Dinky's moved out, and Derpy is missing her already. But when she spots Applejack and Winona outside on a walk, an idea starts to form. But will it go to plan?
Of course not.
Chapters (1)
HIDEMYPAST
Joined 12th Feb, 2012 ·
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I think it is a very funny story, and I just love the ending, "oh, sweet Celestia, what has that cat done to the furniture." It was amazing. I hope to see a second chapter and maybe Derpy to find the perfect pet.
i like it faved and i would track but its a one shot
Good but it looks like a wall of text. You should get a pre-reader to help you with that. If you break up the paragraphs and dialogue it would be much easier to read. You have a great story but you might want to reformat it a bit. I personally believe that this story could make it onto Equestria Daily if you reworked the spacing and formatting
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Wall of text. Hard to find, and seeng this wall gives heavy feeling. Stalin advices to make a larger gaps between paragraphs. And usually good to have gaps between descriptions and dialogues like:
Gigantic, oversized unicorn stood there, shining in the pale light of the street lantern like a metallic plate. His body was completely made of steel, but his mane and tail was shining with all colors of a rainbow.
"What in the tarnation is that?" - asked Applejack with confused voice.
This kind of gapping shall bring better pacing and readability, than solid wall of text.
Overall, Stalin likes Derpy-centered fics. Emotions are descripted fine. Fluttershy is in a character (but it won't hurt to add her a little more shy notes, this can be achieved by adding a little stuttering, like "S-sorry, i didn't meant to...")
Story is fine and Stalin likes it! Keep the good work!
Never let Derpy gain a pet or two, it may end in disaster.
Stil, this wa great story in showcasing Derpy's idea for a pet and a nice usage of Fluttershy as well.
Please do keep up the good work upon such great tales like this one for future stories.
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Holy Squee!
Thanks all so much for commenting! I agree, the 'wall of text' is large. I didnt hink of spacing it at the time, but I'll probably revise it soon as I can.
Again, thanks for all the feedback!
D'aw, this is so cute!
I can't stop laughing at Fluttershy's "criminal" past.
That sounds like there's another story to be told there.
Oh, also, as a huge G1 fan the mythological shoutouts made me squee like mad.
And I just noticed rereading that part that it says "Ditzy" there where I think you mean Dinky...
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Could you outline the part where it says 'Ditzy' for Dinky?
Also, thabks for the feedback! Flutter's ctimibal past is axctually a reference to when she takes Philomena :3
308889 Oh right, of course!
Well, I could be misunderstanding but it says Ditzy here and it doesn't make sense to me. "In a sudden flash of memories, Derpy was reminded of the times she had spent reading with Ditzy. Derpy had been fascinated by the musical seaponies, although Ditzy preferred the mythical humans."
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Ah, thanks. Ill fix that when I get to a computer. Most of that part was written in a half-asleep daze xD
Good job, though I personally would have liked to see Derpy interact with more animals. I felt the whole novelty of the situation wasn't used to it's full potential, which was kind of disappointing for me. Other than that, though, great job!
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I originally did plan for her to have an actual scene with the cat, but honestly, I think it would have got boring quickly.