EqD Writer Training Grounds short stories by Georg

by Georg

W18 - Throwing Pies and Cakes For Gold

Week 18 - Throwing Pies and Cakes For Gold

The Equestrian Games has started a new event this year, and the combined team of Cup Cake and Carrot Cake have volunteered to represent Ponyville. Everything is going fine until they discover the Pear Throwing For Distance event is actually the Pairs Throwing For Distance event, and Mrs. Cake is somewhat… less than aerodynamic.

Inspired by Skywriter’s Martial Bliss

EqD Prompt:
Describe another pony's Equestria Games experience. It can be any pony not shown competing in one of the events in the episode, and can include both the event they competed in and what happened before and after during their visit to the Crystal Empire.

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18 - Equestrian Games
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Throwing Pies and Cakes For Gold

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There was something exhilarating about the sound of thousands of excited ponies all screaming in joy at the same time, and Carrot Cake paused at the team waiting area doorway to soak it all in. He had really expected to be enjoying the Equestria Games as a spectator instead of a participant except for a last-minute panicked begging by Pinkie Pie when Cranky Donkey and Mulinda had to drop out of their event due to a sudden attack of lumbago. It had sounded easy enough. After all, he still had a good shoulder on him from pitching at the Ponyville softball games, and a pear was not all that different in size or weight from a softball.

The whole trip to the Crystal Empire had been one long blur of motion with excited twins providing ten times the energy of their normal frantic state. Pumpkin Cake had actually chewed through her foal leash while Pound Cake had simply snapped his like a piece of twine during the trip. If it had not been for Spike taking care of the baggage and Pinkie Pie flinging herself into foalsitting, he and Cup would have been a pair of nervous wrecks. As it was, they had not even been able to get a look at the suits that Rarity had stitched together for “Team Cake” before having to run for the train and find their seats. And as he looked down at the glittery skin-tight outfit that he had just wedged his lanky form into, he was starting to regret that lapse.

“Mornin’ neighbor.” The compact form of Pinkie Pie’s father plodded to his side, a sleek grey unitard covering everything but his cutie mark and his head. Carrot nodded at the stallion, taking in the competitor number on his side and the relatively unique absence of Limestone Pie’s hat while the rock farmer did much the same while looking over Carrot’s much more colorful outfit. Clyde ‘Limestone’ Pie was a regular visitor to Ponyville, if you were to define ‘regular’ as ‘once a year to drop off Pinkie Pie’s birthday present (a rock)’ and Carrot had gotten used to (as much as anypony) some of his idiosyncrasies, such as calling everypony in Equestria ‘neighbor’ or a preference for a pinch of mud added to his coffee.

“It’s a good day, Clyde. Not too hot. Not too cold. How are the rocks getting along?”

“Fine, just fine. Still, wish Pinkamina would have stayed at home instead of heading off to the big city, but a rock’s gotta roll downhill, I always say. How’s your little pebbles?”

“Growing fast. Pinkie’s got them up in the stands to help cheer for us both. I hope—” Carrot Cake cut off as a female pegasus glided by outside, ascending up and across the sky in a long parabola that vanished from his sight with a solid thud. “What in heck was that?”

“Pegasus,” said Clyde.

“No, I mean—” A loud voice from the public address system pronounced that the most recent team had just set an Equestrian Games record, and Carrot edged up on his toes to try to see over the crowd. “She wasn’t even flapping.”

“They ain’t allowed to flap none,” said Clyde. “It’d spoil the whole purpose of the event. It’s all in the orientation packet.” The middle-aged stallion hoofed over a folder of papers which Carrot read with increasing horror.

“You mean it’s a Pairs Throwing For Distance event instead of a Pear Throwing event? Who in their right mind would make an event out of throwing your spouse?

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Less than an hour later as he stood with the rest of the earth pony teams in the starting area, the whole event was making even less sense. The unicorns had been the most dramatic, several of which had made a specific point (pardon the pun) of landing horn-first in the snowbanks that had been spread across the landing zone to prevent serious injury to the falling ponies.

Many of the earth-pony towns in Equestria had sent their finest athletic couples, and once the unicorns had quit falling from the sky, a barrage of muscular earth pony mares soon followed. In rather swift order, Carrot found himself at the launching line with Cup looking at him in a most curious fashion. To be honest, he had never actually picked up his wife since they were married, or before it either. The traditional carry-the-bride-across-the-threshold moment had been more of a trip and a cascade of two giggling young ponies and a pile of luggage, and even though it had been over a decade since that embarrassing moment, he still had not quite gotten over it.

“Coming to the starting line, we have the team from Ponyville. Number 68, Cup Cake and Carrot Cake of the Sugarcube Corner bakery.”

The skin-tight unitard that Rarity had made for Cup left very little to the imagination and owed a great deal of its present intact status to the strength of modern fabrics. Due to the ‘few pounds’ that Cup had yet to shed after the birth of the twins and a certain amount of old measurements in Rarity’s dressmaking files, the taunt unitard fairly hummed with restrained pressure, making his wife of many years waddle just slightly as she took her place to his side with a wan smile.

“Hurry up, Honeybunch,” she whispered. “This thing is killing me. I can hardly breathe.”

“Don’t worry, Dumpling,” he whispered back while bending over to get a grip on his wife for the throw. “It’s only best of three distances and we’re done.”

The taunt unitard was slick in addition to being undersized, and his hooves tended to slide over it as he hefted her up in his grasp. Well, hefted. There was very little ‘up’ in what he was trying to do, and after a few abortive attempts, he managed to get his head under her barrel and lift. With one convulsive spasm, Cup flew into the air, landing less than a body-length away with a splat into the wet snow.

“And it looks like we have a record, folks. A record failure, that is. That puts Ponyville firmly at the very tail end of the leaderboard, with only two more attempts remaining.”

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“And here comes the team from Ponyville again. Let’s see if they can beat their last distance.”

Carrot bent his back and strained to lift, making only a little squeak of protest as Cup shifted in his grasp. Spots swam in front of his eyes as he staggered, first to one side, then another, finally bunching every muscle he had into one cataclysmic heave that left him panting on the ground as Cup soared away. Well, for a given value of ‘soar.’ Also in a slightly different direction than he had planned.

“Ooh, that’s gotta hurt. The Ponyville team has managed to flatten the line judges and knock over the scoring table. We’re going to take a brief break while they put everything back together and do the measurements, but I think this is our first negative distance in the entire history of the event.”

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With nerves tingling in his back, Carrot Cake approached the line for a third time, fully aware of the hush that had settled over the thousands of spectators. Or at least he pretended it was a hush instead of the low giggling that he could actually hear. His wife held steady as Carrot tried to grab for a hoofhold, his trembling hooves trying several grips before the skinny stallion sat down with a thud.

“I’m sorry, sweetie. I just can’t.”

“Aww, that’s okay, Sweetie.” Cup patted Carrot compassionately on the back. “You’re just not as strong as you were back when we were kids.”

“It’s not that, dear. You put on quite a few pounds with the twins, and—”

“WHAT!”

Dead silence filled the arena, allowing every pony to hear the long scream of panic as Carrot Cake soared into the air, traveling far down the field until he crashed into the second tier of bleacher seats.

“And it looks like the team from Ponyville has set a new record! The measurement crew is on the way to the field right now, and we’ll have the results for you shortly, but I’m betting I see gold in their future.”

Comments

[Georg]

I'm such a bad person. I'd like to apologize to all of the gravitationally-challenged human fillies out there.

[Talon and Thorn]

I'm trying hard not to visualise how the cakes look in their costumes.

Its not working!!

Where is the brain bleach?!

[Mooncalf]

A fun one. Nothing controversial or record-breaking, but enjoyable. Though I fail to see why you decided to spoil the 'pears/pairs' misunderstanding right out the gate instead of letting it unfold naturally during the scene with Clyde. You missed an opportunity there, padre.

Have to say, the bit with Clyde was probably the funniest. There's something absurdly comical about his anti-Pinkieness.

[FanOfMostEverything]

There's nothing in the rules that says the stallion has to throw the mare. Assuming there aren't any same-sex teams.

The presence of Pinkie's parents reminds of this one idea I've been sitting on, where Ms. Harshwhinny tries to get Maud to compete in the shot put. I should probably do something with that...

In any case, excellent short.

[Seether00]

Pretty sure landing in the stands are grounds for DQ

[BenRG]

The one thing no sane stallion should tell his mare: "You've put on a few pounds".

Other events I would have liked to see: Iron Pony Septathalon -- Applejack competes; Poh-Neigh martial arts (all-comers) -- Rarity vs Blueblood at the final; Rock-buck shot putt -- Big Mac against Maude!

[CCC]

Excellent ending.