• Published 22nd Jan 2014
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Human After All - Nicknack



Lyra discovers ancient mysteries in the Everfree Forest; one of them tasks her with helping him rebuild his lost civilization.

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Chapter 7

After almost dying on Friday afternoon, I spent rest of the weekend locked in my apartment. I knew a simple deadbolt couldn’t stop Jesse, but I sincerely doubted that he’d come knocking. My reason for solitude was simple, even benign:

I had a lot to think about, and I didn’t want to be disturbed.

The apartment itself had originally come pre-furnished in cozy pastel colors that were beginning to show their age. Since it was technically my second home, I hadn’t devoted much time to sprucing the place up; the only things I’d brought beyond the bare essentials were reference materials to help me study the Everfree Forest.

By Monday evening, all of my textbooks were still on their shelves and wearing their thin skins of dust. I’d only needed my notes on Jesse I’d kept for the past nine months. Much like a final dissertation, now it was time to build all the conclusions I could from the findings I’d recorded.

It didn’t help that he’d been intentionally misleading the whole time. Every time I’d been amazed at the similarities between our cultures, or when I’d been sad and eager to help him... everything was different now.

He didn’t want to help Equestria. He wanted to cure us.

“Cure” was the closest word I had for it, anyway—I didn’t feel sick, and I sincerely doubted that pony life could continue if there were any serious detriments to the “condition”. However, Jesse’s demonstration had been extremely effective in its simplicity: With magic, pony hoof. Without magic, human hand.

Where I got lost was probably the fundamental point of it. Pony or human, did it matter? I could accept that our race had used to be human at some point—it was impossible, but I’d seen it with my own two eyes. It stood to follow that something had fundamentally changed one species into the other—most likely the “Chaos” War, which was what humans called magic.

But what did we gain from changing back?

That question took me back to my low-level sociology classes I’d taken as an undergraduate—you couldn’t figure out past civilizations if you didn’t understand the present one. Within Equestria, food supplies were sufficient, disease-based deaths were low, and year after year, polls across the nation showed that ponies were generally satisfied with their lives. I truly doubted our system needed fixing.

And yet…

I remembered the first movie I’d watched with Jesse, the one with Jim and Rachel. They were fictional characters in a world that was as different from Equestria as it was similar, but the outcome of that film made me think. He’d lost one job, and then gone to one that was completely different than where he’d started in. It resembled some stories I’d heard about friends and colleagues, true, but they’d always ended up somewhere that was somehow related to their cutie marks.

I remembered how, when he’d been a pony, Jesse had thought nothing of giving himself a cutie mark. I didn’t delude myself by thinking he was truly human anymore, but that surety, that absolute control of his destiny…

Would it be worth changing the world to give that to ponies?

With a sigh, I flipped my journal closed for the thirteenth time. The small gust of wind from the pages blew some of my scrap papers off my desk. I shook my head and magicked them back up off the floor. After re-stacking them in the order they’d landed, the top sheet only had a single, circled question: “Blowback?”

I pushed myself away from the desk and stood up. My mind was spinning a hundred miles an hour, and it’d been nearly a week since my last decent meal. The clock on my wall read ten-forty, which wasn’t incredibly late, by Canterlot standards, but the bars in Ponyville tended to close at midnight instead of four. It’s now or never, I goaded myself, which was all the motivation I needed to begin bundling up for a trip into the late November night air.

Two steps out of my door, a blast of wind bit my face. The local weather pegasi hadn’t scheduled snowfall yet, but the ground was hard and frozen. The ice didn’t make it harder to walk, but I did see cool little crystalline formations on the dirt path as I headed to my destination.

As I walked, I fought a losing battle to organize my thoughts about what I was going to do next Friday. Every time I pointed out an extremely good and solid reason that I should just leave the Everfree alone for a few months, I felt like I was turning my back on something bigger than myself.

Even scarier than how I was in way over my head was the fact that I might’ve already gone too far to escape. Friday morning, I’d called it “Blowback”, but after a weekend of pondering, I was convinced that there’d be negative consequences for my actions. Even if I did nothing—and going to Philidelphia to see my parents for a month was a tempting proposition—there was a chance that someone, somehow, would link my aid to whatever Jesse’s plan would mutate into without me.

I entered Good Spirits, my favorite late-night venue in Ponyville, and a little bell over the door greeted me. Polished hardwood floors, gold trim on the furniture, and warm candlelight from the ceiling all made me feel like I was home, and the food didn’t have too high a premium tacked on to it.

That late on a Monday night, the whole place was empty except for the bartender. She was a friendly purple mare who, for the past three years, hadn’t really shown much concern over my notions of personal space. Mentally, I braced myself as I hung my cloak by the door.

“Lyra!” Her face lit up when she saw me.

I walked deeper into the establishment and waved a hoof in rhythm with my steps. “Hi, Berry.”

“I heard you were back in town, but I haven’t seen hide nor mane of you! I was starting to think you weren’t going to visit.” She exaggerated a sad, disappointed face.

I shook my head with a meek smile as I took a seat in front of the bar. “It’s been one of those weeks, I guess.”

Berry nodded, and her smile grew back as she set a pair of drinking tumblers on the countertop. “Well, you can tell me all about it over some on-the-house sauce.” She plinked three ice cubes in each of our glasses before pouring my favorite scotch over them.

It was hard to decline her offer, but I had a few reservations. Mainly: “Uh… thanks, but aren’t you working right now?”

She nodded with faux sincerity. “True.” Then, I watched as she walked over to the door, poked her head out into the frigid streets, and flipped the bar’s sign around. The lock on the door clicked, and she muttered something.

I didn’t hide my amusement from my smile. “Uh… what was that last part?”

Berry sauntered over to the bar, but instead of going behind it, she scooted a cushion over and sat half on hers, half on mine. With practiced balance, she wrapped her right hoof around my waist and belted down her drink with her left. “It’s deader than those stuffy old tombs you always spend your time in.”

I looked down at the purple hoof on my abdomen, shrugged my acceptance, and magicked my glass up to take a drink. “Tombs were last year,” I corrected. “This year is ruins in the Everfree.”

She rested her head on my shoulder. “You’ll have to explain the difference sometime.”

“Well…” I finished off my drink, and the warmth from the drink made me feel like I needed the hug more than my space. I draped my left hoof around Berry’s shoulder. “Tombs don’t usually encompass all of a civilization’s life. Just burial rites and varying degrees of respect for the dead.” I thought back to the personnel dormitories that Jesse had cleaned out. “Though I guess they can be pretty similar to ruins.”

“One’s a dead pony, one’s a dead culture.”

“Pretty much.” I nodded and set my tumbler on the bar.

Berry leaned forward to immediately refill our glasses, but she kept herself next to me during the whole movement. “So, how are the ruins?”

I took another sip of my scotch before setting it down. I didn’t want to dive headlong into the bottom of a bottle just yet. I answered her question with a dark chuckle. “Ruined.” That drew a jostle and snort of laughter from Berry, but I continued, “Honestly, it’s not the ruins themselves that are giving me headache, it’s… politics.”

“Is it your griffin boyfriend again?” Her ear prickled against my neck.

I raised an eyebrow and leaned my head to make eye contact out of the corner of my vision. “He’s not my boyfriend.” I punctuated the statement with another drink. “We just share an office.”

Berry grinned and nodded into me. “Okay, then. It’s not the guy you’re shacked up with. Where are the politics coming from? School administrator?”

“It’s hard to explain…” I sighed. “It’s more like… I’m out there, exploring ancient ruins, but they’re contested. Like, someone thinks they own the rights to the land, and that’s causing problems.”

“That still sounds like your tombs last year.” She finished off her drink and poured herself a third.

That’s because it was, I noted. Last year, I’d been cataloguing some ancient Zebronian tombs near the Equestrian border; however, some of the locals still thought the land was theirs. Which, it was theirs, since they were Equestrian citizens, but they were so isolated in their desert that they’d been hostile to me, an outsider, at first.

Of course, back then, I’d been able to send a message off to my superiors for advice on how to handle the situation. It was different from being saved by Jesse, following him home, and realizing I’d never be able to keep my job and tell people about the lost city below the Everfree. Even now, it seemed too far-fetched. “It’s… different, since the zebras there eventually realized I wasn’t stealing anything. We actually grew closer over the months…” I blushed and smiled off at the bottles of liquor behind the bar. “We shared our cultures, both past and present, and it was an enriching experience for everyone.”

Berry chuckled. “So why not just do that with…” Her head rubbed against my neck as she shook it. “Who’s even living in the Everfree? Zecora doesn’t care about ‘land ownership’ or anything like that.”

I felt like I was caught in a lie, and I was, even though I hadn’t said anything entirely untrue. I mulled it over for a moment, swallowed the last of my scotch, and then answered, “I’m not really sure. He’s old, though, like ancient-old. I don’t think he knows too much about the outside world, and that’s the bitch of it.” I set the glass down; the room was now floating happily around me. “Like, it’s my job as an archaeologist—I’ve got a plaque, Berry, that says it. I’m supposed to document ancient cultures and preserve them.”

The hoof around my waist tightened a little. “Ancient guy living in the Everfree? That sounds like it should be easy, then.”

“It is,” I agreed.

“So why the problems?”

I magicked up my tumbler and swirled it around, watching the melting ice cubes dance with each other. Watching them reminded me, somehow, of my conundrum I’d been mulling over all weekend. “What does it mean to be a pony?”

Berry squeezed me into her when she let out a surprised chuckle. “Is that all? You’re waxing philosophical?”

I glared back at her, which was the first time I noticed how close our faces were. “I… I’m serious.” All the glowiness from the scotch swelled up in my face. “Like, if I were a griffin, would I still be the same… me?”

“If you were a griffin…” She smirked, warmly. “You’d still be a quiet, bookish griffin with a big heart and naïve mind.”

My eyebrow rose defensively. “Naïve?”

A smile answered. “You want to see the best in ponies, but sometimes, you completely miss the obvious.”

Then, she licked my cheek.

I got shocked back into sobriety for a moment, but that didn’t last. Heat swam up my chest and neck, but as it did, I didn’t really think it was a bad thing. I leaned forward and nuzzled her neck, and Berry held me tighter; right then, I was convinced that I’d found my answer—at least, temporarily.

Maybe, just for a little while, I needed a break from everything.

* * *

Tuesday morning, I retreated to my apartment through streets that were way too bright for my throbbing eyes. From what I could remember, I was still in disbelief over the events of last night, but—just like the big breakfast Berry’d cooked us—I felt like it’d been exactly what I needed.

Still, I couldn’t just stay at the bar forever. It would’ve been easy, but that wasn’t the answer I could choose. I had two days to make the biggest decision of my life, and I’d only ever have one shot at it.

Thursday morning, I bundled up for a trip into the Everfree. I didn’t have an answer for Jesse, but I knew I had to talk to him one last time. He’d given far too few answers for far too many questions; the only way to make an informed decision would be to try to filter some more truth out of his words.

My breath escaped in cold clouds as I cantered briskly through the Everfree. It was late in the morning, so I didn’t need to worry too much about nocturnal predators. Even then, the bright, cold silence of the forest took on an oppressive presence. I felt eerily alone, which eventually led me to slow down to a comfortable walking pace.

Once I got to the cave outside Jesse’s home, I took a deep breath before walking down to the tiny archway. My torchstone lit the way, but at that point, I didn’t need its light to know if I were on the right path.

I needed answers.

Outside Jesse’s front door, the yellow light squares once again lit the floor around me; but for the first time ever, the rock wall didn’t slide open. My doubts took over for a moment, and I blew a relieved chuckle out of my mouth. If the door was locked, then that was a hard answer to all my questions.

Convictions overruled doubt, however, and I walked forward to the rock wall. I knocked a hoof on it and called out, “Jesse? You in there?”

Silence answered.

Despite everything I’d been through with him, I felt a lump in the back of my throat. This was how it ended? A locked door, and everything I’d done over the past months with him was rendered null and void? It was easier, I knew, but it didn’t feel fair. I wanted closure. I wanted answers…

I pounded the rock a second time. “Jesse!”

“You came.”

His sudden voice behind me nearly made me jump out of my skin; luckily, I regained balance enough to keep me from falling to the ground. I shook the fear back down as I turned to face him. “I couldn’t leave things like—”

In the small alcove behind me, I barely recognized the man standing over me. He sounded like Jesse, and had the same glowing blue eyes and chin, but everything else was different. He’d shorn his thick, shoulder-length hair, almost down to his scalp, and he seemed taller. Instead of his usual lab coat and pants, he was wearing a close-fitting, night-blue material that was made up of tiny, scale-like hexagons. Large, flat sections of a metallic material adorned his chest and limbs, and the logo on his chest was a dead giveaway, even if there were several millennia between our cultures: military armor.

We stood in silence as I began noting the various notches for tools set into his armor at various easy-to-reach locations. There weren’t any obvious weapon-like apparatuses, but that just reminded me that he didn’t need them.

Finally, Jesse spoke again. “I hope you don’t mind the armor; it was the first thing I found while looking for a viable replacement to my coat.”

I shook my head. “It’s new…” My eyes went back up to his head. “Why the haircut, though?”

Jesse shrugged. “Is that what you came back to ask?”

His voice was cold and sharp; I shook my head again to avoid wincing at it. He didn’t sound angry, but given everything that’d happened during our last encounter, I couldn’t really speak for his emotional state. I cut to the chase with, “No, I came to ask about more important stuff.”

He crossed his armored arms over his chest. “Stuff like what?”

That time, he sounded softer; if I were being optimistic, I’d say he was back to his usual levels of neutral curiosity. I restated my own line of thinking to make sure we were both on the same page: “I’m afraid of you, but I’m also pretty sure that I’m in too deep to just call it quits.”

“If you don’t want to help—”

I cut him off. “It’s not that. I mean, I’m pretty sure you know where I live, and if you don’t, that’d be maybe ten minutes’ of a setback.” I sighed. “But I know you don’t want that. But you are talking about starting a new government, basically. I’m enough of a historian to know how that usually turns out. You’ve got your benevolence, Celestia’s got hers, and I’m not entirely certain that they’re compatible.”

“You fear I wish to start a war?”

I looked up at him with a raised eyebrow. “You’re wearing a soldier’s uniform.”

Jesse chuckled and shook his head. Spreading his arms down, he motioned to his outfit. “This is SRF-issued equipment for its security teams. It’s protective, but hardly indicative of offensive motives, despite what may be implied.”

“But it does have those implications,” I countered. “Surely there’s another lab coat somewhere in your home?”

He glared down at me. “Remember last Thursday, when you tried to set me on fire?”

I widened my stance and stared right back up at him. “And I’m sorry for that. But it goes back to what I’ve said all along: if you’re not upfront with your motives, you’re just going to be tripping over yourself the whole time.” I swallowed and narrowed my gaze. “What would’ve happened to you if you’d done something like that in front of the princesses?”

“Clearly it shows foresight that I undertook an experimental procedure in private, then?”

I nodded. “And that’s… that’s why I can’t just leave you to your own devices. For all the good you can do, for all the truths and advances you bring, you need someone to hash out a sociable way of doing things with.” I rubbed my neck. “And for all your lies and misdirection, for all the risks I’m taking, I still feel a sense of obligation to see this through to the end.”

Jesse pursed his lips before covering his mouth with an armored finger. He spoke somewhat muffled, amused words: “You probably aren’t going to like the next phase in my plan.”

I pointed a hoof at him. “I didn’t say I was going to help you yet. I just said why it might be difficult for me to say no.”

He took his hand away from his face and crossed his arms again. “Okay. What’s keeping you from helping?”

“Like I said, I’ve got some questions you have to answer.”

His hand waved. “Ask away.”

“The first one’s easy, or at least, it’s simple: Why? What exactly does it mean to be a human?”

“I believe the answers to those both can be explained with a little history.” Slowly, his arms slid down to his waist; for a moment, I wondered if he’d been tense because of me. “Humanity was wiped out, unjustly, because of our greatest strength, the driving force behind millennia of engineering marvels.” He paused. “We dared to dream. And for that sin, enemies invaded from a realm we’d never heard of, with the sole intention of genocide. There was no parlay, no terms for surrender. They were simply jealous we harnessed ‘their’ Chaos for our own uses. Would you at least agree that it is evil to condemn someone for acting in tune with their own nature?”

“Somewhat.” I wove my head from side to side. “If it’s hurting someone else…”

“We. Did. Not. Do. That.” Jesse’s words cut through clenched teeth. “There weren’t even Chaos-based weapons until we needed to arm ourselves for the first war in centuries. These… creatures, they were drawn towards any harnessed Chaos: Hospitals. Agricultural Facilities. Starships.”

I blinked at that. “Starships?” I looked up, even though we were in a dark cave in the middle of the afternoon. “Like… ships that go to stars?”

“There were over fifty thousand exploration vessels that sought only to visit the heavens and find new homes for humanity.” Jesse shook his head. “All but two were accounted for as destroyed during the Chaos War.”

“What about them?” I asked. “Are you saying there’s a chance that humans are still alive somewhere?”

“Statistically? No.” His face went back to neutral. “I’ve listened for transmissions or any sort of signal from those two ships and their descendants. They are either long dead or impossible to reach, unless there’s some sort of concentrated, technologically driven effort to search for them.”

By circling back, he brought me back to my main point as well: “So why does it have to be humans? Why can’t you just show yourself and your technology to the descendants of humans?”

“I find it cruel to ask someone to limp along with a mere treatment when I hold the cure for their condition.”

Cure?” I shot back. It was different when he used the word. “Who says we need a cure? We’re happy!”

“Is your happiness worth the price of ignorance? Why does your government need to keep its history secret, if ponies are ‘happy’?”

I didn’t have an answer for that, and it deflated my sense of righteousness a little—especially since I’d asked myself similar questions about Celestia during the past week past week. The wheels in my head clicked together, and it felt like Jesse’s motives were more concrete: he wanted to help ponies, who were humans, because he didn’t want for society to live a lie.

Even if he were good at lying, I had to admit it was a noble intention.

Still, I had reservations. “What if ponies don’t want to change back? You’re not exactly talking about an overnight process.”

He grinned. “I’m exactly talking about an overnight process. Once I have reunited with the remaining fragments of Somniator, humanity’s biological restoration will be nigh-instantaneous. Like waking up from a bad dream. The technological advances might take a while, since there’s a whole society to re-rebuild, but I will help with that, too.”

I took a step forward. “But you’re still not giving anyone a choice, are you?”

“Do you think the first Equestrians had a choice when they were transformed?”

“That doesn’t make it right!”

Jesse took a quick breath and shook his head. “It may not be good, but it’s the active reversal of evil. If that’s not ‘right’ by your definition, then we are at a moral impasse. I wish to restore humanity and improve everyone’s quality of life. End scarcity, abolish illness. But I will only help humanity after it has been saved.”

I opened my mouth, but closed it when I realized I didn’t have a response. Yes, there would be an adjustment period. But after that wore off, everything he talked about… My mouth formed a faint grin when I pictured Jesse in a classroom, teaching groups of scientists, engineers, and doctors—people who were now wholly free to choose their destinies—while outside, the cities from his films were rebuilt.

It was terrifying, but in an awe-inspiring way.

I still wasn’t sold that the ends justified the means. One last question burned in my mind: “Does it hurt? The… restoration, as you call it?”

Jesse smiled and hovered his right hand over his left wrist. A small array of lights blinked into existence, and he pressed them in what looked like a precise sequence. When he finished, the yellow light squares in the cave lit up, a soothing female voice greeted us in his language, and the doors to his home opened again.

He walked towards the bright, hexagonal door; then he turned back to me. “I can show you, if you’d like. Then you’ll know exactly what you’re compliant with, if you choose to continue to help me.”

I looked to the door, to Jesse, and then to the narrow space that was the exit back to the Everfree Forest. I knew what he was offering, and my stomach squeamed. I swallowed my fears, and after that, all I felt was like I was on the cusp of something huge.

A week’s worth of questioning raced through my mind; finally, put it to rest and nodded. “Okay. Let’s do this.”