It had all started early in the morning, a loud bang, from what soon proved to be the Everfree forest. I had gone to investigate, maybe I should have passed that up?
Everypony was up and about, since the noise had woken them up, just as it had woken me up, how could I blame them?
Maybe I should have stayed at home, if I had not been such a hyper pony? Yet, now I am who I am, I followed the slowly fading echoes of what I had heard, until I came to the portal. Naturally, the curiosity got the better of me. I entered, and this was where the story is about to begin.
Only what I found, on the other side, is a complete surprise and mystery. Like Twilight, as she followed Sunset, I found myself on my hind legs, only I was graced with the good fortune, I still have hooves, even though I was also given hands.
If not for the hour, I had explored, what mystery had been placed before me earlier. Now I allowed it to pass, for a good night's sleep.
Learn to spell before writing stories. That's all I can say for this.
Just from the description, I can tell this is a misspelled disaster. Learn basic English before you attempt to write a story.
Edit: I showed this to my non-brony brother, and we both laughed at it.
3724352 I may as well ask, just what you mean with 'Disaster' in this context, in part, since it does start out, in the 'EverFree Forest', of all places.
You did read the story, as far as it had been published at the time of the comment?
'Basic English'? I'm trying to work European English, just for the record, in case someone don't understand everything?
Now, I hope I'm not coming out as a 'Stuck-Up', or any the like.
If it isn't evident, I have been writing stories for years, and by the tone, you'd be happy, you did not read any of the first 'Atempts'!
On a final note, the story is incomplete, and for good reasons.
3726511
"Disaster" meaning that it'll be a spelling and grammatical nightmare. A story like that will always be bad, no matter how good the premise may be. Let's take a look at just your description, fixing the flaws along the way.
Before we even get to the description, the forest's official spelling is Everfree. Not EverFree, not Ever Free.
This doesn't even mention the cases of awkward flow, Comma Cancer, etc. in the description.
That doesn't sound like someone who's been writing for years. It honestly sounds like someone who just learned English/an 8 year-old started writing a story with no editor. I sincerely hope that you will try to improve your grasp of written English.
3726591 I guess that's starting to get an explanation, as to what you were trying to explain.
Listening to the ponies explaining things, doesn't give me the spelling of what they're saying, possiby in good part, due to the fact that I'm limited to what I could find at 'YouTube', rather then the films, or even the original broadcast?
Furthermore, I'm not native to english, aside from the everpresent typos I seems to get. English is a spelling nightmare, since there seems to be very few hard rules on how to spell words, even if I may be mistaken? Just as there are languages, that are pure hell, in comparison to English as well.
Ifyou were laughting, maybe I did acomplish something, even if it wasn't the intended action?
There is ofcause the stories I've been publishing at mibba, just to give you a few examples, even if I guess you're not particularly interested in the majority of these, even if there may be a slim chance you may enjoy some of them, regardless of how well writen some may be?
3726674
Yeah, English is a bitch to learn, but honestly, if you're not experienced with English, then you shouldn't be writing a story on an English fanfiction website. It takes years to get good enough at written English to make your writing flow similarly to speech, never mind manipulating sentence flow to add to the current mood of the story.
There is a group called "Plan 9 from Equestria." It collects stories like this, and alot of them are enjoyable due to comedic reasons. I would consider getting a story put into there a mixed blessing. On one hand, your story was a complete flop. On the other hand, it was so bad that people enjoy reading it. the "best of the worst" so to speak. Also, well-written stories aren't necessarily good. I had a story a while ago that was written, grammar/spelling-wise, like a dream. The plot was dull and cliched to oblivion, so I deleted it in a fit of shame. To this day, I regret that decision because it prevented me from learning from my mistakes.
3726729 This story, just like the other once, are marked 'Incomplete' for a reason, I'm going to go over them, untill they are 'Complete', which may, or may not happen.
The question is, if the original concept behind the story was worth the effort of writing the story in the first place? if it was, the typose could be corected, and the gramar could be fixed, if not, it may be better to just delete it, as you did. Even if it mean you never learned from the mistake?
The story may benefit from a proof-reader, if I had any available? I'm presently going over the story, both with the spell-check, and the dictionary, since spell-check has no guidance, just alternative spelling, for what it interpret was intended?
You don't think the priced Authors just spit out perfectly written stories on a limb, efortlessly? They have all these tools availble to them. Very much unlike the rest of us?
3726924
I'm not much for critiquing plotlines and the like. You should take this story to a group made specifically for reviewing to see if the concept is worth saving.
3726937 The Politenes is doin all fine, if i'm readin, what I think I'm readin?
I have just built the set, now it is time to start to get more of the mood, and get the story going.
The story does after all have to have more, then just a scene, on which to play, not to mention a mood, or there is basically no story, right?
3724352 I guess this story could wwork well, even outside of the 'Brony' comunity?
Just may work, just as well, from other perspectives, if you just find the gate to them?
3750286 I guess you just had to ask, right?
on the other rubbery hoof, I know you don't know me, so I guess you did?
What I did not know, is your interpretation of the word, and the link to the specific group.
Just as I don't know who you are, but do I need to know you?
I'm not sure if it means anything to anyone here, I'll still try nonetheless. It's still a short story, so this is the time to try, what was sugested in a comment on another story.
If it made any difference, please let me know.