• Member Since 18th Jun, 2013
  • offline last seen Feb 23rd, 2016

Curly Q


E

After Rainbow Dash's magnum opus fan-fiction, Daring Do and the Ring of Destiny, fails to attract the response from her editor, Rarity, that she expected, she copes with her feelings of rejection in a manner befitting of her established reputation: by parking her cloud mansion above the boutique and drenching it in a watery apocalypse.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 31 )

It was a nice short read :pinkiehappy: I look forward to reading more by you.

this is a pretty clever indictment of yesterday's episode :)

Well, this is a thing to stumble across on the first click of one of my errant forays into the new story list.

Quite nice. There's some LUS going on here ("The marmalade caretaker thinks for a moment", e.g.) but the writing is well structured in general and Rarity's voice in the opening letter is outstanding. I think I'm going to have to take the time to sit down with some of your other stories, once I'm a little freer.

Thanks for this!

Have you ever considered submitting this story to Equestria Daily? You can find out how to do so here.

every liquid from its plumbing onto the boutique

...does that include the septic cloud? y'know where all the 'dirty' water goes, like from the bathroom and stuff....

Is RD raining her fecies and urine all over Rarity's house?

3598476
Unless things have changed a lot in the time since I went quiet, this is still well short of the word count EQD wants, and I've heard stories that the queue has grown long in my absence (but not solely because of that, I assure you).

Anyway, as much as I like this piece, I wouldn't recommend submission—but I would recommend that the author keep EQD in mind for longer, more plot-centered pieces.

Incredibly, the unicorn remains fixed where she had originally stood, her expression of aggrieved indignation unchanged, save for the addition of a sodden Sweetie Belle clutching at her neck as a lifeline and the inexplicable addition of a fish to her mane.

Oh, Sweetie Belle. :rainbowlaugh:

I pretty much thought the whole episode was a piece of Rainbow Dash fanfiction or a dream sequence.

Actually - this makes the episode make a lot more sense. I mean, for one thing - who has the living ruins of forgotten civilisations _actually within their national borders_? Now, I know how stupid that sounds, but consider that Equestria has existed for at least a thousand years. To make a (slightly inaccurate) example - that's like having Britain find a Norman castle (and village - Ahuizotl had to get those henchponies from somewhere) in the Scottish Highlands!
But before I get too sidetracked, your story;
As a habitually negative critic, there is very little for me to comment on. However, there are two instances upon which I find myself able to remark.
The first;

The marmalade caretaker thinks for a moment. Then she shudders too.

Marmalade? Really? I have never encountered a marmalade that is any less than a golden/pale orange. Fluttershy, as a bright yellow, looks to be more a lemon curd colour.
Also - damn you, ser, for making me think of food. Now I'm craving lemon curd.
The second is the visual joke of the Carasel Boutique bursting and unleashing a deluge upon Rarity. Whilst this does indicate that Rarity's home and business wouldn't remain habitable for large portions of the year, the main issue I have is with the characterisation of RD and Rarity this implies. We have seen how Rarity reacts to damage to her image - the only time her image isn't of prime importance is when there's a crime against art/fashion/beauty to be corrected. So I hardly believe Rarity would be quite so composed if her home, business, and passion were all destroyed (and they would be destroyed - delicate fabrics submerged in floodwaters? Even with only the debris from her house, those waterstains would be horrific. And let's not even mention what would happen to those things which are 'Dry Clean Only'), even if by one of her friends. That said, RD's character is questionable there, too. No matter what they've done to you, you do not go to a friend, and destroy their home, business and passion. Whilst I can certainly see her being mad enough to start an eternal downpour over Rarity's house, she'd stop as soon as there was mention of a roof leaking and property being damaged - she wants to hurt Rarity's feelings, not her fiscal stability. With that in mind, she also wouldn't be able to rain on the path leading up to Rarity's door, as doing so during business hours would almost certainly lose her customers - again, not something a friend with any intention of remaining such does.
But asides from those two, very minor snippets, this was a pretty good chapter, and I can't wait to see where the story goes.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to make some toast. With lemon curd on.

3598446
Well thank you, sir. Always nice to hear that about your work. :twilightsmile:
3598454
Well, like Rarity said, it isn't a bad episode. This is just my take on it.
3598470
Quite a thing to stumble across the comments on your silly little idea and find one of your favorite writers favoriting it, I'd say. :raritystarry: I'm glad I could entertain, sir.
3598476
I've considered it with a couple of the other stories I have here, but I never get around to it. Maybe one of these days.
3598478
...I think some things are best left for the reader to decide, no?
:raritydespair: { AAAAAAUUUUUUGGGGGHHHH!!!! THAT'S NEVER GOING TO COME OUT!
3598536
She makes for a good gag prop, doesn't she?
3598822
I was honestly surprised that the episode didn't go there.
3599297
Yeah, I was wondering if that was the right description for Flutters, but I couldn't wrap my head around multi-worded descriptive foods and I didn't think "buttery" was quite flattering enough, so... yeah.

*Grins* A very nice piece. Bravo :pinkiesmile: I freely admit I didn't see where this was going and was pleasantly surprised to see the result. Well done!

3599642 theres no point trying with EQD, there standards are waaay too high

Sent here by 3598470, I have to echo the kudos for how well Rarity was written in the letter.

Not the best pony?
Oh, poor deluded Rainbow Dash.

“See, that sort information would have been useful to know beforehand.”

Put an 'of' between 'sort' and 'information'.

Otherwise good story.

So Daring Don't struck me, personally, as what a Rainbow Dash fanfiction would read like, bringing us here.

Hah! My thoughts exactly; I was, in fact, thinking of writing a story along similar lines. No need for that now, this one was more than fun enough!


And I feel hurt.

Daring Don't is what GAVE Daring Do DEPTH to me.

This was a cleverly written and much relatable piece. Nicely done!

Personally, I think I would have preferred Daring Do had remained a fictional character in-universe. And that Rainbow Dash had a chance to meet the author, only to find out A.K. Yearling is vastly different than Daring. That Daring Do is the kind of figure Yearling wishes she could be, and that Rainbow Dash made unrealistic expectations about who Yearling was based on the Daring Do character. Or whatever.

I loved this story. It was short, sweet, and very funny. Sweetie Belle and the fish part were what clinched it for me. Very good satire.

This is actually pretty accurate. I can't say I've met many reviewers as verbose as Rarity before, though. Part of Rainbow's reaction may have come from the letter feeling like Rarity simply wrote it to show off her extensive vocabulary. A more concise, and less florid version would have sufficed.

This is of course, merely an observation, and in no way an actual critique on your story. I enjoyed it. Reminds me of a few nasty reactions I've gotten over the years. As, I said. Actually pretty accurate.

thumbs up:raritydespair::moustache::facehoof:

Sensitive fanfic writers in a nutshell.

The first half is very well written, but once the letter ends the grammar takes a turn towards oddness. Fiction is generally written in past tense, describing what happened as opposed to what is currently happening. It is bothering me as a reader when an author deviates from this norm for no good reason.

Yes.

Yes.

This is excellent.

Why does she shy away from companionship so readily, especially when one of the parties offering assistance is an immortal alicorn Deiarch?

1) It's Diarch

and

2) delete. A Diarchy is two rulers ruling the nation as one. With Twilight being a ruler as well, it's a Triumvirate, although at the end of S4 with all the Elements of Harmony having a ruling / position of power (what with the castle having a spot for each of them. And they having power needed to save / help Equestria in a more official manner now) it's hard to discern what type of rulership they have now. But Twilight isn't a diarch.

Calling her an immortal alicorn, and leaving it at that is good enough. And fitting enough of a description.
______________

That does sound like a Rainbow Dash fanfic now that I think about it. Good fic, I especially love Rainbow Dash's reaction .... although the several versions of I told you so, makes no sense since there was no lead up to it. At least not that I saw.

It was good overall, but "The marmalade caretaker" made me think that Discord had turned all of Fluttershy's critters into various flavors of fruit spreads. Which, granted, he very well may have.

That aside (and mentioned largely because it feels wrong to not offer criticism about the story that's mostly criticism,) I loved it. I can't help but imagine what other fluids are coming out of Dash's house. I mean, the liquid rainbows alone...

Thank you for this.

5426855
I'm afraid you misinterpreted it. "Dei-" as in deity, e.g. god. "-arch" meaning ruler. Rarity didn't call Twilight one of the two rulers of Equestria. She called her a god-queen. Or god-princess, as the case may be.

5427966

Then that word would've still be wrong. At least in how it was used, since things like Mon, Di, Ex, are root words. If she (Rarity) meant God Princess / God Queen, the proper word would've been Dues (Latin for God / Deity) (Duesarch (Deity Ruler). Or Thearch (a nation ruled by a Deity(or Deities) / Government under a Deity (or Dieties)).

I wrote a review of this story here.

CCC

that one point in space that she has been mentally trying to set fire to for the last ten minutes.

Rarity doesn't know any fire spells?

Has Rarity forgotten that fire cures all sins...

Nice. RD sure isn't too happy!

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