John Sullivan has recently decided to settle down in Anchorage, Alaska, after everyone he loves and cares for tragically passes away. Feeling depressed and pretty much done with loving, with the risk of losing someone close to him again, he decided to get away from it all. However, his plans for solitude in the cold have just been flipped upside down as two very peculiar young women come knocking on his door in the middle of the night. And they're freezing.
Follow his trials and tribulations as he forces himself to aid these girls, and find out if he can, once again, find companionship.
This is proofread by Starlight Shadow. You guys should check her work, too.
This is Humanized. You have been warned.
Chapters (6)
Wow, I honestly find this interesting even though there are like a hundred stories with similar premise. My only problem is that the guy seems a bit too open towards the two strangers that got in his house. It doesn't really help when they said they came from the land of ponies and magic. If I were him, I would be a little suspicous on that.
Maybe they're on crack or something.
Shot down by a goddamned AA? Aside from an unnecessary article, AA is "antiaircraft." Perhaps you meant AAA (antiaircraft artillery) or the more modern term ADA (air defense artillery).
I state to myself, a wide grin on my faces
Twilight's cutie mark has five stars around it, not six.
I feel that the "10 minutes later..." thing was a cop out. Why not tell us what they said?
Your paragraphs have inconsistent indents. Some have it, some don't.
I think that if you wrote this with a word processor instead of directly in the FIMFiction page, it would have caught a lot of small errors.
I am interested
Just 'bout laughed my ass off at the 'adventures I may have with these two girls' part... Not bad....
3669192 Thanks for the feedback. I'l improve it with some editing.
3669213 Ahn, Modern AA, not artillery. Those guided missiles (I'm not very into army, more into aviation) And all of those errors were good point outs. Thanks. I may fix them, and try to improve my story. About the grammar errors, keep in mind that English is not my first language. Going to edit them now.
3669598 Crap, it was leaning to sexual side THAT much? Jesus...
3670367 Surface to air missiles? SAMs? Considering that's the #1 most dangerous threat to aircraft, it's important for even aviators to know about them.
3670367 You might also like to read my blog about Air Defense, or some of my other military and weapons blogs.
3670437 SAM it is then... Thanks again good sir!
3670437 SAM it is then... Thanks again good sir!
3669421 Ah, if it isn't Emerald Knight. Did you like it?
3671363 Yes I do I will probably read this to the very end
Huh. Huh. I really wanna see where this goes. Take my favorite.
3672243 Thank you, kind sir!
3672247 That'd be madame, thank you.
3672253 I'm mighty sorry, kind madam. Mr. SteelPaladin is very happy with your favorite!
3672260 No trouble. And you are welcome.
3670373
Either way, I thank you for making me laugh that much... I Really needed that....
Plus, it was the perfect joke at the perfect time....
Perfect situation for a story right here. Moar
Hm. I was wondering how you would tackle the eating meat thing. And...it wasn't forced, and they weren't out of character. Good Steel Paladin.
3728252 It wasn't out of character?
. Thanks for the feedback!
Dammit, I hate cliffhangers!
You should consider getting an editor....
3736866 Found many errors? I will correct them, but I'm limited at the moment. My apologies.
3737703
They're mostly just minor errors, but they're frequent. An editor or proofreader would be able to correct them with ease.
So...Happy 6,000 words...I guess....?
Nice
3821333 Shall I take your 'Nice' as a 'Good work'?
He he, a Crown Victoria really? Where did he get this thing, in a police auction? By the way nice chapter and keep up the good work.
Oh and this is your new car now. Congrat for the new job.
policecararchives.org/alaska/anchorage_images/cnpca18089-vi.jpg
3886365 Well, while the Crown Victoria is best know as a police cruiser, I thought that it would be a nice car, and pretty simple (Ain't a fan of dudes who drive Audis and BMW). Thanks for the fav. And the car.
3886886 No problem Officer Paladin
This story is F8BULOUS
ple8se continue to write this.
3905124 I know you from somewhere...
3905654 Your stalker maybe?
3905654 Um... QUICKLY ESCAPE VIA THE DERP MOBLIE 'poofs out of existence'
Good chapter sir!
I'm afraid you are telling, not showing, the readers what is happening. Google show vs tell to find the difference and immerse your readers in the story.
4008201 Well, I happened to felt like that during my writing. From what chapter this seems to happen?
4008208 I've only read through a bit of chapter 1. But I can tell this is your writing style and you're pretty far in the story. Don't stop for only me though, obviously some people like it, but keep this in mind for future projects
4009053 That's what I like. Constructive criticism. Not douchbaggery. Thanks for the feedback, and I'll change that on my future writings.
I liked it, but am waiting for the next chapter to be posted.
I am wholeheartedly liking the story. I haven't seen too many non- Equestria Girls human stories, though this is pretty high- ranking on that list.
Quick question though, I know John will be shipped with Rarity or Twilight, but which one? First I'm thinking it's Rarity since John thinks of her as more beautiful, then Twilight for the bonding over video games and for early on Day 1 on the mountain resort, but than Rares for the kiss on the cheek and John and helping her with homesickness, and than Twily with John helping HER with homesickness, so I'm quite confused.
But you sir, have still earned my up- vote and favorite! :D I hope to see more soon!
4791868 Wow. Just... Wow.
Never thought someone would even touch this story again. Not even me, the author. This thing has been into a 'coma' for a long time. Not dead. Just set aside.
Firstly, I'll thank you for giving it a read and enjoying this work of fiction. Even though I don't consider it the best story I've ever written, I did have lots of fun while writing it. Now that someone decided to read it, I have to admit that you ignited a flame inside me that'll make me spend hours putting effort in this story.
As for your question, I don't exactly know who I want to ship John with. I lean towards Rarity, but my mind changes way too much for that to be an affirmative. I'll figure it out when I restart writing this.
All I have to say now, is thank you
4791955 Oh, well silly me for not noticing the On Hiatus tag.
I was actually hoping that you would ship John with Rarity, as I actually came across this great story while searching for some Rarity x OC Ships.
And now that I ignited that flame within, I'll be sure to keep an eye out for any updates the story would have, but I'll be patient.
you know when you written that part were his mother got impaled by what ever it was
i was listening to some sad music with it aswell i liturly cried i cried for 2 minutes dunno why :/ maybe because my mum died of cancer a year ago fuck sake
so im guessing this is cancelled if it is
FUCK YOU!
5390359 Not cancelled. On hiatus. I'm waiting for inspiration to strike me and make me write more stuff for this story. I was actually thinking of rewriting it, because this is complete shit to my eyes.
please dont i like it
Why did you tell them that beef is made out of cows