn it.
If we can't have it, no one else deserves it.