- Member Since 9th Dec, 2013
- offline last seen 3 hours ago
Ponyess
I just recently started to write stories directly towards the FiM actively, though I have been writing for years, publishing numerous stories at Mibba and the eventual pony story, as far as to the MLP
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wat...
I'm guessing English isn't your first language?
3762514 Just my second, but what's making you think that?
Did I make any typical mistakes?
3762538
Random capitalization and almost incomprehensible grammar.
So yeah, pretty obvious.
3762538 You made all the mistakes, pretty much. You do realize the site has a built-in writing guide for newcomers, right?
Lots of words that got split in two such as "Wonderbolts" and "Applejack" Also it reads really, really weird.
i liked it, quit hating
3762581 we don't Capitalise, in general, so when you do, it can be confusing. Spliting words is just about the same.
3762595 does this include a list/dictionary for the thematic antics and expressions too? I'd love to read this, if it is there.
I have gone over the FAQ, for what it's worth.
3762733 These did not come through, while I saw the clips at You-Tube.
English tends to split words up, from what I've seen.
Just like the Capitalisation does come out on the confusing end, from time to time.
3762761 Wait?
did I read that right? oh sorry.
just curious as to what it was you enjoyed?
if it isn't too much to ask?
3762787 Read the Writing Guide, not the FAQ they are in fact different things.
3762889 oh sorry, seems I mixed them up.
There still is no explanation of the Antics or vocabulary I would need here.
3762949 If you want to expand your knowledge of idioms and vocabulary, you need to read.
3762964 I am, or at least, I was, but then I need something new, worth reading, in order to move further.
Ofcause, now I would enjoy something on this theme/topic, for the obvious reason, aside from a few not quite so obvious once. Including the love or ponies.
3762804 i liked it,
i'm a big fan of flutterbat
it had some interesting things happening in it that i wan't to see more of
also you left on a cliffhanger,
and you made me want to read more, which is the mark of a good story.
3763107 I found it eciting to engage her in this story, and try to explore er the best way possible.
Then I just figured Dash would be the best pony to play the counterpart, in part due to her personality, and her expressions would place some more colour to it.
Then I must have clipped the chapters just right.
I hope you'll enjoy Dashie as well, when you get to see more of her. I intend to make her act out something, that may not have been entirely in the clear, just yet.
On the other hoof, I hope I haven't mixed the concepts the wrong way here.
3763166 i eagerly await the next chapter.
3763220 I should have a new chapter coming any time soon, just depending on inspiration coming along.
Ok, here goes. I hope it stand up to comparison.
I tried to end on a good point, promising something that is still out of sight?
yay an update!
3762800
Only capitalize the first word in a sentence, names of characters(applejack), places (Canterlot) and businesses (Barnyard Bargins) or organizations. (Wonderbolts)
Yes, english tends to split words but these are words/ names created by the show, therefore has a uniqe spelling.
3763220 I should have a new chapter coming any time soon, just depending on inspiration coming along.
Ok, here goes. I hope it stand up to comparison.
I tried to end on a good point, promising something that is still out of sight?
3764319 Yup, yup. No problem at all.
i am so fricken confused about this story
3767635 just curious, what is confusing you?
with just a few details, I may be able to get the problem solved, as it were?
3767681 Valve on her belly all that jazz idk
3767889 I had to place it somewhere. It's a part of her change.
pinkie.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw5161-rbd-wat.png
3771931 "Wat"
What's the confusion, if that's what you're trying to point at?
Maybe I could clear it up?
I hope it isn't in the general concept of the story, though. In part, because it seems some readers enjoy the story.
3776988 Yes, they seem to enjoy it almost as much as they enjoy Cholera. The difference is, we can't purge you.
"alined" should be spelled "aligned"
3857734 thanks for pointing it out, that should be dealt with now.
3857787
oh, have some more:
You misspelled Angel's name, and you use "she" when you should have used "he". Angel is male.
"Applejack" is one word.
Fluttershy's cottage is just outside of the forest, not inside of the forest. In any case, "earshot" is one word" and "proper" is supposed to be "proper".
3857849 I guess I tend to take everyone for femals? ohwell, that should take cared of the bunny.
Thanks, this would look much better, even if it wasn't all that many typos.
I came across another while I was going over the text in the upcoming chapter. I guess it does help, checking for something someone else pointed out.
I'm basically blind to my own mistakes, I guess it is common.
pffffff ... Would you please tell me your mother language?
I want to see if i can help you somehow, english isn't my mother language either but even i can tell when something is not making any sense at all. And trust me this is not making any sense...
3905542 since you asked, Swedish.
I generally appreciate all the help I can get.
Just curious, what isn't making sense?
3905566
Ok first of all the valve, what kind of valve are you talking about,in a chapter says like something that a toy have so I imagined the one you start turning and then the toys start moving but then it says that Fluttershy is blowing air to the valve? Something like that? That's confusing.
This story is what? taking place way after the events of bats or just a little bit later?, wanting to know if RD changes have something to do with all of this.
The fact that you separate some names, remenber that Fluttershy, Applejack and Wonderbolts go together no space. For Big Mac name you can either use Macintosh or Mcintosh, why do i point this? Because you wrote it Mackintosh the first time and then change it to Macintosh.
Try changing hands for hooves, i know it sounds silly but it really add something to the story, or everyone for everypony stuff like that.
And we both know our english is far from perfect so i recommend using goole translator to help you with the spelling and stuff, I'm not saying to let it all to the translator but you need some support every now and then (I'm using the xbox to write all of this so sorry in advance for not using my own advice XD). And also get a proof reader because to tell you the true 98% of my confusion is because i don't unerstand what you wrote.
Check other fanfics to get more ideas and to improve your english ( I can recommend you some fanfics is you want). You need to add more details and to let us know what the characters are feelling and thinking
I could tell you more but I thing this is enough for now (and it is hard to write without a keyboard).
3905682 it would be the kind of valve used with inflatable toys.
I may be mistaken, but is there any other kind of valve you can use without any tools? I'll have to go over this part in order to make sure I have not gotten anything wrong and keeping it expressed the same way.
Since it starts with 'Flutter Bat', it would be just atfter the introduction of this.
I'm working on making it consequent, but I may have messed a few up, by the looks of what you said.
All names has to be exactly the same from the first, to the last page.
If I wrote hands, or anybody/anyone, these will also be ponyfied.
I've come to realise my 'Spell Check' isn't quite perfect, so I need something to Compliment this, before the story is completed.
I try to get both spelling and grammar as good as possible, since if it isn't readable, there is no story.
That's why I sit by the PC(s) when I write all my stories(this included).
I've copme to notice there are a few 'standard' ways to write the respective names, in order to avoide repeating them too much.
3905758
Okidokiloki, thanks for explaining the valve.
If you don't want to write their names all the time you can change it for nicknames like for example with Fluttershy could be Flutters or shy or you could try with a description like the yellow mare with pink mane, but you have to keep in mind that things like writing their names wrong sometime upset the readers. I think Big Mac is the only one that have 2 ways of writing his name.
3905800 naeh, but just tow for him?
there'd be numerous short versions for him,
but 'Big' is the one that wouldn't work, at least not for me.
3905816
What i meant about Mac is because even hasbro doesn't have an exact way for writing his name, in the comics sometimes appears as Macintosh or McIntosh, but the rest of the characters are always the same.
3905869 oh
I'd call him either Mack, or Mackintosh, or Big Mac.
it could have been longer but good beginning.
4134268 once I find the words that ads details and action into the story, it willbe.
Sadly it is as long as I managed to make it.
hope the image makes sense for the story.
I guess the first chapter is short, shorter then most would have prefered?
I was just pondering to include a flashback as painting a picture of what the relation was before the changes ..
Hi! Haven't read your story yet, BUT when I noticed that your language is swedish så tänkte jag att jag borde säga hej!
That said, I will now take a big bite of your story! I just love flutterbat.
4332366 should be plenty to enjoy, when you get there.
if you like flutter Bat, there is more of her in the selection.
I enjoyed her so much, I felt inclined to have a story about 'her foals' too.
they moved to Manehattan, since they have more bat feed in the big city ..
Somehow I think Discord is behind this.
And you really need to work on grammar. It's a big issue in this story. I do remember seeing that your first language is not english, from a previous comment. But, please send this to an editor. It would help things flow and work out right.
4957893 I guess he could be, but I can never revela it all this early on.
I can make further attemts in getting the grammar better here, if I can find a way to see how to make this better.
I came up with a way to make some use of that detail, since a translation would point out some details both grammarly and spellcheck would miss, or just explain parts of why it works, doesn't work the way I put it in the first place.
I have been looking for editors throughout most of my stay, but it feels as if it isn't worth the efforts, since they don't help me.
I had one who offered me some help, but it seems he vaniched.