Ponyville is a place where the impossible happens. This ranges from having a dragon as a neighbor to having an infestation of bugs that can eat things 100x their size. Though Ponyville is special, it's still an ordinary small town, and in small towns rumors travel fast. That's why when somepony figures out a way to explain everything bad that's happened, a whole town can turn on one pony. Even if that pony has helped them countless times. Even if that pony is royalty. Even if that pony is Twilight Sparkle.
Only one pony, the forever loyal Rainbow Dash, believes her when she says that she's innocent. The two of them will have to work together if they want to clear Twilight's name and prove that she's not the cause of everything that goes wrong in Equestria. They will have to work hard, though, if they want to win the fight against everypony in Ponyville, including even Twilight's closest friends.
Seriously, that is all it takes to make almost everypony betray Twilight except for Rainbow?
...I really hope that if Twilight manages to prove her innocence, she then goes to live in Canterlot and breaks her friendship with the rest of the elements of harmony because if they are willing to so easily believe those kind of rumors about Twilight after all they went through, then they were never really friends with her so no big loss there.
4306392 Well, I didn't outright say that they don't believe her. Applejack just said that she doesn't know how to feel about all of this. Rarity and Fluttershy didn't even comment, so you as a reader don't really know how they feel. Pinkie Pie was just really sad about the fact that everypony was upset, perhaps that they were mean to Twilight and maybe that Twilight could've done it, but I didn't say that. So, you can say that they thought that, and they might because I'm not really sure, but I don't think they know what to feel right now. Also, the story wouldn't work out right if all of her friends immediately believed her without any hesitance because then she could never get together with Rainbow. So, they don't completely think she's lying. They're just very confused and they're digesting the information about their friend. It's a lot to take it. It makes you question everything you've done with them.
4306392 that kinda reminds me of another story like this, except it's rainbow dash that everyone turns on. it's called 'Finding Scootaloo.' it's pretty good, and there are a number of sequels planned for it. he actually made a whole blog post about the ideas behind each of the planned sequels. i'd suggest reading it, if your into the whole no forgiveness thing.
Okay what? No. Rumor alone cannot cause this kind of reaction, especially if there isn't any kind of solid evidence. Especially among her friends. And you made it seem like it took barely a day for this rumor to spread, and even in a small town it'd take two or three, and even then they wouldn't downright hate her after such a short time. Sure, they might be a little... suspicious, but hate is such a strong over reaction it's totally ridiculous. Again, especially among her closest friends. These are baseless accusations and nothing more; no one in their right mind would turn their back on someone because of such things.
And perhaps the worst thing, her friends believed some faceless rumor before so much as TALKING TO TWILIGHT ABOUT IT. No... just.... no. It makes no sense and puts them so far out of character I don't even think those character tags should be on there. It's seriously not even remotely believable this would happen.
Will track for Twidash, because I'm a sucker and I want to see if you can redeem yourself after this start.
4306434
I still think they should not even need to think about it but at least they did not immediately believe the rumors, the rest of Ponyville on the other hand are still pretty much jerks.
4306477
I already knew about that story, everypony that is not Rainbow Dash or Twilight Sparkle is pretty much either an massive idiot(of course Rainbow Dash kidnapped Scootaloo, after all she went through the trouble of adopting her) or an horrible pony.(Fluttershy being...Fluttershy, Rarity being an rapist and stuff like that)
Still i guess i am more mad than usual due to having read "Miss Sparkle, Psychopath" recently so i am less forgiving about others not trusting her(especially Rarity if she ends up believing the rumors in any way)
4306645 oh, i loved that story! yeah, the were all stupid in that one too. especially rarity, but she got what was coming to her in the end. that's what always makes me feel better; them getting what they deserve in the end. what always pissed me off was when they were forgiven with little to no hassle.
crystal ponies: horeseapples
ponyvillian: but...
crystal pony: our problem started 1000 years ago, nightmaremoon, 1000 years ago, discord 1000 years ago and there is no way that she could have known about the changeings, also the elements of harmony chose her, are you calling the elements of harmony stupid?
ponyvillian: well no...
crystal pony :you calling your princesses or my princess liars?
ponyvillian: um....
crystal pony :so you believe the rumor mill over three alicorns that have kept the peace for thousands of years.... you really don't deserve her living there.
in other words, the crystal ponies arn't gonna believe it.
4306723 I didn't touch that one because it obviously happened. I don't think everything can be staged. I mean, Twilight wasn't even alive the first time, so how could she be a part of that? So, for that, you're right.
4306645 True.
I could talk about how unlikely this would be to happen over such a short period of time with practically no basis, but it's all been said. Again, reminds me of a handful of other fics but these days, what doesn't? Still, I like it, go figure.
4306635 In the TwiDash group there was a contest. In the contest, the prompt was that the whole town needed to accuse Twilight of something. Then, Rainbow Dash had to ultimately end up with Twilight. That was the whole plot. The main characters are part of the town. If they all believed her immediately then RD would never end up with her and technically not everything would be blaming her for anything. I did that because that's the prompt. Also, in Equestria Girls they all turned on each other because of stupid things and then didn't talk for years. So, they can turn on each other. They've fought before, too. Also, to refer to my reply on another comment:
So, I get where you're coming from. I really do. I don't know if they would really turn on her that fast. But, it's a story and in order for it to work they need to turn on one another. So, yes, these ponies may be making a snap judgement, but they've believed far worse.
P.S. That was just the prologue. I put it there, so things would make sense. It's not really a day. The rumors have slowly spread and been talked about enough that more and more believe it to be true.
4307147 Thanks. I did have reasoning for their rash decisions, though. I know what I'm doing with this. Besides, the turning point isn't a major part in the story. The whole point is that they'll work together to prove her innocent. It's mostly about how they stick together. So, I just need a few chapters about this and then the rest of it will be kind of a mystery mixed with romance.
4307162
And as soon as you use the prompt as defense you've lost what respect I had for you. Seriously, I understand if you're rushing to get it done, but the contest is over, you don't have to rush it. If they all believed her there wouldn't be a story? true. Who said they should believe her immediately? I'm saying they shouldn't distrust her immediately. There's no proof! In EQG, there was evidence of who was doing the things, so there was a reason. Following the prompt is half the battle, making it believable is the other half. You've done half the work. You followed the prompt, but this just isn't believable at all.
They may need to turn on one another, but they need believable reasons for doing so.
AJ said that. You said she was disappointed If she didn't believe it, or was simply unsure, she'd be unsure, or nervous, not disappointed.
And beyond that, they turned their backs on her! What kind of friends would do that? Confused is one thing, but to turn your back on your best friend because of a rumor? No. it simply doesn't happen, not without some solid evidence.
4307198 I changed the scene. I haven't gotten a single nice comment on this story yet and I'm just about ready to cry. I thought this was believable and to me this is a good story. Why isn't it believable? Friends fight. I just… whatever. I hope you like the new scene. I don't even care anymore.
EDIT: I just sat and cried for a few minutes and I think I got it out of my system. Okay. I get what you're saying. Sure, friends probably wouldn't turn on one another, but how are we to know how they might handle this? Maybe not like this. They would probably talk to her. Still, I don't think I could do that much. I haven't really planned out any of this story. I just know that I needed them to get mad and then get proof from RD and then forgive her again. I didn't really mean to make them seem like they hated her. Also, the disappointment might be towards the crowd. I really don't know. I wasn't trying to make them seem unreasonable. I just wanted them to sound confused, possibly hurt that they accused her or that she might've hurt them. I thought I did that scene well. I guess I didn't. Well, I guess I'm a terrible author because I thought this was great and everyone hates it so far. Now, I'm sad again. I'm sorry for upsetting you and making you get defensive. I suck at conversation. I always start arguments. I don't like confrontation. I tried to sound reasonable, but it didn't work. I'm sorry I'm bad with words I guess. Now, I feel like an awful person. This just isn't working out too well for me.
Well. I'm familiar with how the rumor mill works in small communities so its workable that most of Ponyville could be swayed. One jealous simpleton can do a considerable amount of damage.
Its also been established that most of Ponyville is mentally deficient(including most of the Bearers). Free lobotomy with every apple level deficient. So their inability to grasp cause and effect, history, the basics of reasoning and so on is in character for that town. Even for the bearers, who were actually there to witness what happened with their own two eyes.*
I do hope something truly awful happens to the town.
*Is it just me, or are most of the Bearers absolutely terrible friends?
4307280 Probably. I rewrote that scene, though. They responded even worse before.
4307232
I would've gone with a meeting in the library that lead to a screaming fight. "Sorry Twilight, but if we go sticking up for you we'll lose our jobs!" If the town of simpletons is anti-Twilight, then Pinkie, Rarity, and AJ would be fiscally screwed. And Fluttershy lacks any sort of spine and.. honestly, I'm unsure what she does for money. I just go with 'She writes gruesome yet best selling horror stories in her shed'.
The story has promise, it just needs some work. Expand on how the rumors spread like a disease, egged on by our villains. And show what happens with the other Bearers. They abandoned Twilight before during the wedding, so its very plausible they'd do so again if some pressure is exerted. Just gotta show that.
Also, remember Spike! Everypony forgets about the Fax Machine, but he's loyal for life.
4307388 True, but he would mess up my plans… I guess I could make him help. I'll figure out a way to factor him in.
4307232
Alright, here goes nothing.
First, if this is your reaction to a couple negative comments, how the hell have you survived thirty stories on this site? Surely this isn't the first time you've gotten criticism?
Second. Never apologize for writing something, or thinking something's good. My biggest rule as a writer is that I post nothing I'm not proud of. You thought the scene was good? Fine, you thought the scene was good. If you were proud of the scene no one has the right to convince you to change it. However, we have the write to voice our opinions, and the overwhelming opinion so far is that the reactions were off for the characters.
Third. It's always a good idea to have, at the very least, a loose plan. Without an idea of where you're going or where you're coming from the plot will, more often than not, fall apart if left to its own devices.
Fourth. There's a difference between intelligent discussion, an argument, and criticism. I've had only one true argument on this site, and it's not with you.
Fifth
if this is truly, truly what you think. If you really think because people don't like a single scene that you're a terrible writer, then... I can't help you. If there is one thing I cannot stand, it's people putting themselves and their work down. I said this before, but I'll say it again. IF YOU ARE PROUD OF SOMETHING, DO NOT LET PEOPLE TELL YOU OTHERWISE. Criticism is fine, but making you think a scene is terrible is not okay, and certainly not my intentions. If I came off that way, then I'm the one who needs to apologize to you. I have a tenancy to be a bit harsh when I don't mean to be.
Sixth. If you don't want to change something because you think it's good, then don't change it. if someone says something that convinces you of their opinion, that's fine. But don't change it if you're still happy with it. in the end, it's your story, not theirs.
And finally, seventh. If this comment, in any way, made you upset or offended, then I apologize. It is not my intention.
4307399
Groovy. Well, I've given the story a thumb up and a fav, so I can track it. I look forward to what you do with it.
Is there going to be a 'Princesses must learn to deal with gossip themselves' letter from Cake Flank?
4307427 You keep pointing out characters I didn't plan to put in the story. I have some stuff to think about now.
4307413 Thank you. You really didn't make me upset.
I'm not very proud of anything I've written. I can honestly say that about half of my stuff on this site is good. I have some things I'm proud of, but nothing extremely so. I once submitted a story to Equestria Daily that I thought was my best story ever and they responded with 20 different things that were wrong with it. That one is funny. I tend to do things differently. I write a crappy story and post it. Then, I go back later and fix it. The second chapter was only a little more than 1,000 words before.
Also, I usually deal with criticism pretty well, but mostly because I only get a few negative comments. I have some people who put that generic "It was awesome!:pinkie happy:" and that's enough to make me happy. I know that's what everyone puts, but still. But, pretty much every comment was negative in some way and all about the same part too. Sure, I wasn't that believable, even I know that, but I guess I wanted it to work.
My problem has always been stretching out scenes to be long enough to convey real meaning. I rushed the ending and made each of them leave quickly. I guess the criticism did help because I think I like the ending more now. I hope they seem more believable now.
I once had a story that I wrote nearly two hundred pages for over the course of a year or two (I got sick of writing the story) and during that time in between I grew a bit as a writer. I tend to be prouder of my stuff now than my old things. When I went to continue the story after the long break I had to reread the chapters to know where I was exactly. I was going to edit it, but I determined that it was so bad it was a lost cause. I had gotten some bad reviews on it before, but couldn't understand why because I thought it was great. Now, going back, I see that it really was bad because I didn't have the skills.
I'd like to think I've gotten better. I'm pretty sure I have. This type of story isn't really my forte, though. I mostly write sad stories where somepony dies. That's more my thing. Romance, not so much.
This is probably giving you mixed feelings about how I feel about my work. It's good. I feel like I have a lot of potential that I'm using, but not to the fullest. I want to be an author when I grow up (I'm 13). By then, I might have what it takes. Right now, I can definitely say that I'm not amazing, but I'm grown.
P.S. I didn't fully cry. I'm not completely insane. I just pretty much sat here feeling like crying and shed maybe a tear or two. Also, I really hate to use this excuse, I really REALLY do, but I have my thing that ends a sentence. I doubt my brain is functioning correctly right now.
P.P.S. I don't even know why I said that at the end. I should probably delete it. I really should. It's staying. I'll keep it there and allow you to digest that. Maybe I am crazy. Ha.
P.P.P.S. Did you like the new scene any better? Did they seem any more believable? I'd like to hear what you think.
Well if you really are 13 I can say you're hell of a lot better than some writers a decade older than you. You just need to practice, like every other writer starting out. If I may offer some advice from an editor of many a TwiDash tales. (I feel like numbering things, so I am).
1: Be proud of what you write. If you aren't proud of it, can you really say you put every amount of effort and skill you had at the time into that story? That doesn't mean you can't go back after you've acquired more skill and think "What the fuck was I doing?" Every writer has done that. What you put into a story is what you get.
2: Don't start a story if you don't have at least a basic understanding of how the story is going to go. You don't need a Twilight-sized list of scenes and plot points, but at least have a crude map of how the story is going to go from point A to point B. But also be flexible with that map, don't be hard set on how something MUST happen, if you had something in mind but you realize that it wouldn't fit the characters or setting, change it up (believably).
3: Words.
Source
You spent more time describing how Twilight woke up that morning than you did on the actual confrontation of the towns people with her. Don't get hung up on word counts. Twilight waking up isn't so important to the story that it takes 4-5 paragraphs describing her awaking process. Use those words on the things that matter like the town confronting Twi and her friends dejection of her. I highly encourage you to read everything in that link up there. It can only help.(Speaking of Poe and 13 year olds; that's how old Poe's cousin was when he married her. Poe was in his 30s-40s).
That's about it or that I remember I was gonna say. Just remember you get better the more you write. Kodeake is a prime example of this. His earlier stories sucked...A LOT. But if you read his earlier work and work your way up to his newer stories you can see how much he's grown as a writer just from writing about lesbian horse kisses.
P.S. I'm not getting into the whole town and friends hating Twi unbelievably. It was harped on enough
Hm….
Wow her friends have failed her yet again.
Yes they failed her by doubting her even after all they have been through.
Examples.
Canterlot wedding
Lesson Zero
Ticket Master
Twilight is so sad and will create a force field on the library again or pack up and go back to Canterlot.
Spike will be SUPER pissed.
Rainbow will be beyond pissed and buck the first pony that tells her these rumors. In the face. Repeatedly.
Hope Twilight pulls through... oh yeah and the ones that started these rumors get whats coming to them.
An editing note for you:
The way you are breaking up the paragraphs containing dialog is somewhat confusing and hurts the general flow by making the reader struggle to identify who is saying and doing what. As a rule, each character's words and and actions should be contained in separate paragraphs from the next character. So something more like this would be the result:
The actual dialog and actions are interesting, though, as is the premise!
Wow. I have to say that I am impressed to the end of possibility.
I came here, pleading that this story wasn't one of those stories in terrible need of an editor, but reading both chapters in such a pace that it's almost as if this story is a perfect chocolate chip cookie just popped out of the oven has proved me wrong. If you truly are thirteen, like you claim, my impressed...ed...ness (goodness gracious, I need to find my dictionary) has been doubled. You write better than an author with published books (which is not always good, unfortunately, but I have authors like Erin Hunter in my mind).
So, I prompt you to keep on writing and improving(because there will always be room improve). Who knows? Your works might become classics someday.
Just Rainbow Dash? Why not Spike, Pinkie, heck, maybe someone unexpected like Trixie or Luna or Derpy? I know Rainbow's element is loyalty, but I'd think more ponies than just her would actively support Twilight in this.
Look, I know it's a prompt, and the story wouldn't be so interesting if the rumor died out completely, and I like the story so far, but tread lightly. Why not have Rainbow Dash be Twilight's most devoted supporter, and have other ponies join later? Just, as long as we don't go the whole story with Rainbow being the only pony to even doubt these rumors until the very end.
I... Can see this more as an idea than a story. It's very interesting, though a bit strange that all of her closest friends would start to doubt her from just rumors. The town? I can see that. She can't possibly have a close relationship with everyone. It's just strange that her friends would go along with it.
I am very interested to see where you take this. I feel like the cop-out would be for Twilight to just leave, and then something terrible happens, some problem they can't solve by themselves (or can't solve easily). Though it might be somewhat "deserved" at that point.
4308647 Thanks. I usually know where I'm going to go with stories. I just didn't for this one because I technically wasn't the one to think up the idea. Usually, when I think up a story, I think of the beginning and end first. Also, I tried to expand on her wakeup because I wanted to set the scene as if she was having a great day, so that the sudden (thus why it's so short) sadness would have a bigger impact. I guess it didn't work. Well, you win some, you lose some.
P.S. Another reason why I expanded so much is that I'm trying to work on making scenes last longer. Normally, I can't get a one-shot to be more than 1,500 words. I was pushing myself to add the extra. I only had a few paragraphs of her morning before. Also, even the short confrontation scene was shorter. So, it's an improvement writing wise, even if it takes away from the story.
4308968 Luckily, she has Rainbow and Spike!
4308987 I'll look into that. I don't want anyone to be confused by some issues with structure.
4311242 Spike will be worked in there. I may or may not add in Celestia to help by bringing some motherly guidance. Also, I may make them convince the others before telling everypony in the town. That way, she would have a band of friends standing with her at the final confrontation. Thanks for that comment. I hadn't even thought of any of this beforehand. Now, I think I have an ending in mind.
4311493 I'm going to try and write this like a mystery. They find more clues signaling that she's telling the truth sort of thing. So, she's not giving up. If anything, she's fighting back.
4309425 Now, I feel really happy. Thanks!
4311740 You're very welcome. :D
awwww
poor twi how dare they say that to her 
anyways I can't wait to read more
4312834
Hmm, this seems interesting. I like it ^^
Nice work on this start my friend :) you've captured my interest.
Keep it up :)
4311493 When I saw the small description, I was interested as well. That is, until it said that only Rainbow Dash is still on her side. Like really? I don't think the other Mane 6 would just up and suddenly turn on her like that. Now I'm not sure if I want to even read the story (although I probably will anyway)
Awww, poor twilight ;-; I wanna give her a hug. *hugs twilight*
Nice work on this my friend, another nicely done chapter ^^
And dang. everypony betrays her that fast? Well dang, that is just outrageous! :( the Dustchu, does not approve of this, and the other elements of harmony betrayed her as well? WTF? what kind of friends are they? :(
Well, good chapter my friend and awesome work, I look forward to a new chapter soon :)
I am really liking this idea a lot! I am shocked I have not seen it play out like this before. and your doing a fine job, please keep it i!
Please don't take too much offense at what I'm about to say: this story just doesn't make logical sense.
Okay, so we've got pretty much the whole town angrily turning against Twilight. Odd and hard to do convincingly, but still doable. However, from what I've read, this story suffers suffers simply from rampant OOC and the readers' suspension of disbelief being seriously tested.
The town completely and utterly turns its back on Princess Twilight Sparkle after only a day on the sole basis of a rumor. A faceless rumor with no solid evidence to back it up. I get rumor can be vicious and spreads like wildfire, but in most circumstances, some evidence is required to get the majority of the community to start believing it (let alone overreact so angrily as was the case here) and even then, most people with even double-digit IQs would normally TALK to the person in question about it before turning their back on them.
This especially would go for Twilight's best friends, for pete's sake! You can't honestly expect me to believe that these ponies who have been through so much with Twilight, would simply turn on her on the basis of a faceless rumor. It's makes them, along with the entire town, look like complete and total shallow fools.
And let's focus on the pony in question here: Princess Twilight Sparkle. A mare who has been living here long enough to establish a relationship and be on speaking terms with the majority of the town's population. There is also the fact that this mare has saved their country and species at least THREE times and is an Alicorn Princess, one of the highest-up things you can be in Equestrian social structure and hierarchy. She's got a pretty damn good track record and it would take a lot for Ponyville just to just turn against her like that.
4317054
I agree, the Mane 6 are acting OOC. But, I'm guessing that they (along with the rest of the town) have been brainwashed by others.
4316392 As I said to someone else:
4317054 I get it. Everyone wants this to happen slowly. Maybe they find evidence and maybe they spread it around and then, finally, Twilight hears of it. But, I don't want the actual rumor to be a big part of the story. The main part of this story is that she and Rainbow are working together and that that closeness will eventually make them end up together. It's more about the journey, not the fact that there was a rumor. I could replace rumor with anything. Maybe they accused her of stealing a vase from somepony and they could've sworn they saw her fly off, but I just don't want to go too far into the actual reason they're upset. Also, I was trying to make them all get that upset because I wanted it to be dramatic. Sudden anger is cool, but everyone always sees it as being too fast when that's exactly what I want.
I don't think people are seeing it as I do. Either way, yes, this story doesn't give enough detail about the rumor. Yes, the confrontation was fast. Yes, her friends may have reacted badly. Yes, the beginning wasn't perfect and it's causing a bunch of trouble. I get it. I realize all of this. Telling me how messed up it is won't make me change it. I'm sticking by my story that seems to bother everyone.
Thanks for your comment. It was valid. It was also the twentieth one. Please, do not be upset if I sounded harsh. I'm just simply annoyed. I have to keep repeating myself over the same issue, an issue I don't plan to fix.
You are completely correct in every way. Still, I will not make a move and rewrite the scene any more than I have already.
Have a wonderful day!
4306434
they would know how to feel. They would support Twilight.
a story where characters have to act out of character for the plot to work isn't a good story
4317337 They don't really think she did it. They just aren't sure. I think they're in character. I guess I'm the only one then. Ha.
Is this story going to continue? I really hope so, it's a great story and would love more chapters!