She cries in her sleep.
Her nightmares are music to my ears.
Pre-reader/editor: Arbarano
An entry to Equestria Daily's Outside Insight contest
Chapters (1)
Velkan Nobody
Joined 28th Feb, 2012 ·
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Just the way I like it. Plus bonus points for writing about the Apple Family and for being one of the few other people I've seen writing about windigos for this contest.
I'll be interested to see how others--particularly the judges--receive this one.
Well this certainly has my like. Style over substance always brings some interesting results.
The style I liked, personally though I felt it lacked a certain je ne sais quoi.
4870030
Substance?
Yeah… I did feel that the dialogues were rather flimsy. I suppose my English is still not in a place where I can comfortably replicate the Apple Family’s speech. Plus, due to time constraints and my self-imposed restrictions—I couldn’t use a single “I” or “me” until the very end—I knew from the start that this would have to be a very compact story, and I would have to show something about ponies in a short scene so as not to compromise the story’s flow. I considered using indirect speech throughout the whole story, too, but I think that would’ve made things worse.
All in all, I’m still not sure style over substance was the best call.
4870841 Personally, didn't have a problem with the Apple family speech patterns. However, you might have expounded upon the Windigoes (is that singular?) internal workings or thoughts a bit more clearly (also having it made a touch clearer that it was a Windigo would not have been entirely remiss either.)
The Seattle's Angels reviewers said "no spoilers" on which creatures this tale was about, but one can extrapolate enough hints from the cover art and title that it's hardly a spoiler. Lovely lines like this,
make it even more obvious right at the beginning. Not that that's a bad thing; the language you use to describe everything is poetic and fraught with wintery detail. Pleasurable read.