Before he came, Ditzy's life was a living hell. The worst night was the night of the crooked forest. That crooked forest is where our story begins. The story of a time traveller and a crooked mare. Ditzy was running. She was running for her life, and all she had were her hooves and a sprained wing. Her hooves pounded on the forest ground like a heartbeat. Perhaps if you were close enough, you could hear the soft crunch of leaves. However, Ditzy was breathing far too hard, and her ears were filled with the sound of her body working to escape death. She turned around, and the pounding in her head grew unbearable. Despite her pounding head, Ditzy could see the creature stalking her manifestly. It was pony like, I suppose. It had a dirty, pale yellow coat and a messy, dark green mane that Rarity would have simply screamed in horror at the sight of. It had an impossibly long neck and the neck had many stitches failing to contain the creature's body fluids. Blood and pus oozed out the creature's neck. The most disturbing part was the empty eye sockets crying blood, and a smile stitched in place. And it was coming for Ditzy. Ditzy kept running. She tripped a couple of times, but nethertheless she made it to a clearing. Her heavy run was reduced to an exhausted trot. Ditzy picked up the pace, for the creature was hot on her trail. Ditzy froze as she came to a steep cliff that marked a dead end. Ditzy looked at her sprained wing, which she could hardly lift, and then her gaze fell upon the drop of the cliff and she cringed. Her ears pricked up when she heard a rustling in the bushes and the unstable cresture stepped out. It was coming closer, and Ditzy backed away, and nearly fell off the edge of the cliff. She gulped. There was no way out of this situation. Ditzy knew she could either commit suicide, or be brutally murdered. She knew she could not escape her death.
Suicide, I think.
I'd rather suffer the short amount of fear that came before, and enjoy the exhilaration of falling, than be brutally and painfully murdered and possibly become like this creature.
It's good, and I'm assuming that this is your first fic. more detail maybe, like why else was her life a living hell? and from what perspective is this story being told from, like is ditzy dying and reliving the best time of her life? just thoughts, hope this helps.
Thank you very much on your insight. What i was going for was for this to be like an episode of doctor who and make the beginning something for the reader to ponder, and clear everything up at the end. This is indeed my first fic and i probably failed at this
Derpy will indeed be surprised, i'll tell you that your technically not supposed to know what crooked means til the end. You know, spoilers... thanks again for your comments, andim going to start the next chapter
I would jump off the cliff and hope that the TARDIS is there
I'd wait until the creature was almost upon me and dodge. Hopefully, it would run ITSELF off the cliff.
Uh since ditzy is a pegisi than..... fly. I am loving this so far! Whoo hoo
Wow...Just the start and we're already in the action...I LOVE ACTION!!
Well I would keep on running. I would run forever if the need be. Also quick question. Is the monster that is chasing Ditzy/Derpy a bloody hooves? And if so is it Jade? From 'Super Filly Adventures' when you get the kinda scary blank-flank ending? *Shudders at the thought of it* Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to see if I can find some 3D glasses and watch the last two episodes with Rose as the main companion and try and think happy thoughts to remove the scariness of blank-flank Jade.
This is what I hope to be some day. I was only a couple sentences in, and I had already faved. This is a spectacular piece of writing, and I highly recommend writing a real book! I would totally buy it! This is extraordinary, and I want to write like this someday, so I salut you!
P.S I would jump off and ummmmmm try to hold the odd rock that peeks out of the dirt, maybe?