• Member Since 1st Nov, 2011
  • offline last seen Feb 22nd, 2014

Lucefudu


Iatrogenesisist extraordinaire!

T

Revision scheduled for 2013!

Tragedy is always hard to cope with. After the accident, Bon Bon feels that a piece of her died alongside with the mare she loved. Now guilt-struck, Bon Bon just wants to spend the rest of her life alone, inside her house... blissfully unaware of the deeper connection she shares with it.

[Cover image by raikoh14]

Chapters (2)
Comments ( 22 )

This... Made me kinda depressed. So, I guess mission accomplished. I'm gonna go read something happy now...

Never seen a Lyra x Bon-Bon tradegy fic before. :moustache:

This went in a completely different way than I expected.

Perhaps you should tag Lyra in it. I mean she DOES appear and in heavily mentioned.

320902 Thought those were for major characters only. :facehoof:

320906 I think it applies to major supporting characters too. I think the only ones that don't belong are like characters you only mention once or twice.

well that was... dark.... now i need to go find me a happy or sappy (or both) story... hats off to ya :ajsmug:

Feels like it needs some sort of epilogue. The conclusion doesn't feel like the end.

340995 I'd rather leave the ending open.

well... that was not what i expected...

Beautiful written.

Woah. Just woah. :rainbowderp:
This is simply chilling. I wish I could favorite this more than once; this is psychological horror at its finest.
Even though it stands perfectly on its own, I'd like to see you expand on this story. Shadow Bon-Bon is a powerfully intriguing character, and her actions would make for an excellent continuation of this story arc.
Best wishes,
-EAP

The fuck?
No, really.
The fuck!

Okay, what the fuck?

This needs a fucking sequel. It ends after it starts, and that's the wrong way to write a one-shot, when you write a one-shot, don't leave your readers wanting more of the story, leave them happy with the ending.

642629 I'm confused as to whether you're "angry" at the lack of closure or at the unhappy ending. Either way, that's my way of story-telling.
I don't like happy, "AND ALL IS WELL IN THE MAGICAL LAND OF EQUESTRIA" endings. They're cliché and, not to mention, very unrealistic. Life isn't good. Granted; it isn't bad either, but it is a darker tone of gray than most think. The fact that a story ends on a sad ending doesn't mean it's bad per se. Bad things happen, and I'd rather write about how one deals with them rather than how one prances on a meadow whilst sining his love to everything alive just because he/she/it is in love.
As for the lack of closure: completely intended. I like to leave the reader wondering about what's going to happen next. I like to force the reader into thinking after he's read my stories.
This quote, I think, is appropriate for the occasion:
Every picture tells us a story. Sometimes we don't like the ending... sometimes we don't understand it.

Now I ask you, dear reader. How do you think this story would go if I were to "finish it"?

642688

/Puts on monicle./

I don't know, you're the author.

You tell me.

*Swag* :moustache:


Okay, no. I just feel the ending was rushed, and it didn't feel like the actual end. ._.

642711 Rushed? The story build up nicely and ends on its own pacing; Bon Bon's choice wasn't forced and neither poorly thought out. The story is not rushed. Just because something doesn't feel like the actual end, doesn't mean it hasn't ended. Her tale is over.
Lack of closure is one thing; rushing is another completely different.

And I was being serious. Tell me, how do you imagine this story to end properly?

Comment posted by sunny_side_up deleted Apr 1st, 2018

642750

This, there could be thousands of possibilities of what happens next.

And this is exactly what I was intending when I wrote this fanfic. It shows you the problems and wraps up on itself nicely. The story doesn't need anything else, because the established conflict is explained and is addressed. Ok, it may leave you hungry for more (this is the case), but it doesn't mean it is rushed.

Again: Just because the ending wasn't "complete", doesn't mean it was rushed. Let me explain:
Forever Yours with Rushed Ending: Bon Bon wakes up from her first nightmare and decides to kill herself. End.
Forever Yours with Closure: You would get a chapter 2, 3, 4, 5, etc. Until the story is given full closure.

But the thing is, no story has a complete closure. The facts may end at one given point (like on this one), but what happens next? Let's say you're reading a Fluttershy X Rainbow Dash shipfic. Thirty nine (39) chapters filled with romance, passion and tension. And then the story ends with both ponies overcoming their differences and embracing each other while sharing vows of true love.
Ok, you might say that it was given closure... or not. See, what happens next? Do they adopt foals? Do they still have to overcome some difficulties? Do they break up? Do they keep together until the end? What happens in between the story's end and the pony's death?

The only difference from my fanfic to this one is that this one is given a more tight closure, whilst mine is left almost open.

I'm not even going to move my eyes.
DON'T MOVE AND THEY CAN'T SEE YOU! :fluttercry:



This should be a creepyp pasta just read at night BIG mistake!

you're sure this is not the beginning of the new silent Hill?

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