Fluttershy suddenly quits being a model after revealing her secret hatred for it to Rarity, leaving a very confused Photo Finish asking why.
She looks back over the time Fluttershy was modeling under her tutelage and realizes that her actions were probably making Fluttershy miserable in her work. She then decides that she should apologize to Fluttershy about this. Before she gets the chance, though, she has another revelation. One that may change her life and the life of the young Pegasus she overworked forever.
An idea I had for shipping Fluttershy and Photo Finish, since it seems no one has written a story about the pairing, despite it seeming like an obvious idea to me. Will update slowly, though.
Chapters (4)
By the way, since I'm the first one to write a story about this ship, does that mean I get to name it?
If so, then it shall forevermore be called "Photo Shy"
Edit: Also, I waited forever to publish this because I didn't want to be drowned out by whole Twilight x Peach insanity that briefly overran the new stories list.
I dun'no about the shipping, but I do like "episode followup fics", so... I'll see.
All I can say is..........WHY THE HELL DIDNT I THINK OF THIS?!?!?!
PhotoShy.... yup! Seems to work.
And I agree with the accents, but Flootershy is always fun to read too.
I want to like this, because I like the idea a lot. But I just can't say that this is a very good start for it.
The thought process presented here just doesn't sound like the kinds of thoughts that would run through the head of a character like Photo Finish. She doesn't have much screen time to establish her character in the show, but what is there points to her being a pretty wacky, out-there character. None of the lines in this that weren't borrowed from the show sounded like they came from that character at all.
Opening the story with a re-telling/summary of Green Isn't Your Color is a poor choice for beginnings. Your first chapter is your best chance at drawing in new readers; nobody starts in on the second chapter, so if the first chapter doesn't grab attention, it won't matter how good any of the other chapters are, you've lost them. Re-hashing stuff that we all have seen already is not the best way to do that. If you were confident in your ability to make the content new and interesting by telling it from Photo Finish's perspective, then yes, you could start that way, but as you point out in your Author's Note, it's just there to establish a plot point. Exposition is important, sure, but if you can't give it style, then avoid getting into it for at least the first five hundred words.
If it were me, I think I wouldn't have Photo realize she had wronged Fluttershy in any way, at least not in the first chapter. Rather than being introspective and contemplative, Photo would feel indignant and betrayed--emotions that encourage more of the bizarre antics we've seen from her in the show, rather than less. The story could then be driven by Photo Finish's attempts to hound Fluttershy back into modeling, and only slowly realizing--perhaps too late--what drove Fluttershy away in the first place, and also what Photo really wants from her.
There is some serious potential here and I'd like to see what you do with it
Hmmm... Into the read later you go...
Aside from what Else has said already I think this fics' potential is well past golden.
Your syntax and word choice, though not very diverse, provides enough difference from clause-to-clause as to prevent readers from getting mentally fatigued in the middle of you'r passage. The variation of paragraph lengths have a lot to do with this point. As one who is used to literally bogging through endless streams of bland, uniform, buzz-killing paragraphs, I thank you!
If I had to point out one thing (and believe me, it is a very arduous task trying to find the slightest blemish in a fic of this caliber) It would have to be your excessive use of the word had.
It may just be a personal pet peeve that I have had for a long time. I mean, there is an amount of hads that had got to be permitted in a given passage. However, when the density of hads had gotten out of control many readers will have had it!
Now, you don't come near to how bad the above sounds, but nonetheless, you do have enough hads to give at least me, a moments pause in reading. This if it truly is an issue, is an isolated (or very well hidden
) one, found only in paragraph ten. The same word used constantly in an entire passage, but found few and far in between won't ruin the flow of your story. On the other hand, (discounting in most cases: said, a characters name, or sometimes the, to, and other horrendously common words.) placing the same word too close to a previous instance of itself which is in turn, close to another one may be annoying to some readers. It isn't so much of a problem yet, but I would stay diligent to make sure nothing of a greater magnitude slips through the cracks.
That being said, you really do have something going for you here, keep it up!
I will be
stallkingfollowing as you craft this gem of a work.Everybody beat me to what i wanted to say. Episode re-telling wasn't a huge hook, but nonetheless I'm interested in the ship to favorite it.
Also,
Manehattan*
Happy to see this continued!
It's alive!
derpicdn.net/img/view/2013/8/7/393549__safe_solo_fluttershy_animated_equestria+girls_vibrating_irrational+exuberance_extreme+speed+animation_so+fucking+happy.gif
All i have to say is...FINALLY
elisanuckle.files.wordpress.com/2012/05/phoenix-down.jpg
Oh my Celestia. PLEASE more!!!
1984? did I get it right?
I really liked this story. The ending is abrupt, but I liked it.
It looks like Photo Finish is having some thoughts about why did Fluttershy quit on her and over and over again she started to realize she's feeling guilty about Fluttershy to doing all the stuff that she didn't want to do and it usually happens when it comes to fame and fortune so it looks like she decided to go back to the Ponyville to talk with her
And this is why you don't leave letters or anything like that because they will assume that it must be delivered
Well then it looks like Photo Finish not only feeling sorry about what she did to Fluttershy but she also has a crush on her even though she wrote in professionally but she just wrote it as a secret admirer and sure this was never attended to be send it to Fluttershy but of course faith has different answers and it looks like a made it to Fluttershy but she doesn't know who wrote The Love Letter this should be very interesting
Well it looks like photo finish wants to go for it to see how this will go and hoping that Fluttershy will take that offer even though Fluttershy has no idea who it is let's see how her reaction would look like
Well ok then yes I well have to agree the ending was a little bit but it was still pretty good and it really show that photo finish really did care for Fluttershy and even Fluttershy try to give her a chance how much she does care for her this was a pretty interesting story keep up the good work