pffffff ... Would you please tell me your mother language?
I want to see if i can help you somehow, english isn't my mother language either but even i can tell when something is not making any sense at all. And trust me this is not making any sense...
Ok first of all the valve, what kind of valve are you talking about,in a chapter says like something that a toy have so I imagined the one you start turning and then the toys start moving but then it says that Fluttershy is blowing air to the valve? Something like that? That's confusing.
This story is what? taking place way after the events of bats or just a little bit later?, wanting to know if RD changes have something to do with all of this.
The fact that you separate some names, remenber that Fluttershy, Applejack and Wonderbolts go together no space. For Big Mac name you can either use Macintosh or Mcintosh, why do i point this? Because you wrote it Mackintosh the first time and then change it to Macintosh.
Try changing hands for hooves, i know it sounds silly but it really add something to the story, or everyone for everypony stuff like that.
And we both know our english is far from perfect so i recommend using goole translator to help you with the spelling and stuff, I'm not saying to let it all to the translator but you need some support every now and then (I'm using the xbox to write all of this so sorry in advance for not using my own advice XD). And also get a proof reader because to tell you the true 98% of my confusion is because i don't unerstand what you wrote.
Check other fanfics to get more ideas and to improve your english ( I can recommend you some fanfics is you want). You need to add more details and to let us know what the characters are feelling and thinking
I could tell you more but I thing this is enough for now (and it is hard to write without a keyboard).
3905682 it would be the kind of valve used with inflatable toys. I may be mistaken, but is there any other kind of valve you can use without any tools? I'll have to go over this part in order to make sure I have not gotten anything wrong and keeping it expressed the same way.
Since it starts with 'Flutter Bat', it would be just atfter the introduction of this.
I'm working on making it consequent, but I may have messed a few up, by the looks of what you said. All names has to be exactly the same from the first, to the last page.
If I wrote hands, or anybody/anyone, these will also be ponyfied.
I've come to realise my 'Spell Check' isn't quite perfect, so I need something to Compliment this, before the story is completed. I try to get both spelling and grammar as good as possible, since if it isn't readable, there is no story.
That's why I sit by the PC(s) when I write all my stories(this included).
I've copme to notice there are a few 'standard' ways to write the respective names, in order to avoide repeating them too much.
If you don't want to write their names all the time you can change it for nicknames like for example with Fluttershy could be Flutters or shy or you could try with a description like the yellow mare with pink mane, but you have to keep in mind that things like writing their names wrong sometime upset the readers. I think Big Mac is the only one that have 2 ways of writing his name.
3905816 What i meant about Mac is because even hasbro doesn't have an exact way for writing his name, in the comics sometimes appears as Macintosh or McIntosh, but the rest of the characters are always the same.
pffffff ... Would you please tell me your mother language?
I want to see if i can help you somehow, english isn't my mother language either but even i can tell when something is not making any sense at all. And trust me this is not making any sense...
3905542 since you asked, Swedish.
I generally appreciate all the help I can get.
Just curious, what isn't making sense?
3905566
Ok first of all the valve, what kind of valve are you talking about,in a chapter says like something that a toy have so I imagined the one you start turning and then the toys start moving but then it says that Fluttershy is blowing air to the valve? Something like that? That's confusing.
This story is what? taking place way after the events of bats or just a little bit later?, wanting to know if RD changes have something to do with all of this.
The fact that you separate some names, remenber that Fluttershy, Applejack and Wonderbolts go together no space. For Big Mac name you can either use Macintosh or Mcintosh, why do i point this? Because you wrote it Mackintosh the first time and then change it to Macintosh.
Try changing hands for hooves, i know it sounds silly but it really add something to the story, or everyone for everypony stuff like that.
And we both know our english is far from perfect so i recommend using goole translator to help you with the spelling and stuff, I'm not saying to let it all to the translator but you need some support every now and then (I'm using the xbox to write all of this so sorry in advance for not using my own advice XD). And also get a proof reader because to tell you the true 98% of my confusion is because i don't unerstand what you wrote.
Check other fanfics to get more ideas and to improve your english ( I can recommend you some fanfics is you want). You need to add more details and to let us know what the characters are feelling and thinking
I could tell you more but I thing this is enough for now (and it is hard to write without a keyboard).
3905682 it would be the kind of valve used with inflatable toys.
I may be mistaken, but is there any other kind of valve you can use without any tools? I'll have to go over this part in order to make sure I have not gotten anything wrong and keeping it expressed the same way.
Since it starts with 'Flutter Bat', it would be just atfter the introduction of this.
I'm working on making it consequent, but I may have messed a few up, by the looks of what you said.
All names has to be exactly the same from the first, to the last page.
If I wrote hands, or anybody/anyone, these will also be ponyfied.
I've come to realise my 'Spell Check' isn't quite perfect, so I need something to Compliment this, before the story is completed.
I try to get both spelling and grammar as good as possible, since if it isn't readable, there is no story.
That's why I sit by the PC(s) when I write all my stories(this included).
I've copme to notice there are a few 'standard' ways to write the respective names, in order to avoide repeating them too much.
3905758
Okidokiloki, thanks for explaining the valve.
If you don't want to write their names all the time you can change it for nicknames like for example with Fluttershy could be Flutters or shy or you could try with a description like the yellow mare with pink mane, but you have to keep in mind that things like writing their names wrong sometime upset the readers. I think Big Mac is the only one that have 2 ways of writing his name.
3905800 naeh, but just tow for him?
there'd be numerous short versions for him,
but 'Big' is the one that wouldn't work, at least not for me.
3905816
What i meant about Mac is because even hasbro doesn't have an exact way for writing his name, in the comics sometimes appears as Macintosh or McIntosh, but the rest of the characters are always the same.
3905869 oh
I'd call him either Mack, or Mackintosh, or Big Mac.
4134268 once I find the words that ads details and action into the story, it willbe.
Sadly it is as long as I managed to make it.
hope the image makes sense for the story.
I guess the first chapter is short, shorter then most would have prefered?
I was just pondering to include a flashback as painting a picture of what the relation was before the changes ..