EqD Writer Training Grounds short stories by Georg

by Georg

Best Draconequus

In a few hours, Green Grass was about to become Prince Consort to Princess Twilight Sparkle. That is, provided he could survive Discord’s wedding present. A Traveling Tutor side story.

Week 5 - Three of a Kind -or- Best Draconequus

The day had finally arrived. The day when Green Grass would finally wed the mare of his dreams, a day that had seemed to recede into the distance every time they tried to plan for it.

There was just one little-bitty, teensie problem remaining.

[Vows][Princesses][Water]

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Best Draconequus
A side-story to the (in draft form) Third Test of Princess Twilight Sparkle, which is the sequel to The Traveling Tutor and the Librarian and The Traveling Tutor and the Diplomat’s Daughter

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The day was as perfect as any day could possibly be, and considering the number of Princesses who had visited the weather pegasi with exhaustive lists of instructions, it was really surprising that there were not a few pegasi with feather dusters tied to their back sweeping across the sky for loose particles of dust or lint. There had been a ‘discussion’ over the exact timing of the wedding, whether to hold it in the middle of the day as the last Royal Wedding had been, or at the stroke of Midnight as Princess Luna had rather forcefully proposed. The compromise, as hammered out by the Royal Equestrian Diplomatic Corps in the Treaty of the Broken Quills, was a touching ceremony administered by both Royal Sisters and planned to reach the exchange of vows at the exact moment of twilight. At which point, three things would happen: Lord Green Grass would become Prince Consort Green Grass the First, every unmarried male royal unicorn in Canterlot between the age of fifteen and fifty would become his mortal enemy, and Pinkie Pie would collect several thousand bits out of the ‘Twilight Wedding Colorwheel’ betting pool.

Green Grass had stayed out of their argument discussion as much as possible, practicing his diplomacy with every possible bit of his rapidly diminishing willpower in order to say absolutely nothing that might be taken as an indication he had taken sides in the Royal Sisters’ dispute. After the ‘discussion’ Twilight Sparkle had with her new ‘nephew’ Prince Blueblood, his instinct for staying out of the line of fire had been vigorously encouraged to the point he had actually checked the train schedule. After all, in the event of a Royal Disaster of Epic Measure, there was always the option of a quick rail trip to Las Pegasus and the All-Night Weddings-While-U-Wait chapel presided over by a rather chubby Elvis Przewalski impersonator, although the negative consequences of that could be rather drastic and possibly involve the direct bludgeoning of the groom with a heavenly object by one or both disappointed Royal Sisters.

At least the hectic schedule that had devoured all of their time over the last few weeks had developed a rather sudden empty spot now that the time to the ceremony could be measured in hours. One of the disadvantages of this many female members of the wedding bridle party was a complete packed bride’s section of the castle containing hundreds of servants, manedressers, seamstresses, cobblers, groomers, and even reportedly one highly overworked masseuse who had been proposed to a dozen times in just the last week.

On his side of the castle, the half-dozen or so groomstallions and such had spent five minutes putting on their tuxedos and running a comb through their manes. Rumor had that Shining Armor was running a quick Ogres and Oblettes game in the resulting slack time, and if not for the certainty that he would be found out and lectured repeatedly, Green Grass had seriously thought about rolling up a Unicorn Illusionist and sitting in on the game.

Instead, he contented himself with looking in the mirror at the hopelessly outclassed earth pony it reflected and contemplating the proper selection of second level illusion spells that he would have picked had the situation been different.

“I don’t think I’d change a thing,” he murmured at the mirror. “At least nothing dramatic.”

His reflection winked once, revealing a set of deep yellow eyes that seemed to be able to look inside his soul. “Really? And I thought Twilight was getting a smart pony to marry her.”

“Discord? What are you doing here?” Green Grass backed away from the mirror and tripped on the carpet, but was caught by the grinning draconequus before he could hit the ground.

“Why, you don’t think I’d crash Twilight Sparkle’s wedding, do you? I have an invitation. It’s in here somewhere.” He opened up his brilliant orange tuxedo and began to pull objects out, ranging from a live chicken to a kitchen sink, finally producing a neatly folded invitation which he opened in front of Green Grass’ nose. It certainly looked like the invitations that had gone out, complete with both Twilight and his beautiful calligraphy signatures, the best bits could buy from a professional forger who had been rehabilitated. Only he was fairly sure the original invitation did not have smooth, looping text that was dancing a gentle waltz around the paper while the signatures had taken advantage of a folded corner to cuddle up and kiss.

“Whoopsie, better save that one for the honeymoon, kids.” Discord tossed the invitation over his shoulder where it burst into butterflies and flew out of the window.

“I… Um…” Screwing up his courage, Green Grass stuck out a hoof and managed to say, “Welcome to our wedding, Discord. Is there anything I can do for you while you’re here?”

“Well, now that you ask…” The draconequus swept forward and wrapped around Green Grass in an affectionate coil that felt vaguely like a cheese sandwich for some reason. “Fluttershy and I been having the worst time finding you and Twilight Sparkle, well, you in particular, a proper wedding gift. I mean, really! I’ve never been invited to a wedding before—”

“I wonder why.”

“—but it just wouldn’t be right to attend this glorious occasion without a gift.”

“I’m sure a book—” started Green Grass before being cut off.

“No! I certainly thought about it—” Discord brought out a book as large as a pony, only with venomous fangs protruding from its cover and a low growling noise that emerged from inside the chain-wrapped binding “—but I’m sure she already has a copy.” He rolled the book up into a scroll and blew across it, sending it up in green smoke that flew out the window.

“Right.” Green Grass contemplated the sad draconequus with a healthy degree of skepticism.

“I know!” A light bulb appeared over Discord’s head with a large arrow on it labeled ‘Idea Time.’ “You were moping about your past when I showed up. How about I give you one free change in your life? Any time in your past, you could just snap your fingers and make it different. That is, if you had fingers. Although—”

“No!” yelped Green Grass, backing up to the other side of the dressing table. “Once was twice too often.” He paused, looking at Discord’s idea light as a second pink bulb appeared next to it, smooched the first, and then dozens of little bulbs began to appear around them. “But if you could show me what changes would happen first, I might consider it.”

“True, true,” said Discord, darting forward with one of the light bulbs to open up Green Grass’ mouth and peer inside. “Wouldn’t want to look a gift horse in the mouth, now wouldn’t we? There it is. I was wondering where I put that.” With a solid heave, the draconequus pulled out a huge wall-size picture frame from Green Grass’ mouth and hung it on the wall, leaving the groom to waggle his jaw and try not to think about the rules of physics being shattered and ground up into powder around him. “Where do you want to start? When you first met? Your first kiss? Frankly, that would be the first thing I’d edit out of your life, if you ask me.”

“No. I’ve kind of grown to appreciate all of those moments. What I was thinking of was that first picture of us that showed up in the Foal Free Press.”

“No!” gasped Discord, producing a scrapbook marked ‘My Favorite Moments’ and opening it up to the center where a dozen clipped out articles were bound in little chains and manacles. “That was my favorite part of your story. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her more embarrassed as when I tried to get her to autograph that picture. How about…”

~~*~~

Hours later, a shy yellow pegasus slipped into the room and regarded the two mismatched males, who were totally engrossed in some sort of display against the wall. With a last mumbled, “Well, that wouldn’t work,” Green Grass turned from their activity to greet her with a smile and a nod. “Hello, Fluttershy. Is the wedding still running on schedule?”

“Um. Actually, they sent me here to see if you could hurry up a little. We got a little distracted when a giant carnivorous book attacked Princess Celestia, but Twilight had it scheduled on her checklist, so we all finished up with our outfits just on time. You’re just a teensy bit late.”

“Just like Twilight Sparkle,” chortled Discord before a rather sharp glance from Fluttershy made him straighten up, and with a poof of displaced air, all the popcorn containers and other debris vanished from the room.

“Oh! I didn’t watch the clock! Go tell them I’ll be right there! Please?” Green Grass dashed around the room, slipping into his glossy black shoes and grabbing his hat with one smooth move before pausing partway out the door. “Discord?”

“What? I’m innocent as the new fallen snow.” Driven by a thousand tiny lightbulbs, a radiant light beamed down on the draconequus, highlighting a golden halo, two white feathery wings, and a broad smile that simply spelled innocence, although there were a few misspellings in the letters.

“I just wanted to say… Thank you.”

“What? I assure you, whatever it is you think I”ve done, it’s somebody else’s fault entirely. Like him.” Discord pointed at Discord across the room, who promptly pointed back, which quickly degraded into an entire room full of pointing claws and paws between multiple draconequuses, if there was such a word.

“You know better.” Green Grass waved at the picture frame on the wall, showing himself and Twilight sitting in a crowded restaurant, each totally unaware of the other. “With all the stress this wedding has put us through, I would have just tied myself in knots without a distraction, and showing me all the different ways that my life could have been different was a wonderful distraction. They each reminded me of how lucky the two of us are to have met each other, and to have friends like you.”

“Moi?” A room full of Discords each pointed to themselves.

“Yes, I only wish I could return the favor.”

“Well…” The room full of draconequuses (draconequui?) flashed and a single Discord draped himself over Green Grass’ shoulder. “Regarding the seating arrangements for Reformed Chaotic Beings, there is just this one teensy little thing.”

~~*~~

“Good Evening, Princess Celestia.” Green Grass bowed to his Diarch, surrounded on all sides by the peace and tranquility of the Private Royal Gardens for just the next few minutes until his wedding schedule had him walking down the path (37 paces) to pause at the entrance (7.8 seconds) and look at the guests in a formal and compassionate way (no scratching, nose-wrinkling, or any other funny faces), then proceed in a dignified pace (2.2 paces per second) to his place of honor at the evening ceremony (marked with a pair of small green Gs on the carpet, both G-Left and G-Right). There was only the smallest of dry coughing to break the silence as Princess Celestia, Sol Invictus, and soon to be Sister-In-Law regarded her prospective new relative with the calm serenity that only a princess could radiate. There was a subtle twitch at the corner of Celestia’s mouth and a definite sparkle in her ancient eyes as she looked over the immaculately dressed groom, from his glossy shoes to the perfect top hat that crowned his head. Finally, she met his eyes with a slow shake of her own head and a question.

“Is everything going well this afternoon, Greenie?”

“Yes, Your Highness. I wouldn’t change a thing.” The coughing increased in volume fractionally, and Green Grass could not help but smile. “Actually, there is just one thing.” He gestured at the flower in his lapel, a multicolored cross between a nasturtium and an orchid, if the tentacles and yellow eyes were any indication. The raspy coughing of a misplaced kernel of popcorn only grew louder as the ‘flower’ hacked and gasped, its petals beginning to curl up and develop brown dry spots.

“Could I trouble somepony for a teensy, tiny glass of water, please?”

Comments

[BradtheBrony]

Le gasp! A side-story/sneak-peek of things to come for the upcoming part three of the "Traveling Tutor" trilogy?! *Proceeds to read with great interest*

After reading it, I must admit seeing such an exchange between Green Grass and Discord was quite intriguing (and randomly funny, just as our main draconequus would have it). I am glad you didn't explicitly show what the "What-If" viewer of Discord's would've done to Green Grass and Twilight's relationship thanks to the infamous "butterfly effect" because I don't think my heart would've been able to handle all the sadness of missed opportunities and loneliness that both young lovers would've gone through. However, I still laughed quite a bit reading how completely by the numbers our dear Twilie is (seriously, she somehow knew about a carnivous book? I would've been way off: I'd have guess it was a cake wanting to eat Celestia for a change!). Plus Greenie's contentment with how his life has turned out really was heartwarming.

So great job once again on another EqD Writer-Training Grounds.

[j-grizz]

Most excellent.

[Talon and Thorn]

Green Grass had stayed out of their argument discussion as much as possible

Ah, Green Grass has learnt that the role of the Groom in wedding planning is to smile and nod, the ceremony itself is more or less the same only with an 'I do' replacing one of the nods.

You’re just a teensy bit late.”

“Just like Twilight Sparkle,”

I'm sure the dress Rarity made is very good as disguising any extra pounds the bride might have put on over the last few months, now all she has to do is get through the reception resisting the urge to eat hay dipped in hot sauce.

[djthomp]

“Just like Twilight Sparkle,” chortled Discord before a rather sharp glance from Fluttershy made him straighten up, and with a poof of displaced air, all the popcorn containers and other debris vanished from the room.

Huh, now that just makes me wonder a bit about the timing of this wedding.

[FancyFan]

3873422
Maybe she scheduleded in "Something tries to eat Celestia"?

[Georg]

3875778 "Ah, Green Grass has learned that the role of the Groom in wedding planning is to smile and nod, ..."

I was nervous at my own wedding until the organ struck up "Here Comes The Bride," and all I could see was the backs of heads. I realized at that point that I could be dressed in a t-shirt and shorts, and nobody would care one whit.
Plus the real danger here does not come at the wedding, it's at the rehearsal dinner when Twilight spots the buffet table...
"Greenie? Hold me." Twilight Sparkle looked down the buffet table at rows and rows of sugary treats laid out in neat lines, all pleading for a place in line for her to consume, to devour in an unending frenzy of eating to fuel her new role as a prospective mother. "I feel so weak."
"Be strong, dear." Green Grass picked up a plate in his teeth and nudged her gently. "Take only one plate and start. The guests are starting to stare."
"B-but the cheesecake?" Twilight's floating plate passed dangerously close to said dessert, picking up small cubes of calories as it went. "There's fourteen kinds. What will I say if somepony asks me how the chocolate-raspberry-walnut-creame-fudge cheese cake was if I don't take at least one piece? And the chocolate fountain has so many little tidbits around it. Should I take every other one? Or every third?"

3873422 By skipping the "What if" scenes, I can use them as "Noodle Incidents" in what's left of the story.

3876756 Oh, relax. She's not going to go into labor during the ceremony. They've got *months* to go before that. Did I say that? Oops.

[Puzzle Reader]

Elvis Przewalski

I have never before seen a reference to them in MLP. Congratulations!