Ahpex
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FIRST! Aside from some minor grammar issues it's a good start.
What just happened
? Other than this, that could be the start of a great story.
Followed and fc02.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2013/357/9/7/hoof_up_by_comeha-d6z0jqb.png
This seems like it is going to be very interesting. Keep it up! Just remember to proofread before submitting.
Dreaming, time travel, or alternate universe place your bets now.
Also great first chapter I really enjoyed it.
3754972
AU! i say AU!
*places fifty bits on the table* It has to be AU, otherwise they wouldn't be like 'Oh you're back from Aunt Celly?' i mean if it were time travel, how'd the kids come into existence? from my knowledge (aka what they say in here) it doesn't seem like they've had sex, especially ina way that'd make them have kids. I mean it COULD be a dream.... ina weird way... 
Seems really interesting... Eager to see more!
Hmmm.........uhh........
.....
What was i doing again? Oh right! Great fic so far
The idea is gold and I like it a lot. Seriously. You have yourself a story with a ton of potential.
However, you REEEAALLY need to work on your sentence structure, use of punctuation, and tense shifts. Also, this feels incredibly rushed. This chapter should have had more time between events to let important data sink in to the readers mind. Some of your descriptions could use a little polishing as well. Not to mention the typos that were present throughout the whole thing.
Do not let this discourage you, however! This comment is in no way meant to be taken as a "You should stop and not continue" type of thing, because that is the opposite of what I think. All the things I mentioned in the above paragraph are handled through PRACTICE, and I would love nothing more than to see your brilliant idea be given a wonderful story. You've got my attention, and I intend to follow this story through to its completion. I look forward to watching you develop your writing!
3754972
I guess it's a vision of some kind. During that, Twilight learns to love Rainbow and sees how wonderful it is to spend time with her. And in the end she gets back to the woods and sweeps Rainbow off her hooves. Something like that.
3755911 Thanks I'll definitely take your advise into consideration. I was planing on getting an editor and a proofreader for the rest of the chapters so I hope that will help.
Sorry not sorry.
This has got some serious potential. I don't think I've seen anything like this crop up yet in TwiDash, and it's really good to see something new with a fresh take on the pairing. I'm more than intrigued for a funny, fluffy, and funtastic story here.
That being said, I agree wholeheartedly with Vert up there. You may want to slow down in the writing here, give us readers (and Twilight) some time to let everything sink in. An editor can really help plow through those little grammatical errors and typos that pop up every now and then, but if you can, find an editor who can try and help you smooth over the dialogue, pacing, and description of the story here.
What you have at the moment is a good story. With a fresh coat of polish and with some buffing up of the description and emotional impact here and there, you very easily have a great story.
Very interesting story, the chapter feels a bit rushed, and with few grammar errors, otherwise is a great start for a fic.
i agree with the earlier statements. kinda rushed, and some spelling and punctuation errors. past that, i'm going to be watching this, since i'm interested to see where this goes.
Going to watch this...but not like it yet. It has potential.
excellent idea, a good fresh take on something that everybody on the site has done. You just need to work on your execution, try re-reading through it again and you'll probably find a few, and try to use a good word processor (Google doc, or drive, whatever it's being called now will be your best bet probably)
as for this being a first story, good job, I'm hoping we'll start seeing more from ya(and like everything, writing improves with time, don't get frustrated if things don't go 100% all the time for ya)
If ya need help with anything (short of editing, I'm in and out so much do to work that I wouldn't be consistent enough to be much use) feel free to ask
This is good, its got me curious, and, for dashies sake, jealous. Twilight, fastasizing about another mare when She has Rainbow Dash! Hope the next chapter comes out soon
Wait, what now? Does Twilight have memories about the time between when she cast that spell in the whitetail woods and now? I'm now pretty sure that it's the future and that other mare is a former lover (or current fling) but who is this? And what the fuck is actually going on?
It's good that this is holding my curiosity, because this just took a really weird turn. And I mean insanely weird.
3853926 so weird it'll make Weird Al Yankovic's videos look like educational tutorials
This is good, please MOAR
although i think there's a few grammar and punctuation mistakes in the description at the end there, fantastic chapter!
Great story to the point I can mostly ignore the grammar and spelling errors I'd love to read with those fixed it would be excellent then
Lol... That's what I call a pretty awkward situation Twilight is in now. Though I still have no idea what that Scarlet pony is up to/ if it is real/ etc....
ok, I'm curious now, about what will happen!
I usually scoff at people who get worked up during football games, so it surprised me when I realized I'd been yelling at the screen during the Scarlet parts. And the thing about the more a pegasus female flies, the more attracted to other mares they are? It just doesn't seem realistic. But then again, I'm reading about a pony romance, so why do I care?
4190055 Yeah I think I could have worded that better I might go back a change that a bit. Also if you don't mind me asking what exactly did you say during the Scarlet parts?
4193451 Mostly just a bunch of "NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! REMEMBER RAINBOW!!!!!!!" Something like that.
I can't help but think about how that worlds twilight is dealing with a new world where everything she had come to love didn't exist.
4409536 Assuming that those two worlds exist side by side and not within each other as one. She may have altered the present by changing the past. I guess the only one who knows is the author. And I'm liking Twilight's reluctant enjoyment of her "new" family. I can't wait for when she has to fight the fact that she may be into mares after all. The more she struggles with the concept, the better. What I'm not looking forward to is when Rainbow and the fillies find out about Twilight's "situation".
4420072 to be honest, i'd have just straight up told them what happened. i'm pretty sure that they'd believe that twilight did some weird magic accident that pulled her into an alternate timeline. by hiding it, she's just causing the inevitable conflict to be that much more heartbreaking. but then again, if the characters did the smart thing, we wouldn't have a story.
Im getting a strong feeling this is end up with the actual Twilight from this time showing up to the party.
4804785 And it'll be Awk-ward for everyone
4805511 And then both Twilights will talk and future Twilight will convince past Twilight of giving Rainbow a chance, and that will make a paradox, and then Doctor Whooves will come with Derpy to save the day... I certanly hope to see some wibbly wobbly timey wimey stuff.
4805832 NO! No random "Doctor Whooves" appearance, that always ruins a story for me.
4805938 Don't worry he's not going to be in this story at all. I don't care for the idea of time traveling pony plus that would be a complete cop-out and not very original.
4806085 Exactly!
4806085 Owww... there go my artistic career... But! What if the Doctor...
4805938 Joke aside, i don't like the sudden appearance of him either...
Love the story so far, hope to see more soon...
Update soon?
5048219 Indeed, I've just been busy College started a few weeks ago but I've finally had time today to add to the chapter. I really like the way it's going give me a few more days if everything goes according to plan I hope to have it out by the end of Sunday if not the next week. Sorry for the lake of updates.
5048219 Oh actually it won't be out by the end of the day I forgot that I need to send it to my editor too so it might be a little longer.
Hey look,another chapter!I enjoyed this one,but with all the proofreading I could still find a lot of grammatical mistakes.Not that I really care about grammar anyways.
5129411 Yeah I've been looking for a proofreader but I can't find one.
You're gonna tell how Pinkie and Flutter got Cherry or you're gonna tease it?
Just asking.
5499861 It's going to be a bonus chapter after the story is finished. The samething is going to happen with Rarity and Applejack.
5500194 Great. Now that i had the chance to catch up with this story i like it even more!
Well at least you're keeping this story in mind...glad you uploaded a new chapter even though it's short.
everypony are nearly being gay. that just turned me off to this story
5730701 Yeah I always have this story on the back of my mind.
Update, YAY, short but great chapter.
I'll be honest, if it wasn't that title of the chapter I would all shouting out why is this chapter so short.
Not bad...