*this is a crossover of the Pokemon Mystery Dungeon series, Explorers of Sky*
*warning, contain spoliers from PMD as it take place right after the final boss of the game*
"After the defeat of Primal Dialga and the installation of the Time Gears the two explorers, Zuruna (Chimchar) and her partner Kyle (Treecko) have said their goodbyes. It was a price to pay in order to save the Pokemon world and Zuruna live have insured it.
Waking up in a unknown forest, Zuruna found herself not a Chimchar anymore, nor a human. All she know is there another mysterious adventure afoot (or hoof)."
This is my first fanfic so expect a lot of spelling and grammar mistakes!
Criticism is welcome!
Chapters (5)
So… does this qualify as an HiE? They weren't human when they entered Equestria, but they were a human before that, too…
3770741
Yeah yeah I know, it's pretty confusing.
Im still not sure to add the human tag unless I mention more about humans later on the story~
3770783 Unless there's humans directly in the story (in the present) and they play a major part, I wouldn't.
3770816
Nah I don't think human be playing out a major part.
Thank you for the comment. ^^
3770854 No problem. I realize what it's like when people don't comment as much as you'd wish, so I usually comment on stories I've got something to say about.
Hey loving the story! Please make more! It is really great and sinse I just finished pokemon mystery dungeon explorers of darkness (same game different title) I follow the story completely! If you have the game than do you agree that primal dialga was VERY difficult! I kinda gave up after a while and my sister did it.
Any way you earnt a like and a fave!
3770878
Haha well comments are appreciated~
Thanks again~
3770983
Wow thank you very much!
That make me very happy to hear (well read) that!
Oh and I agree, Primal Dialga was very hard! I needed a lot of revivers seeds. x3
Again thank you very much for the fav and like!
And yes I will make more of this!
I gotta say, I'm loving this fic thus far. Explorers of Time and Darkness are my favorites in the series. Nothing compares, imho.
Only real problems I can see wrong with this fic is the rather glaring grammar errors, but that could easily be fixed with a decent editor and a good conversation or two.
I'm loving everything thus far, though it seems a tad short. I suppose that's to be expected, as it's the first chapter, and the main focus seems to be giving readers a good idea of who the characters are, and where the story deviates from the game it's taken from.
All in all, a brilliant idea that I can't wait to read more of! :3
3771315
Haha I'm happy to see another person that love the Mystery Dungeon series~
Hehe thanks for the little criticism. Hopefully I should be able to improve grammar problems in future time and I should be able to make future chapters longer!
Thanks again for the comment and criticism~ ^^
3771346
Eh, it's like I say, there's always room for improvement. This is especially true of my shitty stories, hehe.
I'm truly interested in the little nuances of your specific characters from Mystery Dungeon. Do you plan on occasionally showing what's happening back over in Treasure Town? I've always been curious as to what happens to the partner during the month(s) between the main character's disappearance, and Dialga's bringing him/her back.
Will there be any references/flashbacks to their specific adventures back in the Pokemon World? I'd like to see how your character's handled the situations.
Will the Dimensional Scream work in Equestria? I know they don't know what it's actually called, but it's still a really cool ability.
One last thing: Which version, of the 3, did you play, and which version, if any, are these characters from? I know the differences between the base 2 aren't huge, but I still think it's relevant.
I am liking what I am reading so far.
3771390
Yeah I still intend to show flashbacks and what's going at Treasure Town. But I'm mostly going to focus on the main character interaction to Ponyville residences and how she will cope.
The Dimensional Scream is an idea I'm going to keep for future chapters. Who knows, it might help out the character. ^^
Oh and I played all of them except for Gates to Infinity and I'm keeping it in the Explores of Sky storyline.
3771440
I am happy to hear (well read) that~
Thank you!
3771457
Oooo, I loved Explorer's of Sky, but Darkness will always have a special place in my heart, it was my first . X3
Gates to Infinity was a bit of a letdown, to be honest. It looks good, but they cut so much, that it's not really worth it, imo. Only 5 pokemon to choose from as your starter AND partner, and Unova pokemon are the big focus, which is a let down.
Legendary Pokemon can't be recruited outside of a few specifics, which hurts my inner completionist. Also, certain dungeons can't even be accessed unless you are playing with friends, which sucks as those ones tend to give the best rewards.
Anyway, back to the actual story, I can't wait to see what happens next! :3
3771515
Haha nice! XD
Hmmmm Gates to Infinity seem a little disappointing but oh well. :P
And I shall get back to the story!
I'd say play Gates to Infinity when you get the chance, as it's still a great game by all definitions, I just don't think they'll ever be able to top Explorer's of Sky/Time/Darkness, without doing a full, high quality system game. Which, hopefully, will come sometime soon.
I'd say the biggest letdowns are the severe cut in the number of obtainable Pokemon, and the fact that all mission from the mission board only reward you with construction materials. Other than that, it's a great game, with a lot of awesome new features.
And don't mention that trio of games on the Wii, the style they use just hurts my eyes, sad so say, and it seems to me like they weren't made with as much effort as previous games. They remind me more of those Pokemon Rumble games, which weren't that great either.
3770983
Use a riolu. Any questions... Wait, i forgot you had Darkness, not sky. Never mind!
It's not bad, but it definitely could be better. I suggest getting a proofreader or pre reader (wink wink nudge nudge) to help you out (pick me pick me) do you can get your writing to a highe level. I can already tell this will be a good one, so do whatever it takes to make it the best it can be!
This feels like it has great promise, but the grammar is putting me off. I'll fave it to see where it'll go, but hold off on thumbs-upping it. I highly suggest getting an editor.
3771791
Haha well thanks for the little criticism!
Oh and judging by the way you nudging me, that would be nice if someone checked the next chapters before I submit them~
Thanks for the support!
3773367
Okidokiz~ that's great to know!
Thank you for the comment and I be sure to improve on the grammar!
What?? Was my first impression when I saw the title, lolz. Nice story. Although I got confused which character was which. I guess the Chimchar was the partner? and the Treecko was the player? Other than that it is pretty good. It also give the incompleteness that makes people want to read more. I look forward to further chapters. If I like further chapters I will fav.
3774621
Does that mean I can help? If so, PM me your email when you get the chance! I'm a little busy this week because midterms/finals, but I'd loce to help you!
P.S: Cool artwork! Did you draw it yourself?
*love, stupid Ipod's small screen...
3774783
I'm having guesses I confused you by having both characters saying "partner" or something.
Treecko the partner and Chimchar is the player.
Why thank ya kindly for commenting~
3774839
Okay sure~ ^^
I send you a private message later. It be a while till I get the next chapter done.
Thank you for the help!
Also I did draw the cover, thanks! :D
3771769 Yea dialga took a bit of work but after we got to a ccertain level than he was easy!
3775439 lol I got confused here
I missed the key words 'Seeing her'. I thought it said 'being'. Probably because you kept saying she making me think it could be the other character (I sometimes miss key words like 'he') In new paragraphs, to be safe, I just rewrite all their names as opposed to he, she, it, him, her etc., because paragraphs are more so an event rather than an idea. If you keep saying he and she, names are often confused (especially in new paragraphs), and therefore making it a bit difficult to distinguish who is who. Although I do miss key words.
3776856
Ah okay. I now see what you mean. ^^
I try not to say "he" or "her" too much next time. It's a bit hard though not to keep on saying a character name every time and "he" and "her" etc.
Anyway thank you for the tip!
3776993 As long as it is easy to distinguish who you are talking about then its good.
3775453
Yay! I won't let you down! Between you and me and everyone who can see this comment, I'm planning on a regular crossover with Pokemon if you're interested. Won't be out for a while though.
3779281
Ooo that will be interesting!
Well good luck when you do that~
3784983
Quick question, what country do you live in? Only asking because it would make it easier to work with you if I knew.
3784993
Hmmmm okay but I be sending it in a private letter.
3864898
I like the concept of this story, but your grammar needs serious work. Frankly, it looks like your pre-readers aren't doing a very good job at catching your mistakes. I suggest going to the groups page and finding a reputable editor to fix this story so that it doesn't end up illegible.
Woo great chapter. It feels a lot like the mystery dungeon series
3870997
Yeah... about that. My computer kind of crashed yesterday while I was proofreading, and I spent the whole day updating Norton and trying to get rid of the virus a friend of mine sent me... Not trying to make excuses, but you are completely right ti have your doubts about me. It's my first time being a prereader.
3872477
Hey hey, no worries~ ^^
You still did help me with some parts that did not make sense~
3870997
Okay thanks for your opinion. I keep it in mind~
3871300
Yey!
I'm glad you're enjoying it!
3870997 I tried and there was a lot of mistakes yet i spotted a few. Don't be too harsh
. Maybe you should point out a few things to instead of saying the proof readers are not good
. I am not an experienced proof reader so maybe you can give me some tips.
:rarity despair:
Ps the proof reading troops are such a hassle
Yey you fixed your mistakes
I love this chappie soooooooo much
3885736
You see, I'm not trying to be mean, but that's where the author's problem lies. The story is rather mistake-heavy, and it's being worked on by 2 inexperienced proofreaders. That's not a good combination, and you'd benefit immensely from a veteran proofreader,
3885831 Ok then. Soory I called you mean. I am going to be aa proper proof reader one day
r
3886152
I'll try my best too. I'm more experienced with writing freely than adjusting that of others, so this is something new to me! Glad to know that I'm not the only one prereading this though! Nice to meet you, Solar (though your profile pic suggests more of a Lunar) Beam!
3889443 Thanks! You too! I am probably gonna change my p pic
3889907
Not before you tell me the link to that pic, you're not! Luna is my favorite pony!
Anyways, I just sent Brox my edit for this chapter. PM me your email if you want it - that way you'll be able to review my edit. The more the marrier!