Not knowing where the river will take him, Marshwillow begins his journey down the river and away from home, leaving his parents behind.
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- Member Since 26th Feb, 2014
- offline last seen January 5th
kudzuhaiku
She's looking at you. Yes you. And she is judging you with her eyes. There is no escape.
kudzuhaiku
Joined 26th Feb, 2014 ·
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It's a nice little story. Kinda sad, but at least Marsh made a friend.
This was extraordinarily well written. Hardly any grammatical errors and well paced. You really made me feel sorry for both Marsh and Mouse, and I wanted to cry when Marsh left home. I thought Mouse was Sweetie Belle at first, but then I remembered the tags. Also, will you, by any chance, make a sequel?
5030886
I don't know. Maybe. This is has been sitting around my drive for a while. It was going to be a long story, but I sort of forgot the direction I was going with it.
5030891 I hope you will.
This strikes me as an excellent start for a longer story. Encounters with odd animals, Luna in their dreams but not able to find out where they are because the land has changed so much in the last thousand years. Perhaps a rescue by Steve the river serpent later on. Help yourself to anything that looks good. If anything.
This is a lovely story.
Please, make this part of the Chase-verse...
5031030
Hmm, unicorns fleeing Canterlot, knowing which way the wind was blowing. Politically.
5031037 It literally has "The Chase" wrote all over it ! I know that you have a problem with the ammount of chars in Chase already, but you don´t need to focus on then...maybe some quick glances while they find Ponnyville and start all over, while they witness all the changes. Marshwllow is a blank page, since he had no contact with the politics...Mouse has witnessed everything in Canterlot, but being a foal maybe she is not contamined yet.
And bonus points if she is from House Avarice !!!! Imagine if Bucky, later, after get knowing booth and their story, suddenly discover she is from his old family, but without the sins !
5031083
Er, eeenope.
Not from Avarice. They were all rounded up and captured. Luna rooted them out. None would escape her.
I dunno.
5031092 Ummm, maybe from a lesser noble house serving then, but not taking part in the horror they spread ? Sorry to insist, but i love the idea of House Avarice past sin´s (great history, by the way), in some way, coming back to haunt Bucky...i mean, in a more personificed way, not counting the hundreads of dreadfull things they did and are still being undone...
A sad story, though with certain charms. The title in particular reminded me of this:
Not really much to say. This is only a beginning. A journey awaits these two, but there's no earthly way of knowing quite exactly where they're going. Even if the raft isn't made of hard candy.
Still, a good read for what there was of it.
You know, I don't even know how to tag this story.
Why is it that with almost every single story you've written I desperately want a sequal to it
With the teasers you give to the characters, such as in the Question, The Catch and even here I can see so much potential for a good story. You do your job too well
Hmmm....Well, I'd call the end a cliffhanger...An evil one with an opening for more story....
5031092 I agree with marcelojj, at least partially.
Maybe have Marshwillow and Mouse make a cameo appearance in Ponyville?
Marshwillow's cutie mark is a cabbage, which to me means crops, especially crops that can grow and even thrive in less-than-ideal conditions, like the way Ponyville is currently.
Something like this:
DISCLAIMER: I KNOW THAT PART OF THIS IS MAKING AN ASSUMPTION OR TWO, SO IF I AM INACCURATE, FEEL FREE TO CORRECT ME ON THIS
A guard approached Bucky, his ears flat in a submissive posture.
"Prince Buckmin- Bucky, we found these two drifting downriver, we checked for traps, and they check out, what do you want done with them?"
Bucky looked the two ponies over, one filly and one colt, his eyes falling on the colt's cutie mark, a cabbage.
"What's your name, and what does your cutie mark mean?" Bucky asked in a commanding but gentle tone.
The colt slowly walked forward, his head down.
"Marshwillow sir, and my cutie mark means I grow crops."
"Crops like cabbage?"
"Yes sir."
Basically, introduce them to Bucky, have him recognize that Marshwillow's talent is useful for revitalizing Ponyville, and have Bucky assign Marshwillow (and Mouse) to Silver Shill and Applejack.
It ties up the loose end well enough, but still leaves room for a sequel, or inter-quel for Marshwillow and Mouse.
I just whipped the above in italics together in 5 minutes, but it's the general idea.
5143164
Skunk cabbage is poisonous. His talent is eating toxic vegetation and not dying.
Skunk cabbage
5143227 Oh dear...
I didn't know that.
I clicked the link, and it said that skunk cabbage has medicinal properties.
Maybe he can use it to help treat the hoof rot?
It took no effort TO travel by river and the raft went WHERE the river meandered.
I marked this story to read later right when it came out, and promptly forgot about it. Having just now rediscovered and read it, I can't help but think this would fit well as a small part of the Chase-verse. Perhaps Bucky and the others could notice them from the airship at some point and stop to pick them up?
Just a thought. I did like it, though.
I like it. I'm hoping to see it become something more.
I really like this story, it has great potential and I am hoping to see sequel!
Cute for being so short. I'd love to know what happens with Marshwillow.
Also, is this the same little Mouse that pairs up with Rye Mash?
6462725
No.
No tags! No tags at all!
6776120
Nope.
Ya know - this would fit well into the Weedverse quite nicely. Just saying.
7586338
I've thought about it, but the plague thing... I dunno. I keep thinking, this should get a rewrite.
7586343
No need for a re-write unless you want to target something specific larger to the Weed-verse. You've got a backwater with three ponies, two of which just died. The third hasn't seen another pony for years, so you can basically drop this in anywhere and at any time. If you wanted you could make the excuse the sickness was something to do with what's going on with Sumac and Co or it could just be run-of-the-mill swamp sickness. You could very easily have them pop up in the background for Gloomy or Stinkbug, they don't even have to have much screen time. But, you've got two characters who are off to see the world because the have nothing else and because I don't think anypony has told them they can't or shouldn't. (This does seem to be a bit of a theme for you and I'm not saying that's bad.)
All stories have to start somewhere and this is a start.