Twilight's life is nothing more than a huge disappointment. Can Celestia show Twilight that her gray life is just masking the colors that lie beneath?
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Magicolt808
Joined 1st Feb, 2012 ·
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Sad and beatuiful at the same time. I always liked the idea of a story from older versions of the characters.
Excellant story, congrats
It could have been better. But lets not jump ahead shall we? First off I approve of the plot (Twilights divorce, Her child being a failure, and how she turned into a cynical old mare, and her reasons to keep to herself and how she justified it within her head.) but I feel (remember this is only my opinion) that the ending was, for lack of better word, cheesy. Now don't get me wrong; the way you added all the colors of the Mane Six at the end in the sky was freaking awesome, but her death caught me off guard. It felt like as I was reading it she suddenly starts to die. Now yes i do understand she had to die for the Colorful sky thing to go on, but when i first started reading it seemed like she was fine. She snapped at her daughter, gave the cold shoulder to the Princess, and even fought back tears, yet not once did you mention her dying. I think (again this is just me) that you should have started off with her coughing, or just flat out say she is going to die within the next few minutes and not just "on her death bed", and or just give clues throughout the whole story that she is getting worse and worse every passing minute. That way when she dies, we expect it, and we approve of it.
All in all; Very good plot with background information. Could have made the death more dramatic. And once again I loved the Colorful sky part. Course this was not a tear jerker for me. (although maybe I am just getting used to these sad slice of lifes stories?)
Bravo and encore! I hope to see more soon!
312772I was so focused on the unraveling story to even consider putting death signs in the story! Damn!Ok now I feel stupid.
I see what you are saying and I am going to tell you that I knew something was missing. I just couldn't figure it out. Thank you for showing me or else it would have bugged me to no end. Also, thank you for liking the story!
312885
Your very welcome! It was fun reading this. Also hint hint, do some Happy slices of life! I only have so many tears per day.
312885 YOU NEVER LET ME DOWN! That was so, so beautiful. I
Nice little story you got here! I especially loved the scene with PC.
The only thing I would suggest is that you embellish a little more on backstory. That way, you give more weight to the climax of the story. Though I definitely felt tears coming to my eyes at the death scene, it could've been more impacting with more details of her past. Like, "Damn, poor mare went through all that and it took her all the way to her death to realize she never lost sight of her friends."
Also, some lines about how she always kept the room window closed or something might have made the scene even more powerful.
These are just my opinions, friend! The mark of a successful story is not the number of views, but the emotional impact. And I can truly attest that this little nugget of gold got the best of me