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by Curly Q

Editorial Hazards

My dearest Quick n’ Colorful,

Once more I must open by protesting the use of these ridiculous pseudonyms, Rainbow, at least between the pair of us. The editorial nature of our correspondence is hardly something meriting such clandestine procedure, and even if it was I should imagine our identities are known as far as Canterlot by now, considering how loudly Twilight can screech.

(I TOLD you that such a graphic romance pairing her with Trixie was a bad idea!)

But I digress. I have just finished your latest foray into the world of literature, Daring Do and the Ring of Destiny. Understand firstly that it is in no way a bad work of fiction. It follows a proper character arc, contains solid grammatical structure, and your portrayal of Daring Do and the rest of us is marvelously spot on (with the exception of the scene wherein Daring battles three stallions all at once and we all just sit there watching like a doddering old sewing circle). By every standard that I would normally judge your work by, it is an excellent entry into your repertoire.

That said, I did not care for it.

Call it personal bias, darling, but self-insertion fan-creations have always struck me as rather arrogant, in that it takes the focus away from the titular hook and instead plays out as an escapist fantasy. Despite bearing her name at the head of it all, this story has Daring Do playing second fiddle to your own personal conflict, which defeats the purpose of it standing as an entry in the Daring cycle. Her name is what draws the reader in, and the reveal of yourself as the main character, the exploration of your drama over hers is ultimately a betrayal of the title’s promise. Don’t misunderstand me, Daring’s conflict as to accepting help where it is needed is present, though ultimately invalidated as we are never given a chance to truly explore it. Why does she shy away from companionship so readily, especially when one of the parties offering assistance is an immortal alicorn Deiarch? Why does she not take into account the weight of an artifact with which you’ve established she has previous experience with? Why must Daring pose as A.K. Yearling, and document her adventures from a secondhand account when ruffians such as Dr. Caballeron and Ahuizotl are actively terrorizing the very real populace and even attempting to usurp such fundamental realities as Celestia’s control over the sun?

(On a vainer note, I recall having just about three lines throughout the entire narrative! I beg your pardon, Rainbow Dash?)

Honestly, dear, as firm a grasp you have on the artistry of novelization, I feel that you did not put your best hoof forward for this exchange. The whole thing reads as a vainglorious fantasy better suited to wistful daydreaming and left me wearied after reading it. We’re all desperate to get our hooves on the next Daring installment, but as your own supplement to the canon wisely advises, one should not become so enamored with a subject that they let it color (or poison) their own work and judgment. By no means do I think you should cease in your endeavors to pen the great adventure story of our time, but the Daring cycle and its valiant heroine will never be the pièce de résistance of your body of work. I recommend you read some Mules Verne, he being considered one of the fathers of classical adventure fiction that gave rise to such gems we enjoy today.

In any case, I apologize for the bluntness of this letter, and hope I did not offend. I only wish to see you reach your fullest potential as a fellow artist.

Happily awaiting your reply and next story,

-Prism

---

Having reached the end of the flowing script, Fluttershy replaces the dripping letter where she found it: in the dirt. It is more of a kindness to the unfortunate parchment than one would think, all elevated surfaces in the area as soaked as the rest of Carousel Boutique and its proprietor, while any other patch of bare earth stood more akin to mud. It is all the work of the torrential downpour that still engulfs the circumference of Rarity’s home, on this bright, dry summer day in Ponyville.

Normally a Pegasus crew would have been dispatched to attend to the matter of errant weather patterns, however considering it in fact is not a rogue stormcloud but Rainbow Dash’s spiraling mansion venting every liquid from its plumbing onto the boutique, it falls under the classification of domestic disturbance, rather than weather control. Fluttershy turns to the sodden Rarity, her sea glass eyes vanishing for the briefest of moments as she blinks expectantly. The unicorn doesn’t meet her gaze, remaining fixed on a random point in space in belligerent defiance.

“Well?” huffs the fashionista, “What do you want me to say? You read the letter!”

“SEE HOW YOU LIKE IT WHEN SOMEPONY SPITS ALL OVER YOUR ART, RARITY!” Rainbow Dash bellows from atop the height of her billowing citadel, dispensing a lightning bolt onto the unicorn’s weather vane with a savage buck.

“She’s been talking about how excited she was to be finishing her manuscript for two weeks,” Fluttershy informs her beleaguered friend simply.

Rarity brushes a few thick strands of sopping violet mane out of her eye for the fourth time. “See, that sort information would have been useful to know beforehand.”

“PRISSY-” buck “-KNOW NOTHING-“ buck “-GENRE BIASED-” buck “-HACK!”

Buck.

“And you came to me because…?” Flutteshy asks.

Rarity shudders. “Consider the prospective result of one of the other members of our circle trying to reason with her, then ask me that again.”

“YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT THE BEST PONY!”

The marmalade caretaker thinks for a moment. Then she shudders too.

“Still,” she continues, “I’m not sure what you want me to say.”

“ ‘Please stop raining on Rarity’s house,’ would be a nice start, dear,” the unicorn snaps.

There’s the sound of cracking wood as the swollen door finally buckles under the weight of the accumulated water within, which all comes rolling out in a sapphire tide. Fluttershy takes wing with a squeak, nimbly hovering over the wave. Rarity is not so lucky, the current submerging her entirely in a moment. In the next one, the liquid has depleted itself, and the caretaker returns to earth, daintily setting her hooves on the least saturated patches of mulch she can find. Incredibly, the unicorn remains fixed where she had originally stood, her expression of aggrieved indignation unchanged, save for the addition of a sodden Sweetie Belle clutching at her neck as a lifeline and an inexplicable fish writhing within her mane.

Fluttershy considers what she could say. She come up with quite a few versions of “I told you so”. She decides there’s no way that ends well for her. Ultimately, she settles on, “I’ll talk to her,” and takes wing once again.

Rarity fails to reply. Even after Sweetie and the Fish detach themselves from her and attempt to coax an explanation from their elder, she remains silently fixed on that one point in space that she has been mentally trying to set fire to for the last ten minutes. It wouldn’t be ladylike, after all, to open her lips and expose the sound of her teeth grinding themselves to dust.

Author's Note:

So Daring Don't struck me, personally, as what a Rainbow Dash fanfiction would read like, bringing us here.

Comments

[Serperior2]

It was a nice short read I look forward to reading more by you.

[bjorn2345]

this is a pretty clever indictment of yesterday's episode :)

[Bradel]

Well, this is a thing to stumble across on the first click of one of my errant forays into the new story list.

Quite nice. There's some LUS going on here ("The marmalade caretaker thinks for a moment", e.g.) but the writing is well structured in general and Rarity's voice in the opening letter is outstanding. I think I'm going to have to take the time to sit down with some of your other stories, once I'm a little freer.

Thanks for this!

[Starlight Nova]

Have you ever considered submitting this story to Equestria Daily? You can find out how to do so here.

[Rainbow87dash]

every liquid from its plumbing onto the boutique

...does that include the septic cloud? y'know where all the 'dirty' water goes, like from the bathroom and stuff....

Is RD raining her fecies and urine all over Rarity's house?

[Bradel]

3598476
Unless things have changed a lot in the time since I went quiet, this is still well short of the word count EQD wants, and I've heard stories that the queue has grown long in my absence (but not solely because of that, I assure you).

Anyway, as much as I like this piece, I wouldn't recommend submission—but I would recommend that the author keep EQD in mind for longer, more plot-centered pieces.

[nemryn]

Incredibly, the unicorn remains fixed where she had originally stood, her expression of aggrieved indignation unchanged, save for the addition of a sodden Sweetie Belle clutching at her neck as a lifeline and the inexplicable addition of a fish to her mane.

Oh, Sweetie Belle.

[Seether00]

I pretty much thought the whole episode was a piece of Rainbow Dash fanfiction or a dream sequence.

[Dozy Dreamer]

Actually - this makes the episode make a lot more sense. I mean, for one thing - who has the living ruins of forgotten civilisations _actually within their national borders_? Now, I know how stupid that sounds, but consider that Equestria has existed for at least a thousand years. To make a (slightly inaccurate) example - that's like having Britain find a Norman castle (and village - Ahuizotl had to get those henchponies from somewhere) in the Scottish Highlands!
But before I get too sidetracked, your story;
As a habitually negative critic, there is very little for me to comment on. However, there are two instances upon which I find myself able to remark.
The first;

The marmalade caretaker thinks for a moment. Then she shudders too.

Marmalade? Really? I have never encountered a marmalade that is any less than a golden/pale orange. Fluttershy, as a bright yellow, looks to be more a lemon curd colour.
Also - damn you, ser, for making me think of food. Now I'm craving lemon curd.
The second is the visual joke of the Carasel Boutique bursting and unleashing a deluge upon Rarity. Whilst this does indicate that Rarity's home and business wouldn't remain habitable for large portions of the year, the main issue I have is with the characterisation of RD and Rarity this implies. We have seen how Rarity reacts to damage to her image - the only time her image isn't of prime importance is when there's a crime against art/fashion/beauty to be corrected. So I hardly believe Rarity would be quite so composed if her home, business, and passion were all destroyed (and they would be destroyed - delicate fabrics submerged in floodwaters? Even with only the debris from her house, those waterstains would be horrific. And let's not even mention what would happen to those things which are 'Dry Clean Only'), even if by one of her friends. That said, RD's character is questionable there, too. No matter what they've done to you, you do not go to a friend, and destroy their home, business and passion. Whilst I can certainly see her being mad enough to start an eternal downpour over Rarity's house, she'd stop as soon as there was mention of a roof leaking and property being damaged - she wants to hurt Rarity's feelings, not her fiscal stability. With that in mind, she also wouldn't be able to rain on the path leading up to Rarity's door, as doing so during business hours would almost certainly lose her customers - again, not something a friend with any intention of remaining such does.
But asides from those two, very minor snippets, this was a pretty good chapter, and I can't wait to see where the story goes.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to make some toast. With lemon curd on.

[Curly Q]

3598446
Well thank you, sir. Always nice to hear that about your work.
3598454
Well, like Rarity said, it isn't a bad episode. This is just my take on it.
3598470
Quite a thing to stumble across the comments on your silly little idea and find one of your favorite writers favoriting it, I'd say. I'm glad I could entertain, sir.
3598476
I've considered it with a couple of the other stories I have here, but I never get around to it. Maybe one of these days.
3598478
...I think some things are best left for the reader to decide, no?
{ AAAAAAUUUUUUGGGGGHHHH!!!! THAT'S NEVER GOING TO COME OUT!
3598536
She makes for a good gag prop, doesn't she?
3598822
I was honestly surprised that the episode didn't go there.
3599297
Yeah, I was wondering if that was the right description for Flutters, but I couldn't wrap my head around multi-worded descriptive foods and I didn't think "buttery" was quite flattering enough, so... yeah.

[Themaskedferret]

*Grins* A very nice piece. Bravo I freely admit I didn't see where this was going and was pleasantly surprised to see the result. Well done!

[Rainbow87dash]

3599642 theres no point trying with EQD, there standards are waaay too high

[djthomp]

Sent here by 3598470, I have to echo the kudos for how well Rarity was written in the letter.

[Seer]

Not the best pony?
Oh, poor deluded Rainbow Dash.

[Chaos Eclipsed]

“See, that sort information would have been useful to know beforehand.”

Put an 'of' between 'sort' and 'information'.

Otherwise good story.

[Lurks-no-More]

So Daring Don't struck me, personally, as what a Rainbow Dash fanfiction would read like, bringing us here.

Hah! My thoughts exactly; I was, in fact, thinking of writing a story along similar lines. No need for that now, this one was more than fun enough!

[Alex Warlorn]

And I feel hurt.

Daring Don't is what GAVE Daring Do DEPTH to me.

[cheezesauce]

This was a cleverly written and much relatable piece. Nicely done!

[Bluecho]

Personally, I think I would have preferred Daring Do had remained a fictional character in-universe. And that Rainbow Dash had a chance to meet the author, only to find out A.K. Yearling is vastly different than Daring. That Daring Do is the kind of figure Yearling wishes she could be, and that Rainbow Dash made unrealistic expectations about who Yearling was based on the Daring Do character. Or whatever.

I loved this story. It was short, sweet, and very funny. Sweetie Belle and the fish part were what clinched it for me. Very good satire.

[BleedingRaindrops]

This is actually pretty accurate. I can't say I've met many reviewers as verbose as Rarity before, though. Part of Rainbow's reaction may have come from the letter feeling like Rarity simply wrote it to show off her extensive vocabulary. A more concise, and less florid version would have sufficed.

This is of course, merely an observation, and in no way an actual critique on your story. I enjoyed it. Reminds me of a few nasty reactions I've gotten over the years. As, I said. Actually pretty accurate.

[Hillbe]

thumbs up

[Flare N Jaeger]

Sensitive fanfic writers in a nutshell.

[henke37]

The first half is very well written, but once the letter ends the grammar takes a turn towards oddness. Fiction is generally written in past tense, describing what happened as opposed to what is currently happening. It is bothering me as a reader when an author deviates from this norm for no good reason.

[Csquared08]

Yes.

Yes.

This is excellent.

[TheGreatEater]

Why does she shy away from companionship so readily, especially when one of the parties offering assistance is an immortal alicorn Deiarch?

1) It's Diarch

and

2) delete. A Diarchy is two rulers ruling the nation as one. With Twilight being a ruler as well, it's a Triumvirate, although at the end of S4 with all the Elements of Harmony having a ruling / position of power (what with the castle having a spot for each of them. And they having power needed to save / help Equestria in a more official manner now) it's hard to discern what type of rulership they have now. But Twilight isn't a diarch.

Calling her an immortal alicorn, and leaving it at that is good enough. And fitting enough of a description.
______________

That does sound like a Rainbow Dash fanfic now that I think about it. Good fic, I especially love Rainbow Dash's reaction .... although the several versions of I told you so, makes no sense since there was no lead up to it. At least not that I saw.

[FanOfMostEverything]

It was good overall, but "The marmalade caretaker" made me think that Discord had turned all of Fluttershy's critters into various flavors of fruit spreads. Which, granted, he very well may have.

That aside (and mentioned largely because it feels wrong to not offer criticism about the story that's mostly criticism,) I loved it. I can't help but imagine what other fluids are coming out of Dash's house. I mean, the liquid rainbows alone...

Thank you for this.

5426855
I'm afraid you misinterpreted it. "Dei-" as in deity, e.g. god. "-arch" meaning ruler. Rarity didn't call Twilight one of the two rulers of Equestria. She called her a god-queen. Or god-princess, as the case may be.

[TheGreatEater]

5427966

Then that word would've still be wrong. At least in how it was used, since things like Mon, Di, Ex, are root words. If she (Rarity) meant God Princess / God Queen, the proper word would've been Dues (Latin for God / Deity) (Duesarch (Deity Ruler). Or Thearch (a nation ruled by a Deity(or Deities) / Government under a Deity (or Dieties)).

[Titanium Dragon]

I wrote a review of this story here.

[CCC]

that one point in space that she has been mentally trying to set fire to for the last ten minutes.

Rarity doesn't know any fire spells?

[Captain_Stallion]

Has Rarity forgotten that fire cures all sins...

[Raichu]

Nice. RD sure isn't too happy!