- Member Since 29th Jul, 2012
- offline last seen Oct 7th, 2020
Bico
I'm a Soldier stationed in Fort Hood. I'm an aspiring writer/artist and am currently working on a Master's in Psychology.
Bico
Joined 29th Jul, 2012 ·
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Lulz
3676925
Glad you enjoyed it. Like Fine Wine is what I consider the pinnacle of Sparity clop writing, so I'm happy to have mine be compared to it.
3677487
Crocheting is a dangerous sport.
3677892
She obviously wasn't wearing the proper protective equipment for it:
upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/d/dd/Tank_T-34.JPG
MAN THIS IS FUCKIN' LONG
but i shall read eventually~
3678087
I got carried away, again.
3678198 No-no-no-no, no apologies, don't even begin to consider such things.
Having this compared to Like Fine Wine is absolutely justified. Honestly from beginning to end you drove the story through mark after mark. Honestly, the only fault I can find is that it was sometime hard to figure out the body positions you were aiming for right away; although, it always cleared itself up right away. Fantastic work, hot and steamy in the most delicious kind of way. You may have your missed calling my friend, is what I would say if I hadn't found your sfw pieces just as alluring and capable of holding my focus with no intent of letting go.
3679711
Oh, PoC, I bet you say that to all the Sparity clopfic authors
.... veterinary lesson... and a whyboner.
Not sure if I should thank you or find peasants with torches and pitchforks.
As weird as it sounds, the hottest part of this thing was the leg massage. I enjoyed that way too much.
3680235
I felt it very important that you not forget that you're reading about an equine shacking up with a dragon. The leg massage was also the hottest part to write. I'm highly tempted to write another one shot all about Spike giving Rarity an erotic massage. Not even any actual sex would happen, but I'm pretty sure people would still clop to it.
3680418
I'm highly tempted to read it.
Is it bad that the title made me laugh for like, 5 minutes?
Is it bad that the title made me laugh for like, 5 minutes?
I do say that music truly has magic of it's own, it works wonders with emotion i.e. say you are just feeling downright angry and just want to hurt someone, but you aren't the type of person to do that, if you listen to the type of music that displays that type of message then it will only fuel the feeling, but say you listen to something happier, it could lighten the mood for you and everyone. you really brought this out during Spikes performance on stage with Rarity's emotion playing along with each said verse, not even I could pull off such alluring feats.
Did Spike lose a finger or two?
3683952
Don't think so. He's got the full three and a thumb that he has in the show.
3683747
I agree. I was involved in music a lot during high school and college (even got a music scholarship, which was a nice bonus), and I was always amazed at the ability of truly masterfully composed and performed music to move people.
3682898
No... I think laughter is always a good result.
3682838
Or cheese!
Yeah, definitely a keeper. I do so enjoy these long ones, they provide back story and build-up to give these Sparity fics depth. In addition to this one and "Like Fine Wine," I also like "Satiation," "Rest and Relaxation," "'Barely' a Vacation," & "Purely Scientific Interest" (though that last one had Twilight in it as well).
3684274
I've always found the build up essential for written erotic fiction, myself. It's not needed for a visual medium (though it definitely helps), but when you can't see the sex, it comes down to the emotional impact to arouse a reader, I think. Haven't read all the ones you listed, though, so I might have to check those out, thanks.
3684330 Well, if you haven't already, make sure you read "Rest and Relaxation" before "'Barely' a Vacation" since latter is the sequel to the former.
3684230 When I was in the school band, I always felt happy after a performance for an audience even though I would feel dull and drab before the concert. I think that music has it's effect on the performers as well, cause there were moments that I just wanted to stay home after school and not go to my performance that night and after the performance, I was glad I did go.
I LOVE IT
That would never really what?.....
VERY we'll written, and .... Anotomicly correct. Sequel?
3686941
Wilco.
3687005
I was the same way in choir. Even doing an hour long piece, while physically hard, was always emotionally invigorating.
3687124
global3.memecdn.com/senpai-noticed-me_c_2249449.jpg
3688261
Well, I dunno about a direct sequel, but certainly there may be some risqué stories like this set further into the Sparity relationship.
I see a lot of "Like Fine Wine" in this, as well as your own twist to the scenario. I loved it!!!
And of course at the end, Rarity realizes that Spike was the one she was looking for all along, even after all the other relationships and trysts that she had. I have to say, I really do love the stories where Spike actually let Rarity go because that really would be something he would do if he truly loved her. I love them because it's not just that the characters are just getting older, but that they are maturing. And in this place, maturing means that they understand things better, not just that the age advances, or they just reached some milestone. It's kinda sad that we have to see that Rarity was still alone after all this time, but then again fate happens when ultimately we let things run their course--within reason.
In conclusion, I do see this happening in real life, simply that proverb: "If you truly love something or someone, know when it's time to let them go. If the love is true, it will come back to you, with no exception." Spike knew that at an earlier time, it wasn't happening, but maybe he knew he was immature, and that Rarity was waiting for him to grow up. And now he has.
Hmm...
I'l start with stuff I didn't like. (because it's shorter)
1 I'm pretty sure anything spurting out of the nose would be an instant turn off.
2 Rarity kissing the top of Spike's head while he eats her out... I'm sure a pony spine doesn't bend like this.
Now for the rest
1 Stories where ponies age always make me sad. They remind me all good things come to an end. But you managed to turn it around and make it work for the romantic layer of the story.
2 This is the first time I needed an anatomy chart to read a clopfic 1.bp.blogspot.com/-hIiixR2lJ5U/TfszfH2_OjI/AAAAAAAAGDM/Vpu7VosbxDI/s1600/1307809802.tomclowder_pony-parts.png
3 One of the reasons I read clopfics is to have a good laugh. The unexpected Pratchett reference was just what I needed (even though being knurd is usually quite traumatic - and counterproductive to romance. I think the coffee just counteracted the first couple of drinks she had) Also... Ranma? I think so.
4 The "freak crocheting accident" goes to my file of wtf clopfic quotes
5 My brother is a lithe guitar player. It really does work on girls
3689691
Thanks, it took me awhile to get this story to the point where it was really saying what I wanted it to, and I do feel like maybe it could be improved, but after rewriting it a few times I feel like this was a pretty good effort. I'm glad that it came off favorably.
3692234
Well, you'd be surprised at what kind of things can be a turn on, especially when it comes to things spurting from other things. Also, Rarity wouldn't have had to bend that far since it was his spike... thing... that she was kissing, and that's fairly long.
Glad you liked the reference. I figure Rarity was only very slightly knurd, enough to get rid of some of her illusions, but not enough to start seeing the world too very raw. Besides that, being knurd in Equestria might be a bit more pleasant than being knurd in Ankh-Morpork or the Discworld in general. The crocheting accident... yeah, that was one of my more inspired moments
3692482
Sadly, the joys of nearly choking on bodily fluids are lost on me
Him playing the music at the beginning while Rarity had flashbacks reminds me of the song kiling me softly, I had that song in my head as i read it
3702484
Well, given that the song inspired the title, that's not too surprising.
Its rare I have to look up new words... Still, brilliantly written and very sensual and sexy.
3708012
You might have had to look up more, but I figure when my prereader has to ask what a word means I may be getting a bit too purple in my prose. Oh well, as long as it didn't interrupt anyone's enjoyment of the story too much, there's nothing wrong with broadening one's vocabulary, right?
3709744
Never said it was bad though.
For whatever reason, it keeps taking me a week to actually comment. Oh well
To start off, here are a few mistakes I've noticed:
Might've missed a 'the' there. For that matter, the final part of the sentence doesn't merge with the rest all too well.
Couldn't settle, eh?
Rarity's
Four
There's either an ellipsis missing, or, what's more likely, one was an accident.
No doubt here though.
Might be a factual error, seeing how the last mention of Rarity's drink was:
Anyway, that's all I've spotted. On to the actual critique.
I'll start off with smaller qualms.
Now, we all love (or at least tolerate) horse puns. Here, there were simply too many of them, not to mention that they're hard to take seriously – one or two on occasion would be decent comic relief, but in this story they just pull you out of the more serious atmosphere you were trying to establish. Puns were not the only hindrance: numerous instances of tautology are scattered throughout; among them, actually, were the more anatomical words you used. You pretty much dug your own grave in their case – it's next to impossible to find a synonym for such precise terminology. Another example would be Spike – pretty much the only interjection he was using by the end of the narrative was 'wow'.
Not to mention it kept reminding me of a certain Shiba Inu – all sense is immediately replaced by gibberish.
Another issue I'll point out is excess information, namely the whole Pratchett reference. I'll go ahead and assume the intended function was to further assure the reader in Rarity's complete sobriety, which is fine in and of itself, were it not clear enough as is. So instead of simply carrying on, you spend a whole paragraph explaining a neologism for the sake of making a reference. You really shouldn't make paragraph-long references. I was also thinking along the same lines when Rarity compared Spike's fingers with magic. In short, no need to recite the same point over and over again – it ends up being more distracting than helpful.
Music is extremely difficult to describe with words – that's why using it as a storytelling element is unadvisable. You tried – without success. At both times you described Spike playing the guitar, I wasn't reading about how music affected her emotional state, but rather how it was supposed to be affecting her – the music itself just isn't there; you were simply describing her feelings at that point. I should be agreeing that those feelings were caused by music, but instead it comes off as forced – you make it sound as if the tune is changing her entire life. It does not – just describing emotions without trying to make music fit in there would lead to much more genuine results.
On to some of the more substantial faults.
While Sleepless' story is great for a whole heap of reasons, what really sold it for me was consistency: in characterizations, atmosphere and pace.
I'm afraid comparisons to Like Fine Wine are inevitable, almost entirely due to the themes and general storyline, which differ very little. Sadly, it's a comparison that doesn't play in your favor
Exactly what you sent flying to a faraway land.
Even if I was only talking about the prose itself, volatile descriptions are everywhere: you go from vulgar cocks and pussies to phrases I could only attribute to Pinkie Pie explaining intercourse to her grandchildren – none of which fit the tone of the story as a whole. Illustrations often directly contradict the actions, for example:
I really, really doubt it was childlike. Similar conflicting turns of phrase are quite common; there were some seriously cliché phrases employed during key moments – butterflies in my stomach? I don't want this, I need this? Really?
I'm afraid I can't stop at the prose – Spike's dialogue fluctuates from his usual self to 18th century cavalier; his characterization is even worse. In the bar, he's not flustered one bit – he's quite the opposite, really:
(Laminae? Twilight is quite unlikely to use this word
)
Until Rarity puts it blunt, of course – then he remembers he's supposed to be his usual self. Coming to the loft things go further downhill: at first, he's actually embarrassed, then almost immediately turns into a professional escort and stays in that role until the next morning. Not a single tinge of uncertainty – he just does exactly what he should, in theory, be doing.
Moreover, the entire story just can't decide what it is. The beginning is a mess of your usual slice of life and sex jokes constantly stepping on each other’s feet. This mess abruptly takes a sudden turn to outright flirting (with the damn jokes still present). Coming into the loft we get a bit of proper character interaction, quickly turning into your average clopfic, which then remembers there should be emotions, except it's already time to wrap things up. The mood jumps back and forth frantically – to no benefit of anyone.
While it's mostly due to the lack of proper transitions, all the issues at the start are almost entirely due to the Mane 6's presence. From what I gather, they have only 3 reasons to be here: because they provide comic relief, because they should be throwing in those strings of thought that should nudge Rarity to Spike and because it's Hearth's Warming, so they should be there by default. But they don't need to, at all: the 'relief' they provide is beyond excessive and keeps dragging the blanket to itself; Spike's absence for a long time period combined with Rarity's need to be with someone are more than enough to get her on track, and it's absolutely pointless to include them just because it's a holiday. I know when you wrote this, but that's no reason to adjust the story's timeline. I really think Rarity's friends should have not been present (all of them, at least).
All in all, I'm not sure what to make of this. A multitude of issues are present, yet I think I might be exaggerating some due to me constantly thinking of Like Fine Wine; but really, there are so many similarities it is almost a flaw of its own. Still, this story is much better than most clopfics on here and deserves credit for that.
3/5
3798049
So what you're saying is I need to put my pre-reader in the hole again.
3798464 Getting several proves useful more often than not
Excellent story! I always love a good SpaRity read and you sir did not disappoint! Thank you for the read!
4090519
Glad you liked it!
Great story! We need some quality Sparity clopfics and this one serves its purpose pretty well.
After reading this, I thought my fingers might be a little bit magical as well
hue
I cried like a man
As the last twang faded a new beat was heard, Rarity & Spike looked to the sound of beating wings above.
"Oh dear, I'm sorry but If you don't mind , I, I could baby sit for you two later, If that's ok with you two"
"YES YES YES,, It's about time you two did this, I can't wait to tell Princess Candance. . ."
"Baby DRACONY PARTY!"
"I just don't know what happened??? Spikey bad!"
"Two for the price of one, Well worth the wait darling"
"Well I'm real happy for you two love birds, Beats a dag gone cow"
"HA HA HA HA HAHA You two should see each other!"
Make it less graphic & paint around the lines, Let the reader fill in the details ,(Can't beat a nasty little imagination can we?)
4896194
Just for you, I'll make my next so graphic that you'll be qualified to teach a college level sex ed course.
Sad. . .to lash out in defense ?
Unable to raise to the challenge to do more with less?
Like your college sex ed course ( Putting rubbers on bananas?)
Take the small task at hand and work it till you're finished, Just a minute!
HA HA HA HA HA HA
4896886
Well, I was going to do one that was nothing but sensual massage, but...
That works ,
AJ sure liked it in Spike at your service, 
Read your other works ,Nicely done
That face for the cover art just sets me off
Nice Sparity fic.
This was a really sweet and sensual story. Have a like and fave.
Awesome Discworld shout out!
... actually, no. Everyone has social obligations that they've picked up - or indeed had thrown at them with no say in the matter, by the virtue of their birth - but as long as you're finding ways to meet the quotas on those, "having standards" is just another way of letting society decide stuff for you. If you're having the time of your life, these "standards" will probably only get in the way of your own damn happiness.
Though with a drakeling that's basically been raised by pony mares, you really could do a lot worse.
And I can't help but imagine Spike playing this.
Oh no! :D
Please don't make Dash into Carter of all people! Just... no! :D
(and if that's a reference to what I think it is, then my mention of Murdoch's "Breathe" is much more a propos than I imagined)
... there's so much I don't know about horse/pony anatomy... Just had a quick stroll through Wikipedia (aka a "wiki-walk"), and ended up on... mantis shrimp eyes, of all things.
Also, mantis shrimp eyes are fucking cool, man - it seems nature tended towards parallel processing (instead of serial, the kind used in human eyes) when making them, and they also have the most complex vision by far out of all the species alive on Earth (from infrared to ultraviolet, incredibly precise depth perception, capable of seeing polarised light (and in a way not previously seen before!), capable of sensing transparent and/or semi-transparent objects... the list goes on). Also, each eye (and they have two) is comprised of three parts, meaning they have depth perception in just one eye alone... Shit. If we ever get invaded by mantis shrimp from space, we're fucked.
Now I want the story behind that particularly specific comment...
(you don't suppose she went to Hopkins, do you?)
... I'm sorry, but it's hard to keep a straight face when dealing with stuff like that! :D
(also - "what she was now convinced")
In a what?! Full story, now.
ready player two
I guess you could say... Rarity's ability to find diamonds... *puts sunglasses on* came in handy...
Finally and lastly - I'm sold. This was good, both as a clopfic (excepting the little bits I pointed out, because they made me laugh instead!), and as a long-needed conclusion to what I would collectively call "Spike's wet dreams" (I have read very few stories that don't have that bit in). Have a fav.