• Member Since 30th Jan, 2012
  • offline last seen Apr 18th, 2021

Phxntxm


T

Princess Celestia gives Twilight a quest, but this is different than the other missions the group has gone in. Twilight, Applejack, and Rainbow Dash visit a world they didn't even know still existed, and it's not as exciting as they'd hoped. They need to find a way out, quick, before something keeps them there forever.

Chapters (5)
Comments ( 51 )

Yay! Parenting! Love it. :ajsmug::rainbowkiss:

Hmm, this story already has more dislikes than my other story even thought that one has 3k views and this has 28...somepony wanna tell me what I did wrong?

310815 Don't worry about that too much - some ppl dislike just bcuz of the theme. If you put good effort and many people still like it, don't be too hard on yourself, and just keep up the writing :twilightblush::raritywink:

311031 I just find it funny someone can dislike it this fast, this has nothing to do with the main plotline, it's just an intro to the story basically talking what has happened since the end of my other story lol

311035 Yeah, I don't get it either after reading. but 3 - that's not really a lot lol, from my own experience, I got 4 right after it got published, but 200 likes since then, guess it's just chance or something :twilightsheepish: don't let it get you down!

So I guess this is the "kind-of-sequel" to "I can keep you safe, I can keep you happy", isn't it?
You sad something about having ideas, didn't you?

Well, I certainly look forward to read, shame I don't have time right now :ajsleepy:

310815

From the changes in the ratings and relative number of views you mentioned: I'd just say a run of bad luck on the views that seems to be turning around. Possibly a mild example of the 'ratings bombing' that goes on at Equestria Daily when I fic is first posted. There are a few points I might have issues but I need to sit on those more.

However, I have to say that I love, love the way you've written Rainbow Dash and Applejack's interaction here. I've seen a little too many AppleDash fics that either only ride the big disagreements (even when they do it well) or make the interaction between them too mellow. Yet I cannot think of, or at least I cannot right now being in the thick of law school, of a fic that quite so nailed the small details of their daily interaction. There are no explosive arguments here, even if they are about important issues. Just relatively small ones where Dash's pig-headedness and attempts to remain emotionally aloof ring very true to her character. And Applejack's approach to handling Dash, namely rattling her cool demeanour by showing affection and then cleverly pulling spousal perogative, strikes me as exactly the sort of things she'd do if they were in a relationship. And even when a solution is reached, they are still slinging jokes and mildly bickering. It's not only in character, it's entertaining and calls back to the reasons I started shipping these two when I first saw, "The Ticket Master."

Granted I haven't addressed the prose and overall flow of the story arc in this chapter, so my opinion may become more qualified later. Still this was the biggest thing that stuck out to me and the most immediate. Nailing little character details like that is often not that easy to do and it's nice to see a writer do just that with this pairing when it seems to so often be misunderstood. If nothing else this point will have me tracking the story and make reading your previous story a greater priority in fan-fic reading.

312594
Ty xD I have read quite a few bad Appledash stories myself, I just wrote it the way that I see it. And yeah I think you're right on just being unlucky, it does appear that way now. And it is only the first chapter, just basically talking about what has happened since the last story before I actually get into the real story.

Rainbow's all casual about it, "Yeah, nightmares since my parents were murdered in front of me when I was a filly."

Might as well have said, "I saw my parents murdered, I don't give a shit. It was pretty awesome, but it gave me stupid nightmares. Get rid of the stupid nightmares that I'm having even though I don't give a fuck about my dead parents."

317753
That's what she does though, whenever something is a big deal for somepony else, she treats it like it's nothing and only shows trepidation or fear or anxiety when she breaks down. And even with any one else, when you say something like that, you'd want it to hit full-force like that, just saying it that simple is what most people will do. That and you don't want to talk about something like that too much. And if you read my other story, then you'd know why she doesn't think of it as too big of a deal because couldn't sit down and mourn or whatever, she had to grow up and take care of herself.

317778

Darn, that's a checkmate on me. Good point! Still, that is basically what she sounded like.

Going to read this on the bus in about 20 minutes, I look forward to it, I must say that you have talent sir, very good talent indeed. :pinkiehappy::rainbowkiss:

Awwww. Orphanloo. I find that to be one of the more questionable fanons. But here, it was just beautiful. Squeals and happiness, love, no nightmares. It's fantastic. Truly, a wonderful instance of Appledash.

Awwww :raritywink: such a awesome ending, and imagining RBD with AJ accent is priceless :rainbowwild:

gj bro (But seriously good chapter!:rainbowkiss:)

P.S. (I like parenthesis)

Okay, am i the only one woh thinks this can't be allright?
I assume this story here is the sequel to "I can keep you safe, I can keep you happy", isn't it?
Also, you wrote that this story here takes place 6 years after they came together.
So, assuming that "I can keep [...]" took place at the time the real show took place, it would mean that in this story everyone is 6 years older.
So how in the world is Scoot still a CHILD?
Okay, the real age of the ponys isn't revealed, but I can't think that they are younger than 8, making Scoot now 14...
Okay, it may work, but I can't stop to think that it's weird...Also, her attitude still seems too childish to be anywhere over 10.

Aside from that, it's still a great story, and I bet you'll find a way to prove yourself right :twilightsmile:

400735
I have been told I make things inconsistent sometimes :applecry: that seems to be my major problem...how about...I just change it to 3 years after...that's not too bad right? lol... :twilightblush:

400756
It's no problem, the story is still great. :rainbowkiss:
And 3 years should be allright :twilightsmile:

this story has scootalove :scootangel: and appledash :rainbowkiss::ajsmug: therefore it has all of my approval:pinkiehappy:

Awesome... When's the next chapter coming out? Gotta love sappy dash.

Got a good start so far to this fic. Looking forward to the next chapter!

Phxphxphxphixsodjovij you have revealed my true name!!! hahaha ill talk to you about the story in skype. omg look at all the ponies over here! :rainbowderp::rainbowdetermined2::rainbowhuh::rainbowkiss::rainbowlaugh::rainbowwild:

> “Fine, have it yer way.” Rainbow jumped in success, and then Applejack continued, “No sex then.”
Rainbow's face immediately turned to shock. Applejack just grinned and began to walk upstairs before Rainbow grabbed her tail and dragged her towards the door.
“I hate you, you know that?” Applejack just chuckled to herself and let Rainbow drag her for a little bit before getting up and walking past her to lead the way.

>Her feathers bristled and she looked at the therapist with annoyed expression, “Don't tell me what to do.”
Applejack reached over and smacked the backside of Rainbow's head and received an indignant glare in return,
“Fine, I didn't go anywhere.”

Comedy gold! Wish I actually looked out for this after reading the first one instead of just finding it now.

>Dash and AJ adopt Scootaloo.

GET OUT OF MY HEAD-CANON! Actually, don't, it's more fun for me that way.

NO NOT HUMANS ANYTHING BUT THAT CELESTIA SAVE THEM!

In all seriousness, I've only read one Human-in-Equestria, AppleDash story before, back when I first got into fanfiction, and that started as a Ponies-on-Earth story that resulted one human army fighting to kill all the ponies to claim Equestria for themselves while another fought with the ponies to save it. So...let's see where this goes.

661590
Hmm..I totally forgot to put the human tag on it...but that woulda ruined it earlier....and now I don't want people to dislike/not read it just because it's human...I think people do that.

712148 Yeah you're better off not doing that, both for spoiler sake and to not chase people away.

936961
Well...I'm not really updating this story too much...my other story I am, "A War in Equestria" both that and this one are proposed sequels to my first story

I'm not going to lie. That you're doing this makes me want to headbutt you, because I really don't want to read something with the tragedy or sad tags.

Well since you mention the other one is also a side-sequel...maybe. But no promises.

I'm sorry guys :S

1454686

ive been yelling at him for months to make it happy

1454686
That he has. I'm not going to give away anything about the story though cuz I don't wanna :S

1460883
I am wondering, when is it that you plan to get back in the saddle and continue this amazing story?

2433454
I don't know. I just lost what I want to even do with this story, I just don't know what I want to do to continue it.

However "The Traveller" is the one I'm continuing right now (albeit slow updates), so if you wanna read that one then you'll have more chance of chapter updates.

Also I just went away for a couple hours and came back to like 15 updates. I got excited cuz I thought a story blew up or something. Nope. Just one person. :facehoof:

2433535
I am sorry if I gave you a false sense of confidence or achievement. Keep giving this story some thought though. Don't give up on it. I believe in you.:pinkiehappy:

youre dead to me :ajbemused: :trixieshiftright::facehoof:

But.... but i really Like THIS story...:applecry:

2811882
I'm sorry :( I just don't know what I want to do to keep it going

well, this is disappointing :| i'll keep watching it though just in case your interest in finishing this peaks up again.

3525004
Sorry but I have a feeling it's not going to be. My mistake was starting this story without any direction or story in mind, and I'm so lost as to where I want to take it. It's been this long and I still haven't figured it out...

Login or register to comment